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Seriousish I feel really fucking bad

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Fighting the HOLY WAR against FRANCE FREEDOM FRIES
Yes, thank you! I have been tempted to just take a little more and suffer but no, I cannot do it!

Sorry you are sick right now C.E. Two hours is not far away.
But, oh, two hours can seem long when waiting for meds!
Hang in there!
i often find if i'm having like the best sex ever, time is normally slowed down and it's quite enjoyable like you feel like you're rolling around in bed for hours, just 10-15 mins.

Time dilation is a lot of fun.

Never forget John 12:25 doggos. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life will keep it forever. You're here, you're breathing, you're alive. Gotta pace yourself through pleasure/euphoria so life lasts a long while for ya. <3 I went a whole life fucking hating most of it and finally got to a point of peace. Stay strong.

If the 2 hours will go by quicker, smoke a blunt with CPT. right here :D I'll light up eventually I need to pack more. I can't stop crying like physical WD mild. I suspect I know why and deserve this; almost non-existent feeling compared to actual opiate wd.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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But, oh, two hours can seem long when waiting for meds!
When heroin was everything I cared about, the 2 hours would be an eternity. Yes that medicine jacks up the NACC and changes how you "value/feel rewarded" from things. Gotta combat that with passions like art/music etc. <3

Food for thought. I couldn't do heroin and balance it. I'd go way off the deep end and never get clean again and probably die of an overdose, or be a lifelong addict. And forget all my deeper/more meaningful plans.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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I love you so much too! 😘💋❤

I am SO proud of you!
Keep up the good work! 👍😘
It is WAY sexier to have some curves to your body.
Too thin does not equal more good looking!
I'm so thin as is I can't fuck someone who's bony thin, it just, doesn't work. Bone grinds on bone in a lot of positions and it's just OWWW nothx. I'll save my boner for someone w/ curves.

Dude was so thin last time most of what we did was not how I normally like to fuck but on drugs it was... best ever. Oh god. PAINFULONE you got me THINKING ABOUT IT god damn it my sex drive is coming back this is bad
 

Painful One

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I'm so thin as is I can't fuck someone who's bony thin, it just, doesn't work. Bone grinds on bone in a lot of positions and it's just OWWW nothx. I'll save my boner for someone w/ curves.

Dude was so thin last time most of what we did was not how I normally like to fuck but on drugs it was... best ever. Oh god. PAINFULONE you got me THINKING ABOUT IT god damn it my sex drive is coming back this is bad
NO! It is actually good that your sex drive is coming back. That means you are more healthy!

It sucks fucking someone who is too thin.
I did once and it felt so weird. I was afraid to touch him.
I was scared I was going to break his hip or something.
Yuck! It freaked me out.

Curves are NICE!
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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NO! It is actually good that your sex drive is coming back. That means you are more healthy!

It sucks fucking someone who is too thin.
I did once and it felt so weird. I was afraid to touch him.
I was scared I was going to break his hip or something.
Yuck! It freaked me out.

Curves are NICE!
But I fuck like every day if I want to P1 I'm trying to cut back LOL, like I can fuck every other day and not make every day's goal to stick my D inside of someone's orifice.

Yes I prefer curves this last dude had all the moves and was so hot/chill.... like he had some muscle. I was about to tell him he needs to eat more but, that's largely an insensitive thing to say to someone.
 

Painful One

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When heroin was everything I cared about, the 2 hours would be an eternity. Yes that medicine jacks up the NACC and changes how you "value/feel rewarded" from things. Gotta combat that with passions like art/music etc. <3

Food for thought. I couldn't do heroin and balance it. I'd go way off the deep end and never get clean again and probably die of an overdose, or be a lifelong addict. And forget all my deeper/more meaningful plans.
That is right!
It is no good!

If opiates are necessary for a severe pain issue that is different but still sucks having to take them in my opinion.
I would rather not have to have them!

I do “Music therapy” everyday and it helps me so much!
I really do need to start doing some artwork again. I love to paint.
Can I paint your body Captain? That is some fun!
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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I WISH WITH ALL MY HEART TO LEAVE THIS WORLD BEHIND, RISE LIKE AN ANGEL IN THE NIGHT AND MAGICALLY... DISAPPEAR.

- CH, RIP ? - 2020

YES YOU CAN PAINT MY BODY :D

that sounds...erotic as hell I might get a boner.

Whoa.. I'm having flashbacks to... watching this movie, making this track, listening to it with my ex who has since passed... whoa flashbacks... whoa. Too many. It's like I don't need all the memories flooding back at once that can be severely overwhelming and lead to panic. SLOWWwwww down.
 

Painful One

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But I fuck like every day if I want to P1 I'm trying to cut back LOL, like I can fuck every other day and not make every day's goal to stick my D inside of someone's orifice.

Yes I prefer curves this last dude had all the moves and was so hot/chill.... like he had some muscle. I was about to tell him he needs to eat more but, that's largely an insensitive thing to say to someone.
Yeah, that is a largely insensitive thing to say to someone.
I accidentally blurted out “OMG you are skinny!” Oops!
It was shocking to me to see him without clothes .

