It feels like September 10, 2001 (premonition anyone?), when I snorted my first 160mg oxycontin. Does anyone remember those? The Rectangles? Those were MONSTERS! I lost 2 family members the next day.
It feels like in 1999 when I would get super stoned in the morning, smoking a blunt to myself, then a few hours later, taking a handful of vicodin.
It was that really romantic era of opiate use, when you felt like you literally found the answer to all of life's problems, not knowing the dreadful outcome. But hey, I was way to intelligent and strong willed to ever end up like one of those "junkies"...
Well fast forward 15 years or so, and I have been shooting dope on and off (mostly on). The high has been so lack luster for so long now. It's evolved more into a "scratching an itch" situation, where I enjoy the high maybe at 10% of how I use to. I just want to scratch the get high itch and feel that relief.
So I picked up some methadone and klonopin, originally which was supposed to be used for 2 grams of fire dope coming to me. The dope was supposed to come first, but that wont be here till tomorrow or Monday. So I picked up the methadone and klonopins. I have been clean for 3 weeks today. I ended up taking just 30mg of methadone and only a 2mg of the klonopin. As a reference, I use to take 100mg+ methadone in the past, and I swear this is true, up to 100mg (ONE HUNDRED MILLIGRAMS) of xanax in a day. I paid dearly coming off the later, nearly with my life. The point being, only about an hour in and I feel lovely. It is a very subtle high, but very enjoyable. I am vibing out to music, and am just in a great mood! I now realize that for many years now, I have just been taking ridiculous amounts of opiates to chase a high. I would pop twenty 30mg roxies at a time chasing a high, or shoot 5 bags shots of good dope. I realize that blasting yourself with high doses you skip the nuanced high that can be achieved at lower doses, which based on how I am feeling now, is actually much more preferable. I can't believe I actually have that buzzing feeling in the back of my head and my legs feel like jello. I honestly thought this high was unobtainable after years and years of heavy abuse.
I suppose there isn't much point to this post, other than to say, maybe some of the people who are really strung out, try a little bit of a smaller dose and see how you feel. I know 99.9999% people wont head this advice (I know I wouldn't have), and maybe it isn't applicable for someone already strung out. I can't wait for the high to keep building because I know methadone and even klonopin takes a long time to fully kick in.
I'm in one of those lovey-dovey moods, so I wish all you a wonderful weekend! I've been here since 2001-2002ish under a different name and I feel extremely grateful to this community.
Take care my friends.
It feels like in 1999 when I would get super stoned in the morning, smoking a blunt to myself, then a few hours later, taking a handful of vicodin.
It was that really romantic era of opiate use, when you felt like you literally found the answer to all of life's problems, not knowing the dreadful outcome. But hey, I was way to intelligent and strong willed to ever end up like one of those "junkies"...
Well fast forward 15 years or so, and I have been shooting dope on and off (mostly on). The high has been so lack luster for so long now. It's evolved more into a "scratching an itch" situation, where I enjoy the high maybe at 10% of how I use to. I just want to scratch the get high itch and feel that relief.
So I picked up some methadone and klonopin, originally which was supposed to be used for 2 grams of fire dope coming to me. The dope was supposed to come first, but that wont be here till tomorrow or Monday. So I picked up the methadone and klonopins. I have been clean for 3 weeks today. I ended up taking just 30mg of methadone and only a 2mg of the klonopin. As a reference, I use to take 100mg+ methadone in the past, and I swear this is true, up to 100mg (ONE HUNDRED MILLIGRAMS) of xanax in a day. I paid dearly coming off the later, nearly with my life. The point being, only about an hour in and I feel lovely. It is a very subtle high, but very enjoyable. I am vibing out to music, and am just in a great mood! I now realize that for many years now, I have just been taking ridiculous amounts of opiates to chase a high. I would pop twenty 30mg roxies at a time chasing a high, or shoot 5 bags shots of good dope. I realize that blasting yourself with high doses you skip the nuanced high that can be achieved at lower doses, which based on how I am feeling now, is actually much more preferable. I can't believe I actually have that buzzing feeling in the back of my head and my legs feel like jello. I honestly thought this high was unobtainable after years and years of heavy abuse.
I suppose there isn't much point to this post, other than to say, maybe some of the people who are really strung out, try a little bit of a smaller dose and see how you feel. I know 99.9999% people wont head this advice (I know I wouldn't have), and maybe it isn't applicable for someone already strung out. I can't wait for the high to keep building because I know methadone and even klonopin takes a long time to fully kick in.
I'm in one of those lovey-dovey moods, so I wish all you a wonderful weekend! I've been here since 2001-2002ish under a different name and I feel extremely grateful to this community.
Take care my friends.
