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I hate my father but it's fathers day

Help us out op, you say he's a nice person but makes you sick etc. Doesn't make much sense.
 
This is one hell of a revival, it's nearly Father's Day a whole year later! No sense asking OP what's up.

As the kid whose father blamed me for my parents' divorce, I can appreciate some of these feelings. However when dealing with family I've generally found it most effective to apply a very forgiving tit-for-tat approach. It's not wise to let a family member take advantage of you, and it doesn't make sense to have frequent contact with someone who is difficult to be around, but I think there should be a high "unforgivable" threshold in family relations. By all means, see your parents no more often than a non-holiday every other year. But no less, unless you have some compelling need.

If the interactions are bad, I try to have less of them. If we get along well, it can continue. I don't really try to be friends with my parents, but instead I think of it as basically a spiritual practice. We inherit our innate characteristics and many of our habits from our parents, and working with that reality promotes an appreciation of how we arise and our relationship to the world. And the thing about family is that friends you cut off stop being friends but family is still family twenty years down the line. I can't tell you that people will change -- they usually don't -- but if they do, you'll probably want to see it.
 
Your parents are just people, too. Principles before personalities. Some people are moody and passive aggressive, for instance, but they still have needs, and feelings, and hopes and fears. You should learn to place some healthy interpersonal boundaries between you and your father and pinpoint how he manipulates your feelings. Personal space is important in any relationship. However, failing to meet up with your father, who still financially supports you, on Father's Day of all days just to make a point is childish, immature, and counter productive. You should still meet up with your dad on Father's day even if only for a short time. Acting civil is not too much to expect. You don't have to pour out your heart and soul into the engagement. Just be polite, or even slightly cool. Don't create excess drama. Then again, you might be really young like 17 years old or something and lagging behind in the maturation department. I know I was very angry, resentful, and irrational acting towards my dad at that age. Hopefully, you will learn balance, civility, and most importantltly treating him with kindness before he, or you, is no longer in the picture, and it is too late.
 
Its never good to leave it on bad terms i mean you never know you or your dad could get hit by a car today and then that split second to late you realise you should have both made more effort this sounds like your both as bad as eachother i hope it works out for you op
 
Well, since someone recently posted in this thread, I might as well update it.

My father recently had a big change of way-of-being. A spiritual rebirth. He did a trauma-resolution exercise diligently until it worked. As far as I can tell, he is a changed man, but he is still filling into his bigger shoes, so to speak. Seeing what the world is like without his neuroses.

I dunno what this means. I'd like to translate this into a lesson or advice, but I can't. I can only tell story.
 
nuttynutskin, I said in the beginning, "Passive aggressive, petty, avoidant bullshit."
You had to have been there. *shrug*
 
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