I’m New Here

[LadyBug143]

Hello everyone!!???????

I’ve been observing off and on for about ten years.?Sounds kinda creepy when I see it typed out. Anyway, I’ve been a huge fan for years and Bluelight has been my go to sight for real life info about HR. You guys are always an awesome group of forward thinking, thoughtful, intelligent, LIFE CHANGING individuals!!
I have developed a lifelong opioid dependency after I sustained relatively minor injuries in a very very bad car accident.
As is the case with so many others, but for my own reasons, some of which I may be able to open up about eventually, I ended up with a hefty h habit that almost nobody was aware of. I have been clean from h since January 2019, thanks to MMT and daily talk therapy. I’ve had to taper from my relatively high prescription Benzo addiction, and am currently experiencing serious agitation, as I took my last dose two days ago. Currently detoxing one medication at a time. Also living with Bipolar I Disorder so I take several other less addictive prescription meds.
I look forward to participating. You guys have done amazing things in so many lives. I can’t thank you all enough!!!

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Hey @LadyBug143 !

Haha, not creepy at all. We hear it all the time!

I'm so glad we could help you and hopefully you can find a home here. Possibly find solace in Mental Health or Health & Recovery. Hopefully being an active member will allow you to find this place as cathartic more than being merely a lurker would. BL is a great place to make friends and talk without being judged.

How are your Bipolar symptoms on medication? I got a bit hypo-manic this spring despite being on lamictal and vraylar, but nothing crazy.

See you around

 

[Factualist]

Welcome! I just recently joined after lurking for a while as well and I'm really enjoying it so far. I've come to find out that a lot of people here struggle with mental health issues and for the most everyone is really open minded. it's nice to talk to people with some common ground who also are a bit more accepting and understanding of drug use as opposed to some people in the greater mental health community.

I know from personal experience that benzos (and alcohol) are so hard to kick. I wish you the best of luck. Take it one day at a time.

If you don't mind me asking, what meds are you on and how are they helping with your symptoms? I deal with bipolar II and borderline personality disorder and I've had a lot of difficulty finding the right medications. But now I think I've finally found something that works. Right now I've been taking Lamictal 200mg and Wellbutrin XR 300mg for the past couple months and I'm making headway that I never have before. Therapy has really helped a lot. In February I was put in the psych ward for the second time (the first time was just for an overdose) and afterwards I enrolled in a 3-week DBT partial-hospitalization program and then stepped down to a 4-week intensive out-patient program. Afterwards I was doing really doing better, I really got a lot out of DBT group therapy, it's amazing.

But I was also put on Seroquel and kept on Lexapro (which I found out later is very contraindicated for bipolar, which they diagnosed me with, still a bit angry about that). Seroquel fucking sucks in my experience, I absolutely could not deal with the side-effects. I slept 16 hours a day and spent the other 8 hours eating and feeling like I was lobotomized. So I stopped taking that and only took Lexapro. Which, as you'd expect, didn't go so well. Had my worst manic episode I've ever had and ended up hospitalized again late in April, where I was thankfully taken of Lexapro and put on Lamictal 200mg, which I worked up to from 25mg over the course of a few weeks. I ended up being stuck in the psych ward for 11 days because of some clerical issues. There I was also diagnosed with BPD and alcohol use disorder and put on Naltrexone as well. They transferred me to a voluntary in-patient rehab center which was also based on DBT and had groups as well as one-on-one therapy. My personal therapist decided I was self-medicating and didn't have alcohol use disorder and so took me off Naltrexone at my request.

After I got out, I had a follow up with a different place where they put me on Wellbutrin since I still had a lot of crippling depressive symptoms. Thankfully Wellbutrin doesn't make me manic and helps really well with a lot of my particular symptoms. I feel like I'm finally starting to get my life back. I know I'll never be the person I was before I got sick, but no one is the same person they were 5 minutes ago, and I've learned a lot and wouldn't dream of trading my experiences for being """normal""". Along with weekly talk therapy, the meds are helping me not spend every day hating myself and praying for death.

Wish you all the best and hope to see you around!

 

[Angalfaria]

Hey LadyBug, welcome to this forum.