Desperate i need help but i can't afford it

[goaskalex]

i'm just so tired of this shit. this most recent bender lasted damn near a month and almost ended in a trip to the emergency room (shout out to the dude who revived me instead of just stealing the rest of my dope and leaving me to od, i guess). i lost my housing over it and now i'm tired and panicky and dopesick as a bitch and in the morning i'll be back out on the street.

i'm over it. i want off this god damn ride. i'm tired of being broke. i'm tired of feeling sick all the time. i'm tired of throwing obscene amounts of money away every single day and literally poisoning myself just to feel somewhat okay.

but as much of a fucking drain on my wallet as this shitty habit is, drugs are still cheaper than rehab. i lost the health insurance i had through my parents when they put me out and none of the rehab/detox facilities in my area take medicaid. the psych wards do, and they've had no problem repeatedly accusing me of being suicidal and locking me up to milk me for government insurance money, but they don't offer any real treatment for addicts (or anyone who comes through their doors, to be honest). but when i'm literally begging them for help and i'm sick as a dog and so full of holes that my arms look like fucking pincushions, suddenly there's nothing anyone can do until i either overdose or threaten suicide.

i don't know what the fuck to do anymore. i feel so fucking shitty right now it's unbearable. all i want right now is somewhere clean and safe to wait this shit out and maybe something to take the edge off (yeah, as if; i can see the "drug-seeking behavior" in barely-legible doctor scrawl just thinking about it) but i guess that's asking too much?

anyway rant over i guess.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I got no real advice for you I'm afraid, except to always try to bear in mind that the present situation, no matter how grim, is temporary and that things will, inevitably, change

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

How do you think your parents would respond if you went back to them and asked for help?

For example if you contacted them and said something along the lines of..."I understand the reasons our relationship has broken down and I respect your decision but I am I tired of the life I have been leading and I am ready to get help, if ever there was the opportunity there for me to go to detox/rehab though your medical insurance I would be extremely grateful and hopefully that process could be the catalyst needed to start atoning for some of my mistakes."?

Of course maybe you have done this ten times before and then fucked up and that is why they have given up on you, but if you have never presented them with an honest and sincere desire to change then surely it's go to be worth a try?

 

[LadyAlkaline]

I second this ^^^

Call your parents and beg them to put you back on their insurance

 

[goaskalex]

i no longer have contact with my biological family. i've talked to them a few times since and have been allowed over to their apartment on a couple of occasions, but not at all recently. my father came over to check on me a few weeks ago after i texted my younger sister about a particularly violent breakup and that was the last time i really heard from any of them.

to clarify, i wasn't kicked out because of my drug use. my parents have no idea i do anything other than smoke weed and i didn't really start using hard drugs until i was already homeless.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

i no longer have contact with my biological family. i've talked to them a few times since and have been allowed over to their apartment on a couple of occasions, but not at all recently. my father came over to check on me a few weeks ago after i texted my younger sister about a particularly violent breakup and that was the last time i really heard from any of them.

to clarify, i wasn't kicked out because of my drug use. my parents have no idea i do anything other than smoke weed and i didn't really start using hard drugs until i was already homeless.

My apologies, I shouldnt have made that assumption(y)

 

[goaskalex]

My apologies, I shouldnt have made that assumption(y)

all good man.