Benzos I think I made a Booboo ...

[Reefymapuppsett]

So I've been suffering from random panic attacks for the last 3-4 years, I went to the hospital several times in fear I was dying. This seems to stem from anxiety induced pains, elevated/violent heart beat, tremors, violent spasms all over the body.

I finally seen a doctor for the first time in ages and after several consultations he prescribed Lyrica ( Pregabalin) to access whether the pain was nerve related and Kalma (aprazolam) for my panic attacks.

He only prescribed three 10 tablet scripts of 0.5mg Kalma over 3 weeks. This drug make me feel reborn, I have not had a panic attack since first taking it. My social anxiety has decreased significantly, And I sleep much better. But now he refused to prescribe any more for me, saying he will get in trouble for prescribing any more.

Out of desperation I purchased some online for an outrageous price, And from what I can tell, I think I was scammed. I ordered from one of the more popular/reputable sites - Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing, did I just screw myself over ?

 

[zirbeldude2]

Remove the link...it's against the rules.

And dont go down the route of benzo addiction.
It will give you more problems than you already have.
Even lyrica will make everything worse in the long run.

Do therapy, excercise, eat well, socialize, maybe try an ssri against your anxiety.

 

[eye dew Things]

Hi Op,

I understand your situation, cause I had a similar thing happen to me about 8 yrs. ago. Since I was a teen 18 or so, I have always LOVED Benzo's. Loved them too much.
I was also having heart palpatations, anxiety, thought I was having a heart attack. Went to the ER, they gave me 12 .05 Xanax and when they ran out I called the ER asking for more.... FACEPALM!!

Years later, I was able to source Etizolam in Blister packs from India for dirt cheap. About 20 minutes ago I took 7 mg. of etizest 1 Etizolam @ noon. Not good. I have a stockpile of Etillam and Etizest Etizolam and I get worried when my stash is low. Low for me is 500 tablets. that's crazy.

As Zirbeldude said....It's an addiction that will grab the strongest minded people. If you can only use a therapeutic dose, that would be great. But Benzo's and the tolerance they bring is a dead end.

Good Luck and I TOTALLY understand how an anxiety med would make you feel re-born. It did for me @ first.

 

[kleinerkiffer]

Out of desperation I purchased some online for an outrageous price, And from what I can tell, I think I was scammed. I ordered from one of the more popular/reputable sites - Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing, did I just screw myself over ?

Without a lab tests it's impossible to say.
And as others have said, bezos will make your problems worse in the long run, so better stay away from them/ only use for really bad panic attacks.
There are other options http://bluelight.org/vb/threads/796117-Benzo-Alternatives
And did you try therapy ? Imo that's the only thing that'll really help, meds are just temporary band aids.

 

[Reefymapuppsett]

Hi Op,

I understand your situation, cause I had a similar thing happen to me about 8 yrs. ago. Since I was a teen 18 or so, I have always LOVED Benzo's. Loved them too much.
I was also having heart palpatations, anxiety, thought I was having a heart attack. Went to the ER, they gave me 12 .05 Xanax and when they ran out I called the ER asking for more.... FACEPALM!!

Years later, I was able to source Etizolam in Blister packs from India for dirt cheap. About 20 minutes ago I took 7 mg. of etizest 1 Etizolam @ noon. Not good. I have a stockpile of Etillam and Etizest Etizolam and I get worried when my stash is low. Low for me is 500 tablets. that's crazy.

As Zirbeldude said....It's an addiction that will grab the strongest minded people. If you can only use a therapeutic dose, that would be great. But Benzo's and the tolerance they bring is a dead end.

Good Luck and I TOTALLY understand how an anxiety med would make you feel re-born. It did for me @ first.

Wow that is a lot of Benzo! I get rather clumsy if I just take one 0.5mg tablet, And as I've just found out, driving a vehicle on this medicine is a no-no.. Though I'm not sure if that's related to the fact I also have about 200-300mg of Lyrica in my system already.

