I know I'm still pilling because my husband is. I want to stop but I don't how it'll affect our relationship. The worst of it is - he has more control over his behaviour on e whereas I am more vulnerable (bad comedowns, embarrasing behaviour etc). In a way I'm beginning to resent him, but I don't want to force him to stop as he'll probably resent me instead. Don't know what to do - am still fucked up from the weekend BTW sorry if I don't make any sense. Please help.
How the fuck do you stop pilling when you know your partner never will?
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wazza
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One: Where does he pill? If you go out together to pill, simply stay at home. My girlfriend did this a while ago as she couldn't handle pilling like I could (i.e any more than once in a blue moon or else she would feel like shit aftwerwards.. Me, I am fine anytime after I pill)
If he pills at home with you being there, maybe it's time to tell him how you feel about this. Even to the point of staying at a friends/relatives place (when he pills? or longer) to prove you are serious about this.
Good luck with whatever you do (can't add more, heading off to lunch as of now)
If he pills at home with you being there, maybe it's time to tell him how you feel about this. Even to the point of staying at a friends/relatives place (when he pills? or longer) to prove you are serious about this.
Good luck with whatever you do (can't add more, heading off to lunch as of now)
I think if you stopped doing them and showed no interest in them he would soon lose the buzz aswell. By taking them yourself you are condoning his actions.
You need to be strong for this and show him that taking drugs isnt the only way to have a good night, maybe plan a few things a couple weekends ahead so you know youll be doing stuff that doesnt involve drugs.
You need to be strong for this and show him that taking drugs isnt the only way to have a good night, maybe plan a few things a couple weekends ahead so you know youll be doing stuff that doesnt involve drugs.
Ok, yes we always pill together/with friends, at home or out. Sure I can try the staying at home thing...but what will that achieve? More than likely l'll resent him 'cause I know he'll be having a good time - probably getting up to mischief while I'm sulking home alone.
Pleonastic
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Is he aware of your feelings on this, or are you assuming there will be any resentment? Without knowing the situation I can't really say much, but I'd guess there's a chance that he'd actually take it well. Perhaps he'd really like to cut down too, but thinks he should keep doing it for you? Maybe not. What I'm getting at is that it could be one of those situations where both people are behaving in a way they don't like because they think they're helping the other person, whereas in reality if there was open and honest communication about it then the problems would be solved! 
That's assuming you haven't talked openly about this with him yet. If you have and there's still no agreement then it'd be a different issue altogether.
(P.S... wait until later in the week to do something like this, so it won't be assumed it's just a comedown rant).
That's assuming you haven't talked openly about this with him yet. If you have and there's still no agreement then it'd be a different issue altogether.
(P.S... wait until later in the week to do something like this, so it won't be assumed it's just a comedown rant).
Doodle
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I've been in a similar situation, where my gf doesn't really want to take pills anymore (very rarely), but I'm certainly happy (and wanting) to once every couple of months.
So when I go out for a night on the pills she just doesn't come and goes out and catches up with her own mates she hasn't seen for a while.
Its good to have the occassional night out without your partner once in a while.
So when I go out for a night on the pills she just doesn't come and goes out and catches up with her own mates she hasn't seen for a while.
Its good to have the occassional night out without your partner once in a while.
Strawberry_lovemuffin
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I can't really give advice without feeling a little hypocritical because my partner and I are in a similar situation - only in reverse. I adore taking pills and usually end up "springing" it on my partner nearly every weekend. He can't really complain that much though, because I buy them all myself and he *does* smoke weed nearly every night, which I'm not keen on. (That's my escape clause... heh)
He doesn't hate that we do pills a lot (his arm is very bendy ) but he would definitely prefer it if we cut down; or at least, if I showed a little more control.
Having said that I won't give advice,I'm now going to, because can't help myself (this is my area of "expertise" after all :D )
The bottom line is: if this ever became a serious problem for us I would quit. When it comes down to it, I simply don't love pills more than him.
As a couple, you need to be building a future together. It doesn't mean that you lose your individuality but it does mean that occasionally, you have to make sacrifices and compromises to preserve the integrity of the unit as a whole. Above all you need to have a sense that you're moving in the right direction .... together. If this is becoming a major problem for you, you need to discuss it. I know how easy it is to continue with bad habits simply because your partner is - I would probably have given up smoking cigarrettes by now if my partner wasn't a smoker.
It's nice to have goals, and perhaps that's what you're missing right now? I know we are. A higher goal other than instant self-gratification takes away some of the desire to continue with destructive habits. What's something you can aim for as a couple which could take the place of your current weekend habits? A holiday? A car? A business? We are thinking of buying a home together. It's got to be something that means enough to both of you, to help you move in another direction.
