BenzosBudOrBooty
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2010
- Messages
- 198
I became depressed in November 2020. Couldn’t find drugs anywhere to self medicate. Got ripped off so many times. So in February I finally got it, was high on ketamine when I took 1 hit of pcp alone by myself after a girl left it at my house. The pcp did “nothing” for me. I believe it’s because I’m on abilify and naltrexone. Not sure if it was both or just the abilify. When I took the pcp it tasted foul. Made me wanna gag quite a bit. But I felt nothing but maybe some evil force. So I decided to snort some more ketamine.
Lemme tell you the ketamine went down easy. I can’t remember but I must’ve done a lot. I remember chilling for a bit. Then I said “here we goooooooo” but instead of like a tunnel upwards i swirled downwards into my showers bottom into the floor I disappeared. Then a bunch of shit I probably don’t remember. But Then I felt like I was crucified. Nailed to a fuckin cross. Then I died. Went to heaven met god/the devil. Who read off a scroll the “prescription” for my current life. Saying YOU WILL BE SCHIZOPHRENIC,THINK YOURE JESUS, YOU WILL SUFFER MIGHTLY,,,etc......
everything bad I can think about myself and there’s much more the list went on. He was spittin. Then I don’t remember much of it but I punched out my window. Cut open my hand. I remember saying IM BLEEDING IM BLEEDING. And I must’ve been in hell. How else would the window be broken?? it only hurt I didn’t care. Fortunately after that I ran through the streets naked. Because The police and ambulance saved my life. I went to the hospital got stitched up.
I was totally psychotic from this incident. Minimal damage was done all things considered. Just 7 stitches in a lucky place. I just know I could see god more than ever on this dumb trip. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t cool. At the same time it was all those things when I initially got in the ambulance. It wasn’t for an hour later reality really set in.
well the next month I was seeing psychics, mediums , people with ESP. ended up getting evicted, went in a sober house got kicked out. A homeless shelter. Then a hospital. I got out and my parents had to take me back for one day. But never kicked me out. Well I was vaping carts from the dispo for a bit but I realize this is my biggest problem. I was drug dependent. And that was to cannabis. And whatever psychedelics I did was to cope with the depressed mood cannabis brings me when I overdo it. I still love ketamine. It never let me down alone By itself. Have NOT done it since I was inside the sober house tho.
was when I mixed it with shrooms once I got in trouble. And when I mixed it with dmt it was so fuckin scary. And mdma and high doses of weed caused k holes. Which were cool but I was only able to achieve k holes when I mix with other drugs. But it’s dangerous. If I did ketamine again it’s not for a while and in low doses and amounts. More responsible. I am extremely lucky to be alive. This knocked a lot of sense into me.
I now smoke weed literally once per week me and my friend go for a hike smoke a few bowls. Raised my abilify too
it seems to be the perfect balance
also I do cbd and it’s helped ease my cannabis “dependence”
I broke the cycle. I can watch movies and read books again. I’m way more productive. My parents are happy. Im getting back on my feet. Slowly but surely. The psychics all told me I’d turn my life around in June. When I said addiction was bothering me I didn’t mean it. But the psychic said “it’s going to turn around for you in June”. So did the other one. I thought they meant something else would happen. I’m always grandiose and unrealistic and exaggerative.
but this seems this is it. And I can finally live in the present
. No more dwelling and projecting so much.
I don’t believe I’m really schizoaffective
I have something like co morbid ptsd with psychotic features, ocd, anxiety, SAD, and maybe some drug induced psychosis. Maybe some bi Polar 2. But def not schizoaffective. But can see why co morbid diagnosis’s in MI can be confused as schizoaffective. I’ve been really fd up before. Today it’s never been better. No complaints.
