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  • NMI Moderators: Snafu in the Void

I'm only here because I'm a miserable bastard.

Daisy, yeah. There's never going to be a "good" time to do this. I'll use excuse after excuse to delay. But this is indeed a stressful time though!
I just spent the afternoon destroying a 10 year-old, overgrown hedge in my garden. It was very satisfying and there is still more to do.
It was a bit more hard work than I had anticipated but it sure was a good rush. I had drank too many beers last night so felt like punishing myself a bit. :)
But it was a fun activity, really! (I am having beer again but this time the limit is just a couple... I find that easier to control somehow...)

My doctor is not really with me on my benzo journey. He prescribes a meagre ration of diazepam so I source my own. His idea of tapering is certainly not from the Ashton Manual. And as for prescribing anything else; well we have tried citalopram and then sertraline. They are worse feeling, in my opinion. His last "prescription" was 10 000 steps a day in nature. I'm agoraphobic so chose to go for walks at 4 am. Then slipped on some ice in the darkness and cracked some ribs. :D I'm so glad it was dark...

But I agree with his message, in theory. He just isn't listening to me properly and seems to have exhausted his options. I am trying to exercise more, or even just move around more. Managing more walks with the help of an old man from a couple of doors along. He doesn't mind company and, I guess, you don't get to his age without good habits. I'm sort of trying to mimic him, you know? Incidentally, he managed to quit smoking without a fuss so that's something else to try and emulate. :)
 
I think the jury is still officially out on the subject, but I have done some excessive experiments with Kratom including bulk leaf, extracts, and isolates. All it does when I take too much (>1oz raw plant material) is cause nausea and vomiting.
 
Nicotine Gum has worked wonders for me.
jackie jones said:
Congratulations on quitting smoking. I did the same recently and switched to whole leaf redman chewing tobacco so I can get mouth cancer instead of lung cancer. At least I can breathe now...
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I agree it wasn’t harmless to me. But then again, I wasn’t weighing dosages and started experience brain zaps and what not all attributed to “anxiety”
Wigged said:
Harmless unless you take too much?
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Wigged, your caution is heard, mate. I have some to try but I'm not looking to get into new stuff or anything. Maybe I have finally learned something?? :) But if I do try it, I'd rather hear from people some tips & pros and cons, you know?
Truthfully, I'm scared of caffeine even. It's likely I'll never touch the kratom. :D
 
Jackie jones, hey.
Thanks for your advice on dose. If you say 3g, scared me would probably start in increments of half-grams!
Tips on how to gag it over would be appreciated. :) I'm thinking I may try to wrap some in a rizla or something.
(Like the old days... bombing speed. :) )
 
Funeral Father. Good tip, thanks. Never even thought about the gum. (Well done on beating the habit. Respect... )
 
Gently heat water but dont boil, remove from heat and place in whatever container you have. Coffee Cups work well to hold water heat. Add 1-2 grams of said kratom, please invest in scale, don't eyeball and enjoy, I like the taste, you may/may not.. some people add coffee creamer to mask it. You can also mix with morning coffee/creamer to help mask it. Thank you btw, I haven't beat it just switched to something else. But as these times are pretty rough both personally and in the world. I don't foresee quitting for a while. Lemme know how it goes. Best of luck
diazepamforever? said:
Jackie jones, hey.
Thanks for your advice on dose. If you say 3g, scared me would probably start in increments of half-grams!
Tips on how to gag it over would be appreciated. :) I'm thinking I may try to wrap some in a rizla or something.
(Like the old days... bombing speed. :) )
Click to expand...
 
diazepamforever? said:
I'm scared of caffeine even. It's likely I'll never touch the kratom.
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Coffee can send me over the edge sometimes. I had to quit it even though I love the smell and taste of strong coffee.
Kratom IMO is a great implement to have in ones toolbox for most any occasion. Kratom does not have the "buggin'" feeling that coffee offers me but after using kratom for a few years I am now able to enjoy my coffee most any time I please and multiple half-cups throughout the day sometimes. Cool. Do not know how it works but somehow (for me) it kinda "balances " something in my head and/or body that made me a believer.
diazepamforever? said:
Like smoking weed but can't while in diazepam withdrawal.
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Ah, man, I know where ya at. I cannot smoke weed if I am in any kinda WD or even flu or cold... just makes everything suck that much more. I smoke it pretty much a daily basis and multiple times a day. Haven't really been sick or in any "major" (= no weed) WDs in over a year maybe two. Just thinking about that makes me feel kinda good. That time (come to think of it) was about equal to the time I joined BL. Hmmmmmmm. Note to self....

