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I wanna be alone forever

ijbeas73

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 2, 2018
Messages
8
Surely I'm not the only person that feels this way. I am 46, burnt out, been through hell and back with men....I've also worked in the sex industry. Even though I'm sober save for alcohol (and I'll be giving that up in two weeks thanks to a doctor's appointment wherein I'm going to demand Revia or another stint in rehab....whichever, I don't give a fuck, as long as I'm sober...completely sober....but anyhow, with regard to sex....i suddenly find myself terrified of it. I don't know if I'll ever be normal again. I hope so. But maybe it ain't in the cards.

I've had a nice, normal person in my life.for a while now, who hasn't been scared off yet despite my history, but I just don't seem to be able to be normal as far as sex goes. Without question, it is psychological.

I hate it and it sucks but maybe I'm past the point of a good sexual relationship anymore. It is what it is. I hate it. But whatever. Worse things have happened.
 
interesting how different people and their lifes can be. I'm 29 and have been alone my entire life. I'm afraid of ending up alone :)

best wishes OP! :)
 
This is something that bothers you, right? It would be different if you were ok with being done with sex and men. Have you tried therapy? It could help you work through this.

I'm not surprised you feel this way after being through bad experiences, it's like PTSD for you now. I'm done with men and sex for now and I don't mind it at all. I've been turned off by past experiences. I still get horny at times so my sex drive isn't completely dead, but I'm happy to be celibate and I'm not rushing out to have sex with anyone anytime soon.
 
Nothing wrong with taking a break and working on yourself op.
 
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My advice to you is just Let it Be. Don't look for anything like love or sex, of course, but just live a good rewarding life. And suddenly one day, you may just bump into someone and something might just light up a bit and who knows....

It has been my experience, and I know it's cliché, it's when you aren't looking for anything or anyone, someone just appears in your life and you will never be the same. Good Luck!
 
I have PTSD from gang rape in my drug days.
For the longest time i thought i deserved it because of my lifestyle but i didn't, noone does.
I didn't have or think of sex until this year. I went 4 years feeling as you do.
But thankfully i got a good therapist who specializes in ptsd. It took a long time for me to even feel comfortable with someone touching me.
I learned that those monsters didn't have sex with me, they britalized me. So i no longer associate them with sex.
I met the guy im with now and at first i was terrified to even try sex, worried i was ruined for life. It took a bit and i had to completely trust him but there has never been an issue sex wise and he knows my history so he would have been understanding no matter what.
Your guy sounds like a nice guy and im sure he would understand
But please get a therapist because the way you and i were living isn't living at all
I truly wish you the best and feel free to pm me anytime you need to talk
 
hmm. i think my ex-fiance's account of sexual activity ruined anything I might have saved for a root put politely. anyone's hand on me or body hovering over me and I begin to feel engulfed by the air, wishing I were anywhere but. being beside myself as it is, i am not suited to a union with anyone I don't trust to a viable extent or recognise entirely. A longtime lover would have been an asset by now, I''d have stuck by the ex had he ot been screaming out to be bent and sodomised by igniting my frustration through attempting to manipulate me and seek or gain advantage through my charitable tendency. now I wish him all the worst in the world for being the gutter trash that he is, a hollow man with no gall and no balls to talk of, he's a twit to boot, and had he not shoved his head up his rear I'd have fucked him in the arse myself. he was bound to get bent sometime, too bad for him he was the largest baggage load I've ever dealt with and his fucked up antics just go to show that he has zero appeal or qualities to laud upon so really, the cocksucking mummys boy can have his hypocristy and his dumb fuck idiot behaviour and rot in hell for being one mauraudingly shallow creep. who fucks a bird then has her keep the child then neglects dad duties and wants to put it near me to start a family etc after they're separated for 7 years when him and his old duck have copped it from the same motherfucking phallus before he even comprehended planned parenting? dickwad could have dropped the bomb 15 years into the perp's death, not whilst he is alive and well and the honeymoon period I was easing myself into (after being on/off vaguely interested for a fair while) is in full swing. talk about mood kill. what the shit? I never said tell me your innermost secrets?!! I would have preferred to be kept in the dark. little cunt denied it ever happened to his biological father, I even confronted the perp on facebook and the jealous prick incapable of being a stand-up citizen (my ex) deleted the one picture I had up to prove I was at work that night, off facebook!! the untrustworthy uncultured fuck. what a loose cannon and what a real limey s.o.b for plaguing my life with his alleged attacks that were said to be repeated and before school. I used to watch cartoons before school. hence, even my study suffered after exhibiting even the slightest interest upon meeting the knobhead. what a laugh that gave me. as if I was gonna have his offspring!!!! HIS GENE POOL IS A SORRY TRIBUTE TO MANKIND. fancy ruining sex on someone like me with merits to boast, especially during my prime. fuck me dead. If I ever run into the fucktard again he will be finding himself in a court of law because he has left my in fear for my life by deliberately ensuing I become destitute and endure a series of setbacks eventually resulting in a near-breakdown which to this day burdens me from moment to moment! It's called to death do us part. anyone who's given life and survived will never comprehend in all reality. I do not have a personality problem when I'm suggesting two people who busy themselves with computer games and contraban become an item if they're both out of work and discussing me behind my back while I'm the only taxpayer in the equation. Therefore, fuck 'em. That stupid trinket actually didn't cut it when I looked at it, hence I'm glad I gave it back. It was cheap shit. And I'm into princess cut diamonds, not customs where his mom has a spare rock to get off to, too. As for his dad, he wishes he had been granted a badge, but he's not nearly serious enough about the law to make it that far. his loss. I was law degree material. He just got lazy and tried batting above his weight. Hooligan. Bit of a juvenile now that I think of it. Irony was he stole computers to be part of a gang and then attempts to endear himself with a true life living model student with top grades and he's never fathomed a series of due dates aside from a pay run. big wow. that's seriously an overhaul on brain cell material. pfft. I should have told him to dream on. sapphires are ugly. I might buy into the zodiac but birth stones I had definitely done away with. he knew not the foggiest about me, which is what really gives rise to the fact I had come into my own and the loony c-nt wanted to spoil what arguably could have been the best years of my life. Not consumed by depression or PTS-duped.
 
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