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I just found out my ex fiancée died

Jomomma

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
15
I just found out my ex fiancé died a little over a month ago. I don't have social media anymore, I haven't had it for right at a year and I have a new phone number. I checked an old email account looking for something and I saw an email from him dated in February. It said, "Screw it let's get married. I love you. (with his number)" I deleted the whole email account after I read it and that was at the end of May.
We got back in touch again January 2019. I was 35 and he was 37. Rewind to the beginning...We dated in when I was 14, I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend; he was 16. He was going though a lot back then. He had a lot of issues (he confided in me skimming over them) then he
started using drugs to cope, unbeknownst to me.
He broke up with me and never told me why. Then, he left town not long after that. He ran away and ended up living with family in another city. All I knew was he left. And, I never knew what happened to him.
Fast forward to 2013--- he found me on Facebook. We started talking and caught up on life. He was living in Arkansas and was coming to Alabama for a football game. The deal was we was going to catch up over dinner. He never showed up and I didn't hear from him in over 5 years.
Fast forward January 2019...
I had just got out of an abusive relationship and had started over moving my daughter and I into our own home. I come across him on Facebook and he said he had just created a profile two days earlier. He had gotten divorced two years earlier. (He and his wife were separated when we chatted in 2013.)
We talked and he said, "I know this is crazy.... I'm four hours away. How about I come down and take you to dinner tomorrow?" I said, ok. I made arrangements for my daughter to spend the night with my best friend so we could stay out late and talk. He ended up coming to my house afterwards and we talked for hours.
He explained why he broke up with me back in the day. He told me he was going down a dark path and didn't want to drag me down it; he wanted to protect me. He told me I was innocent and pure, that I was he angel. He didn't want to make me dirty with the things he was doing. So, he set me free to protect me. He left town so that he could leave being physically abused by his step father.
After going and spending weekends back and forth. He took me to look at engagement rings. We looked at some and tried them on and left. It was my birthday weekend. I went to get my nails done in the mall after trying on rings and he went shopping. He came back to the nail salon and we walked around the mall. He proposed to me in the mall in front of a carousel. The sweetest most romantic thing!
That night I walked in on him using H, I didn't know! (The only thing I knew was he smoked pot occasionally.) I've been clean for over 8 years. We talked about it and he promised he would stop. The next morning we went to church with his momma. (He knew church was important to me to raise my daughter in)
It shocked his momma seeing him at church and she was so happy! The last time he was in a church was his grandmother funeral. He got saved that day! Then, I came back to Alabama that day. He had to go work in Atlanta that week with work. I took off work two days and took my daughter and drove over to suprise him.
He was reluctant to tell me where he was, he finally told me. We got there and he was high on H, I felt heart broken. That's why he didn't want me to see him over there. He said the only reason he scored was he was going to be so depressed because he wouldn't be able to see me.
I was so upset he was like that and I had my daughter with me. I ended up taking my ring off and I spent the night in the other room in the suite. He wouldn't let me leave because it was so late and i was tired and upset. We talked through it and he said he would go to rehab. He put my ring back on and I came back to Alabama.
After, he got back to Arkansas we would meet in Tupelo, MS once a week during the week after work. We would go to dinner and spend time together and go to work when we work up. Tupelo was our halfway mark 2 hours for each of us. Then, we would spend weekends in Alabama or Arkansas.
I walked in on him using again. But, he like flipped he talked to me crazy like and I was scared and left. I mailed my engagement ring back to him. He wasn't the person I knew anymore. And, I refused to risk my daughter and my sobriety for him. When I looked into his eyes it wasn't him and the vile things he said weren't him.
He later confessed to me that he pawned my engagement ring for money for drugs, he got $600 for a $7,000 ring. (FYI---I had picked out a $1,200 ring and he picked out a larger version of it.) He then told me he would never go to rehab, because "he liked to get high!" Deep down in my heart I knew he was gone.
When I say he went crazy he literally did. He said the meanest hurtful things. Then, he would call me back and profusely apologize. He was angry I wouldn't see him again and I wouldn't let him know where I moved to. I moved to a new house after he threated to kill me and watch my blood leak out. I tried to be there for him with a ear to listen. But, he didn't want that he wanted me. He told me i was selfish because I wouldn't accept him for who he is and I wouldn't be with him. I finally told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I told him that I would pray for him to find happiness in life and within himself so he wouldn't feel the desire to use drugs anymore.
I never talked to him again.
I later married an amazing man from whom I had know over 20 years ago. He is a sweet, kind and gentle man that loves my daughter and me. I know what true love is now. And, for the first time being told how beautiful I am and actually believing the man telling me.
I'll probably never know how my ex fiancée passed away. But, I'll suspect it's an overdose or suicide. He was truly unhappy and a torched soul. He told me when he was around me he felt happiness and at peace. I pray he has happiness now and that he is with peace.
At this moment I feel sadness, hurt and tears that sting my eyes. I know he's not struggling anymore with his demons, he is at peace. I pray for comfort for his family. Sorry for this, I just needed someone to talk to about this.
 

Yacking

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
58
I heard you.
I'm truly happy for you that you found happiness and love in the man you married and may it last forever.
I am sorry for the tragedies and paused to say a prayer for you and all those affected.
 

