Exhausted It always sounds good till u open your ears

Paratwice

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
30
I'm a new member. Blue light has done a lot for me.
What I'm trying to say here is going to sound f***** up and jumbled I'm just trying to explain it best way I know how.
I have a burning Love fot shooting Rock. Supply is very scarce I don't hang or know the right people. Every couple weeks the cards are right I truly amaze myself at what I can accomplish to get what I love so much.
I have a house in a family my jobs mostly odd. I'm good at a lot of things but great well we'll just leave it at that.
I'm on Adderall and Suboxone. When trigger happens and there's nothing around I started booting my Adderall and filtering it a good few times. I've washed Ritalin with ethanol and when it evaporates mix it with water and slam that s*** compared to the adderal that's great. I was f****** with my pills maybe once a week now I do it two or three times a day methodically triple filtering what what the f*** am I thinking!! If I can't get to the good stuff I should be thankful for that but why do I got to keep substituting shity Adderall for that Sweet .3 shot of crack.
Write a good long spells when it's pretty much out of my mind but when the ganja harvest comes in sometimes I trade that s*** all the time. Even though it's scarce for me give the right person a good deal on a big bag they find it for me almost every time.
I've been through some treatment where I did learn a lot I can see the wisdom in what they teach me and how it relates to this disease I got.
But the cycle keeps going and going and never ends year after year I really wants to put it to bed. I tell myself that but when the time rolls around gimme three grams of Rock and just two blasts for my lightweight wife, then that's sexual ecstasy brings me back every time and every time again and again.
I don't know what I'm trying to say I think I'm naive I know I'm a sucker now you know I am a f****** complete slaves since those good drugs in my veins. For what it's worth if he was really really good to get that out thank you blue light.
 
I'm a new member. Blue light has done a lot for me.
What I'm trying to say here is going to sound f***** up and jumbled I'm just trying to explain it best way I know how.
I have a burning Love fot shooting Rock. Supply is very scarce I don't hang or know the right people. Every couple weeks the cards are right I truly amaze myself at what I can accomplish to get what I love so much.
I have a house in a family my jobs mostly odd. I'm good at a lot of things but great well we'll just leave it at that.
I'm on Adderall and Suboxone. When trigger happens and there's nothing around I started booting my Adderall and filtering it a good few times. I've washed Ritalin with ethanol and when it evaporates mix it with water and slam that s*** compared to the adderal that's great. I was f****** with my pills maybe once a week now I do it two or three times a day methodically triple filtering what what the f*** am I thinking!! If I can't get to the good stuff I should be thankful for that but why do I got to keep substituting shity Adderall for that Sweet .3 shot of crack.
Write a good long spells when it's pretty much out of my mind but when the ganja harvest comes in sometimes I trade that s*** all the time. Even though it's scarce for me give the right person a good deal on a big bag they find it for me almost every time.
I've been through some treatment where I did learn a lot I can see the wisdom in what they teach me and how it relates to this disease I got.
But the cycle keeps going and going and never ends year after year I really wants to put it to bed. I tell myself that but when the time rolls around gimme three grams of Rock and just two blasts for my lightweight wife, then that's sexual ecstasy brings me back every time and every time again and again.
I don't know what I'm trying to say I think I'm naive I know I'm a sucker now you know I am a f****** complete slaves since those good drugs in my veins. For what it's worth if he was really really good to get that out thank you blue light.

Hey, welcome to Bluelight..

I’m pretty new as well. I think you’ll find people here who know just what you’re going through and are supportive. See you around maybe :)
 
Rock is one of the harder grips to break on your life considering that you sound like a solider now keep fighting the good fight for when crack wins it gets very ugly I have seen this with my own eyes living in halfway houses.
 
Hey, welcome to Bluelight..

I’m pretty new as well. I think you’ll find people here who know just what you’re going through and are supportive. See you around maybe :)
I should really proof read lol! Regardless point has been made. Thank you for responding it does feel good.
 
Rock is one of the harder grips to break on your life considering that you sound like a solider now keep fighting the good fight for when crack wins it gets very ugly I have seen this with my own eyes living in halfway houses.
Yes one of the harder. I can sit here for weeks thinking I'm done w it. I can say all the right things and it makes alot of sense. Through some treatment I have learned to connect the dots. I can say " "hey that is me! That makes a shit load of sense!!" I can and do believe it! Having some background knowledge into WHY some people (me) do the things we do is enlightening!
That very same day throw a bag of rock into a 100 gallon bucket of shit and I'm going swimming with a smile, no, a BIG FUCKING SMILE on my face. My "knowledge is power" toolbox is now closed and the top of it laid out w a few rigs etc. etc. I am the happiest em effer around. NOTHING is going to stop me.
I realize after, in reality, how very much further away from some kinda control that I truly am. Just hours before I was I was standing on rock solid ground. (No pun intended). The hurdle just once again became a mountain range. It gets easy to think nothing is ever going to change. God help me if I come across a solid connection.
 
Yes one of the harder. I can sit here for weeks thinking I'm done w it. I can say all the right things and it makes alot of sense. Through some treatment I have learned to connect the dots. I can say " "hey that is me! That makes a shit load of sense!!" I can and do believe it! Having some background knowledge into WHY some people (me) do the things we do is enlightening!
That very same day throw a bag of rock into a 100 gallon bucket of shit and I'm going swimming with a smile, no, a BIG FUCKING SMILE on my face. My "knowledge is power" toolbox is now closed and the top of it laid out w a few rigs etc. etc. I am the happiest em effer around. NOTHING is going to stop me.
I realize after, in reality, how very much further away from some kinda control that I truly am. Just hours before I was I was standing on rock solid ground. (No pun intended). The hurdle just once again became a mountain range. It gets easy to think nothing is ever going to change. God help me if I come across a solid connection.
I'm not saying I don't put in the effort because I DO! But as soon as I relax a minute I am very prone to loosing touch..It's the master manipulator and I love it, hate it, it can beat me up and I'll forgive it.
 
