Recovery Is this site bad for recovery

[Marji]

Marji I'd love to hear your dreams and visions for the future. Like where would you live? who'd be around you? What would a real good life look like for you? Dare to dream and say it out loud. Make a plan with small steps and go for it.

my dreams and visions I’d have to say would be to have my son living back with me. To have my own home again.
I had my pilots license before drugs. I would love to get back into flying. It’s my favorite thing to do. I love doing aerobatics.
I live in New Jersey, USA.
The people I’m around? Lately I’ve been muling for my drug dealer for money. He asked me today if he’s a trigger bc he knows i want to stop 100% I had to tell him yes. He’s been a close friend for years. Before I knew he hustles.
Reason I’ve been driving for him is because I’m in survival mode. Food and gas money.
Also bc I’ve been doing happy ending massages and I don’t want to anymore. It kills my soul and breaks my heart! I hate it so much.
I need a real job which I’m searching for to get out of this mess.

 

[Hal_1ncandenza]

@Majiktouch how condescending and rude. OP is trying to recover.

@Marji

No, it’s actually just a statement of fact.

Contrary to popular belief, coddling people and indulging their fantasies does not equate to helping them—it infantilizes them.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Idk I sometimes have using dreams after I’ve been on BL all day. Triggers typically are people places and things that cause an emotional response that we think only using can fix.
My wife thinks the same thing, and honestly she’s probably right. Time I spend on here is just time I’m not focused on recovery. But it’s not inherently a bad thing, trying to help people reduce harm, or be supportive to their attempts to quit can help me get out of my own head for a bit.

I also have dreams about drugs when I read about them here on this website and others. I just do not make the mistake of using them.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

No. If anyone is that weak-minded that this site makes them want to use, they don't need to be here at all. I figure if you already have it in your mind to use, you're gonna do it anyway and this site isn't going to be a catalyst.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think BL contributes to my drug use in several ways. First, I see plenty of people who seemingly manage to use and maintain their lives and this encourages me to think that i can to. Given I ignore the opposite cases this is an obvious example of confirmation bias if I am honest about it.

Second, sometimes harm reduction works too well. Before I found BL I would quit drugs for extended periods because of how dangerously fucked up I had become. I’d hit rock bottom and stop - sometimes for years.

In contrast, thanks to what I learn here I seem to manage to keep afloat and maintain a fairly normal life despite being an IV meth user. So, on the one hand BL HR works but maybe too well for people who really want abstinence.

I suppose it also encourages my use by being a friendly and welcoming place to be when i am high.

 

[G_Chem]

You are doing SO awesome too!
I am so proud of you!
Little ass kicker!
❤

O.P. -
I think it helps to help others.
It also reminds me of how bad things can get if I let it get out of hand.
Sometimes I will go read about someone going through heavy detox and will remind myself that I do not want to go there!
This site makes me feel way less alone.
I am a chronic pain patient and there are others like me here too.
We also struggle to keep our medication used as prescribed.

Absolutely love your positivity both here and elsewhere on the forum!

-GC

 

[Majiktouch]

Thank you. I’ve been using for twelve years now and I really want to be done. Longest period of clean time I’ve had was eight months and I was living in sober living housing. I may need to go back. Also the best rehab is offering me a bed there I guess bc I’m well known in the area and they know I’m struggling. That’s another possibility. Only thing holding me back is I have an eleven year old son and he doesn’t know about my relapse. He would be devastated

What a motivation to make a good, safe, semi predictable life for your son. You are absolutely crazy if you don't take advantage of some of those resources you mentioned. I raised three boys (on my own) and I know the guilt you're speaking of with your son, but trust me, he already knows, he wants you well, he wants his Mom. I took advantage of lots of resources to help me stay above ground and really needed them at the time. I've been to treatment multiple times (too many to count)Be honest with your son, he loves you unconditionally and forever, just like you do him..Just remember this is the beast that fucking stays with you and and you really have to fight for your life all of your life. Your addiction wants you dead. Fuck that! I curse out my disease daily. Be strong sweet lady and let them people spend some resources on you!