Jomomma

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
15
I heard you.
I'm truly happy for you that you found happiness and love in the man you married and may it last forever.
I am sorry for the tragedies and paused to say a prayer for you and all those affected.
Thank you so much. I actually saw on the tribute wall on his obituary someone he worked with posted. I remembered his saying that friends name to me several times and found an email address to him. I emailed him and he replied back. I just want to know now if its something more
 

Jomomma

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
15
I'm still waiting on him to reply back. Hope I will hear something back in the next 24 hours.
 

xaddictx

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2019
Messages
156
I'm still waiting on him to reply back. Hope I will hear something back in the next 24 hours.
I dont know you through Bluelight but I came across your post. Im truly sorry to hear this. But I'm also glad you found happiness now. If you would have married your ex, you'd have most likely gone thru hell and would have been miserable. I just hope he is at peace now. Continued happiness in your marriage!
 

Jomomma

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
15
Thank you so much for your kind words. I keep replaying in my mind, what is. I came close to quitting my job and moving up there. But, ultimately I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was VP of a commercial real estate company and I was running to multi million dollar businesses. And, I didn't want to take a step down.
Then, in March I was hospitalized almost the entire month and diagnosed with Chronic Pancreatitis which has resulted in me also have EPI Exocrine pancreatic insufficiency. My body doesn't produce enzymes to digest food. So, I now have to take 5 pills everytime I eat food inorder not to get violently ill everytime I eat. It's very expensive over $6,000 a month just so I can eat food. My doctors are now making me apply for disability. Because I'm unable to work.
If I had stayed with him, I feel like he would have cracked under the pressure of me not being able to work. He would have had to take on my car payment on top of other bills, dr co pays and prescription co pays. Deep down I know he wouldn't have been able to do it.
I now know why God brought my husband into my life again. We knew each other from 19 years ago. My husband proposed to me and we got married 4 days later. We plan on having a big wedding sometime after the virus is gone. But, my husband stepped up not only being a husband but also a father to "our" daughter.
They say everything happens for a reason and now I know why God done this in my life. He saved me complete devastation from Heroin that my ex loved more then anything.
 

Jomomma

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
15
Were you able to get some answers to your questions?
His co worker emailed me back. He said that they had a big project at work and that he had just gotten back from Germany on a work trip on Monday. He worked till Wednesday and called in Thursday. They said he had a lot going on with work and needed to take some "mental health" days.

So, when he didnt come to work on Monday the co worker text him and no response back. They got the news on Tuesday that he had passed away. The coworker went to the funeral but, nobody mentioned what happened. I just now wonder if he had an open casket? So, many unanswered questions.
 

G_Chem

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2015
Messages
2,420
His co worker emailed me back. He said that they had a big project at work and that he had just gotten back from Germany on a work trip on Monday. He worked till Wednesday and called in Thursday. They said he had a lot going on with work and needed to take some "mental health" days.

So, when he didnt come to work on Monday the co worker text him and no response back. They got the news on Tuesday that he had passed away. The coworker went to the funeral but, nobody mentioned what happened. I just now wonder if he had an open casket? So, many unanswered questions.
If no one mentioned it was very likely OD, especially given the circumstances and the fact heroin is very dangerous this year 2020.

While I understand your hurt you must remember/know that man was nothing but an abuser who manipulated you time and again when he felt he could. No one who loves you says they want to kill you, and he made near zero effort to attempt to get clean.

They often say “the good die young” well I’ve found the opposite to be true...

Cherish the man you have now who loves you dearly and don’t waste another drop of emotional energy on this “person” you used to know.

-GC
 

Jomomma

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
15
If no one mentioned it was very likely OD, especially given the circumstances and the fact heroin is very dangerous this year 2020.

While I understand your hurt you must remember/know that man was nothing but an abuser who manipulated you time and again when he felt he could. No one who loves you says they want to kill you, and he made near zero effort to attempt to get clean.

They often say “the good die young” well I’ve found the opposite to be true...

Cherish the man you have now who loves you dearly and don’t waste another drop of emotional energy on this “person” you used to know.

-GC
Thank you! I am very blessed! I just can't get over how I came so close to throwing my whole like away for him. I'm so lucky I got away!
 

FuneralFather

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 22, 2019
Messages
1,948
This is one of a few post that broke my heart. I pray he knew Jesus. I pray that Jesus understands an addicts mind and the cruelty of a disease. I will continue to pray for you and your family. You have such a kind heart dear sometimes the best thing you can do is close the book after you experience what your meant to learn and grow from, and file it away as I don’t want you to believe you coulda done anything to stop this. What’s even weirder is glycerin just came on MTV as I type this.
 

Jomomma

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
15
This is one of a few post that broke my heart. I pray he knew Jesus. I pray that Jesus understands an addicts mind and the cruelty of a disease. I will continue to pray for you and your family. You have such a kind heart dear sometimes the best thing you can do is close the book after you experience what your meant to learn and grow from, and file it away as I don’t want you to believe you coulda done anything to stop this. What’s even weirder is glycerin just came on MTV as I type this.
Thank you for your kind words.
I'm not going to lie, I did beat myself up for a few days. But, ultimately there is nothing I could have done. I stood by him, but I couldn't anymore after the vile things he said; he scared me. I still feel as though I haven't grieved yet. I kind of feel numb to it all.
 

FuneralFather

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 22, 2019
Messages
1,948
Thank you for your kind words.
I'm not going to lie, I did beat myself up for a few days. But, ultimately there is nothing I could have done. I stood by him, but I couldn't anymore after the vile things he said; he scared me. I still feel as though I haven't grieved yet. I kind of feel numb to it all.
Feel at your own pace anyone telling you to experience it any different needs to shut the fuck up. You’re in my prayers
 
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