Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I really need some help or just someone to talk to, my relationships really having a toll on me and I’m fine, I mean I’m safe, I’m not suicidal or anything but I don’t know what to do anymore..
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Is there anyone I can vent to? Maybe give me an outsider view on some things..
- Thread starter Jabberwocky
- Start date
mr peabody
Bluelight Crew
Could you maybe give us a bit more detail about your situation?
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Yeah I was waiting to see if I got a response, I mean long story short I have a pretty long history with a girl 7+ years, I live with her and help care for her elderly grandparents I’m 28 she’s 27 this February. To paraphrase our entire relationship every problem has been my fault. Most of them have, so I understand her distrust but we always get back together. I’m disabled so I spend my time at the house most days, cleaning, listening out for her grandparents and helping them.. one just got out of the nursing home and the other is legally blind. That being said I do all the cooking, the dishes and I help her maintain the yard work and upkeep of the house and help with buying groceries and retrieving them. I don’t know if we are just dressed or incompatible or most likely both. But to make everything easier to read she keeps telling me she don’t wanna be with me.. wants me to leave.. she is jealous of my mom and anybody else in my life to the point where I don’t even have a social life.. very controlling and I get it most are going to say dude why are you with her, but I’m trying to make it work because I love her, and when she’s not trying to kick me out for whatever reasons we get along great. I don’t know what but basically I helped my mom with money to buy her fiancée a birthday present, that’s a different thread.. but my girl got wind of it trying to be honest with her with everything now. And she’s pissed off because I have chosen to save my money to better myself and have something for emergency problems that being said I told her this Christmas I wouldn’t be doing many extravagant gifts anymore for a while till I am comfortable with what I’ve built up. I spent nearly a half a grand on her Christmas and I just recently got everything all paid off. That being said she feels like I’m a piece of shit for not getting her a present this year and just doing a birthday dinner.. I don’t expect her to get me anything but just be there for my birthday.. idk what I should do I should mention we have quite a colorful past but we always seem to get back together.
Noodle473
Bluelighter
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Emotional attachments can cause a lot of self destruction. Either prepare to lose a lot of yourself to this woman or learn how to live apart from her. You do not need her to fulfill your needs. You can do that by yourself. Where does reality factor into your decision to stay with her?
DopeM
☔ Rain Man ☔
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- Dec 17, 2019
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Tough one bruv.
Gut reaction is move on. Sounds like she may be a little crazy (we all are). Your crazy may not fully compute with her crazy.
I loved a girl once when I was your age I thought I loved her more than I could live anyone. It was actually a very similar situation. We lived in an apartment above her grandparents. I was in school full time and working part time while she worked full time. I also helped with many chores, familial duties during that time. We both had some issues and both brought trouble to the relationship, but she was less forgiving/understanding/whatever.
We broke up and I was still in love with her and it sucked for a year or two then I got over it completely, had the time if my life, met a beautiful woman who is much more compatible with my crazy and we are married and have a beautiful child and life could not be more amazing (outside of maybe some material bullshit - but even that, that not having everything, is so good because I can be sure what we have is us and not some outside things.
You're still young. Don't out the pussy on a pedestal. Yea you think you love her. Maybe you even do and will forever, as I understand love. That doesn't mean you should put up with abuse. From your side if the story it sounds like you're getting the shit end of the stick
If you are going to try to make it work you will probably need professional help. Both individual and as a couple
Gut reaction is move on. Sounds like she may be a little crazy (we all are). Your crazy may not fully compute with her crazy.
I loved a girl once when I was your age I thought I loved her more than I could live anyone. It was actually a very similar situation. We lived in an apartment above her grandparents. I was in school full time and working part time while she worked full time. I also helped with many chores, familial duties during that time. We both had some issues and both brought trouble to the relationship, but she was less forgiving/understanding/whatever.
We broke up and I was still in love with her and it sucked for a year or two then I got over it completely, had the time if my life, met a beautiful woman who is much more compatible with my crazy and we are married and have a beautiful child and life could not be more amazing (outside of maybe some material bullshit - but even that, that not having everything, is so good because I can be sure what we have is us and not some outside things.
