• TDS Moderators: deficiT | D's |n3ophy7e
  • Bluelight HOT THREADS
  • Let's Welcome Our NEW MEMBERS!

I Think I’ve Changed

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
So, I’ve posted before about the shooting in my apartment building and the resulting break in to my unit by some running from the shooting.

At this point, I have to say I have started thinking and caring more about what benefits ME and not other people.

No one really helped me much after this, basically just my Mom and some friends.

And people on BL as far as talking about this whole thing.

This basically just shows me that really, you have mainly yourself and your family.

This whole thing just makes me much less altruistic...I fail to see why I should care about others who obviously don’t care about me after this.

Oh, and just FYI, if you say something like you will fix someone’s door after something like this and you don’t do that, the person who you said that to will always remember that about you.

And they may choose to no longer care about you.

The way I see it, is that I really only have myself and people close to me that I can actually count on. Everyone else is pretty much irrelevant.
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
And I can’t say I fault people exactly for not caring...they do have their own stuff to care about.

But so do I, so...I need to just do that.

I even think I cared too much about other things I should not have during COVID when I was working at Walmart.

It’s sad, but basically I’ve become a lot less caring after this whole thing. I just don’t have much, if any caring in me left.

And the care I have left in me I choose to give to my family and close friends.
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
IDK, to me it seems like the people who pretend to care...they irritate me now.

I really don’t trust many people now.

And I really almost don’t want to involve myself with most people.

They have their ideas on how you should live and how you should deal with things. A lot of them push their ideas on you. They won’t take “no” for an answer. Even if you try and explain why their ideas won’t work.

I am just hoping eventually I am able to find someplace better. I am not going to just rush into a situation where I could end up someplace worse.
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
I don’t even know if I can ever forgive the people who did this, or the people who decided to lie after about fixing my door and shit. And then decided to make threats and shit.

Of course I was not happy, however, if they think they can just lie and then I am going to be all nice and sweet they must be fucked in the head.

I just don’t have it in me to care much anymore about anything that does not benefit me anymore.
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,318
I also don't care about people anymore. As someone who would do anything for a stranger at one point, letting people walk all over me, yet somehow being painted as someone who lacked empathy, due to humanity as a wholes lack of empathy im starting to not give a shit. Though, ill always care about that homeless guy on the corner.
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,318
Just reread your post and seems like maybe you did have the support system you need and you are just upset someone broke your door and didn't pay for it? Shit happens don't let it change you as an individual
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
Just reread your post and seems like maybe you did have the support system you need and you are just upset someone broke your door and didn't pay for it? Shit happens don't let it change you as an individual
I am pissed they lied and said they would do it. They tried to get me to not report damage to the property because they were causing it somehow. They basically tried to lowkey threaten me on the night of the shooting/break in.

And I basically only had my Mom and a few friends. And I was poor af for a lot of it. Still am.

So...please just don’t make comments on my support system. It’s extremely small.

This isn’t just, “shit happens.”

Home invasions cause a ton of trauma.

So...if you just think I am pissed about a small thing and that is the ONLY thing then IDK what to say.
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
right

just fix the fuckin door already
The door was fixed.

I am pissed that they lied and said they were going to fix it.

I would hope that is understandable.

If you lie to someone about something like that then you should prepare for them to NOT want to deal with you again.
 

Mr. Krinkle

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 2, 2005
Messages
1,021
ok so the door is fixed

i gotcha - they said they were gonna fix it but they didn't so you had it fixed
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,318
I am pissed they lied and said they would do it. They tried to get me to not report damage to the property because they were causing it somehow. They basically tried to lowkey threaten me on the night of the shooting/break in.

And I basically only had my Mom and a few friends. And I was poor af for a lot of it. Still am.

So...please just don’t make comments on my support system. It’s extremely small.

This isn’t just, “shit happens.”

Home invasions cause a ton of trauma.
This is someone you cared for though? You said you aren't going to care about people because they don't care about you. I mean, we are all one and all, but you can't expect a random stranger running from gunshots to care about your financial loss from when they barged in, thats just not realistic. Sure, if it were me, I'd have fixed your door same day. Unless I was completely broke. Then id try to explain it to you, at least do you that decency.
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
This is someone you cared for though? You said you aren't going to care about people because they don't care about you. I mean, we are all one and all, but you can't expect a random stranger running from gunshots to care about your financial loss from when they barged in, thats just not realistic. Sure, if it were me, I'd have fixed your door same day.
Ok, the people who lived here said they would fix my door. And that I HAD to come to them about any property damage.

They do not own the building. They made it seem like they were threatening me. They seemed to want to hide something.

I always tried to not be involved with them too much. Somewhat friendly, but not super friendly.

What part of that do you not understand?

I may not have cared much about them, I would have helped them if they needed it before this (even if I tried to remain mostly uninvolved).

But after this? No.

And I care somewhat about people, but not as much as I used to if that makes sense.
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
So, update: The police and the courts have apparently told the two problem neighbors to stay away from each other.

Also, RIP Cap, we will miss you and I hope you are somewhere reading this!!
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
So here’s an update: I now basically just do not care about most other people besides my Mom and my Dog. And a few close friends.

I have my own things to deal with and other people need to just go deal with their shit.

People just push shit on you that is there’s to deal with, and I don’t see the point in dealing with that anymore.
 

iTry91

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
503
^Honestly I think that's a level headed way to look at things considering what's happened to you.
When I went through a traumatic event I got lost in a maze and invested too much time in people who didn't give a rat's arse about me just wanted to make themselves feel good. E.g. my ex best friend totally got embarrassed and left me on NYE when I started getting emotional, after a recent tragic incident. She also grassed/snitched to my family about my drug use at the time which was partly to blame for my dad making me homeless and things got worse because I had nobody, or so it felt. You have to be careful when you aren't feeling good as people can take advantage or push you away and it hurts deeply.
Ignorance is what I put it down to but who knows.
I still don't talk to that supposed friend who I had known since 12.
I hope you are coping ok ❤️
 

Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
434
Location
Minnesota (USA)
^Honestly I think that's a level headed way to look at things considering what's happened to you.
When I went through a traumatic event I got lost in a maze and invested too much time in people who didn't give a rat's arse about me just wanted to make themselves feel good. E.g. my ex best friend totally got embarrassed and left me on NYE when I started getting emotional, after a recent tragic incident. She also grassed/snitched to my family about my drug use at the time which was partly to blame for my dad making me homeless and things got worse because I had nobody, or so it felt. You have to be careful when you aren't feeling good as people can take advantage or push you away and it hurts deeply.
Ignorance is what I put it down to but who knows.
I still don't talk to that supposed friend who I had known since 12.
I hope you are coping ok ❤️
People can take advantage of you after you have been through something truamatic.

In fact abusive people do look for people who have been through something traumatic because they see them as easy prey.

I did for a few weeks get invested in people I should not have, but I quickly moved on because they became super annoying (to put it nicely). It became obvious fast to me that they just wanted to use me. And I have no time or tolerance for that.
 
Top