Benzos I have severe anxiety and panic attacks, today I may get my meds filled! I hope!

[just-breathe]

So, Iv'e NEVER had so much funky stuff going on at once! And somehow I may have either lost, or someone may have taken my Valiums for 20 days of last month. It's been hell. I've done a lot to try to maintain.

So, today is the day!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!!!

And from what I understand, if not today, then by the latest, tomorrow, my medicine will be delivered. *breathes*

Obviously, I can do this! I just have to keep telling myself that. (Every 5 seconds).
But look how far I've come! The day is today! I am so proud of me! :D

 

[just-breathe]

Ahhhhhh. I feel it starting!!!!!!! An Attack! Eeeeeeeeeee. I'm trying to avoid! My heart beats wrong, the rhythm is off, the speed, the intensity, it all starts here! I can avoid thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis! Well, at least I hope that I can! *breathes*

I must sound insane, but there are crazy circumstances going on around me, making it impossible for me to relax, and just wait.......

However, I did just find a $10 bill., so, that's nice! :D

(Also, couldn't help but notice that I just texted my friend at 11:11)

 

[just-breathe]

Just to keep you updated... (lol) one of my BIGGEST stressors just left so, whew *breathes easy*... It can't be long now, right? **Figures** If I am lucky, I'll know within the hour (or two). Ughhhhhhhhh. I can't stand this wait. This has truly been the longest, of longest waits! mhm... I'll know then if I will have my medicine today, if not today, surely I will perish, before the morrow ,,, I mean, there's no way ima make it till tomorrow. ! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! but i guess if i do make it until then, then all is well in the land of AvA :D

 

[just-breathe]

Heaven's Forbid this be another situation where the universe works against me, to keep me from my medicine for even longer, forcing me into an even longer than ever imagined-possible, perpetual state of severe panic until i do, finally get my medicine, Whew. That would like also create an avalanche of appointments that I couldn't make it to. Surely that's not in the stars for this evening..... *winks* "I'll keep you updated!"

*This mobile pharmacy that I'm using, sounded so great but it's making Walmart and CVS look like the best there ever was, is, or ever will be!*

Update :
heartbeat, stabilizing. :D
chest pain, -50%
stress, -85%
song i just listened to : The Promise - When In Rome

The plan :
to weigh myself.... *cringes*
to wait.
to lay around in pain.

 

[just-breathe]

What? I should have known! lol. ^^^ Proof that I did know. So they messed it all up, gave me the wrong mg's, now I get to go back tomorrow and hope all goes well with that. They did fill the 5's, But I get Valium 10's. Ughhhhhhhh. (I'm waiting for them now.) I wonder if they will let me fill my 10's now. Ugh. I pay cash. This is crap!

Update :

I weigh 93 pounds or lbs. *my doctor may turn me away! I can't gain!*

The plan :

To Chill...
To Try To Eat !!!!!!!!
song I just listened to : Queen - Who wants to live forever ("Don't you juuuudge me!")

 

[Mycophile]

I think you are talking yourself into a worse state personally.

Typing endlessly about how bad your panic is and how you'll die without your medication for 24 hours (which is HIGHLY unlikely) doesn't sound like something that will help to improve it IMO...

 

[just-breathe]

Whew! Thank Heavens! All cleared up. The pharmacist called in my 10's and I have them in my hands! Yay! I am going to go accomplish so many things!!!! Well,, as many things as possible! haha *squeaks* :D
AvA

 

[just-breathe]

lol. whew. thank you for this. should i actually like, delete the thread. I just used it as a little safe space

anyway all is kinda good now. Maybe I can finally eat!

Oh right I'm literally a manic author, so I could have done so much more damage here! >.< Yikes!

Thanks for replying Mycophile !

 

[Methacodone]

Calm down.
Why didn't you report this to the cops and then your doctor that your valium got stolen?
I sure as hell will do everything and anything I can to get my medication back. Esp a medication that brings deadly withdrawal symptoms, such as valium or any other benzo.

 

[DonStatus]

Sad that someone stole your valium.

Some people just want to watch the world burn..

 

[namnoc16]

I used to have my oxycodones pinched by my brother in law. It pissed me off beyond belief and was quite mad but I understand the insidious nature of addiction and bought a safe. He's really a good guy and I understand when in the grips of addiction we do some bad things,lord knows I've done my share. So needless to say I didn't call the cops and the safe works two fold,my wife controls it so I don't abuse my meds(which I've done) and neither does anyone else.
I'm glad you are better now and hope you continue to remain so!

