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Hopeless I am a pathetic, weak piece of shit

C

candidsurprise

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 18, 2017
Messages
134
There is no hope for someone as mentally fucked as me. I am a weak piece of shit. I cannot handle anything in life. I am a 24 year old guy, and people want to be around me when they see me (girls tell me it is because of my looks), but then they get instantly turned off within the first half an hour. I cannot hold a conversation or hold eye contact due to crippling social phobia and extreme low mood. I am too much of a fucking pussy to even take drugs to make my life interesting, I pussyfoot around kratom, pregabalin and valium despite wanting to go further. How pathetic is that. I want this life over and done with asap, except that I am terrified of the punishment that would probably await me if I died tomorrow. Every single day I cry about the fact that I could be sent to hell soon. I can't take this depression anymore, I am treatment resistant and have not responded to anything. I've got much worse by trying treatment. Everyday I have a constant sense of mental dysphoria, fatigue, anhedonia, OCD, negative intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, constant restlessness and sleep problems. How much longer can I Iast.
 
I’m sorry your in such a way and suffering.

Do you exercise at all? It’s an amazing treatment for a bunch of what your suffering from.

Social anxiety come from not believing in your personal morals and values. When you don’t believe in these you end up subconsciously looking to others for approval of these or to adopt theirs. As long as it sits well with you your behavior is correct and what you value has great value and fuck what the peanut gallery thinks, does or values. Wrap your head around that and poof your social anxiety disappears.. true.
 
Hey dude, I'm sorry you're going through this. It doesn't make you a piece of shit or weak though. You just have to condition yourself to get better with communication, do it a little bit here and there, practice ya know.

And some things get better as we get older. My anxiety used to be pretty crippling, but as I've learned to handle myself with age, it has eased off a little bit. Think on it at least before you do anything crazy.

And if you need someone to talk to I'm always here. There are people who care. You can last plenty of time, trust me.
 
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candidsurprise said:
There is no hope for someone as mentally fucked as me. I am a weak piece of shit. I cannot handle anything in life. I am a 24 year old guy, and people want to be around me when they see me (girls tell me it is because of my looks), but then they get instantly turned off within the first half an hour. I cannot hold a conversation or hold eye contact due to crippling social phobia and extreme low mood. I am too much of a fucking pussy to even take drugs to make my life interesting, I pussyfoot around kratom, pregabalin and valium despite wanting to go further. How pathetic is that. I want this life over and done with asap, except that I am terrified of the punishment that would probably await me if I died tomorrow. Every single day I cry about the fact that I could be sent to hell soon. I can't take this depression anymore, I am treatment resistant and have not responded to anything. I've got much worse by trying treatment. Everyday I have a constant sense of mental dysphoria, fatigue, anhedonia, OCD, negative intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, constant restlessness and sleep problems. How much longer can I Iast.
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You a baby my brother im mean that it years fuck me bruv. I have come of pregabs loads of times no fits but it is hell keep doing your valis . Pregab withdrawal is hell it's 6 straight days of mental torture. There is no hurry get yourself down to a low dose and jump of the pregabs first kratom never done it but it like a opiate type drug start cutting on that after the pregabs then the big monstor valium that dont do at home i heard it causes fit start cutting on that last . Your life is not over you got a lot of pussy to get and then get into the boring mid-life stage when your balls drop further and further and you think fuck is this what it about.You have problems yes but you got time i wish you well pick yourself up and think fuck this life . Im not trained for this shit but tell from personal experience im clean after fuck knows now 25 years and its ok not great but that life
 
I am truly apologetic I cannot get into this right now (or maybe never idk), but the title tells a different story:
"I am a pathetic, weak piece of shit"
the realization that you are not almighty may lead to a place where you will find that you are in fact not a piece of shit and if one could then find a balance somewhere in between...?
Could it work?
It has seemed sustainable to me my everyone is different.
 
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For what it is worth; I was walikn in the rain and crying at the same time. I was thoughtful of my tears mixing with the rest of the refuse (shit) that we exude. Wonderingg if those tears were meant to mixed with shit. It kinda bothered me a bit. Still havent figured out what this has to do with what but maybe the tears do bring something from the "gutters"?
soory.................
 
