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Seriousish I feel really fucking bad

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
2,607
So being serious from now on forever and ever, I will say this. This is not a lecture, but just my feelings on the topic. I would appreciate it more than anything if the person who'd hit my cat would stop and knock on any door in the neighbourhood, even just one (lot's of room to stop here, gas station 1 mile away, street is lit with 1000W HPS lights). This happened once before and that little kitten could be saved, had a couple wonderful years with her, cripple, but at least I was able to make some more memories. I'm still thankful that woman ever did that, I wasn't mad at her, I felt sorry that she had to go through that. Out of the 9 cats I've known in my life 7 have been hit by a car probably, not one of those other people stopped to see what happened and it always eats me up. Do they just not care because it's "just a cat"? Have they even noticed it happened, or maybe they hope for the best if they did. To be honest I have no idea what I would do in that situation, I could say I would stop and do the honourable thing in my mind, but I might just as well freeze in shock and drive on. I still remember having to put a mouse out of it's misery by stomping on it because I accidentally rolled a big rock on the place where it made a nest, that mouse did nothing wrong, so I'm sure seeing something as traumatic as a flattened cat would be fucking nightmarish. Yeah, I'd probably run, lol, shit, I'm a giant pussy myself. In fact, I've had nightmares of finding my current cat like that after his little sister and my previous cat died (probably) because of a traffic accident in the span of not even a year. And for some reason still I let them go outside. Keeping a cat locked indoors is inhumane. Ofcourse, it is a cat, but whatever, to me that cat is (more than) family, do what you want little buddy.

And I don't like it when they shit and piss in my house, do this outside please, disgusting.

I also remember calling the animal wambulance for a hare that was hit in the middle of the night in front of my house. Scared the fuck out of me because for a splitsecond I thought it was my cat, while I was simultaneously looking at said cat. People at the phone scolded me for waking them up, they sounded so annoyed, "NO, we don't ride out for a hare in the middle of the night". O-oh, so what am I supposed to do now? They didn't know either, I thanked them and said sorry for waking you up. I thought these things were protected in this region and that the animal ambulance rides free of charge 24/7, stuff they advertise with on their website, but no, apparently those are all lies.

The sounds man, the sounds. If you've ever heard a bunny screaming in fear of his life, try to imagine what a hare sounds like. It's almost like a human is dying, if you get near it the yelps will make your neckhairs stand upright. Kinda like this, but louder:
NSFW:
I woke up my cat and tried to direct him at the crime scene, he was enthusiastic at first, but then he got nearer and the flopping and screaming scared him so much he came running back to me with a puffed up tail between his legs, giving me frightened and confused but intrigued and satisfied looks. He'd never seen such a huge ass bunny before in his life, they're both about the same size, so I don't blame him.

I pussied out too and waited for the resident fox or the frost to do it's job because that mouse was still in the back of my mind. Plus all the fish I whacked with beerbottles when I was younger, just the ones you can eat mind you, my friends always asked me to do it and I begrudgingly agreed to it because peer pressure, that's about it for my animal abuse and psychopathic tendencies. I can't even fish now without feeling womanly emotions for the poor fish who was dumb enough to eat that lure I made, dumbass.

f all those insects I murdered in cold blood too, they can't help it they're annoying, people haven't killed me because of it. Not yet anyways, but as long as you keep shrieking they'll leave you alone in your misery. I guess what I was saying is, I have no fucking idea, just your general benzo induced mania.

No wait, yeah, don't beel bad cause you hit a cat? And I'm sorry you had to go through that. :(
ROFL!

This is too long for my attention span to read in full but I got the gist and I have to tell you that I regularly save animals, toads, frogs, skunks, assorted creatures that fall down in my window well.
I have to get them onto a dust pan and use a broom to scoop them on and hold them in place and then I release them back into
The Wild.

My family thinks I am crazy for doing this but I love animals and yes, even toads.
(took me two weeks to get him out, they are diggers)
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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ROFL!

This is too long for my attention span to read in full but I got the gist and I have to tell you that I regularly save animals, toads, frogs, skunks, assorted creatures that fall down in my window well.
I have to get them onto a dust pan and use a broom to scoop them on and hold them in place and then I release them back into
The Wild.

My family thinks I am crazy for doing this but I love animals and yes, even toads.
(took me two weeks to get him out, they are diggers)
You're not crazy. I can't say "every animal has a purpose on earth", but the small critters save lives too. LOOoong story.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
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Messages
81,815
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Fighting the HOLY WAR against FRANCE FREEDOM FRIES
you think YALL have it bad I have to GROANMOANWHINE while I figure out how to get high next TOUGH SHIT guys right

I would just do what I want, all the time like I prefer to. Tends to... have consequences.... so will just... AHHHHHH I shouldn't NEED a downer to get to sleep this SUCKSSS
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2018
Messages
4,404
Location
UK
I had an eating disorder. One time I literally did not eat for 5 weeks straight. 3 days is for pussies :p.
It's weird because at the time for the first time in my life I thought I looked really good. Like, I couldn't stop looking at my body in the mirror and smiling. But when I look at pics from them (they take pics of every angle of your body in hospital when you're admitted to show you later how sick you were) I cringe and feel so sorry for that me. I looked like a corpse.
 