I'm a new member. Blue light has done a lot for me.
What I'm trying to say here is going to sound f***** up and jumbled I'm just trying to explain it best way I know how.
I have a burning Love fot shooting Rock. Supply is very scarce I don't hang or know the right people. Every couple weeks the cards are right I truly amaze myself at what I can accomplish to get what I love so much.
I have a house in a family my jobs mostly odd. I'm good at a lot of things but great well we'll just leave it at that.
I'm on Adderall and Suboxone. When trigger happens and there's nothing around I started booting my Adderall and filtering it a good few times. I've washed Ritalin with ethanol and when it evaporates mix it with water and slam that s*** compared to the adderal that's great. I was f****** with my pills maybe once a week now I do it two or three times a day methodically triple filtering what what the f*** am I thinking!! If I can't get to the good stuff I should be thankful for that but why do I got to keep substituting shity Adderall for that Sweet .3 shot of crack.
Write a good long spells when it's pretty much out of my mind but when the ganja harvest comes in sometimes I trade that s*** all the time. Even though it's scarce for me give the right person a good deal on a big bag they find it for me almost every time.
I've been through some treatment where I did learn a lot I can see the wisdom in what they teach me and how it relates to this disease I got.
But the cycle keeps going and going and never ends year after year I really wants to put it to bed. I tell myself that but when the time rolls around gimme three grams of Rock and just two blasts for my lightweight wife, then that's sexual ecstasy brings me back every time and every time again and again.
I don't know what I'm trying to say I think I'm naive I know I'm a sucker now you know I am a f****** complete slaves since those good drugs in my veins. For what it's worth if he was really really good to get that out thank you blue light.
Man I'm gonna Tell you something , it's all good AND fun until ur veins stsrt turning black, or.do a hotshot AND AND have a 4min seizure. Or when i jumped out of a 2 story window AND almost Bled myself to death. Ended up in a psychward for 2 months from thst shit. Plus it's very hard on ur vascular system, ur pushing ur heart too much. If u at least love urself a bit, please stop doing this.
nzn-
 
Man I'm gonna Tell you something , it's all good AND fun until ur veins stsrt turning black, or.do a hotshot AND AND have a 4min seizure. Or when i jumped out of a 2 story window AND almost Bled myself to death. Ended up in a psychward for 2 months from thst shit. Plus it's very hard on ur vascular system, ur pushing ur heart too much. If u at least love urself a bit, please stop doing this.
nzn-
Oh boy.... I have experienced a "hot shot" and what you described is EXACTLY what happened. I banged myself up so bad trying to get up off the floor I told people I hit a tree while skiing. It was some scary shit! It scared me enough to where I told myself THAT IS IT! NO MORE! Time went by and I forgave that rock for scaring the shit out of me. My solution? Be much more careful. I researched safe injection practices, the whole nine yards in eager anticipation for the next time. That time has come again and again. I know I am a foolish fucker playing with my life. I am completely selfish in regards to my wife , kids my entire family and anyone who gives a shit about me. I know when the opportunity presents itself again (scarce as they are) what I am going to do. In spite of everything I'll make the wrong choice. Knowing that you, another total stranger cared enough to respond, I've got to say it hits me harder than I would have thought. Same as the hot shot. This is a damn good resource. I don't hafta worry what people think and can tell it like it really is. The people voicing their thoughts gives me pause for a second. More of that I can use. I do not want to be in love w drugs. I want something to "click" I pray it will be the sound of the switch turning the lights on and not lights out.
I'm not whining either. Too lazy to do something about it etc.etc. in case I gave that impression. So wtf, gotta get back to work.✌️ Ty as always.
 
@Paratwice first step towards helping yourself and your family is to employ harm reduction and start smoking that crack instead of iv

If you do it right then it's not even that much of an loss quality-wise

Smoke that shit
 
@Paratwice first step towards helping yourself and your family is to employ harm reduction and start smoking that crack instead of iv

If you do it right then it's not even that much of an loss quality-wise

Smoke that shit
Bro, funny enough i did thst switch too. Smoking crack feels as good as IV without the scary part AND the dangers to ur body. At least for hr sake do the switch plz
Take care, nzn
 
Bro, funny enough i did thst switch too. Smoking crack feels as good as IV without the scary part AND the dangers to ur body. At least for hr sake do the switch plz
Take care, nzn
@Paratwice first step towards helping yourself and your family is to employ harm reduction and start smoking that crack instead of iv

If you do it right then it's not even that much of an loss quality-wise

Smoke that shit
Okay, next time I will try. I'll recook the garbage and fig out the stem and chore chore give it a toke. I will.
 
How long did it take you before you could say you "loved her" past tense👍
Good for you, really good for you.
God...I don't know, it really all just blurs together. I'd say about two years of sobriety I was able to put it behind me. I had to shut down a big part of my sexuality because it was so entwined with shooting up.

My best advice to you is to move far away, totally start over, don't confide in anyone about your past and stay very busy.

Good luck friend
 
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