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I dont have a single friend IRL. Is it me?

Sertürner

Sertürner

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 5, 2018
Messages
1,324
I used to have plenty of friends. Back when I was 18 or so. Now I am 28yrs old and I do not have a SINGLE friend in the entire world.

I have a wife who I love very much, and she has friends, but I am incapable of developing any kind of relationship with people.

My sense of humor is very dry and deadpan, so most of my jokes come across as either sarcasm or seriousness that people find offensive. I'm also very introverted and get nervous talking to people because I usually make a horriblenforst impression.

I'm a decently attractive guy so I dont think it's my looks that turn people away from me. I just think my personality sucks.
 
I'm oddly ok that I dont have any friends. Sometimes it bothers me, like right now, but most of the time I couldnt care less. I just want to know what it is about me that people dislike. It is very confusing to me.
 
yeah I stopped having "friends" around my mid 20s.... at least in the sense that I believe you're talking about. It's normal, especially when you get married.
 
Maybe. I dont even have anybody I can text if I want to. I dont know anybody at all. I guess the worst part about it is that I have nobody to talk to when I need to vent or some shit like that. I just have to push everything down.

I feel like sometimes I cant hold all this stuff in any longer and I need to just let it out but I quickly realize there is nobody around for me to talk to. Its frustrating.
 
Sertürner said:
I feel like sometimes I cant hold all this stuff in any longer and I need to just let it out but I quickly realize there is nobody around for me to talk to. Its frustrating.
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I'd try to have a casual conversation and see how things play out instead of seeking people to vent at. Do your relationships tend to be one sided?

If they seem trustworthy and cool then start opening up. You might scare some people if you just come at them with really personal stuff.

Let me know if this resonates with you or not. I know close to nothing about you though IIRC we have PMed? A long time ago.

I hope this helps man don't give up on people.
 
I identify with this. I had a best friend in school but he moved to Indonesia in 4th grade. After that I just focused on girls and being weird with them or whatever, not really caring. Then I was homeschooled so I had no friends except relatives around my age and when I went to university I met a handful of close friends but we don't even live in the same country anymore

I'd say I don't have friends, just acquaintances I haven't spoken to in years, drug dealers etc. I don't know. I guess not everybody has close friends. You know, people you see weekly or daily. I guess that's a thing of luck rather than being congenial, or both. I find it's easy to meet people but even though I get along with basically anybody, it's not like it's easy to be friends with strangers
 
Sounds like you love your wife. I don't have much else to offer.
 
Sertürner said:
I'm oddly ok that I dont have any friends. Sometimes it bothers me, like right now, but most of the time I couldnt care less. I just want to know what it is about me that people dislike. It is very confusing to me.
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Maybe its nothing to do with being a dislikable person. Its probably a stage of life?

When you're married and getting to an age where you don't go out and socialise in large groups of friends from school or college, you have someone to hang out with through marriage, there just isn't the need to hang out or make plans with others.

Most people don't hang out or stay in touch with the exact same people all their lives.

People tend to gravitate to others with something in common, through work or a shared interest.

If you have an interest and join a group that has meet ups, especially with your wife, you could find new friends.

Some are more needy of company than others. Its ok to not be a social butterfly.
 
No. In your late 20s and 30s when people get married or have serious relationships or stay busy with work, friends often go by the wayside or if you are lucky you get together in person multiple times per year.

I have friends, but we do not see each other in person due to the coronavirus/covid-19.
 
Yeah I do have a lot going on in my life. Collagen job, wife and kid, ect. But idk. .. something feels..out of place or missing or something.

I hate the fact that I dont have someone to talk to and confide in or just vent when I need to. I ak a terribly anxious person and severe over-thinker. Bottling up all these thoughts and worries is excruciating. I can't fell my wife everything that runs through my mind. And sometimes it would just be nice to be alone.