I understand that Alprazolam can be addictive, but I am so sick of living this way. I would have panic attacks almost every day- sometimes they would last for hours, And the feeling as I'm sure you are aware, is hell. I'm also sick to death of being afraid of people- I can't even go shopping without breaking out in hives because I'm so nervous and anxious around people. I've abused the hell out of weed and alcohol to the point I have liver/kidney problems and multiple mental disorders, And if anything I thought this legitimate drug would be less harmful than resuming those damaging habits.

I've been weed free for roughly 13 years and alcohol free for about 7 months. Both of my crutches are now gone and I feel so volatile now. I have been really tempted to start smoking weed again even though deep down, it's going to damage me even more. I've actually spent the last few nights hanging around undesirable areas asking people where I can get on for a choof (without success I might add) which might have been a good thing.

I was just under the impression that synthetic legal drugs were a better and healthier alternative and I really just needed immediate relief.

Without a lab tests it's impossible to say.
And as others have said, bezos will make your problems worse in the long run, so better stay away from them/ only use for really bad panic attacks.
There are other options http://bluelight.org/vb/threads/796117-Benzo-Alternatives
And did you try therapy ? Imo that's the only thing that'll really help, meds are just temporary band aids.

I haven't tried anything outside of going to a GP once in probably every-10-15 years because I try to avoid people like the plague. I would do stupid stuff like get done for un-licence'd, unregistered, un-insured 3 times in a row simply because my fear cocooned me into be a chronic hermit. Doing things like going to the motor-registry was a huge challenge for me. I would be too afraid to open letters in the mail and accrued a lot of unnecessary debt. I let my health deteriorate to a point my jaw was literally rotting away.

Just getting out of bed in the morning and facing the reality of the world was slowly crushing me, And if you read my introduction thread you'll see I eventually conceded to just failing at life. I haven't seen any family for about 10 years, haven't had a single friend for 12 or more years. I even hide from my landlord and sometimes feel trapped upstairs because I don't want to face the challenges of interacting with anybody, especially with her because I find conversing with her is destructive to my disorder.

But thank you for your concern and the link, I shall look into that now. Cheers!

 

[SS373dOH]

How are we supposed to know if you got legit pills or not? I will say that is the gamble you run when ordering online.. Maybe try and see a new doctor? Tell him your situation, and what prescriptions helped you in the past..

Best of luck, Hopeless..

 

[kleinerkiffer]

^One thing you could do is take meds for the first few times you see a therapist, so it's easier to go out of the house.
Have you tried hydroxizine ? Imo it's a pretty good anxiolytic even tough it's an antihistamine

I'm not sure about the state of psych wards in your area, but your disorder sounds like you maybe should go to a psych ward for a few weeks and get the help you need

Good luck!

 

[Reefymapuppsett]

How are we supposed to know if you got legit pills or not? I will say that is the gamble you run when ordering online.. Maybe try and see a new doctor? Tell him your situation, and what prescriptions helped you in the past..

Best of luck, Hopeless..

I guess the only (partial) way to find out the quality of it, is to take it and compare the effects to the brand name stuff I've already taken. I agree it is/was a huge gamble, And I knew that at the time I made the decision to purchase it, but desperation can make people do ill-advised things.

The only other script I have tried was Zoloft, And that was 12 or so years ago. I didn't find it helped at all with anxiety or depression- it just made me feel like a brainless zombie. I couldn't even focus on tasks at work.

^One thing you could do is take meds for the first few times you see a therapist, so it's easier to go out of the house.
Have you tried hydroxizine ? Imo it's a pretty good anxiolytic even tough it's an antihistamine

I'm not sure about the state of psych wards in your area, but your disorder sounds like you maybe should go to a psych ward for a few weeks and get the help you need

Good luck!

Indeed. What you said about the preemptive dosage is exactly what I have been doing with the Kalma. Though I have found it tricky, as once it kicks in, it really affects my motor-skills. Worse so is the fact I ride a motorcycle, And I've noticed I'm a little wobbly on the road under it's effects.

Today, I didn't take any Kalma until just now (6:00pm) In the few hours before that I was starting to feel sad, like I was back to my normal crappy self again. So it appears with this drug, you really have to use it responsibly- which I am now aware of.

