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Is it a bad idea to use stimulants/hallucinogens if I've suffered homicidal ideation in the past?

cowardescent

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
297
First thing to say is that I'd never act on any of these thoughts primarily because I don't want to actually harm others but moreso end up in prison in a much worse place.

I've had homicidal/suicidal ideation since I was 16. It came after experiencing extreme euphoria and elation the year before (2013). My psychiatrist says it could be bipolar.

I've been diagnosed with Aspergers/ASD and not any psychotic disorders. My adult psychiatrist still said I should avoid taking drugs as they may lead me to become insane and act out on violent impulses. He even suggested stopping alcohol/benzo consumption (which I find relaxes me. I've never gotten violent on alcohol despite the claims of it contributing to violence).

I was told by another friend who has autism and ADHD that I should try taking amphetamines or Modafinil for a boost in performance and a mood lift as well as cannabis. Is there a worry that the amphetamines may cause stimulant induced psychosis?
 
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tubgirl.jpg

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 10, 2017
Messages
1,294
Location
Gangland
Hey!

I've got bipolar type II. I've suffered from suicidal ideation in the past and I have/still do experience homicidal ideation.
I use psychedelics and amphetamine, and never has any of these made me want to carry out these vivid bloodbaths.
Quite the opposite; I've realized that these thoughts are nothing but just that.

It is however hard to speak for someone else, but seeing that you've had these since you were 16, and haven't chopped anyone up yet, I'd say you be okay.

Regarding stimulant-psychosis, I've spent a week awake while doing around 1-2g of amphetamine a day, without any problems.
Again, it's differs from person to person. Some start seeing the dancing shadows three days in and lose it, others can go 10 days, and nothing happens.

I'd say, start low and increase slow. Should you have more questions, I'd be happy to help as much as I can.

Good luck. :)
 

Bella Figura

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jun 5, 2003
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11,611
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Sugar Town
I'd say it's a bad idea, only because your homicidal ideation must be pretty bad if you needed to ask.

If you're using alcohol, benzos and stims getting into a delusional rage can be pretty easy for someone with mental illness.

I get suicidal ideation, and that is exacerbated x100 with stimulant comedowns.
 

ions

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Messages
3,618
Location
Pennsylvania
Taking quite a bit of acid in a short period of time will cause you to have Charles Manson like patterns in your head when you're manifesting (comedown). If you're prone to sleepwalking it could be a problem. Too much is somewhat troubling at times. Have with you a trip sitter that you're not homicidal over.
 
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