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  • Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

In Memoriam Captain.Heroin

I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
 
wow. i took a break from bluelight and sucks coming back to see this. i had only been reading Cap’s posts and comments for a year or 2, but i always enjoyed his contributions and advice. He was definitely one of the most loved members here, that was obvious already. i can’t imagine how painful this has been for those who were close to him or knew him offline. i know we all struggle and sometimes it shows in our posts or the way we say things. its hard to know when you should cross that line and ask if someone is ok or do they need help. i know i saw a few comments and posts from him that had me thinking he was going through something...and hes not the only one here who i’ve noticed sadness and pain in their words. but i never wanna make someone uncomfortable or mad by overstepping a boundary, but just asking someone if they are ok may be all they need to get through another day. I know i’m rambling and this may sound nonsensical, its just so sad to me. even without knowing someone you can start to feel like you know them online when they share parts of their lives with you. 💔
 
but i never wanna make someone uncomfortable or mad by overstepping a boundary, but just asking someone if they are ok may be all they need to get through another day. I know i’m rambling and this may sound nonsensical, its just so sad to me. even without knowing someone you can start to feel like you know them online when they share parts of their lives with you. 💔
It doesn't sound non-sensical at all Blueberry. We become quite emotionally close to people on here, even though it's only online. Maybe Cap's passing can spur you to reach out to those you think need help, or someone to talk to. We're all here for each other in this community <3
 
Hello @JessFR,
Please know, I intend no harshness with my words; I’m merely expressing my opinions.

I have experienced the suicides of 5 people close to me. This certainly doesn’t give me any special knowledge regarding death that is chosen vs. natural. Nor does it get easier with age, nor the quantity of experiences.

I’ve come to the conclusion that any person who speaks of their desire to engage in an early earthly exit, as fervently, frequently and passionately as Andrew did, generally do not OD without intent.

Many of us spoke with him, and we knew how he sounded when sober. The way he sounded during the last 2 months of his life, told those of us who knew how he should sound that he wasn’t doing well.

Let none of us have any guilt over his drug extravagances during this time. I believe there was nothing anyone could do to stop him, and he always said that he had no control over the time and date of his death; though he was certain he would die young, however.
 
Let none of us have any guilt over his drug extravagances during this time. I believe there was nothing anyone could do to stop him, and he always said that he had no control over the time and date of his death; though he was certain he would die young, however.
I wholeheartedly agree. And I have had this experience both with other Bluelighters and friends in real life.


@Fiori di Bella

On some level I realize that feeling guilt isn't rational. But I can't help it. I feel it anyway.

I feel guilty for not trying harder, for not being there more, not talking to him more. :(
You will feel what you feel. But there really was nothing you could have done more to stop this from happening. Please try to start telling yourself this <3
 
i still miss you !

 
Sometimes I just freeze up and I can't know what to say.
But Captain. Really. I never thought that I would be missing you. Like this.
Now who is going to correct our grammar.
LIKE YOU DID. ♡♡
I st.ill haven't paid homage to everyone.
I still can't get over YOU.
So Sorry.
 
Thanks, didn't think I'd ever get to hear his voice again outside my memory.

Cap seemed to know everyone on bluelight to at least some degree.

:(
 
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