BL is the closest friend I have. But it is it like I can have a beer with any of you guys and hang out. At the end if the day I'm still eating lunch alone in the car during my break at work and waiting at the house by myself while my wife is out with her friends when she is able to go see them
 
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Sertürner said:
Yeah I do have a lot going on in my life. Collagen job, wife and kid, ect. But idk. .. something feels..out of place or missing or something.

I hate the fact that I dont have someone to talk to and confide in or just vent when I need to. I ak a terribly anxious person and severe over-thinker. Bottling up all these thoughts and worries is excruciating. I can't fell my wife every
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I feel your pain my dude. I still keep in touch with some of my friends, but rarely, if ever, actually see them.

And now that I've lost my wife it's really sunk in that I don't have anybody at all.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your wife @deficiT
I'm very grateful I have her in my life. My best friend (the only one I had left) since I was 13 no-showed as the best man at my wedding after joining a white supremacist group. Smh..
 
Sertürner said:
I'm sorry to hear about your wife @deficiT
I'm very grateful I have her in my life. My best friend (the only one I had left) since I was 13 no-showed as the best man at my wedding after joining a white supremacist group. Smh..
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Damn man that's really fucked up ): I didn't get to have a real wedding, but as it turns out it didn't really matter.

Oh well, I am hoping round 2 is more successful for me.
 
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I'm in a similar situation. I have a long-term partner and I don't really have much of a drive to have other highly-involved friendships. Ten years ago I was doing drugs all the time and was hanging out with friends all the time.

If I was single, I don't feel like I would have any problem finding friends to spend time with. But living my partner takes up enough of my "social energy," so to speak, so I don't have the drive to spend a lot of time cultivating other friendships.
 
Sertürner said:
I'm sorry to hear about your wife @deficiT
I'm very grateful I have her in my life. My best friend (the only one I had left) since I was 13 no-showed as the best man at my wedding after joining a white supremacist group. Smh..
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I realize now my initial post might have made it sound like my wife passed away, but we just got divorced. Still sucks but I'm getting over it.
 
I really only have one friend but he's in jail right now so it's like I don't have any. I find the older you get the harder it is to make friends because people tend to be more busy with their work and their families.
 
Sertürner said:
Yeah I do have a lot going on in my life. Collagen job, wife and kid, ect. But idk. .. something feels..out of place or missing or something.

I hate the fact that I dont have someone to talk to and confide in or just vent when I need to. I ak a terribly anxious person and severe over-thinker. Bottling up all these thoughts and worries is excruciating. I can't fell my wife everything that runs through my mind. And sometimes it would just be nice to be alone.

BL is the closest friend I have. But it is it like I can have a beer with any of you guys and hang out. At the end if the day I'm still eating lunch alone in the car during my break at work and waiting at the house by myself while my wife is out with her friends when she is able to go see them
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I left my wife when I was 25. For ten years prior to that(not just with her) I had someone around 34/7, always a cuddle and sex partner. Feels very lonely now, especially because I pushed away all my remaining friends with psychosis. That plus living in a new city during covid. The isolation is real!

But where do you even meet someone for "round 2" as someone above called it these days, and I mean prior to covid as well. The older you get the more rare it is. I am not even 28 yet yet feel as if ill be alone forever
 
Sertürner said:
Yeah I do have a lot going on in my life. Collagen job, wife and kid, ect. But idk. .. something feels..out of place or missing or something.

I hate the fact that I dont have someone to talk to and confide in or just vent when I need to. I ak a terribly anxious person and severe over-thinker. Bottling up all these thoughts and worries is excruciating. I can't fell my wife everything that runs through my mind. And sometimes it would just be nice to be alone.

BL is the closest friend I have. But it is it like I can have a beer with any of you guys and hang out. At the end if the day I'm still eating lunch alone in the car during my break at work and waiting at the house by myself while my wife is out with her friends when she is able to go see them
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It's so painful I want to drink and drink and drink until I am no more.

True story.

... they did find that loneliness is interpreted as a pain stimulus to the brain instead of emotionally. we are meant to be together.

drink and drink and drink... no I'm not suicidal. Making some kinda point.
 
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