I have not tried Hydroxizine, but I do take Citirizine daily to stop hives breakout. I will ask the doctor about them at my next appointment, thank you.

A psych-ward would probably be the most damaging fear-inducing thing imaginable for me. Places like hospitals/institutions bring on extreme depression in me. It could be the oppressive nature of them, but I think it's more the energy and presence of people suffering and/or dying. Just really bad energy there.

 

[burn out]

I was just under the impression that synthetic legal drugs were a better and healthier alternative and I really just needed immediate relief.

No, no no, and no. How could you think such a thing? Benzos are one of the unhealthiest, most destructive drugs known to man. You need to do more research on them. Check out these website:

http://www.benzo.org.uk/

benzobuddies.org

Take it from me, I have serious brain damage from benzos. They can take years to withdraw from. Yes you read that right, YEARS. Especially for someone with your type of issues, benzos are the worst thing. They increase anxiety and cause mental disorders. They only feel good and lower anxiety at the start before you build a tolerance. Stay away from benzos man, stay far away...They are crap drugs and poison.

THe good news is that there are several anxiety medicines which are actually much safer than benzos and can even be aquired legally depending on where you live in the world.

Here are some to try:

Phenibut - this is the strongest but also the most addictive. still much less addictive than benzos though

kava - this one is great but make sure you get the real deal, not kava pills but actual root powder and make the traditional way. you might have to try a few times but when you get ti right you will be like holy crap what was i so worried about again? I cant remember. its awesome.

valerian - valerian is an herb which has some similarities to benzos. great for sleep and anxiety, also increases psychic abilities. i love me some valerian,.

skullcap - skullcap is a another great sedative herb or "nervine" as they call it. You can even smoke it and it kicks in right away, relaxes you and reduces anxiety.

mulungu bark - another sedative herb i find this one particularly powerful and need to be careful not to take to much or it gives me a hangover. it has been compared to diazepam (valium) and ineed there are a lot of similarities.
all these are way healthier, in some cases more fun than benzo.

please do yourself a favor, avoid pharmaceuticals and stick with herbs and supplements.

 

[cj]

Try to b use the benzos as sparingly as possible. Eventually they will stop working. Then you are really screwed.

 

[Reefymapuppsett]

No, no no, and no. How could you think such a thing? Benzos are one of the unhealthiest, most destructive drugs known to man. You need to do more research on them. Check out these website:

http://www.benzo.org.uk/

benzobuddies.org

I think that my preconception was purely based off of the trust I have in my Doctor, or any doctor for that matter. I never thought that a Doctor would prescribe something that could be potentially harmful or damaging to me. To some extent I typically base my trust on whether a substance is a legal drug or medicine. I had no idea that medical health facilities would provide substances (evidently) more harmful than alcohol, marijuana and possibly a large array of illegal substances.

Take it from me, I have serious brain damage from benzos. They can take years to withdraw from. Yes you read that right, YEARS. Especially for someone with your type of issues, benzos are the worst thing. They increase anxiety and cause mental disorders. They only feel good and lower anxiety at the start before you build a tolerance. Stay away from benzos man, stay far away...They are crap drugs and poison.

THe good news is that there are several anxiety medicines which are actually much safer than benzos and can even be aquired legally depending on where you live in the world.

Here are some to try:

Phenibut - this is the strongest but also the most addictive. still much less addictive than benzos though

kava - this one is great but make sure you get the real deal, not kava pills but actual root powder and make the traditional way. you might have to try a few times but when you get ti right you will be like holy crap what was i so worried about again? I cant remember. its awesome.

valerian - valerian is an herb which has some similarities to benzos. great for sleep and anxiety, also increases psychic abilities. i love me some valerian,.

skullcap - skullcap is a another great sedative herb or "nervine" as they call it. You can even smoke it and it kicks in right away, relaxes you and reduces anxiety.

mulungu bark - another sedative herb i find this one particularly powerful and need to be careful not to take to much or it gives me a hangover. it has been compared to diazepam (valium) and ineed there are a lot of similarities.
all these are way healthier, in some cases more fun than benzo.

please do yourself a favor, avoid pharmaceuticals and stick with herbs and supplements.

