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ThinkFind

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
3
Hello everyone. You can call me ThinkFind (because all the good names were taken).

I'm a middle-class, middle-aged man who missed out on anything drug-related when he was a young man, and has recently dipped a fraction of a toenail into the water. However I am suitably scared by the potential negatives of drugs that I am treading very lightly indeed.

I was going to write a long essay detailing my lack of experience in this area but wasn't sure anyone would want to read that. So for now I wanted to say hello to a community who look like they are doing an awful lot to try and keep people safe when they are doing whatever it is they are doing.
 

Deru

Moderator: CEPS
Staff member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
986
Welcome @ThinkFind to the community! I think you'd be pleasantly surprised how many people would be interested. I look forward to reading it when and if you decide to share. :)

You've definitely found the right place if you're looking for advice and especially in regards to harm reduction.
 

ThinkFind

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
3
Welcome @ThinkFind to the community! I think you'd be pleasantly surprised how many people would be interested. I look forward to reading it when and if you decide to share. :)

You've definitely found the right place if you're looking for advice and especially in regards to harm reduction.
Thanks. I'll probably write it down. People can happily ignore it if they wish. And it may give amusement to those who have arrived at this point of their lives via very different paths.

Harm reduction seems such a grown-up way to treat this situation. Plus knowledge is power in most situations.
 

ThinkFind

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
3
The full story (or lack thereof)...as requested.

I am a middle-aged man with very little history with drugs, be they prescribed or not, until my later years. I was healthy enough as a youngster and didn’t mix in popular enough groups to receive the necessary peer pressure to try things when I was growing up.

Through college age I didn’t try anything either as I have always been a non-smoker and the people around me smoked dope (back then it was nearly all resin) and couldn’t help me out. I had one friend who took absolutely everything and could tell me the pros and cons of this type versus that type, however it scared me a bit too much and I stayed away.

Fast forward to my middle years and I obtained a couple of bottles of OxyContin. I did my research and was aware that these were special things and at the time I was experiencing a fair amount of undiagnosed pain, so I tried them. Carefully. I’m afraid I can’t remember the dosages but they were two strengths and one of the weak ones didn’t do anything, but one of the double strength ones gave me a “good day”.

I told my doctor (GP) because I don’t feel the need to keep secrets from someone who is trying to support my health AND because I wanted him to know that my pain was causing me to look outside his own treatments. Looking back, I don’t think I was getting high from these pills, merely having a pain-free day and revelling in what that felt like.

Some few years later I finally had a diagnosis of a form of arthritis and was prescribed codeine for pain relief. Paracetamol doesn’t do much and ibuprofen is weirdly the only drug I have ever truly misused – I took it habitually and for a long time after a bone break and ended up doing a bit of damage to my stomach. Typical that I should have a problem with something so tame !

I am lucky (I think) that codeine appears to give me no high whatsoever. I have never tried to take it in excess quantities because I need it for pain relief, but so far after years of taking it when I want and in whatever quantities I judged necessary, I have never had a buzz of any kind. I even had a big bottle of codeine syrup for a while and that was similarly used carefully.

I know that friends of mine take just half of one of my pills and it makes them feel high so part of me is sad that I don’t get that, but I guess it reduces the abuse potential.

Scroll on to much more recently and I wandered in search of something to give me a bit of “life” – I suffer from low mood (for which I receive medical assistance, both pharmaceutical and counselling) – and to try and bring something more dynamic into my life. I tried smoking dope through a herb-heating vape-type pen but my friend said the buzz was nothing like when she smokes normally. I tried several times without much joy then tried one more time and spent an hour on my kitchen floor unable to move. I would have experimented with dosage but frankly wasn’t having a barrel of laughs…which was part of my goal. The giggles would have been nice.

Oh yes – I did try “whippets” too (nitrous oxide capsules) but frankly the buzzing head seemed to be more from holding my breath than anything else. Once more I noticed the people trying it with me seemed to get pleasure that I did not derive. Am I immune to joy, not doing it right, or just a misery-guts ?

Most recently I acquired some edibles and have found that up to a 20mg THC dose seems to do nothing. In a fit of being fed up I took a 40mg dose and thirty minutes later I was experiencing massive time dilation and very wobbly legs. I was not physically where I needed to be but managed to walk myself home and lie down but then it just became a chance to snooze. I tried the same dosage a few days later, this time already on the sofas, but found I went to a place of slight discomfort – not feeling relaxed and mellow but a bit concerned and queasy. I still have a few left to consume.

I also acquired some alprazolam and some diazepam, based on the experiences of friends who have been prescribed them for medical problems. So far, I have not found any reaction to a single pill of either (1mg / 10mg) apart from a bit of sleepiness, and I’m not sure whether it is wise to try more. Lots of those left.

Finally, my only minor success – speed, of all things. First I had to look up what that meant because yes, I am that naïve. Then I acquired some and tried ever-increasing tiny doses. I have so far discovered that 0.25g taken orally (I don’t see myself as a snorter or injecter in my life) gives me a mostly-pleasant speeding heartrate and a day of productivity. How much of the productivity is chemical and how much is because taking the capsule is an indication to myself that I intend to be productive, would be an interesting question to answer. I don’t know. I know there is a chemical effect, but it is mild and controlled.