You're still young. Don't out the pussy on a pedestal. Yea you think you love her. Maybe you even do and will forever, as I understand love. That doesn't mean you should put up with abuse. From your side if the story it sounds like you're getting the shit end of the stick
If you are going to try to make it work you will probably need professional help. Both individual and as a couple
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
To answer both of you, I don’t think reality does come to mind when I factor everything in.. noodle.. and to dope, I know your right, I just keep confusing love as “sticking around for the good and the bad” I feel guilty she has to take care of them all on her own by herself, but she’s being fairly compensated for that burden.. her grandma rescued her outta a bad situation with her parents.. but has babied her every step of the way to the point I can safely say she’s spoiled brat.. in a 27 year old body.. but what really tripped my trigger tonight and most nights is she brings up my disability as if I should be ashamed of it and ashamed of drawing SSDI. I am certainly crazy, but I’ve been working on my issues by trying to read and ingest the right materials I still struggle with some substance abuse.. but Idk what made her turn on me, she used to be good friends with my mother and sometimes would call me out if I was being a dick to my mom for anything but now she seems to want to keep me from my mom.. or at least helping her out.. because I know deep in my heart she’s just mad that money didn’t get spent on her. Regardless of who my mother is she’s still my mother and even if it’s bullshit what some of the things my mom does is.. she’s all I have my father killed himself and that’s the only parent I got. And it’s not like if I left here I’m homeless my mother has invited me to move with her to Florida if I chose to leave here.. but that’s a big step.. but I mean your right this girl has tried to make me give up on my music dreams told me I suck at that, and has made it to the point where if I did decide to get off disability and try to find work which I think I’m becoming capable of now that I’ve quit a lot of things and matured a little more .. I don’t think i could have a job that had a female co worker of any sorts. It just gets old hearing her cut down other women and constantly feel insecure when other women are around and it’s getting so old helping her do everything around here and putting my life on hold only to be told whatever I did is never good enough and that she doesn’t need me.. I have to make all the moves I have to say sorry I have to give affection to get any. And tbh I began seeking attention outside of the relationship I guess to feel validated that I’m worth a shit. I haven’t cheated on her though I keep it as friends long story short you’re both got some amazing points and deep down inside I’m thinking it’s about time I walk. And not turn back like I always have before
DopeM
☔ Rain Man ☔
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Yea, I dunno bout you but family comes first, so if this lassie isn't part of the fam and is not trying to be a unit that's a pretty good sign the thing won't be a good one.
Maybe she will see this. Maybe you will meet an amazing person who can live with and even help you through your issues (not that it should be that person's burden to do so, but just bc they work in a way that is a relief instead of a burden).
Maybe she will see this. Maybe you will meet an amazing person who can live with and even help you through your issues (not that it should be that person's burden to do so, but just bc they work in a way that is a relief instead of a burden).
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Yeah I’m starting to think so to, it’s one thing to have a problem with the social media bitches it’s another thing to burn someone’s existence right out of every fiber of their body, I will say this will make for a great song tomorrow I can real let the anger go when I get to record this new song . So I’m feeling that the only way I can truly find out happiness is if I let this go and accept it for the lessons it’s teaching me.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Maybe, but I think your right because the frustration just keeps building and is going to lead my to acting irrationally and fucking around on her just to feel something and i can at least say in good faith now that I have fucked anyone behind her back. But I do think I’m wise for having a few lined up when I do leave
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Thank you so much for your time you took to talk to me about this. That 25 dollars was PayPal’s to your attorney approx 5 mins ago.
Meth novice 79
Bluelighter
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- Nov 11, 2019
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Your gf sounds like a bit of a cold hearted bitch tbh.
Why the hell would she be mad that you helped your Mum out?
It’s what a good son does.
And you do it all for her family too!
She’s a lucky girl.
Kicking you out and then reeling you back in is borderline DV too in my opinion.
Threatening to leave you homeless every time she has a bad day?
No one could thrive in an environment like that.
