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I Just Realised I am Ugly! Makes sense tbh.

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: Words, SLR
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Yeah it was me that suggested that to you and also pointed out how many times you’ve cheated on your bfs. So yeah, monogamy isn’t a natural state of being even if you know a few “monogamous” couples who’ve managed to make it work.
I do, though, and I'm surprised you don't.

I'm thinking of HETEROSEXUAL couples, obviously, who are like TOTALLY committed to one another in a really deep way.

That seems to happen easily for them.

Not in the gay world, is what I'm saying.
 

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
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No. Note the women here don’t rate men on a 1-10 scale all the time.

Hot guys are nice, don’t get me wrong, but if a guy who can make me laugh or is intelligent, well he’s got the edge.

Very good point and I completely agree.
I'd take an "unattractive" guy I have a lot of compatibility with anytime over the attractive but boring or dickish guy.

In a lot of ways, for me at least, I don't think personality and attractiveness can be entirely detached. It's such a big part of what makes someone attractive.
 
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MsDiz

Banríon na Fothrach
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ok I WARNED HIM his IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER MUST be gay due to genetic determinism and I warned him like 5,000 times and it was a SPECIFIC QUESTION I ASKED HIM but no he INSISTED that HE WAS RIGHT.

normally in a committed relationship you are just with them. I had to move on from my ex and right now I'm in a relationship where the other person is giving me the go ahead and I really don't want to.

I waited 3 weeks to cum (I don't like masturbating anymore).

You're criticizing me a lot lately and I've been deliberately stockpiling food (which I don't have the money to pay for) and eating enough. It's also genetic determinism. Body types are. My mom and one sister have "my mom's" body type. Me and the other sister are naturally thin (the sister with the proper amount of bf%, almost her whole life; mine has fluctuated over the years, needless to say as a fully grown adult (starting at least at 20) it has fluctuated from 130 to 185. I like to eat. Sometimes things are just really not OK in my world. Do you know what I'm trying to say?

I have an insane amount of things I'm worrying about in tandem all the time right now. Specifically right now and for many specific reasons. I'm not asking for sympathy or anything, just maybe a little understanding.
I don’t care about your weight and I haven’t been criticising you a lot. I told you ONCE on discord what you needed to hear and that was it. If you choose not to listen it’s on you, not me. I have been constantly understanding of your issues and I will always care for you. I have helped you loads of times in regards to your anxiety. Your mind is overthinking things that aren’t true.

Also, you admitted to me you never successfully remained monogamous, which is perfectly fine. We aren’t built to be.
 

atara

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not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent
Also, you admitted to me you never successfully remained monogamous, which is perfectly fine. We aren’t built to be.
This is not a justified claim. Most people in committed relationships don't cheat. Most people who do cheat regret it, and some even change. Furthermore, if you look at parallels between monogamous and non-monogamous individuals, it seems like the truly difficult task isn't exclusivity, it's long-term commitment. Polyamorous relationships that persist for more than 30 years are not more common (as a proportion of open relationships) than monogamous relationships with the same longevity. The most common lifestyle choice of people for whom marriage doesn't work is serial monogamy, which still involves things like "waiting".

Some people are not cut out for monogamy, but attacking other people's lifestyles based on the speculation and groupthink du jour is pretty lame tbqh. I don't really want to ever have another sexual partner, personally.

I'd also avoid drawing conclusions about whether someone can "successfully remain monogamous" when most of their "attempts" have nonetheless involved regular use of inhibition-lowering, libido-enhancing recreational drugs among potential sexual partners. I mean, talk about self-sabotage... (no criticism intended; everyone here has a past)

You can change your body really quickly.
There are three caveats here:
- first, you can gain/lose weight quickly, but it's much harder to build muscle after 35, and it gets harder every year. If you're hoping to improve the appearance of your arms and legs you need to be in it for the long haul
- second, related to the above, the metabolism is less flexible when you're older, making it more difficult to function normally while eating a large caloric deficit. you can fix this with something as simple as green tea and/or a careful diet, but you have to actually do it
- third, changes to the mind are very much "easy come, easy go"; if you torture yourself for a few months but you don't change your basic attitude about snacking and physical activity then you're likely to regress back to the old equilibrium


I waited 3 weeks to cum (I don't like masturbating anymore).
sorry to hear that
 

Gormur

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I'd take an "unattractive" guy I have a lot of compatibility with anytime over the attractive but boring or dickish guy.

In a lot of ways, for me at least, I don't think personality and attractiveness can be entirely detached. It's such a big part of what makes someone attractive.
Agreed. I like attractive people but ultimately I prefer being around those who have a positive energy about them. The ugly way of saying it'd be people who are secure in themselves
 

MsDiz

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This is not a justified claim. Most people in committed relationships don't cheat. Most people who do cheat regret it, and some even change. Furthermore, if you look at parallels between monogamous and non-monogamous individuals, it seems like the truly difficult task isn't exclusivity, it's long-term commitment. Polyamorous relationships that persist for more than 30 years are not more common (as a proportion of open relationships) than monogamous relationships with the same longevity. The most common lifestyle choice of people for whom marriage doesn't work is serial monogamy, which still involves things like "waiting".

Some people are not cut out for monogamy, but attacking other people's lifestyles based on the speculation and groupthink du jour is pretty lame tbqh. I don't really want to ever have another sexual partner, personally.