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
2,607
It's weird because at the time for the first time in my life I thought I looked really good. Like, I couldn't stop looking at my body in the mirror and smiling. But when I look at pics from them (they take pics of every angle of your body in hospital when you're admitted to show you later how sick you were) I cringe and feel so sorry for that me. I looked like a corpse.
Yeah, I didn’t want to say anything C.E. But that made me cry!

I am SO Grateful that you are well now! ❤❤❤
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
81,815
Location
Fighting the HOLY WAR against FRANCE FREEDOM FRIES
It's weird because at the time for the first time in my life I thought I looked really good. Like, I couldn't stop looking at my body in the mirror and smiling. But when I look at pics from them (they take pics of every angle of your body in hospital when you're admitted to show you later how sick you were) I cringe and feel so sorry for that me. I looked like a corpse.
how we feel about ourselves, and the distortion from just two eyes+the feelings creates body dysmorphia

even porn stars (i.e. the guy that was my avatar last) have this issue HE HAS NOTHINGGGGGGGG TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. It's all in your head.

you are beautiful in every single way, just the way you are <3
words can't bring us down

 

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
2,607
Damn! I have to cut back on morphine today until close to the end of the month or I will be sicker than a dog!
That means I am just going to be mildly sick until refill time!

I am putting my gabapentin taper on hold for now!
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
81,815
Location
Fighting the HOLY WAR against FRANCE FREEDOM FRIES
Damn! I have to cut back on morphine today until close to the end of the month or I will be sicker than a dog!
That means I am just going to be mildly sick until refill time!

I am putting my gabapentin taper on hold for now!
MORPHINE WHERE WHERE COMING TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

<3

oh morphine how I miss thee... I shall never experience euphoric bliss on top of a trip like that because I fucked it up. I don't care. I have my protocols and can deal with it.
 

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
2,607
how we feel about ourselves, and the distortion from just two eyes+the feelings creates body dysmorphia

even porn stars (i.e. the guy that was my avatar last) have this issue HE HAS NOTHINGGGGGGGG TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. It's all in your head.

you are beautiful in every single way, just the way you are <3
words can't bring us down

* Applause!

Absolutely!
You are ALL beautiful!
Please take care of yourselves my loves!
I love you ALL so much!
You are perfect in my eyes!
🥂👍
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
81,815
Location
Fighting the HOLY WAR against FRANCE FREEDOM FRIES
* Applause!

Absolutely!
You are ALL beautiful!
Please take care of yourselves my loves!
I love you ALL so much!
You are perfect in my eyes!
🥂👍
this this this this this

painful ONE and I on that eternal PLUR 4 JESUS drive.
 

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
2,607
MORPHINE WHERE WHERE COMING TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

<3

oh morphine how I miss thee... I shall never experience euphoric bliss on top of a trip like that because I fucked it up. I don't care. I have my protocols and can deal with it.
I know! I should not complain.
I have to keep that in mind!
Some morphine is better than no morphine.

You can deal with it Captain! It is really not a good thing. It is necessary in my condition.
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2018
Messages
4,404
Location
UK
Damn! I have to cut back on morphine today until close to the end of the month or I will be sicker than a dog!
That means I am just going to be mildly sick until refill time!

I am putting my gabapentin taper on hold for now!
I'm somewhat sick right now. Definitely save the meds.
Getting my script in like 2 hrs though :D.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
81,815
Location
Fighting the HOLY WAR against FRANCE FREEDOM FRIES
I know! I should not complain.
I have to keep that in mind!
Some morphine is better than no morphine.

You can deal with it Captain! It is really not a good thing. It is necessary in my condition.
Actually w/ a habit "not enough" is really really fucking awful and "opiate naive + sober" is A LOT BETTER, paradox I know.

"Too much of a good thing".... etc.

It's a lot better I reset my CB-1 tolerance A LITTLE so I can FEEL marijuana. Like I couldn't even FEEL it. That's how ... hard I had gone on shatter for so, so very long. Unreasonably so. I had one dab and it's barely. barely working. If I smoke weed I "can feel it" but I'm in a state of "needing" due to... lots of physical issues.

oh man I forgot how hot that sounds

that's so... yeah. Shit the WHOLE ALBUM, first one I made sounds like one big giant K hole adventure ... except it ends with THE ENDING OF MYSTERIOUS SKIN.

So like a depressing K adventure. WOW that's what my life was like the first times I did K.. just depressing not good enough to like it. SHIIIIT.
 
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