Yeah, wow! I had no idea they were that harmful, And after reading your post, I did some further research on Benzo's- though not pertaining to Aplrazolam specifically, but the generalization of usage of Benzo's, as far back as the 1970's revealed some pretty disturbing information. One quote saying "It is more difficult to withdraw people from benzodiazepines than it is from heroin" which is kind of scary.


The question is now: What do I do with the hundreds of dollars worth of Xanax I have just purchased ... And can I resist the urge to use them- even if responsibly.

Thank you so much for listing those alternatives, And their general effects. These sound good. I will try to source some ASAP! With any luck, before the Xanax get here ...

Try to b use the benzos as sparingly as possible. Eventually they will stop working. Then you are really screwed.

Yeah, definitely! If I do end up using them at all, it will be an extreme measure. After what I have read, I would sooner take up weed again, than get addicted to this stuff!


Cheers all!

 

[Speed King]

Ha

No, no no, and no. How could you think such a thing? Benzos are one of the unhealthiest, most destructive drugs known to man. You need to do more research on them. Check out these website:

http://www.benzo.org.uk/

benzobuddies.org

Take it from me, I have serious brain damage from benzos. They can take years to withdraw from. Yes you read that right, YEARS. Especially for someone with your type of issues, benzos are the worst thing. They increase anxiety and cause mental disorders. They only feel good and lower anxiety at the start before you build a tolerance. Stay away from benzos man, stay far away...They are crap drugs and poison.

THe good news is that there are several anxiety medicines which are actually much safer than benzos and can even be aquired legally depending on where you live in the world.

Here are some to try:

Phenibut - this is the strongest but also the most addictive. still much less addictive than benzos though

kava - this one is great but make sure you get the real deal, not kava pills but actual root powder and make the traditional way. you might have to try a few times but when you get ti right you will be like holy crap what was i so worried about again? I cant remember. its awesome.

valerian - valerian is an herb which has some similarities to benzos. great for sleep and anxiety, also increases psychic abilities. i love me some valerian,.

skullcap - skullcap is a another great sedative herb or "nervine" as they call it. You can even smoke it and it kicks in right away, relaxes you and reduces anxiety.

mulungu bark - another sedative herb i find this one particularly powerful and need to be careful not to take to much or it gives me a hangover. it has been compared to diazepam (valium) and ineed there are a lot of similarities.
all these are way healthier, in some cases more fun than benzo.

please do yourself a favor, avoid pharmaceuticals and stick with herbs and supplements.

i love threads like this. I have a confession everybody. I take 40 mg of Valum a day. You know why?

i had developed some issues and Valium takes care of it. I can function daily. My issues are smoothed out.

Now, first off, everybody on the planet has subjective
effects. That means some people have nice, smooth effects. Now on the opposit side of subjective, some people get hooked or it effects them badly. Hey, your mileage may vary. Benzodiazepines are I clearly not for everybody. Now if you have serious issues like OP described, clearly OP May benifit from having a benzo like Xanax. Now, the ER Doctor is there to give you enough to hold you over until you can see a doctor. Now what you need is a psychiatrist.

Back to the subject. Those 0.5 alprazolam tablets, ONLY when absolutely necessary. I mean your having a bad panic attack. That is it. If your bright, you will get to a doctor who will understand your issues. If you use absolutely correctly, you shoud have no issues.

Now Burn Out, has some great alternatives listed. If you could get one of those alternatives to work for you, that would be better in the long run.! Bottom line, benzos are great when necessary. That's it.They are serious drugs. They can be or become a problem for people that just have an addictive personality, or use to many, or plain misuse them.

Lets all get something straight. Benzodiazepines are not Devil drugs, but simply very serious drugs that need absolute respect when using them, period.

 

[Dimm]

Well, since benzos are totally illegal to purchase without a script, I would assume you got scammed. If not, you stand a pretty big chance of having it seized on the way to your house (especially if you didn't use any privacy software) and being held accountable for purchasing a schedule iv substance illegally.