If she doesn’t want to be with you then she should tell you to go and be done with it, not play games with your head.
But then who would do everything for her?
You said everything was your fault? What exactly do you think you did to deserve to be treated like this?
Why the hell would she be mad that you helped your Mum out?
It’s what a good son does.
And you do it all for her family too!
She’s a lucky girl.
Kicking you out and then reeling you back in is borderline DV too in my opinion.
Threatening to leave you homeless every time she has a bad day?
No one could thrive in an environment like that.
If she doesn’t want to be with you then she should tell you to go and be done with it, not play games with your head.
But then who would do everything for her?
You said everything was your fault? What exactly do you think you did to deserve to be treated like this?
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I don’t really think I did anything to deserve this treatment is the sad part it’s more of seeing my mom grow up and have no one to help her when I was a kid and powerless about it makes me stay cause now I can finally help, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t care for them despite them realistically being a bitch. But I think ima take the advice that’s been given not only on here but spiritually and everyone I ask outside of blue light which is I deserve better. We’ve had a lot of good times but I need someone who loves me for me not what I buy them, nor can do for them. Given the fact of how she treats her own grandmother sometimes and her grandmother has given her everything and never questioned it. I don’t know if I wanna stick around to be milked dry and bitched at while I spend my money on her. Especially when, to be honest I can find a young hot lil 20 year old spend 30 on a dinner and have company for the rest of the night. 
Meth novice 79
Bluelighter
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I don’t really think I did anything to deserve this treatment is the sad part it’s more of seeing my mom grow up and have no one to help her when I was a kid and powerless about it makes me stay cause now I can finally help, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t care for them despite them realistically being a bitch. But I think ima take the advice that’s been given not only on here but spiritually and everyone I ask outside of blue light which is I deserve better. We’ve had a lot of good times but I need someone who loves me for me not what I buy them, nor can do for them. Given the fact of how she treats her own grandmother sometimes and her grandmother has given her everything and never questioned it. I don’t know if I wanna stick around to be milked dry and bitched at while I spend my money on her. Especially when, to be honest I can find a young hot lil 20 year old spend 30 on a dinner and have company for the rest of the night.
Happy to hear it.
This all sounds too one sided, I read more after posting and couldn’t believe how unfairly she treats you over your mental health issues as well!
This girl needs a dose of reality, because not too many would put up with all you have and still be there.
Let us know how the hot date goes!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Yeah it has been for a while now, and I think the only time she’s going to figure out what reality is, is when she don’t have the financial backing of her grandparents paying all her bills.. but that’s a side not and unimportant cause we all know those types of people. But she truly hasn’t ever grown up, I tend to gloss over that fact.. when things are going well. But I’m at least going to make my move on getting out of the situation before I do so I can at least maintain the integrity of not fucking someone behind her back but it will be a redemption to get out and for once finally someone appreciate me for me even if it’s for a night and who knows one of these girls maybe like dope mentioned and be the girl that finally appreciates me for me.
Happy to hear it.
This all sounds too one sided, I read more after posting and couldn’t believe how unfairly she treats you over your mental health issues as well!
This girl needs a dose of reality, because not too many would put up with all you have and still be there.
Let us know how the hot date goes!
Meth novice 79
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2019
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Oh you underestimate yourself.
Once you are gone and all the things you’ve done for her and her family again become her responsibility alone, all the money in the world won’t make it easy on her.
Spoiled brats don’t like hard work too much
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Lol oh trust me I know that’s why I think we always get back together, I used to be in a rough spot so living with her was a better option but the skies opened up and I’m not forced by my hand. But your right within a week I wouldn’t be hearing “just go!” And to be honest even though I’ll have a lot more on my plate it will be vindicating and borderline intoxicating just knowing she did it to herself. Especially when I don’t gotta pay for anyone’s dinners anymore when I go out but myself if I choose so lol
Oh you underestimate yourself.
Once you are gone and all the things you’ve done for her and her family again become her responsibility alone, all the money in the world won’t make it easy on her.
Spoiled brats don’t like hard work too much