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I Sometimes Wish I Didn't Have A Functioning Brain

LandsUnknown

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Oct 3, 2014
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Sometimes, I wish I could just have been born with a very low IQ to the point that I had no idea WTF is going on in the world. Or any awareness whatsoever. And had no real worries or even an awareness of anything in the world, issues in my life, just a state of completely blissful ignorance 24/7. Because everything, including the world itself has completely gone to fucking shit these days.
 

Nixiam

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Feb 20, 2016
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The cusp of the interface.
Well, by saying this, I suspect that what you actually want isn't at least to have been born with a nonfunctioning awareness. Right, the web of nonsense is thick indeed, so what do you do?

What will you do?
 

brickk

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Jul 29, 2018
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Europe
I always wondered....what if I was born with very low IQ, like those guys with serious mental handicaps... Would I be happy inside? Like a kid, not knowing what is going on on the world and just living the day...
 

Highonlife1

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 10, 2018
Messages
11
Many of us have the same problem, i hope you can start to find opportunities to allow yourself to shine by fixing some of these problems, whether as a volounteer or preferably a business getting paid. Otherwise yeh it can make you angry and crazy
 

PtahTek

Moderator: NMI
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Mar 18, 2018
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Onda Cona
I have been trying to kill as many brain cells as possible for the longest of times. The void only brings more BS. Maybe not as smart but it dulls the pain and sometimes helps dis-spell the spells.
I seem to be getting bored with it all and await the next phase....
Til then I lay in the cut and observe with caution and hunger.
Best of all to you.
<3

Edit:
As a child I was quiet and asked why I never speak up.
I started speaking up and asking questions.
I was then asked why I talked so much and what's with all the questions.
I reverted back and now just mostly live inside a place not many care to understand as it is not in line with pop anything.
Just anotha dumb ass mf....
 

Shady's Fox

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Jul 12, 2017
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Palm trees & sea, just walkin along the beach.
Sure, sure. I mean what's right? rite shade. *head shrug*, listen.. the world is a beautiful place but people aren't, wait I gotta pour some pepsi, am thiristy, have u saw what's outside. Lucifer far cry, I would jump in a black hole haha. Phu.. am back, am so outta place haha, yeah so many people aim for victory not truth, that's malpractice -- the sickness nowadays. I think you have to settle down, to your own place and stop worring about what's happening in the world but again that's me. You do you
 

dopamimetic

Moderator: N&PD
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Mar 21, 2013
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abyss of sobriety
Had the same thoughts many times too and afaik we have some more threads like this here, so it's a pretty common phenomenon :/ I wouldn't want to trade intelligence for stupidity though even when these people do have an easier life by all impression but also some of these with just limited intelligence but a high emotional quotient suffer from the same feelings and questions even when they tend to see things a bit easier or understand less.

What you might be aiming for is to lower your emotional quotient, something that's unfortunately more difficult than just to plainly kill crain bells. Look at chronic alcoholics, or conspiracy theories ...
 

wudbutcher

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May 15, 2020
Messages
450
Cant appreciate sunshine without rain. Happy without sad would just be blah.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

Moderator: BDD, OD, LAVA
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I've spent my life in pursuit of killing off as many of those pesky brain cells as possible in an attempt to achieve the ignorance of the masses. It's been a long haul, but it finally seems to be working. Or is it just the natural ageing process? Who cares. All I want to do is drool into the carpet for the rest of my life...
 

brickk

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Joined
Jul 29, 2018
Messages
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Location
Europe
I was reading some articles about killing specific brain cells... I don't know if it is possible, I mean I want to remove something that bothers me from my head, like bad things that happened. But at the same time I don't think it is something they to for free to anyone, I don't even know if it works....so I am just tempted to abuse antipsychotics again and go napalm mode on brain until I become a useless zombie waiting to die.
 