I have some MDMA in a little bag somewhere but that’s for a time post-COVID when I can be with other people in the right setting. I’m told that that’s very important if you want to thoroughly enjoy it.

So, there you are. That’s it. Not very exciting but at the same time, not very dangerous. I am keen to remain in a place where the choices I make continue to only affect me, and I don’t have to involve others because I am being stupid or excessive. But am I also being too cautious and missing out on the possibilities out there ?

And why am I asking questions to which I know there are no simple or “right” answers ? Oh yes…because that’s just who I am.



Thanks for your time,


TF
 

ageingpartyfiend

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 5, 2011
Messages
1,206
Welcome to BL ThinkFind

Only have a moment but just want to urge you to caution when taking benzodiazepines (your Alprazolam and Diazepam tablets)

This type of drug is very insidious in it's action and can very quickly become very problematic - do some research and act accordingly friend
 

madness00

Sr. Moderator: NMI, MH, CD, SLR
Staff member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
10,962
Location
New England
@ThinkFind - wow, consider yourself lucky that none of those potent drugs got a hold on you.

To answer your question, i think you have basically run the gamut with drugs and if i were you id use Bluelight as a means for support and to curb the curiosity through reading others experiences.

Aside from drugs, we are a very fun friendly and judgement free group. Hope you find home here.

Welcome to Bluelight!
 

robbli777

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2020
Messages
52
Location
UK
I'm a middle-class, middle-aged man who missed out on anything drug-related when he was a young man, and has recently dipped a fraction of a toenail into the water. However I am suitably scared by the potential negatives of drugs that I am treading very lightly indeed.
Welcome mate, I'm probably similar to you in terms of age and class background. I never dabbled with anything "illegal" in my youth, 20s and 30s apart from an odd puff on a spliff passed around. I remember on UK TV in the 1980s the "Just Say No" campaign, that probably subliminally indoctrinated me into being anti drugs and unfortunately anti people who take "drugs". We've all been brainwashed against the therapeutic, medicinal and social usage of "illegal" drugs especially psychedelics when there's an epidemic of alcoholism and obesity.

Its great awareness you are being cautious and reaching out asking for advice on here. (y)
 

DeadManWalkin'

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
1,149
I actually enjoy doing MDMA alone too and listening to music, but it's really good on parties or with someone you like or who's important to you.
Welcome sir! I hope you get all the information you're looking for!
 

bongdong

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 4, 2020
Messages
21
Location
monkeybody
Hello @ThinkFind, thanks for sharing your background.
I wasn't doing drugs when i was young either, naive like you, from the countryside and also got my share of "just say no"- propaganda, which kind of worked cause i witnessed a lot of nicotine and alcohol (mis)use. No clue that there are whole worlds of other psychoactive compounds out there that work completly different. The internet and forums like this are invaluable sources of knowledge and experience now more and more people can and do access, which is great!

Why do you feel you missed out on something, back then? I think it's not a bad thing to let body and mind mature at least to some degree, before droping 'bombs' into the system. I think you were clever, having respect for substances.
.. I wandered in search of something to give me a bit of “life” – I suffer from low mood (for which I receive medical assistance, both pharmaceutical and counselling) – and to try and bring something more dynamic into my life..
Of course i don't know about you, but this sounds familiar. I took me a while to realize, that not all but some of my interest in drugs stems from a search for meaning, after becoming more and more disillutioned experiencing the things that the culture i grew up in offerd as ..well, phony and empty to large extents. I'm not saying that drugs are the solution (..ok, some are, literally) to this, but also, i'm not saying that they are not. Have you researched the classic psychedelics? Perhaps this domain is of interest for you..

Greetings 🍄
 

Atelier3

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
1,585
Hey welcome @ThinkFind and thanks for sharing your very interesting story. I guess every single one of the drugs you mentioned (except maybe paracetamol and ibuprofen) has the capacity to be a slippery slope to dependence and make a mess of your life in one way or another. For each one, there are endless threads here by people describing how problematic they had become. But there are an equal number of threads by people describing just how great they are and how much they love them. I think the trick with getting into drugs at any stage in life is developing or maintaining the ability to keep a weather eye on your real world behaviour / performance. You’ll do stupid things on drugs but as long as that’s in drug time with drug friends it may not matter. It’s when drug time expands into real world time that significant problems start. Anyway that’s my gratuitous and unsolicited advice for the day! Stay safe and have fun.
 

Yacking

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
58
Welcome aboard! There seems to be a place here for everyone. 🙂

Lots of sound advice given.

Just wanted to say I relate to the feeling of "missing out" and went through a period of years wishing I knew where to even buy. Uppers, downers, psychedelics, whatever Ecstacy is, I wanted to try them all!

Looking back on it now, for me - It was just serious bored and/or craving adventure. Some sort of rush and escape. Very glad now I didn't follow through. (One slight move in any life direction and my story could be way different.)

BL is now my safe haven because prescription clonazepam (never abused it) has become a massive problem. I can't imagine what kind of hell I'd be in had I abused it.

I'm over the drug interest thing but I think finding a certain type sex partner I was able to channel my desires for edgy stuff into that.

Either way you go, you'll find acceptance here.
Be safe. 🙂
 
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