 

[Majiktouch]

my dreams and visions I’d have to say would be to have my son living back with me. To have my own home again.
I had my pilots license before drugs. I would love to get back into flying. It’s my favorite thing to do. I love doing aerobatics.
I live in New Jersey, USA.
The people I’m around? Lately I’ve been muling for my drug dealer for money. He asked me today if he’s a trigger bc he knows i want to stop 100% I had to tell him yes. He’s been a close friend for years. Before I knew he hustles.
Reason I’ve been driving for him is because I’m in survival mode. Food and gas money.
Also bc I’ve been doing happy ending massages and I don’t want to anymore. It kills my soul and breaks my heart! I hate it so much.
I need a real job which I’m searching for to get out of this mess.

OMG! You can fly!!!That is so crazy exciting! Please keep that vision on your mind everyday. See yourself already there and living with your son, working in a job, FLYING,think of it on purpose and feed that vision everyday. You are well on your way!
Listen, about the lifestyle: Aint nothing new about it. I have always survived and kept my boys fed, housed and clothed. How I got the money, doing all of those thongs and more, ending with a nice little stint in federal prison. My point is, never be ashamed of what you've done to survive! But now it sounds like your soul is crying for that vision! I am so excited for you!

 

[Majiktouch]

Atelier3, very well written and profoundly true for me as well......

 

[Meth novice 79]

I think BL contributes to my drug use in several ways. First, I see plenty of people who seemingly manage to use and maintain their lives and this encourages me to think that i can to. Given I ignore the opposite cases this is an obvious example of confirmation bias if I am honest about it.

Second, sometimes harm reduction works too well. Before I found BL I would quit drugs for extended periods because of how dangerously fucked up I had become. I’d hit rock bottom and stop - sometimes for years.

In contrast, thanks to what I learn here I seem to manage to keep afloat and maintain a fairly normal life despite being an IV meth user. So, on the one hand BL HR works but maybe too well for people who really want abstinence.

I suppose it also encourages my use by being a friendly and welcoming place to be when i am high.

My ex husband literally cuts out every person in his life that has any connection to his drug use and flatly refuses to even hear mention of the topic when he’s clean.
While i can understand why this might be necessary in the early stages of quitting I also think it’s unrealistic and avoiding the real issues. He isn’t healing this way, simply locking it all away to bubble again til it reaches the surface and he ends up back on meth again.

Of course, everyone’s journey to recovery is different, this is just my experience with one person who had a 20 year long battle with the devil and continues to fight it to this day without ever even considering that there may be a better, healthier way that might actually work long term for him.

In the end, all addicts know, no matter what justification we use for it, we do it because we want to.

 

[SS373dOH]

Thank you. The longest I’ve had over a twelve year period was eight months when I was living in sober living. I’m considering going back.

Pff other than now, I had not gone more than a week sober since the 90s..

 

[Marji]

OMG! You can fly!!!That is so crazy exciting! Please keep that vision on your mind everyday. See yourself already there and living with your son, working in a job, FLYING,think of it on purpose and feed that vision everyday. You are well on your way!
Listen, about the lifestyle: Aint nothing new about it. I have always survived and kept my boys fed, housed and clothed. How I got the money, doing all of those thongs and more, ending with a nice little stint in federal prison. My point is, never be ashamed of what you've done to survive! But now it sounds like your soul is crying for that vision! I am so excited for you!

Thank you so much

 

[LucidSDreamr]

i think it depend on where you are at with your addiction. it can be triggering for sure. it can also be help ful to talk about your problems with other though too. Whether the site triggers use or not, the thing that it does do is make you much more aware of the dangers of that drug use. I've learned so much about the dangers of drugs from this site.

 

[Marji]

i think it depend on where you are at with your addiction. it can be triggering for sure. it can also be help ful to talk about your problems with other though too. Whether the site triggers use or not, the thing that it does do is make you much more aware of the dangers of that drug use. I've learned so much about the dangers of drugs from this site.