I dunno what I wanna do with my life. I’m 31. One day at a time. I like a lot of things. I never blamed drugs. I blamed society too much. And maybe they’re a bit responsible too but in the end I have to take responsibility myself. Hope u guys can accept my post and I’d like to start posting more. Thank you
Last but not least. If you’re on antipsychotics you probably should stay away from psychedelics. I’ve always been a daredevil. I’ve had so many close calls with my sanity and life. Maybe ketamine or mdma works sorta with antipsychotics but you gotta be stable first before you can think about doing them if you are prone to psychosis if you ask me
Stay away from the amines if you need antipsychotics
in the end it’s not worth it but I’m either preaching to the choir or speaking like a hypocrite. Or maybe I’m simply giving valuable information. Tread lightly plz. Thank you
Lemme tell you the ketamine went down easy. I can’t remember but I must’ve done a lot. I remember chilling for a bit. Then I said “here we goooooooo” but instead of like a tunnel upwards i swirled downwards into my showers bottom into the floor I disappeared. Then a bunch of shit I probably don’t remember. But Then I felt like I was crucified. Nailed to a fuckin cross. Then I died. Went to heaven met god/the devil. Who read off a scroll the “prescription” for my current life. Saying YOU WILL BE SCHIZOPHRENIC,THINK YOURE JESUS, YOU WILL SUFFER MIGHTLY,,,etc......
everything bad I can think about myself and there’s much more the list went on. He was spittin. Then I don’t remember much of it but I punched out my window. Cut open my hand. I remember saying IM BLEEDING IM BLEEDING. And I must’ve been in hell. How else would the window be broken?? it only hurt I didn’t care. Fortunately after that I ran through the streets naked. Because The police and ambulance saved my life. I went to the hospital got stitched up.
I was totally psychotic from this incident. Minimal damage was done all things considered. Just 7 stitches in a lucky place. I just know I could see god more than ever on this dumb trip. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t cool. At the same time it was all those things when I initially got in the ambulance. It wasn’t for an hour later reality really set in.
well the next month I was seeing psychics, mediums , people with ESP. ended up getting evicted, went in a sober house got kicked out. A homeless shelter. Then a hospital. I got out and my parents had to take me back for one day. But never kicked me out. Well I was vaping carts from the dispo for a bit but I realize this is my biggest problem. I was drug dependent. And that was to cannabis. And whatever psychedelics I did was to cope with the depressed mood cannabis brings me when I overdo it. I still love ketamine. It never let me down alone By itself. Have NOT done it since I was inside the sober house tho.
was when I mixed it with shrooms once I got in trouble. And when I mixed it with dmt it was so fuckin scary. And mdma and high doses of weed caused k holes. Which were cool but I was only able to achieve k holes when I mix with other drugs. But it’s dangerous. If I did ketamine again it’s not for a while and in low doses and amounts. More responsible. I am extremely lucky to be alive. This knocked a lot of sense into me.
I now smoke weed literally once per week me and my friend go for a hike smoke a few bowls. Raised my abilify too
it seems to be the perfect balance
also I do cbd and it’s helped ease my cannabis “dependence”
I broke the cycle. I can watch movies and read books again. I’m way more productive. My parents are happy. Im getting back on my feet. Slowly but surely. The psychics all told me I’d turn my life around in June. When I said addiction was bothering me I didn’t mean it. But the psychic said “it’s going to turn around for you in June”. So did the other one. I thought they meant something else would happen. I’m always grandiose and unrealistic and exaggerative.
but this seems this is it. And I can finally live in the present
. No more dwelling and projecting so much.I don’t believe I’m really schizoaffective
I have something like co morbid ptsd with psychotic features, ocd, anxiety, SAD, and maybe some drug induced psychosis. Maybe some bi Polar 2. But def not schizoaffective. But can see why co morbid diagnosis’s in MI can be confused as schizoaffective. I’ve been really fd up before. Today it’s never been better. No complaints.
I dunno what I wanna do with my life. I’m 31. One day at a time. I like a lot of things. I never blamed drugs. I blamed society too much. And maybe they’re a bit responsible too but in the end I have to take responsibility myself. Hope u guys can accept my post and I’d like to start posting more. Thank you
Last but not least. If you’re on antipsychotics you probably should stay away from psychedelics. I’ve always been a daredevil. I’ve had so many close calls with my sanity and life. Maybe ketamine or mdma works sorta with antipsychotics but you gotta be stable first before you can think about doing them if you are prone to psychosis if you ask me
Stay away from the amines if you need antipsychotics
in the end it’s not worth it but I’m either preaching to the choir or speaking like a hypocrite. Or maybe I’m simply giving valuable information. Tread lightly plz. Thank you