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candidsurprise said:
There is no hope for someone as mentally fucked as me. I am a weak piece of shit. I cannot handle anything in life. I am a 24 year old guy, and people want to be around me when they see me (girls tell me it is because of my looks), but then they get instantly turned off within the first half an hour. I cannot hold a conversation or hold eye contact due to crippling social phobia and extreme low mood. I am too much of a fucking pussy to even take drugs to make my life interesting, I pussyfoot around kratom, pregabalin and valium despite wanting to go further. How pathetic is that. I want this life over and done with asap, except that I am terrified of the punishment that would probably await me if I died tomorrow. Every single day I cry about the fact that I could be sent to hell soon. I can't take this depression anymore, I am treatment resistant and have not responded to anything. I've got much worse by trying treatment. Everyday I have a constant sense of mental dysphoria, fatigue, anhedonia, OCD, negative intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, constant restlessness and sleep problems. How much longer can I Iast.
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You should get a puppy.
Make sure it’s one that loves you so much that if you sleep too long, it’ll wake you up by licking your face till your covered in puppy love/drool

Also, perhaps the women lose interest because of your lack of confidence.
 
candidsurprise said:
I cry about the fact that I could be sent to hell soon.
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Dude I cry about everything. There is plenty to cry bout... just surprised the tears don dry up after so many eons.
Everything in your post seems perfectly normal feelings that could be associated with prolly 100% of you age group and demo. WE can get into this now or later: Choice is yours. Just gotta move around a bit here before i nod. lol
Im here though just quote me or something so i dont miss it, yes?
thanks and one... or 6 or ahhhhhhh
 
I also wake most morning with panic attacks that leave me sobbing/gaping for air - it aint apnea- its waking up in a world where i helped create this condition we have made it. Not all my fault, but sometimes feels like it so if we talking about "realities" here I am fucked.
After little budah (my little huge fluffy baby girl) runs up for her morning loving and after that the days starts looiking a lillte better. Not going to say that from then on it it's peachy-keen but the break from these morning panics changes my outlook before I even leave my bedroom.

candidsurprise said:
I want this life over and done with asap, except that I am terrified of the punishment that would probably await me if I died tomorrow.
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Have ya though of all the others that would have to pay the price of this choice of yours for leaving them behind?
Talk to us here (if ya dont or cant talk to a professional(s) )... we wont bite and ya may find what ya lookin for. It certainly couldn't hurt matters worse (I would hope).
Waitin but gotta see what else is afoot round here.
What is it that you want most in your life right this second without thought?
 
candidsurprise said:
There is no hope for someone as mentally fucked as me. I am a weak piece of shit. I cannot handle anything in life. I am a 24 year old guy, and people want to be around me when they see me (girls tell me it is because of my looks), but then they get instantly turned off within the first half an hour. I cannot hold a conversation or hold eye contact due to crippling social phobia and extreme low mood. I am too much of a fucking pussy to even take drugs to make my life interesting, I pussyfoot around kratom, pregabalin and valium despite wanting to go further. How pathetic is that. I want this life over and done with asap, except that I am terrified of the punishment that would probably await me if I died tomorrow. Every single day I cry about the fact that I could be sent to hell soon. I can't take this depression anymore, I am treatment resistant and have not responded to anything. I've got much worse by trying treatment. Everyday I have a constant sense of mental dysphoria, fatigue, anhedonia, OCD, negative intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, constant restlessness and sleep problems. How much longer can I Iast.
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Whoever told u that u were all of those things is the real weak piece of shit, and u should pity their ass. if u really treatment resistant then maybe do it on your own, we autistic, we don't really need other people as much as neurotypicals do, i bet u got so many hobbies but can't engage in any of them out of anxiety, shit sucks, cuz that could be your way out of many of your problems, and for the love of god, stay within the pregabalin-kratom-valium ratio, you cant possibly believe that more drugs will make your life any better. Keep the faith 🌹
 
