- Dec 20, 2017
I feel like I'm 50% kratom. I swear to god it made my eyes which used to be straight blue turn green. No real negative side effects, and with appropriate tolerance breaks (never completely, but I'll lower the dose so that when I return to my normal daily doses I feel it in a more pronounced way) it still retains its magic. I do go through periods where it has almost no effect at all but it comes and goes. Overall, I am a more stable and content person on it than off. My sober periods are just not as good. Could be PAWS maybe or it could be I just don't remember what normal is supposed to feel like since I've been in God Mode for so long.
I do retain a lot of guilt over it because deep down I still feel like I'm a junkie and that this habit is viewed negatively by normies. I fucked up my life real bad years ago and it still is and I haven't been in a real relationship in years. After I broke up with my fiancee and sent her packing I just kind of... stopped. And I think about how any woman I do meet will think about gulping down teaspoons of green powder and how I will explain it. It's a lot like methadone or suboxone in the way that you're constantly tied down to it. Going on vacation or being stuck away from home for extended periods I always have to be carrying a sample bag full of kratom and think of ways I can sneak away to take some if it's that time. Or carrying a shake bottle full of tea or green slurry. Those are the biggest problems. But overall the positives far outweigh any negatives, imagined or not.
Just another addiction and a far more benign one than all the others of my past. Even my mother approves because she was there for the big dogs and the resulting chaos.
I am in a relationship right now and I used to eat kratom in the bathroom.. which sounds ridiculous now because he knew sometimes I would pop pills or be acting funny here or there (which he was not happy about).
I told him about the kratom and started eating it in front of him instead of the bathroom trips. He did not care at all and he knew what it was. Just said he does not mind kratom at all, but hates oxy. "Normal" not-drug people can just be told that "its a supplement" or some sort of medicinal herb kind of thing that you need to take for bla bla bla. You can also tell them that its not an opiate, just a pain-killer alternative.
But yeah... heroin would send most people packing but not kratom unless the use was out of control. Kratom is just not really well-known by so many and even if it was, heroin's reputation proceeds kratom 10000x fold.