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I can't cum - question from a male...

nolys

nolys

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jun 15, 2009
Messages
3,547
I'm 20 years of age, lost my virginity at 15 and have had sex many times, including threesomes.
Problem here is, I have NEVER came (whilst awake, ill get back to this) from oral, vaginal or anal sex. Not once have I managed to cum whilst having sex. I literally fuck for hours straight and she will cum a lot of times but I just can't do it myself. Its fucking annoying.
I can cum from masturbation easily, if I wanted to I could cum in 5 minutes though this just isn't good enough, I've had sex for 9 hours before without cumming.

I'm in a relationship for pretty much the first time and I get sex on a very regular basis and this is starting to annoy me. It makes me feel as though she thinks she's unattractive or not good in bed or something and I've told her about my problem and she seems to believe me but it still makes sex less fun for me. (Still love it though)
The other day I fell asleep, and whilst I was sleeping she proceded to give me oral sex, and apparently I came in less than ten minutes and didn't even wake up though there was semen everywhere when I woke up... What the fuck? I can cum whilst asleep but not awake?

I think I must have some sort of psychological problem here and want to know if anyone else experiances this and any advice on what to do?
I just want to be able to cum.
Please help...
 
i almost never come from blowjobs but vaginal not a problem. so ya i can relate to part of your problem.
 
Yeah but I can't cum at all with a woman, and I'm not gay...
I have no anxiety and am not nervous at all,
I am not on any medications,
Not an alcoholic
Occasionally I use recreational drugs mainly cannabis a few times a month and mdma once or less a month
 
it might come (no pun intended) with time. i'm not sure if this is your issue, but i didn't feel comfortable being sexually open until i had been in my relationship for a few months. it was definitely psychological, because i was so in love with this guy and i hadn't experienced that before. but yours sounds like you have trained your body in a way, to only respond to your hand. so i would assume you could work on training yourself to come otherwise.

i also don't come from anything but fingers (except once on acid), and it often takes too much time for me to have someone else do it for me. so i got into a routine in my relationship where i just got myself off first before we had sex. i am not sure i could handle that in a reversed role. he didn't mind though, he said it was just as hot.
 
I know you're story man. I beat off plenty since a youngin with no finish problems at all. I started having sex at 16 and had a whole mess of unemotional sex from then until I was 19 and could not get off to save my life. Actually I'm sure there were times I was near death by exhaustion from fuckin so hard trying to get that bastard to spit, but to no avail.

...until I went stupid in love for a girl. The first couple of months of seeing eachother resulted in the same thing, a lot of sex, a whole lotta me not getting off. I distinctly remember when I finally gave over to the fact I was in love with her. She was visiting family over a Christmas Break and Jesus did I miss her. Her first hour back in town was spent on my bedroom floor laying underneath the dead-weight of my body that had just been crippled from an unrivaled orgasm I had never experienced before. For years after that with her, most all of our sex finished very satisfying.

How deeply are you connected to your new woman? A lot of men like us are definitely emotional creatures when it comes to sex. Not saying you'll involuntarily break out in tears mid-pump, but theres a certain element of love or a bond needed in our brains in order to bust. I'm now 30 and have had plenty of unconnected sessions with women that most always produces the same result, me not producing cum. The emotion has to be there for me, you may be the same way.
 
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My boyfriend used to have this very same issue, it's not all that uncommon from what I've gathered.

I think it's definitely a psychological thing of sorts, but my partner is a very confident guy who is great in bed...and he has always known it 8) I'll spare you my pseudo-psych analysis of it all.

I was the second girl of many that he was able to come with the first time we fucked. It took more than three hours though. During the earlier part of our relationship, every session had to be a marathon and it gets frustrating. But hey, at least it wasn't over and done with in two minutes. He had "faked it" multiple times with previous partners that started getting upset about the issue, and this annoyed him to no end.

Now after a few years, we're very in tune with each other emotionally and sexually, and he is able to come whenever he likes. It may be as blah blah said, and he just needed the emotional aspect in order to come regularly. In our case, it was all about getting comfortable and in synch with each other, and just going with the flow. Don't try and force it, and make sure your partner is aware of the situation so that she doesn't get all insecure about it and shit.

