Is my dysphoria a symptom of benzo/alcohol withdrawl?

[cowardescent]

Hello,

I'm 21 yrs old and I started using alcohol/benzos when I was 18 as I "discovered" them and as well, it was legal to have a debit card. I spiraled out of control and almost ended up with a conviction for fraud as I forged many scripts for 50 tablets of 2mg diazepam (which was legitimately given by a GP). I was just cautioned for that.

Anyway, the ironic thing is when I knew the least about drugs/drug harm reduction, I actually had the most money gifted to me after I finished school as well as a doctor and psychiatrist who gave me so many benzos. I didn't realize that you needed to taper of benzos and specifically the last two times I forged the script, I got 1mg of 50 tablets of Xanax instead of Valium. I took them like candy but only thought they were for sleeping. I had been self medicating homicidal/suicidal thoughts that began in 2014.

I ran out and that's when I got caught first time forging. I was told not to go back to my original G.P and my second G.P also wouldn't give me benzos so I was stuck. I felt really really shit but I just attrituted it to the untreated mental breakdown I experienced following something in 2014.

It's only until I read a bit more that I learned xanax can cause horrible seizures but as well as that make you feel mentally/physically horrible long term. I think that's what has happened to me. That combined with the alcohol that I was taking. As I said, I never got seizures thank god given the amount of diazepam/alprazolam I was taking but over the last year 2 years, I've felt extreme anger and irritation.

It's complex but here's what happens. When I wake up now I feel not anxious but just like my skin is oversensitive to touch. I can't stand sound and lights. My thoughts are constantly racing with homicidal/suicidal thoughts (I think now even worse than I took benzos). I rarely feel like talking for long because I feel irritated opening my mouth (always had issues with body image but never like this). If I do engage in talking, listening to music, or even eating I get very angry at the feeling. I would honestly say it's like misophonia only for the body. I rarely get any pleasure anymore but my mood is destroyed by one bad thing happening.

Again, I should stress that before I took benzos (and even Prozac, Abilify, Zoloft by my child psychiatrist, I felt angry no doubt, but not like this. I attacked a relative back in 2014 after a mental breakdown and I was definitely having some homicidal thoughts afterwards in school but I could "manage" them. I think that benzos or antipsychotics may have made things worse. and I don't feel anxious but distressed mentally.

Sorry for the long post but hopefull someone can help.

 

[Mafioso]

How many days has it been since you've had any benzos?

It definitely sounds like benzo withdrawal and post acute withdrawal. There's usually about a month of bad/intense withdrawal/PAW symptoms, dysphoria being a pretty major feature along with increased/exaggerated stress reaction. The symptoms should start lifting by around a month, but will still linger for possibly a year or 2.

Is there anyone in your life that you are able to talk to about all this? It really isn't something to be going through by yourself if you can avoid it.

 

[ac360]

When I was 15 (now 18 ) I got prescribed xanax which turned into a messy addiction. I'd been on zoloft, buspar, etc before and it sounds kind of similiar to you. I took two doses too close together one day and got high as fuck, note that I'd never drank or done anything before that. I was getting high off of xanax for a month and a half, threw in diphenhydramine and doxylamine a lot too. I built up tolerance and it wasn't feeling good anymore and scared me so I flused them down the toilet. I've never been an angry person, but for the following months after that, especially the first, I was so irritable angry and uncomfortable that I can't describe. I threw shit and smashed 3 phones I remember even banging a tree with a shovel over and over to distract. The sensitive to touch thing I remember clearly, many textures I didn't notice before became irritable or even painful. Super uncomfortable in my own skin, mood would drop by one little thing changing etc almost exactly what you're describing. It went from super intense to just persistent and stayed that way until I was put on ativan last year. Switched to klonopin and that kept it away. When I was taken off klonopin it wasn't that bad but things started building and building until I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and those withdrawal symptoms snapped back. Now I'm back on xanax but I've been on it 6 months and not abused it once. It's not worth it for me.

So, although it might seem counterproductive, the best thing for you might be a relatively dose of clonazepam or another long acting, less potent benzo. If you're in a situation where someone else can monitor it or you trust yourself.