candidsurprise said:
There is no hope for someone as mentally fucked as me. I am a weak piece of shit. I cannot handle anything in life. I am a 24 year old guy, and people want to be around me when they see me (girls tell me it is because of my looks), but then they get instantly turned off within the first half an hour. I cannot hold a conversation or hold eye contact due to crippling social phobia and extreme low mood. I am too much of a fucking pussy to even take drugs to make my life interesting, I pussyfoot around kratom, pregabalin and valium despite wanting to go further. How pathetic is that. I want this life over and done with asap, except that I am terrified of the punishment that would probably await me if I died tomorrow. Every single day I cry about the fact that I could be sent to hell soon. I can't take this depression anymore, I am treatment resistant and have not responded to anything. I've got much worse by trying treatment. Everyday I have a constant sense of mental dysphoria, fatigue, anhedonia, OCD, negative intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, constant restlessness and sleep problems. How much longer can I Iast.
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There is no hope for someone as mentally fucked as me. I am a weak piece of shit. I cannot handle anything in life.
The first thing you need to do is to change your thinking. I'm not saying that its going to fix your issues overnight, but I can promise you your issues will never be mended with an outlook like yours. I mean this as respectfully as possible, Candid.

I am too much of a fucking pussy to even take drugs to make my life interesting, I pussyfoot around kratom, pregabalin and valium despite wanting to go further. How pathetic is that.
Theres nothing pussy about not doing drugs. Its neither a testement to strength nor weakness in my opinion, however what you dont want is to go getting yourself an addiction to a Class A narcotic on top of all the issues you currently have. Thats what I did in my mid-20s and I'm now 34 and its like my life was on pause for all this time.

I'm treatment resistant too - Major Depression. You remind me so much of myself. I'd actually like to help you as much as possible. I'm going to be in a state of withdrawal for the next 10 days, after which I expect I should be able to give you some more solid advice, but I'll still come back to the thread and check up between now and then (my thinking isnt anywhere as clear as it will be).

Tell me - do you work? Do you have friends? Are you in college or did you go to college? When did this all begin with you? Were you always like this or did it begin around 12/13?
I'm very sorry to hear you're in so much pain my friend. It was a good idea to make this thread though. Hopefully we can help you.
 
I used to be pretty...I never dated traditionally handsome men. Interesting, engaging, funny, cool...all of that's worth way more than being a brainless himbo. I now choose to only date women, but ... that's beside the point ..

Be you. Try to give not just take emotionally. You will find someone.

As for the drugs, that's a really awful combination, but you can get out of it. Do you want to stop?
 
darvocet21 said:
Sounds like you're in hell already. No I'm only kidding it gets worse. Actually it's a bottomless pit

The way out EXISTS but it consists of 2 things that probably seem impossible in your current frame of mind.
Being grateful & Being of service

Start with the Gratitude part. The smallest things a blade of grass I think there was a poet who made a whole book out of that. You've got to find something to spark that in your heart

Same with service, you might start by getting a dog. I don't mean a service dog I mean a rescue is about to be put down. That will neatly Circle it back to gratitude

That's it I'm not going to give you any more advice for free you don't deserve it, oh I'm just joking there is one thing I wanted to say. Chicks who claim they hang around you because of your looks ... lying. I'm sensing they're sensing you have more value than you're sensing. Like brutal honesty
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I get that you're joking a little bit, but just keep in mind that the mental state someone might be in while posting in tds isn't exactly conducive to jokes and such.
 
darvocet21 said:
Sounds like you're in hell already. No I'm only kidding it gets worse. Actually it's a bottomless pit

The way out EXISTS but it consists of 2 things that probably seem impossible in your current frame of mind.
Being grateful & Being of service

Start with the Gratitude part. The smallest things a blade of grass I think there was a poet who made a whole book out of that. You've got to find something to spark that in your heart

Same with service, you might start by getting a dog. I don't mean a service dog I mean a rescue is about to be put down. That will neatly Circle it back to gratitude

That's it I'm not going to give you any more advice for free you don't deserve it, oh I'm just joking there is one thing I wanted to say. Chicks who claim they hang around you because of your looks ... lying. I'm sensing they're sensing you have more value than you're sensing. Like brutal honesty
Click to expand...

Well that wasnt very helpful to the fella was it? Bottomless pit? It gets worse? He doesnt need to see that and this is not the place for jokes.
 
@candidsurprise I didn't mean to make this about me. I apologize if I went to far with either the joke or the sermonizing.

The most important piece of advice I got in recovery was: be grateful and be of service
 
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