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Addiction I have a problem

cyberius

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I'm obsessed with methamphetamine and it's beginning to destroy the lives around me. I had my first psychotic break last night and I destroyed my girlfriend and I's house and slit my wrist a couple of times. What are some steps I can take to pull myself away from this? I need help
 
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cj

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First step is too get some sleep and a healthy meal so you can think strait. After 72 hours awake your mind is no longer functioning properly as you now know. How long have you been using for? There are no physical withdrawals per se but mentally your going to have some strong ass cravings. If you see it and are around it you will do it,. So that's step 2 stay away from people who use it or sell it. The biggest problem people report with long term abuse is the inability to feel happiness or pleasure. I am guessing you like MDMA too since that's your moderator position. The lack of serotonin from rolling can make this a lot worse. I had a little run with meth a few years back and sent me to the psych ward real quick.

If weed is a drug you can handle I would stock up and smoke some herb when the cravings get intense. If your a short term user this can be beaten in a short amount of time if its been going awhile then its going to take some time for your brain to heal.

Either way healthy meals and plenty of sleep is the first goal. I am glad you reached out for help. Don't worry things are going to look much rosier after 2-3 days of abstinence.
 

Jabberwocky

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How are you managing the come down? How long have you been awake? If may be necessary to visit a doctor or ER to get yourself some antipsychotic medication or tranquilizers so you can calm down a bit and get some much needed rest. Other than trying to eat and hydrate yourself, rest should be your #1 priority.

Methamp is so long acting though it wouldn't be unusually for you to need some pharmacological assistance in getting some rest. If you cannot go the doctor/hospital for whatever reason, you can always try and find some benzodiazepine, other medicine, cannabis or even booze (if you are super desperate, as drinking might just lead to you making poor choices making your situation even worse) to help you chill out.

I wouldn't worry about day two or three or longer once you've come out of the methamp use. Just worry about getting some rest first and take things from there. Try not to worry about what tomorrow will bring, you can deal with the consequences of your behavior while using once you have taken care of your more immediate needs in terms of nourishment, hydrazine and sleep.
 

cyberius

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I've been off meth since saturday, I did coke two days ago. I've used for a month nearly everyday. I just ride the rainbow comeup to comedown taking nothing. Right now I'm stable but these cravings are very intense
 

Jabberwocky

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Do you have any healthy type activities you can distract yourself with? I find my hobbies and passions became very important in terms of being able to work around some of the more harmful substance using related behaviors I developed a tendency of engaging in.

Ever thought about working with a psychiatrist? Stim drugs really can do a number on one's neurochemistry, as I'm sure you already know all too well.
 

cyberius

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Do you have any healthy type activities you can distract yourself with? I find my hobbies and passions became very important in terms of being able to work around some of the more harmful substance using related behaviors I developed a tendency of engaging in.

Ever thought about working with a psychiatrist? Stim drugs really can do a number on one's neurochemistry, as I'm sure you already know all too well.
I've been cooking a lot, it seems to be an interest I've muted with drugs. It does little to silence the screaming cravings I've created though. :\

I work for the government and I have a clearance, is therapy really advisable?
 

cyberius

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I relapsed today... I'm having a hard time visualizing myself getting out of this...

Can somebody list some easy to follow steps I can take to improve? My minds really having a hard time processing information right now.

Should I taper? My thinking clears up a lot when I dose and the withdrawals are very hard
 
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Sixxam

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Dec 18, 2016
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We all have excuses not to stop... That's why we're addicts.. That's why we're here.

Stopping will cause you mind discomfort and heavy cravings for quite some time. Continuing will undoubtedly destroy your life in the end.. just stating the facts!

The choice is yours.... And I get it..I was and always will be an addict.. Got 14 years under my belt using..

Good luck buddy, were here for ya.
 

herbavore

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But what if I can't find time to crash? My job revolves around my intellect
There is a terrible flu going around. Family members that pride themselves in never taking a day off have been out of work for over a week. Call it flu if you need to but take time to let your body and mind heal without the stress of work becoming your reason to keep doing what you know you cannot keep doing. listen to your authentic self--it's pleading; not the voice of addiction that has come to sound like your own voice in your head.

You can do this, Cyberius, I know you can. You are capable of intellectual work without stimulants. I can only imagine the trap of amphetamine use of a long period of time. I have written on here before how I asked my son's pediatrician for a short prescription of Adderall to see what it would do before consenting to let her put my son on it. I was superwoman for a week and the part that was most seductive was my work. Paintings that normally took me weeks to complete took hours. I had never experienced such a laser like focus in my life. However, it was so clear to me that the cost of this was neither good for my body nor good for my well being as a person. I have made peace with my ADD mind--I'll take the benefits gratefully and keep trying to adapt to the downsides. I don't have any problem admitting that lots of different kinds of drugs can be helpful in different situations but once I feel that any drug owns me I know what has to be done. You are intelligent, capable and strong and you will be selling yourself short if you do not learn to trust in your own abilities to not only function but to function well without this crutch. So many times you hear people defending the properties of whatever drug it is that is stealing their lives even as they feel the despair it is causing.
 

cj

Moderator: H&R, MH
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There is a terrible flu going around. Family members that pride themselves in never taking a day off have been out of work for over a week. Call it flu if you need to but take time to let your body and mind heal without the stress of work becoming your reason to keep doing what you know you cannot keep doing. listen to your authentic self--it's pleading; not the voice of addiction that has come to sound like your own voice in your head.