Take it from a guy who felt exactly the way you did when I first tried Xanax 4 years ago, its not worth it! As many others have said, not only do they cause your brain to shrink, they're also one of the most addictive drugs in the world. They are one of the few drugs that can kill you during withdrawal!

Benzo withdrawal has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. It was far worse than heroin withdrawal. It took me months to quit entirely. I still have shaky hands, stuttered thinking, and general dysphoria, something I didn't used to suffer from. Withdrawal will cause you physical pain, not just rebound anxiety! My friend had many seizures during withdrawal, I just happened to get lucky on that one. The rebound anxiety will last you years, as well. If you think anxiety attacks suck right now, trust me, you're in for a treat when it's all over.

They will completely shut off your common sense when abused and will cause you to burn many, many bridges.

Just typing this right now I'm having an anxiety attack for no reason whatsoever. It's fucking awful.

However, I'm not the type to say you should never use a certain drug. If you do decide to use Xanax, only use it when you're having a panic attack or maybe for a particularly stressful situation. Never use it daily. Everything in moderation.

 

[Reefymapuppsett]

Ha


i love threads like this. I have a confession everybody. I take 40 mg of Valum a day. You know why?

i had developed some issues and Valium takes care of it. I can function daily. My issues are smoothed out.

Now, first off, everybody on the planet has subjective
effects. That means some people have nice, smooth effects. Now on the opposit side of subjective, some people get hooked or it effects them badly. Hey, your mileage may vary. Benzodiazepines are I clearly not for everybody. Now if you have serious issues like OP described, clearly OP May benifit from having a benzo like Xanax. Now, the ER Doctor is there to give you enough to hold you over until you can see a doctor. Now what you need is a psychiatrist.

Back to the subject. Those 0.5 alprazolam tablets, ONLY when absolutely necessary. I mean your having a bad panic attack. That is it. If your bright, you will get to a doctor who will understand your issues. If you use absolutely correctly, you shoud have no issues.

Now Burn Out, has some great alternatives listed. If you could get one of those alternatives to work for you, that would be better in the long run.! Bottom line, benzos are great when necessary. That's it.They are serious drugs. They can be or become a problem for people that just have an addictive personality, or use to many, or plain misuse them.

Lets all get something straight. Benzodiazepines are not Devil drugs, but simply very serious drugs that need absolute respect when using them, period.

I would like to ask: Is Valium a much better alternative to Xanax ?

That's what the Doctor wanted to give me, but I told him how Valiums only tend to make me sleepy. Whereas Kalma or (Alzaprolam) hits all birds with one stone. It heavily decreases my social anxiety, helps my insomnia, makes me feel much less depressed and stops panic attacks dead in their tracks. I can't remember Valiums doing anything other than making me sleep a lot. But the dosage was tiny so I'm still unsure.

Cheers for the advice!

Well, since benzos are totally illegal to purchase without a script, I would assume you got scammed. If not, you stand a pretty big chance of having it seized on the way to your house (especially if you didn't use any privacy software) and being held accountable for purchasing a schedule iv substance illegally.

Take it from a guy who felt exactly the way you did when I first tried Xanax 4 years ago, its not worth it! As many others have said, not only do they cause your brain to shrink, they're also one of the most addictive drugs in the world. They are one of the few drugs that can kill you during withdrawal!

Benzo withdrawal has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. It was far worse than heroin withdrawal. It took me months to quit entirely. I still have shaky hands, stuttered thinking, and general dysphoria, something I didn't used to suffer from. Withdrawal will cause you physical pain, not just rebound anxiety! My friend had many seizures during withdrawal, I just happened to get lucky on that one. The rebound anxiety will last you years, as well. If you think anxiety attacks suck right now, trust me, you're in for a treat when it's all over.

They will completely shut off your common sense when abused and will cause you to burn many, many bridges.

Just typing this right now I'm having an anxiety attack for no reason whatsoever. It's fucking awful.

However, I'm not the type to say you should never use a certain drug. If you do decide to use Xanax, only use it when you're having a panic attack or maybe for a particularly stressful situation. Never use it daily. Everything in moderation.