empeebee

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May 26, 2020
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In a circle in a spiral, in a wheel within a wheel
I was reading some articles about killing specific brain cells... I don't know if it is possible, I mean I want to remove something that bothers me from my head, like bad things that happened. But at the same time I don't think it is something they to for free to anyone, I don't even know if it works....so I am just tempted to abuse antipsychotics again and go napalm mode on brain until I become a useless zombie waiting to die.
Mmmm, yes. Zombie. No emotions, no memories, no sense of loss or gain. Sounds perfect. Please keep us up to date on the DOC that seems to be working before it has worked too well so that we can get some too.
Been reading the thread about Invega Sustenna (Paliperidone) and it seems it does a great job at making you numb but it still leaves the memories in place as well as consciousness of events. Seems you just become immune to the emotions coming from memories or events.
 

Alex_1991

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Dec 22, 2015
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208
I have a vivid internal world. I was always a dreamer, and I wonder if I may have always been delusional. I remember sitting by myself in an empty apartment about 20 years ago. My dad and I lived in an entire floor of empty apartments, the top floor of a building which used to house a popular restaurant in a small town nearby. Kickback for him, running the kitchen and all, $350/mo.

I was sitting in this room on an old musty couch, I was angry because I was losing too badly in a game of hall hockey. I flipped shit on my dad and stormed off, off I went into a trance on that couch.

There were 3 men thrashing about the room in front of me. I couldnt see them but I could hear them explicitly. Implicitly I heard, I actually heard the window smash and a scream,

"HE JUMPED OUT THE FUCKING WINDOOOOW!"

Perhaps there was a struggle and a suicide in some time past. Mayhap however, Im just fucked in the head in my internal world. Full of pain, rage, sadness, fear, spite, a deep desire to be good. To be better than Ill ever be, twisted up in this crystalline dream. I went on to abuse my earth, my world, my heaven, my soul, I plagued in my hell for years.

I heard whispers in the basement at my Grandmas house around the same year. One day I heard them vividly, blindingly quiet, a cacophony so clearly talking to me. Direct insurrection to my providence, my state.

I consider myself psychotic on my fix these days but back then I was still broken, soberly I navigated the plains which shattered into the shards I tread on now. Im a king made of glass. I surpass all nobility, Im no noble, I wretch and I fear. Im in excruciating pain.

Make it stop, please.
 

empeebee

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In a circle in a spiral, in a wheel within a wheel
I was sitting in this room on an old musty couch, I was angry because I was losing too badly in a game of hall hockey. I flipped shit on my dad and stormed off, off I went into a trance on that couch.
Could this have been what some call a psychotic break? Essentially where you mind (not your brain) separates from reality and constructs its own reality so as to try and preserve sanity?
 

Alex_1991

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Dec 22, 2015
Messages
208
Could this have been what some call a psychotic break? Essentially where you mind (not your brain) separates from reality and constructs its own reality so as to try and preserve sanity?
I would say so yeah. Its not a regular occurence at any point of my life otside of some major stim breakdowns but its happened a little bit otherwise too.

Really bizarre actually. I was talking to someone about this experience this morning, and then seeing this thread it just seemed to fit the tone and narrative so I sketched it all out. Its actually pretty fucked up.
 

Nixiam

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Feb 20, 2016
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The cusp of the interface.
It's possible that a reason for being depressed so deeply at the narrative given so far (that one would wish this helplessness) is that the truer, more magnificent narrative has to be found elsewhere, and not in the monster's belly exclusively. Meaning that the story you hear has less in common with the story you haven't. What's more is your repeating of the story over and over keeps you lost and in anxiety. Perhaps by locating a greater sense of what's true about our situation would shift how you feel about wishing you couldn't detect woe or sadness of circumstance.
 

Foreigner

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It's much simpler to achieve a mindfulness practice where you can silence mind when need be, while activating it for other times.

If you're really intelligent then your mind will cause you to suffer, so at least that's one thing you can mitigate.
 

Branggen

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Jul 18, 2013
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You can live sort of like that but it takes practice, you gotta go out in the woods and live like a caveman, do not worry about anything other than you current needs
 
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