Yeah I feel like I can vent here better than I can vent at meetings. I also gain knowledge on many topics. I’m staying.
Far as my recovery... I’m at the stage where I really want help. I’m going to a place tmrw to see if they’ll accept me for IOP. I really can’t do another rehab.

 

[Jabberwocky]

In the end, all addicts know, no matter what justification we use for it, we do it because we want to.

In the beginning I might have been unconsciously self-medicating but after having been through 3 rehabs and 20 years of counselling I've totally dealt with all my shit - so all the only justification left is that I just really fucking love it....

 

[Shady's Fox]

Depends on how you see it. A no, yes or a maybe, or not all. What you need to understand it's this, we are a harm-reduction community. We are just some people with a keyboard and a screen, if you have more serious issues please go to hospital. We can tell what we learnt from our experience and guide the user on the best easiest way. So that's why we have all kinda threads, to fill the requirements.

 

[Painful One]

Yeah I feel like I can vent here better than I can vent at meetings. I also gain knowledge on many topics. I’m staying.
Far as my recovery... I’m at the stage where I really want help. I’m going to a place tmrw to see if they’ll accept me for IOP. I really can’t do another rehab.

There are a lot of great people here and we will support you!

We understand and we are here!

There is nothing you could say or do that would shock us.

I think venting is huge. Talking this out with others who understand helps you to really heal.
Heal inside as well as out.
You can run for a long time but sooner or later, you have to turn and face this and fight it.
You can. Now fight!

 

[Majiktouch]

I am so glad I found this community. I admire you ladies and I am impressed by your transparency. I live way in the country and there are only a couple of meetings to attend. Gossip is real thick in a small town and I am very private so...there is no way I would feel free to share with them what I feel safe and comfortable here. Idk, I have also learned so much here. I get tired of fighting this disease and just fucking get high. Its my choice and it always ends badly. Guess I choose that too. Once I start , it's off to the races! I loose my ability to choose and end up using whatever I'm into at the time, just to feel normal and not be sick. Then I'm pissed at myself for the choice to use because now I'm a fucking slave. There is pain and sorrow on both sides of the equation. There is joy and learning too. I love how ya'll came diving in to support Marji, because she desrerves all the good things this life has to offer.
Anyway, I'm glad to be here. Thanks for accepting me into this awesome community.
Peace

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

I'm sober and it doesnt trigger me, but I guess it depends where you hangout.

It depends on how you fit the site into your own life and not just the site itself , more the people individually and your relationship with the people.


Hsve made many good friends and been kept from severe harm by those people. Because those people at vsroiud points of time chose to spend time here of their own volition, making good friends along the way, falling on hard times was easier to get out of with their encouragement.

Busty/One thousand words...I'll never forget his kindness a d all it took from him were a few hrniune words of love here to not end it all.



But the flip side is very real, you can get very hurt by others who do not care at all. So be careful, mske good for ds and get to know people who you have a good feeling about and don't spend time with people who are not the real deal. Differentiating them takes time and getting it wrong can cause a downward spiral.

The idea generally is you are amongst others who are aware and have been in similar circumstances, won't just write you off.

Being a drug lover and also going sober is tremendously hard, a see saw at times.

I wish you well and know the pain of addiction. Sometimes just a distraction or a laugh is what's needed to keep the thing away one more day.

;(

 

[Iceman1216]

I have found that the Harm reduction community, is saving many lives and families. I have been in AA & NA for over 35 years, and have received a Great deal, from being there. But the drug world has changed, as the world has changed, and I am now a firm believer in Anything that helps keep people Alive till tomorrow to try again at this journey we call Life!!! Yes the People places and things coments in 12 step programs are a great topic to help people in early recovery avoid relapses: Bars, Liquor stores, Drug dealers houses Etc.. But we do need to live in this world and not a bubble. Untill I worked on myself and the things inside me that had me use, the whole world was a Trigger!! I love Blue light, helps me, and I try to help other people.