I purchased from what appeared to be one of the most reputable and positively reviewed online distributors. Prior to any transaction I had their support team email me with written confirmation that it was totally legal, And that they service thousands of customers in my country. So from a legal stand-point, I don't think I was negligent to the law. The technicality, or "loop-hole" you might say with these online suppliers is that they have their own medical staff that assess your needs online, therefor qualifying as a certified script, though the system does seem a little vague.

Before I started this thread I thought I was onto some miracle drug, but the more I read into experiences like yours makes me feel really bummed that the best cure for my issues is also the worst one. I see a Psychiatrist tomorrow for the first time in my life. Not sure what I'm even going to say at this point. These guys charge $450 an hour so anyone have some advice as to where I should even start or what I should ask about ? Out of all the possible alternatives listed in this thread, which should I be going for ?

I'm just scared about coming off Alprazolam and onto something that does nothing and feeling even worse than I did before.

 

[eye dew Things]

Hi Reefy, I would start with the therapist explaining your IMO severe anxiety and agrophobia. And I like Speed Kings post as well. Really upsets me when people try to scare others away from Benzos when it seems to be the ONLY thing that will work. Just describe some of the scenarios you did here, the ones that terrify you. Millions of people responsibly take anxiety meds daily (not me).

Also I hope you didn't get scammed, if they shipped it, you'll get it. You don't need special software. People order medication online all day everyday.
Hope the therapist goes well. Maybe a few mg. of Klonopin a day would help you. Smooth out the edges, let you be you. I sometimes think when my Etizolam is kicking in " Wow, this is how normal people feel all day" Must be nice huh?

Keep us updated when you can and please stay away from benzo buddies aka bored housewives dot com. Going on and on about windows and waves.

 

[Reefymapuppsett]

Hey Eye dew,

Thanks for the positive advice. Unfortunately the Psychiatrist (if you would call him that) was a complete waste of time. I've never heard such drivel in all my life. All he did the entire time was spin one nonsensical analogy after another. I told him I have no "self-love" and that I am "defective" in many ways. He wanted me to believe that Anxiety, depression or mental disorders could never be from genetics or result of inferior genetics or genetically related. And that the reason I am the way I am is because of my up-bringing. Well I call BS on that. I will concede that my up-bringing may have compounded my issues, that is my own personal belief. But really?! Genetics aren't related to disorders!? Then why do they have a freaking consultation forms to check if mental illness runs in the family .....

He then went on to say, that genetics aren't responsible for an inferior person, again BS! You breed two ugly dumb creatures together, you're obviously not going to get a stallion. Further insulting his own analogy by saying girls aren't attracted to looks, they are attracted to "talk" he said only men are attracted to looks in females. So essentially his idea of helping me was trying to fill my head with his own make-believe fantasy world, in hope I actually buy into that nonsense, and come out delusional. He literally treated me as if I was a 3 year old telling me Santa claus and the tooth fairy are real, what a joke.

Told him three times Zoloft did not work for me so instead of giving me ANY of the scripts that would actually help, he gives me Prozac ... I guess it was a good thing that I ordered something that will help against my panic attacks (the main reason I am seeking help) after all.

I asked him If I could try Klonopin, because it was a less addictive drug, but had similar results as Xanax, but nope, instead he gives me Prozac, so I can go home and have panic attacks for a few weeks until the Prozac kicks-in, And then probably still have panic attacks because Prozac isn't half as good for helping with that.

 

[Ksa]

Lol, doctors treat symptoms not causes, and this is one of the sadest examples. It's like putting a water fraidy cat in a pool by throwing it on a boat, "heh! The cat is in the pool now and it's doing fine!" It's a completely stupid treatment.

 

[Speed King]

Get a new fucking doctor. This one sounds like a hosebag. You would be suprised how much they differ from each other. You need a doctor that discusses things with you. If you have proof of something, print it out and bring it with you. Be wise. Let them know by your speaking ability, that your smart. Let them read in between the lines that you know your stuff. Btw, be calm and discriptive of what the issue is. Last, don't ask directly for anything inparticular. That is almost a red flag to them. Play ball with them. It's all a little give and take. A person must build trust with their doctor.

 

[kleinerkiffer]

^I second this, get a new doctor