You're physically able to come, so don't stress too much. Have you tried mutual masturbation? Get yourself to the point where you're close, watch porn together etc. and then just let go and fuck. You've got to clear your head and focus solely on the sensations. Maybe you're too focused on performing and pleasing your partner?

I haven't really offered any solution, as I don't know of one. I just know that my partner experienced the same thing for many years, and that the issue sorted itself in time and with lots of practice ;)

Don't fret - I don't mind coming multiple times every session, and I'm sure most girls won't either. Don't stress that your girlfriend feels unattractive etc. - I was in her position and I never did. She seems secure and level-headed enough to see it for what it is, have faith in her and don't let it get in the way of enjoying sex.
 
Yeah, this is not uncommon. Can you cum through masturbation? What if you masturbate in front of someone?

If you are worried about this issue that can definitely make it worse. Some people have difficulty letting go in front of someone else, or are busy focusing on their partner, pleasing them, wondering what they are thinking, etc. Try to believe your girlfriend when she says she understands and that she doesn't take it personally. Try not to overthink things, just relax, lie back, close your eyes and focus on the sensations. It'll happen when it happens. Some things can help, like: having no distractions, not putting any pressure on yourself, being very comfortable with the other person, being comfortable with your sexuality, being intensely horny and not having had sex or masturbated for a few days, having an emotional connection with your partner, instructing them on what feels best for you, not feeling rushed, etc.

Cumming while she gave you oral while sleeping shows that it's not likely a physical problem, maybe taking your mind out of the equation was what helped. Also you might want to try different times of day, like first thing when you wake up - I find it easier to cum at certain times of day or in certain situations.
 
Some really great answers here people thanks a lot, I'm currently on a cell phone so won't be able to make a lot of quotes in replys to your questions and advice.
Things I can say are that I know I'm good in bed (don't mean to be big headed here or anything) and I know this because I've easily made girls come pretty much every time I've had sex so its not an anxiety problem here,
I do tend to focus a lot on her and not myself though, I try to make her happy more than myself which may be a problem? Maybe I'm too strung up on getting her to come so I can't do it myself?
Since meeting her I very very rarely masturbate, I'm talking once every 2 weeks or something. The reason I havnt been masturbating was to try and be able to come with her though it hasn't worked.
The first time I had sex with her I was sooo close to coming, I could feel it building up but she came hard and had to get off me, her legs were like jelly so I failed there but I was so close...
I am very close to this girl, having only known her a month I've never felt closer to someone in my life. When I'm not with her, I'm on the phone to her, when I'm working were texting, when I'm on my break I get a phonecall.
I actually hope to have children with her some day that's how much I like her but still can't come which will be a big problem in future if we do decide to have kids.

I think I feel more comfortable with her than anyone, family, friends, girlfriends, males or females ever...

Should I maybe go see a doctor about this? Or a councelor or what? I'm nearly sure the problem isn't physical.

Thanks again for all the great, detailed answers
 
I've jerked off twice in the past month I don't think that's the problem :/
 
Actually holds some merit that comment he made imo a pussy isn't the same as your own hand, hand will be tighter and perfect whilst a pussy is a pussy it can't change.
Though I think he's wrong still it was decent feedback
 
i had the same problem dude,your nerves are getting the better of you,just focus on your misses horny face while having sex and get totally in to it.dont think about anything else but your gf and you will cum,you will never cum if you keep thinking bout dick...even if it is your own,lol
 
stop dugs for a month and masturbating or havinf sex for a month and youll come in a flash easy as that :D
send me a pm for more detail ....
 
lars90 said:
stop dugs for a month and masturbating or havinf sex for a month and youll come in a flash easy as that :D
send me a pm for more detail ....
Click to expand...

thats a bit creepy dude you want a 20yr old to pm you about sex,haha
 
Sorry to go and contradict some people here, but I read an article about porn or sex addiction etc somewhere recently (sorry I can't be more specific) where they were saying that people who masturbate or have sex 'too much' have an over-active sex drive, and that cutting down on masturbation / sex was a found to be a proven and effective solution for steadying their hyperactive sex drive.
But what I'm thinking is that maybe the opposite's applicable in your case - maybe if you got yourself off more regularly you could make orgasms more 'routine' for your body, & your sex drive would adjust and this could make reaching orgasm with your partner easier?
 
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