 

[Iceman1216]

You where so young to start on a Benzo/alcohol run
does not do your brain development any good
the flip side is you are so young and your body is still grown and fixing it self
so and easy
you did not get here in one day
will not get out
But You can do it
stay safe
We are Young once Old Forever

 

[Samanthaj]

I’ve withdrawaled from benzos and yes it causes dysphoria. It made my skin burn. And I got extremely paranoid. I didn’t sleep and I ended up in the psych ward. After not sleeping for 4 or 5 days I became delusional and had auditory and visual hallucinations. The withdrawals lasted for months until my doctor put me back on klonopin. I was withdrawing from etizolam and klonopin. It does get better. I went ct because I ran out of everything. Now I just take my prescribed dose and occasionally will take extra. Since I completely came off benzos 20 mg of Valium ( mixed with my Suboxone and seroqual) makes me pretty high. Before that I needed 8 mg etizolam or 10mg klonopin. Now I’m prescribed 3mg Ativan a day. It took months for my doctor to trust me again.

 

[cowardescent]

I’ve withdrawaled from benzos and yes it causes dysphoria. It made my skin burn. And I got extremely paranoid. I didn’t sleep and I ended up in the psych ward. After not sleeping for 4 or 5 days I became delusional and had auditory and visual hallucinations. The withdrawals lasted for months until my doctor put me back on klonopin. I was withdrawing from etizolam and klonopin. It does get better. I went ct because I ran out of everything. Now I just take my prescribed dose and occasionally will take extra. Since I completely came off benzos 20 mg of Valium ( mixed with my Suboxone and seroqual) makes me pretty high. Before that I needed 8 mg etizolam or 10mg klonopin. Now I’m prescribed 3mg Ativan a day. It took months for my doctor to trust me again.

What were the hallucinations like if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Samanthaj]

No I don’t mind. ( I actually lost my mind for a short time ) At first I was hearing choir like music in my head. I was aware I was hallucinating. Then I started watching futurama ( one of my favorite shows) and I started hearing things on the show. I would rewind it and hear the same thing in the same place. I was losing it so I thought that it was put in the show ( again I was getting totally delusional). I also had other delusions regarding the show. To this day I cannot watch it anymore. I could hear my internal dialogue. It was saying I was a horrible person. That I didn’t deserve anything. I kept trying to relax but nothing helped.
My then fiancé came over ( now husband) and he told me to try and sleep.
I started thinking that because I’d blacked out before that maybe I did something really bad. I kept waking him up and saying I didn’t kill anyone. Then suddenly he “told me” he killed his mom but that nobody would find out for a few days and we had to run away. He told me ( for real not in my head) to call my doctor. I thought it was so I could get checked out and we could leave. Like it was a test. So I called my doctor and it said my number was blocked. ( delusion) We left the house and I saw a doctor in scrubs running down my street. We got to the walk in clinic, and I was convinced that my husband’s family was there and watching me. I also thought that the walk in clinics lawyers said they shouldn’t see me or they’d lose patients. My husband went to go to the bathroom and I followed him. It makes no sense.
I was taken back and they asked me what medication I was on and I thought I should say I wasn’t on anything since my husband and I were running away. I also thought my mom had disinherited me because it was Mother’s Day and I was leaving. I told the doctor something about how I didn’t care.
Then somehow I was able to tell them that I was hearing voices.
They took me to the ER and I said something about how my husband didn’t do anything.
I was fighting them. I thought I heard him making a deal with the police. I was screaming his name and crying. I was given something and I passed out. I woke up in the psych ward and I didn’t even know it was the same day. For the entire duration of my 5 day stay I was paranoid and I thought everyone was there for me. My memory was so bad I’d forget who my nurse was. I thought they were listening in on my phone calls. I was given Valium and seroqual at the hospital. My mom had informed them I was withdrawing from etizolam. I thought I saw birds flying into the windows. I started to become aware that I was hallucinating. My brain didn’t fully heal for months. What I mean is that I was paranoid and my memory was non existent.
I stupidly stopped taking my Suboxone and baclofen during the Benzo withdrawal after the hospital because in my head I needed to prove to my husband that I was done with everything. I developed such bad cravings and was suicidal. My skin burned. I had night sweats. My doctor stopped prescribing my klonopin for months. In October she wrote me a prescription and I didn’t abuse it. I got etizolam one last time, but I realized I couldn’t do it again. I love it too much. I’m normal again. It took awhile to heal. I’m on seroqual now as well. Apparently the benzo withdrawal made me go into my first ever manic episode.
I also had seizures at the hospital.
I’m sorry my response is so long.

 

[awesome31311]

Yes, it is definitely a symptom of benzo withdrawal. That's only the beginning, too. It becomes physical, turns into weakness and aches. You'll become a foul, bitter, angry man.

But it'll eventually pass.