Yes I think you need to cut back on the sex a bit.
Quality over Quantity Captain!
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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LOL THAT'S OK.

Trust me I have had to bite my tongue in half because I just don't want to offend people. Or come off as TOTALLY insensitive. I try to warn people THAT I AM LIKE THIS AND CANNOT HELP IT I AM SORRY I AM A FLAWED PERSON.
I'm just a painting that's still wet,
if you touch me I'll be smeared,
and you'll be stained.
Stained for the rest of your life, so
Turn around and walk away, before we confuse the way we
Abuse each other, and you're not afraid of getting hurt,
and I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you...

I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself,
are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul... if it was a smile...

CAN'T STAND THIS SHIT AHHHHHHHHHH

I really like to fuck though. I should just get back on the saddle. Disappointing sex is... major flop though. It's like blah. BLAH. I don't know what to do, how to behave or operate anymore I'm so broken. I'm going to try to sleep for like the 10th time because what that's supposed to work... major time waste
 

Painful One

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When did you last sleep Captain?

You are not broken.
Stop saying that to yourself!

You can handle this.
Memories are a treasure. Don’t think of them as a bad experience.
You were blessed that you had such a great love and great person in your life.

You CAN move forward and Live.
You CAN find love again.
Don‘t give up Captain!

Love is worth it!
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Love is worth it!
So why does NO ONE ELSE I want it with seem biologically capable of it? Are my standards too high? Do I need to accept love outside of my age bracket? I'm willing... I just don't see anyone on that level that I find myself on in this place and time.

Are men mostly unloving assholes and mouth-holes and I need to find a good woman? 8(
 

tathra

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I'd go way off the deep end and never get clean again and probably die of an overdose, or be a lifelong addict. And forget all my deeper/more meaningful plans.
I stopped when I finally had a reason to live. im glad now that I didn't manage to die, despite plenty of close calls. now I have no desire to ever use again

Love is worth it!
abso-fucking-lutely. the true love you feel if you're finally able to find your soulmate is incomparable to everything else

Are men mostly unloving assholes and mouth-holes and I need to find a good woman? 8(
yes
 

Captain.Heroin

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I love you for your honesty tathra

BUT WHAT ABOUT GHEY GUYS this is what matters when I'm thinking about it ;_;

are they MORE/LESS loving on average AHHHHH

I am restless and cannot sit still but also exhausted but don't feel the stuck to bed feeling I need. Oh this sucks. I try, so many times to lie down. It doesn't work.
 

tathra

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BUT WHAT ABOUT GHEY GUYS this is what matters when I'm thinking about it ;_;
I mean all you can do is hang in there and keep looking. you also might have already met your soulmate but they're in a shitty relationship with someone else and it might be years before you can finally get with them, as was the case for me and another pair of blers that finally got together around the same time my partner and I did. it also took me 20 or so years of looking to finally even meet her, so
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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AHHHHHHHH noooes. Every gay guy is single. If I've already met him I'VE ALREADY FUCKED IT UP, ROYALLY ahahahaha. Or it was all for the best.

The best I can get is just getting laid, I'll just stick to that. Feels like love, feels good, orgasms.... so do it!
 

tathra

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AHHHHHHHH noooes. Every gay guy is single. If I've already met him I'VE ALREADY FUCKED IT UP, ROYALLY ahahahaha. Or it was all for the best.
dont restrict yourself to only looking locally. mines literally across the country, in a place where the people actually align with my worldview and beliefs, unlike where I am now, so I need to move anyway. your views also aren't exactly in line with your location
 

Captain.Heroin

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dont restrict yourself to only looking locally. mines literally across the country, in a place where the people actually align with my worldview and beliefs, unlike where I am now, so I need to move anyway. your views also aren't exactly in line with your location
Geological proximity is one of those important factors. EVERYONE AROUND ME IS A LOSER. And I'm KING of the losers the way I live my life. AHHHH. Maybe you're right, maybe I should be brave enough to look in larger areas. And not limit myself to.... yeah. Ugh.

I'd like to think I met my true love and it's KETAMINE ICE CREAM and not a human being, because people are disappointing. I know I have been to myself and others at times. :|

this SUCKS i CANNOT STOP EATING AHHHh. What do you do when you eat 10 meals a day, or several meals back to back and the hunger just won't stop. WHAT. I can't take a xanax to chill IT WILL MAKE ME HUNGRY.

I tried filling stomach space with water. Nope. Coming back to life. Sucks. FRANCOIS SAGAT, why did you have to fuck me back to life :(
 
Last edited:

Painful One

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So why does NO ONE ELSE I want it with seem biologically capable of it? Are my standards too high? Do I need to accept love outside of my age bracket? I'm willing... I just don't see anyone on that level that I find myself on in this place and time.

Are men mostly unloving assholes and mouth-holes and I need to find a good woman? 8(
I know what you mean and I am suffering the same.
It is hard to find someone who you can have an actual relationship with.

But, we need partners in life!
not just someone to fuck.

It is worth the wait for that for me.
I would just rather be alone than deal with a bunch of one night stand situation’s and that would never work for me because they would all never go away!

How do you do it Captain? Is that just how it is in the gay community?

Maybe you do need to find a good woman!
 
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