Benzodiazepines happen to be one of my favorite substances (toss up with opioids). They help a lot when I wanna get really busy and keep a cool/.sound mind; but I learned that this behavior can in fact (at least for me) carry over even without the benzos. 8o Without the benzos I think I just grin and bear it and use muscle memory to create and just try to keep breathing to keep from passing out. haha No joke, mate. I gasp often when not on benzos as I forget to breathe and it's like I remember and all is OK. But I can go on without them is the point... maybe indefinitely but not sure. 😁

Uhhhh. Not sure where ya at as for addictive personality other than:
diazepamforever? said:
Been dreaming about it, trying to source it and taking it pretty much my whole life.
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Have you ever tried phenibut? I only ask as it was one substance what helped me "get off" benzos. Used responsibly it has reduced my "dependence" on benzos as well as having a relatively long-ish half-life. Seems that (for me and maybe a few others here) one can mostly avoid dependence if used every third day or no more than twice a week. Works for me but may not for everyone.

I feel empowered when I have a bottle of diazepam sittin on a shelf and do not take them (and this on the end of binging on various and many a gaba effecting substance). Makes me feel like I have almost made it to sanity. had a 5mg diaz in my pocket at work today and wanted it but didn't as need to try to keep a grip and not use it as a crutch. Only as recreation. Go figure.... Backwards ass me. 8)

It's a journey. Hope one can find some joy along the way and possibly share that with others who may get a warm feeling or smile.

Be safe and see ya round.
Ya stuck here now so just sit back, get comfy and meet the greatest folk on the planet. Sumnpin like that song about a hotel in cali.
Much love
One

FuneralFather said:
You get more alkaloids in hot but not boiling water, btw.
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Not trying to nit-pic but one can only get what is whithin something... no more or less (unless one kills it).
But hottish water does seem to help extract the alkoloids a little quicker... and help it "melt" IME.
Peace
 
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PtahTek, I can usually manage my diazepam quite well. Just had to learn how to over the years. First problems I ever had were after agreeing to a taper plan with a new doctor. He went way too fast and I think maybe he just doesn't believe in withdrawals. It's an ongoing battle! I'm sure he's traumatized my brain...

Anyway, it was nearly under control and I was going to tackle it but wife got depression at end of January and I couldn't continue to operate in withdrawals. So I'm back up to decent doses but have let my alcohol intake increase too. Not the best combo... But while schools are off and the country feels crippled; I'm doing what I need to do to get by.

Might try to source some phenibut at some point. Another tool in the box...

Cheers, mate. All tips appreciated. :)
 
madness00, never even thought about OJ! Seems obvious now you mention it. Maybe some minty gum if there's a lingering taste...
Thanks.
 
diazepamforever? said:
Jackie jones, hey.
Thanks for your advice on dose. If you say 3g, scared me would probably start in increments of half-grams!
Tips on how to gag it over would be appreciated. :) I'm thinking I may try to wrap some in a rizla or something.
(Like the old days... bombing speed. :) )
Click to expand...

I despise the taste and smell of Kratom. Many excessive doses left me, to this day, nauseated even by the scent. The best way to kill the taste is to warm up some peanut butter and mix in the plant matter. I also find it helps with digestion.

Regarding your dose, I will never advise against caution. Beginning with a threshold dose is always a good idea.
 
Hi jackie jones, :)
It's a conundrum indeed for me. lol.
A good variety of methods are mentioned here. It'll all come down to my mood on the day. ( :D That's why I'll probably never even try it!)
I didn't even think about trying to ease the digestion system. Good tip, thanks.
And a reminder how little I know. Always appreciated.

Regards and Happy Days.
 
diazepamforever? said:
Hello all Bluelighters, greenlighters and anyone I've not mentioned.
Stating the obvious, I'm new here and this is my first post!!

Chose my name because it sure feels like it. Was cold-turkeyed off diazepam as an infant. Prescribed it for teething seizures...
Been dreaming about it, trying to source it and taking it pretty much my whole life.

Right now all I can think about is a cigarette as I lie awake craving. I am doing my first quit attempt at that. Using lozenges but finding them weird, to be frank.
Does anyone have an offhand list of withdrawals I should be ready for, please?

In the UK, 05.10 am. Insomnia... tick. Appetite... tick. Agitated a.f… tick. Depression... new dimension!

Favourite drugs: Like smoking weed but can't while in diazepam withdrawal. Drinking, though I'm in danger of substituting to that. I like my cigs too, but they have to go; they're senseless and expensive and harmful. Enjoyed other rec drugs when younger. Things my heart would just give up on nowadays, I reckon. I've bought some kratom of completely unknown quality. Any tips on that stuff would be greatly appreciated. I thought it might be useful but haven't tried it yet.

Enough from me, thanks. Glad to be here. Off to peruse... Regards and happy days
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You’re in the right place!
 
TrippyTrixy, Hi there.
I agree with you. There is just so much info here.
Also so many different members with various tips to offer.
I've never felt so at home and so at ease to tell the truth.
I think I'll be sticking around here. :)
 
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