• Bar GraphicOpen Late Graphic

    🍸🍻 The Lounge 🍻🍸

    Welcome Guest!

    Forum GuidelinesBluelight Rules
  • Bluelight HOT THREADS
  • Let's Welcome Our NEW MEMBERS!

Seriousish How to become a selfish asshole?

Status
Not open for further replies.

mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
Staff member
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
9,394
I thought about posting this in a serious forum but I don't have the energy to put in the effort.

I've been somewhat of a pussy my whole life. I let people use me and treat me like shit. I obsessively care about other peoples problems but don't value myself at all. If someone I care about is in trouble or hurt I literally can't sleep at night.

I've been around selfish assholes my entire life so you'd think I'd know by now what to do. How do I be like them? How do I learn to only care about myself?

Thanks
 

Mafioso

Moderator: TDS
Staff member
Joined
Feb 14, 2010
Messages
3,815
Location
TDS
Work a high stress job that you hate for years on end with no vacations, and take all overtime offered. Best if you are traveling so your social life falls apart completely, and you are working in some sort of management position so you forget how to relate to anyone in a way that you aren't a superior (or trying to take their job)to the person you are speaking to. You'll also probably grow suspicious of everyone being remotely nice to you, and assume it's due to ulterior motives(they're trying to take your job, essentially).

At that point, if anyone comes around you still(without being required to by their job), rest assured you'll be the one dishing out the shit.
 

mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
Staff member
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
9,394
Work a high stress job that you hate for years on end with no vacations, and take all overtime offered. Best if you are traveling so your social life falls apart completely, and you are working in some sort of management position so you forget how to relate to anyone in a way that you aren't a superior (or trying to take their job)to the person you are speaking to. You'll also probably grow suspicious of everyone being remotely nice to you, and assume it's due to ulterior motives(they're trying to take your job, essentially).

At that point, if anyone comes around you still(without being required to by their job), rest assured you'll be the one dishing out the shit.
That sucks man, sorry.

I know I was being a bit over dramatic or whatever, but basically, most people look out for themselves. If they are doing ok, that gives them some sense of security and comfort. Other people's needs are secondary...they may or may not give a shit IF they find the time. And IF their own need are met first.

I'm not like that. I care way too much. It's a fault of mine and I recognize that.

It could just be an extension of my anxiety. But I've been this way forever.
 

madness00

Moderator: NMI, MH, CD
Staff member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
5,068
Location
New England
Most selfish assholes still care about other people, the asshole is a learned behavior. So they don't necessarily sleep any better at night.

What you want to become is a psychopath. I suggest starting with a couple concussions to break down your amygdala.
 

mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
Staff member
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
9,394
So they don't necessarily sleep any better at night.
Believe me, I've met plenty who do. Normal people. They just have a different perspective than me. It makes more sense from an evolutionary perspective I guess.

false dilemma.

it's possible to not be a pussy without being a selfish asshole.

alasdair
Okay but that's not what I'm asking.
 

madness00

Moderator: NMI, MH, CD
Staff member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
5,068
Location
New England
Okay then.

Why don't you understand that you're more important than other people merely because you exist? What the fuck does it matter how other people are doing when it doesn't change how you feel? Maybe you just need to isolate for a while. But no, you need the social interaction, right? Because your a pussy.
 

Meth novice 79

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
441
My kids dad and I were talking about this last night.
All the kids from high school (we were high school sweethearts nawww) who were AWFUL human beings at the time (bullies, stepped on each other’s heads in order to get ahead, basically assholes) are now in a GREAT position in life, almost finished paying off their first/second home, good jobs, young family everything seems peachy.

Then there’s us. We gave and still give the shirt off our backs to someone who looked like they might need it more, took in street kids and kids who were being abused at home and gave them the best start in life we could manage.
Where are we after 24 years of that?
Living pay to pay, sigh of relief when the rents covered without drama and 2010 was the last vacation we took.

We mused over this for some time and then resolved that we both sleep better at night for the life we have had.
No regrets, I’m stoked I’m not an asshole.
Plus, that kind of personality raises good kids. The other raises kids everyone wants to choke.
 

mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
Staff member
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
9,394
Okay then.

Why don't you understand that you're more important than other people merely because you exist? What the fuck does it matter how other people are doing when it doesn't change how you feel? Maybe you just need to isolate for a while. But no, you need the social interaction, right? Because your a pussy.
it reads that way to me. you stated that your problem is you think you're a pussy and that the solution is to become a selfish asshole.

if you're serious, i don't think you'll find the answers in the lounge...

alasdair
I was just trying a different approach I guess.

Let me rephrase my question. How do I learn to put myself first and not lose sleep over people who wouldn't do the same for me? I literally don't know how.
 

Mafioso

Moderator: TDS
Staff member
Joined
Feb 14, 2010
Messages
3,815
Location
TDS
was mostly joking, as I tend to agree with Alasdair on the topic, although allowing yourself to become extremely unhappy, stressed out, and isolated will make most anyone mildly abrasive to say the least. In those situations, it's usually a struggle to not be an asshole, at least in my experience.

If you want an honest response, it sounds like you are asking "how do I not be codependent", and I think a big part of the answer will be establishing healthy boundaries and sticking to them, even when it doesn't feel right. It can be unhealthy to give too much of yourself away and essentially allow others to dictate your life, either directly or indirectly.
 

mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
Staff member
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
9,394
All the kids from high school (we were high school sweethearts nawww) who were AWFUL human beings at the time (bullies, stepped on each other’s heads in order to get ahead, basically assholes) are now in a GREAT position in life, almost finished paying off their first/second home, good jobs, young family everything seems peachy.

Then there’s us. We gave and still give the shirt off our backs to someone who looked like they might need it more, took in street kids and kids who were being abused at home and gave them the best start in life we could manage.
Where are we after 24 years of that?
Living pay to pay, sigh of relief when the rents covered without drama and 2010 was the last vacation we took.
Yeah exactly. Society tells you that if you are a decent person and care for others eventually that energy will come back to you. I know this is somewhat unrelated but it just came to mind. I foster animals when I can. Take them from shelters and keep them until I find a permanent home for them. It's really rewarding to take them out of that environment and it makes me feel good to know I'm doing what I can. But every fucking time the pain of having to let them go always outweighs everything else. But I keep doing it. I would think most people would simply say, I have enough things to worry about, maybe if I were rich and had more time I'd do it, etc.
 

Meth novice 79

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
441
Yeah exactly. Society tells you that if you are a decent person and care for others eventually that energy will come back to you. I know this is somewhat unrelated but it just came to mind. I foster animals when I can. Take them from shelters and keep them until I find a permanent home for them. It's really rewarding to take them out of that environment and it makes me feel good to know I'm doing what I can. But every fucking time the pain of having to let them go always outweighs everything else. But I keep doing it. I would think most people would simply say, I have enough things to worry about, maybe if I were rich and had more time I'd do it, etc.
Just keep doing you.
You sound pretty darn lovely to me 😍
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top