You can do this, Cyberius, I know you can. You are capable of intellectual work without stimulants. I can only imagine the trap of amphetamine use of a long period of time. I have written on here before how I asked my son's pediatrician for a short prescription of Adderall to see what it would do before consenting to let her put my son on it. I was superwoman for a week and the part that was most seductive was my work. Paintings that normally took me weeks to complete took hours. I had never experienced such a laser like focus in my life. However, it was so clear to me that the cost of this was neither good for my body nor good for my well being as a person. I have made peace with my ADD mind--I'll take the benefits gratefully and keep trying to adapt to the downsides. I don't have any problem admitting that lots of different kinds of drugs can be helpful in different situations but once I feel that any drug owns me I know what has to be done. You are intelligent, capable and strong and you will be selling yourself short if you do not learn to trust in your own abilities to not only function but to function well without this crutch. So many times you hear people defending the properties of whatever drug it is that is stealing their lives even as they feel the despair it is causing.
I cant believe your sons Pediatrician consented to that. lol. So what was the final outcome did your son get the script?
 

Stargazer

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My cousin had ADHD- and had a ritalin rx.

My mom and godmother took some to see how it works-they cut down a tree in our yard-a really big tree w a hand saw.

I haven't commented on this thread because its too difficult right now. My daughter is shooting meth-shes in bad shape. She doesn't want to stop. My heart is broken.

My month long heroin use had something to do w this. Im having a hard time coping. Ive left that out. Can't believe I just said it.

OP I hear you-I went through a meth phase and was absolutely in love. I understand the allure. But it cant go on indefinitely. But I know you know that.

You have my prayers. I know for s fact you can stop-and life can be really great without it. Its a process. I wish you all the best. -S
 

stillkickin

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Nov 3, 2015
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In between flusteringly clean and blissfully not
There is a terrible flu going around. Family members that pride themselves in never taking a day off have been out of work for over a week. Call it flu if you need to but take time to let your body and mind heal without the stress of work becoming your reason to keep doing what you know you cannot keep doing. listen to your authentic self--it's pleading; not the voice of addiction that has come to sound like your own voice in your head.

You can do this, Cyberius, I know you can. You are capable of intellectual work without stimulants. I can only imagine the trap of amphetamine use of a long period of time. I have written on here before how I asked my son's pediatrician for a short prescription of Adderall to see what it would do before consenting to let her put my son on it. I was superwoman for a week and the part that was most seductive was my work. Paintings that normally took me weeks to complete took hours. I had never experienced such a laser like focus in my life. However, it was so clear to me that the cost of this was neither good for my body nor good for my well being as a person. I have made peace with my ADD mind--I'll take the benefits gratefully and keep trying to adapt to the downsides. I don't have any problem admitting that lots of different kinds of drugs can be helpful in different situations but once I feel that any drug owns me I know what has to be done. You are intelligent, capable and strong and you will be selling yourself short if you do not learn to trust in your own abilities to not only function but to function well without this crutch. So many times you hear people defending the properties of whatever drug it is that is stealing their lives even as they feel the despair it is causing.
This is such a powerful post!!! So well stated Herbie! This is something I've personally struggled with as many others have here as well. Rationalizing why you need to continue is so difficult for me in particular. Doing high level systems engineering for a company that 30 minutes of downtime to the production data feeds equate to upwards of 1.2 million in that time span makes me think that my need to perform outweighs my need to get straight. If it weren't for the company buyout that's in the works, I don't think I would have given myself the adequate relief of pressure to keep my focus in the big picture. I'm still working at it, but I understand that my top tier job performance isn't worth the cost in the long run.

Drugs can be very beneficial in the short term or to bandage a wound for a short period, but we cannot confuse our rationalization for our ends in our short-term for the costs of the long haul. We cannot continue to perpetuate the cycles of thought that brought us to this point in time where we've realized and acknowledged our need to change.
 

Captain.Heroin

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Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
But what if I can't find time to crash? My job revolves around my intellect
You should quit working or take time off to focus on your recovery.
 

cj

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I can't, I used all the time I had and my jobs very necessary.
You get the weekend off right? Can you get benzos? With benzos it doesn't have to be a crash it can be a padded landing. You take your last dose of meth then a BIG dose of kolonopin, valium, or something else long lasting Xanax wont work with this trick as its too short acting. you will feel stable almost sober an hour later then 4 hours later you take another dose of benzos and go to sleep for 12 hours. wake up take a small dose of benzos and begin to put your life back together. That job will be lost pretty quick if you keep binging the signs of a serious meth binge are impossible to hide. especially if your not sleeping or eating
 

jdfisse

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This is the reason that treatment programs actually exist. I needed enough time away from my self-destructive patterns to see that self-destructive patterns existed. Lack of will-power has never been my problem. In fact, I have tremendous will-power. I will continue to do something that is destroying me even after those with lesser wills would have decided it was a good idea to stop. I did time in a facility to protect me from me and now base long-term recovery on a 24 hour at a time basis. I am not sure what your government job entails, but addiction is not as stigmatized as it once was. HIPAA laws protect people from having their immediate supervisors become aware of their circumstances. FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) exists to protect people like us. Fear is an ugly thing. It will twist my perception to the point where I am paralyzed. In that paralysis I continued to use even when I no longer wanted to because it was the only way that was apparent to me.
 

Captain.Heroin

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You get the weekend off right? Can you get benzos? With benzos it doesn't have to be a crash it can be a padded landing. You take your last dose of meth then a BIG dose of kolonopin, valium, or something else long lasting Xanax wont work with this trick as its too short acting. you will feel stable almost sober an hour later then 4 hours later you take another dose of benzos and go to sleep for 12 hours. wake up take a small dose of benzos and begin to put your life back together. That job will be lost pretty quick if you keep binging the signs of a serious meth binge are impossible to hide. especially if your not sleeping or eating
It won't help with cravings though.

my jobs very necessary.
Sounds like an excuse so you can keep using. You really should put yourself as the #1 priority right now. Not your job.

What happens when you get fired because of your drug use? Is the job really more important than you are?
 
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