I'd also avoid drawing conclusions about whether someone can "successfully remain monogamous" when most of their "attempts" have nonetheless involved regular use of inhibition-lowering, libido-enhancing recreational drugs among potential sexual partners. I mean, talk about self-sabotage... (no criticism intended; everyone here has a past)
It’s my own personal opinion that you don’t have to accept tbph. Personally, I have not in my life met one guy who hasn’t cheated on his girlfriend/wife. Obviously it’s not the only reason I have my belief but it is part of it. I’m not attacking anyone’s lifestyle and wouldn’t anyway. People can live however they wanna.

I would go into biology and the roles of men and women but honestly, I can’t be bothered. Needless to say, if people stay faithful to one partner then they are going against every biological urge in their body.


- second, related to the above, the metabolism is less flexible when you're older, making it more difficult to function normally while eating a large caloric deficit. you can fix this with something as simple as green tea and/or a careful diet, but you have to actually do it
Green tea does next to nothing for metabolism just fyi.
 

BellaJewel

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I support @MsDiz’ assertions by adding that every boyfriend and both husbands have been unfaithful to me.
There are a multitude of theories to explain the failure of monogamy, ranging from evolutionary, to ego, to escapism and many others.
I try not to view potential partners as future cheaters, but I’m hesitant to feel confident I will remain the focus of any man’s eye for long.
I have considered that my history with male infidelity might be indicative of a serious personality and/or aesthetic flaw that sends men in search of additional female company and supplementation. I’m not sure how the mysterious male mind works...
 

Bella Figura

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I could be the exception to the rule, I'd rather just break up with someone than have to deal with the headache that cheating / lying would be. I'm sure seeing the effect it had on my mother shaped my views.
 

Gormur

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Fucks for keeps. Green tea is amazing.
Indeed. My Chinese friend once gifted me a box of sun dried green tea leaves. Good stuff. I prefer white tea but it's hard to find

On-topic; I don't understand why people cheat on each other. Maybe I don't get relationships (that people make on purpose) although I think I do to some extent. It just seems better to be upfront.

I've had older people tell me that they got married because it saved them money. I guess a lot of it is about money when you live with someone. I'd be fine with living apart to see how that works out. In general it takes me a long time to get to know people romantically. I was going to say intimately, but for me that more describes select family members and probably not even any friends
 

Atelier3

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My life has been a succession of basically monogomous relationships interspersed with periods of drug use that made me undatable.

The older I got the longer the periods were that I was single and unable to start the kind of long-term committed relationship I wanted.

A few people told me it was because I was losing my looks. However, I eventually realised what was really putting women off was my lack of social connectedness in the real world. Despite having excellent social skills I’m basically a loner. I don’t have many friends and my family is not social or close.

So after 3-4 dates women who seemed interested and with whom I had great conversations and occasionally great sex would ghost me when they realised they would basically be the only person in my life and I wasn’t that interested in making friends with their friends.

I’m not obsessive or controlling but I only like having 1 significant person in my life at a time. My parents were always like that too and only had each other as friends.

Turns out this is a huge red flag to most normal well-adjusted women. So now I’m putting effort into building a social circle before trying to date again.

My point - the problem may not be so obvious as you think.
 

Gormur

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Most people I hang out with are older than me by 8 or more years. I say most because the others are all related to me. When I was growing up I remember thinking positive, like it'll probably get better/easier when I grow up [to have loads of friends at my disposal]. All the sudden I was an adult and the only friends I connected with and cared to remember the names of were friends I made from 1st-3rd grade. After that I didn't make new friends. The handful of friends I had had switched classes or schools and I never saw them again

I've occasionally met people in the recent past in my age group while walking places. Some have wanted to hang out and I don't know what to do because they obviously know I stay at home by myself. I don't want to hurt their feelings but I don't care about going to their house to hang out. Especially if it's a couple I'm just like, what's the point? It'd be a different story if people wanted to come to my pad, because I don't have to do anything.

I don't have much in common with people my age; 18-37 year olds

About humor, I know some people like humor and it's healthful to have a sense of humor. Not everybody expresses humor and not everybody's supposed to be funny. Some men, like me do better at being direct and expressing what they want. If you have a sense of purpose then you can generate power within yourself. People will be attracted to you. What I mean is, not everybody's funny even if that's what attracts certain people. Still there's a type who's attracted to the strong, silent guy
 
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AyahuascaSeeker

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TheInvisibleStoner

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I'm a dude. I don't know if guys are ugly or not. But I dont think you are ugly. I wouldn't even know where to start ripping on you. You have normal eyes, nose, ears, chin, some cool facial hair. Proper clothes. You don't look like weirdo by any means. I would think of you as the normal guy and expect you to get into a bmw. Maybe your forehead looking too big is all. Looking like a hair club for men before picture and shit. Bahahaha. Just kidding man. You look fine. If you were super educated as well like a brain surgeon, lawyer, or something, would keep you away from my girlfriend that is for sure.

Lets see what the girls say. You might get some numbers from here I bet. I would maybe put your location up there and see haha
 

MsDiz

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You’re not ugly! In fact you’re a lot more attractive than a lot of the science nerds I’ve dated for their brains! Haha!

Work on your self esteem and your self confidence. Work on yourself overall and forget about women for a while. Honestly, when you’re happy and confident in yourself people do see that. It’s the way you carry yourself that seems subtle but screams out to those that will be worth your time. ❤️
 
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