 

[SKR]

Just reading your posts had my flight or fight feelings stepping up to the starting line. Take care with those V's, do you mind telling us your height?

 

[just-breathe]

Just reading your posts had my flight or fight feelings stepping up to the starting line. Take care with those V's, do you mind telling us your height?

I'm like 5 foot 1, maaaaybe 5 foot 3 but I doubt it. Mind if I ask why?

 

[Invisible Helper]

What the hell my friend just had literally the same thing happen like 2 days ago same time same amount about 35 10 mg valiums he gets 50/60 a month he got it jacked by a kid hand to hand from a car that's horrible

 

[just-breathe]

I think you are talking yourself into a worse state personally.

Typing endlessly about how bad your panic is and how you'll die without your medication for 24 hours (which is HIGHLY unlikely) doesn't sound like something that will help to improve it IMO...

Although,,, you can actually die from Benzo Withdrawals... o_o Sucks....

 

[just-breathe]

Just reading your posts had my flight or fight feelings stepping up to the starting line. Take care with those V's, do you mind telling us your height?

So sorry about the fight or flight thing! >.< !!!

I see why you wanted to know my height now, duh. i'm sorry! So,,, what did you deduce from my height? (to whatever ratio?)

 

[just-breathe]

What the hell my friend just had literally the same thing happen like 2 days ago same time same amount about 35 10 mg valiums he gets 50/60 a month he got it jacked by a kid hand to hand from a car that's horrible

Yikes!!! Mind if I ask what the f-n heck your friend is going to do? or did? O_O Benzo Withdrawal could kill a person...

 

[just-breathe]

I used to have my oxycodones pinched by my brother in law. It pissed me off beyond belief and was quite mad but I understand the insidious nature of addiction and bought a safe. He's really a good guy and I understand when in the grips of addiction we do some bad things,lord knows I've done my share. So needless to say I didn't call the cops and the safe works two fold,my wife controls it so I don't abuse my meds(which I've done) and neither does anyone else.
I'm glad you are better now and hope you continue to remain so!

I Feel You! 100%
I can't really afford a safe, right now, However! I did think of this hiding spot, rationing, plan thing. I'm hoping it works! I'll let you know! I do plan on buying the safe, asap. But I really relate, to having them pinched AND overtaking them myself for whatever reason. So, yes, I feel you! Thanks for replying! Also, yeah, I can't report said person, they were actually conveniently locked up when I found out! Also, I'm not positive, but I think it was an ""impossibly rare"" case of, I dropped them in the house and they got picked up and stolen by someone who simply COULD NOT resist!!!!!!! You Know??? Yeah, You know, based on your reply.

Ah and Thank You!!!

Although, I'll post on this totally messed up thing that happened.. Ahem... To doctors, patients, users, abusers, they just don't believe, so I'll write like a quick short separate post on it, down there \/

 

[just-breathe]

Sad that someone stole your valium.

Some people just want to watch the world burn..

Honestly, I don't know if anyone who cares, even knows how bad it is. Like, these are my only "things!" for any kind of relief! I was diagnosed with some bonkers-crazy stuff, and I simply asked for Valium, so that I could "slightly" cope! (With the severe anxiety and panic of it all....) ....It's not like I can fall back on ANYTHING!

The world, most definitely burnt, and I felt SO So alone!!!! whew!

Which is why, I'm very happy to find this forum!

 

[just-breathe]

Calm down.
Why didn't you report this to the cops and then your doctor that your valium got stolen?
I sure as hell will do everything and anything I can to get my medication back. Esp a medication that brings deadly withdrawal symptoms, such as valium or any other benzo.

I'm not sure, if I said this twice or just thought it, but it is SUCH a relief to hear of someone that knows how dangerous Benzo Withdrawal is. It's like breathing fresh oxygen, for the first ever time!

Also, I just could not call on nor report the person. They were unavailable and I had zero proof! Also, they are in enough trouble. Still, that doesn't change the fact, that I did, "almost die!" You know, either way, it feels that way. Who wants a real-true constant heartache and a constant inability to breathe! It's so depressing!