It's worth thinking about. Definitely have a chat to him, in a non-threatening way. Just bring it up and put it on the table. But in doing that you need to also accept your part in the whole thing (because you are being complicit) otherwise he'll feel blamed and bullied. And we know how men clam up when they feel blamed and bullied.
Good luck hun.
SLM
He doesn't hate that we do pills a lot (his arm is very bendy
) but he would definitely prefer it if we cut down; or at least, if I showed a little more control.Having said that I won't give advice,I'm now going to, because can't help myself (this is my area of "expertise" after all :D )
The bottom line is: if this ever became a serious problem for us I would quit. When it comes down to it, I simply don't love pills more than him.
As a couple, you need to be building a future together. It doesn't mean that you lose your individuality but it does mean that occasionally, you have to make sacrifices and compromises to preserve the integrity of the unit as a whole. Above all you need to have a sense that you're moving in the right direction .... together. If this is becoming a major problem for you, you need to discuss it. I know how easy it is to continue with bad habits simply because your partner is - I would probably have given up smoking cigarrettes by now if my partner wasn't a smoker.
It's nice to have goals, and perhaps that's what you're missing right now? I know we are. A higher goal other than instant self-gratification takes away some of the desire to continue with destructive habits. What's something you can aim for as a couple which could take the place of your current weekend habits? A holiday? A car? A business? We are thinking of buying a home together. It's got to be something that means enough to both of you, to help you move in another direction.
It's worth thinking about. Definitely have a chat to him, in a non-threatening way. Just bring it up and put it on the table. But in doing that you need to also accept your part in the whole thing (because you are being complicit) otherwise he'll feel blamed and bullied. And we know how men clam up when they feel blamed and bullied.
Good luck hun.
SLMThis is all very well, but to be honest, unless you guys are fairly serious or a very good match, such a change is likely to be fatal. Seen it too often and its a fairly well known syndrome...straighty's and druggie's can match up if its on the table from the start, but if a druggie goes straighty or a straighty goes druggy in an all straighty/all druggy relationship (I hope the terms are sensical...) it tends to fall apart. You'll simply find your interests will start to diverge and you'll start to spend more and more time away from each other.
Fact of the matter is drugs are a lifestyle, and if you want to stop the drugs, you either have to continue in the same lifestyle w/o drugs (you have my sincere admiration if you can manage this), or you have to change your lifestyle. If he isnt stopping drugs, he probably doesn't wanna change lifestyles, so its gonna come down to this (and yes, its all going to be about communication here) - are you prepared to keep living the same way minus the drugs, or is he prepared to change his life and continue the drugs?
A final question to ask yourself is this - Do I care about him enough to risk messing up my life if I dont have the strength to stop alone and I need to stop?
Hope I havnt oversimplified.
Fact of the matter is drugs are a lifestyle, and if you want to stop the drugs, you either have to continue in the same lifestyle w/o drugs (you have my sincere admiration if you can manage this), or you have to change your lifestyle. If he isnt stopping drugs, he probably doesn't wanna change lifestyles, so its gonna come down to this (and yes, its all going to be about communication here) - are you prepared to keep living the same way minus the drugs, or is he prepared to change his life and continue the drugs?
A final question to ask yourself is this - Do I care about him enough to risk messing up my life if I dont have the strength to stop alone and I need to stop?
Hope I havnt oversimplified.
Cyberdyne - You've summarised my situation quite accurately. I'm talking about an 11 year relationship here so communication is definitely not an issue. We have children together and we've built a life from scratch so obviously I care deeply about this person.
The drugs were introduced into our lives only recently, about 18 months ago. We were until then, very straight.
I didn't want us to begin leading seperate lives so I became involved reluctantly. I won't deny, I have enjoyed the experience, but I feel a lot of damage has been done, and lot of money has been wasted. I don't need a pill to have a good time, I'm naturally a very loquacious and confident woman, however my husband's self-image has always been poor, and drugs have enabled him to shed some of those insecurities. His confidence and general outlook on life have improved and as a result he's become a much happier and more relaxed person, so, you could say, he relies upon the drugs to maintain this and I don't want to deprive him of that.
He has very mild come-downs if any, whereas I on the other hand can become quite depressed and on occasion entertain suicidal thoughts. I agree, that 'straightees' and 'druggies' don't mix and this is what scares me. I accepted drugs into my life to avoid that situation in the first place, and now I'm faced with it again.
I guess when it comes to the crunch, he'll be left to choose between me and the drugs.
The drugs were introduced into our lives only recently, about 18 months ago. We were until then, very straight.
I didn't want us to begin leading seperate lives so I became involved reluctantly. I won't deny, I have enjoyed the experience, but I feel a lot of damage has been done, and lot of money has been wasted. I don't need a pill to have a good time, I'm naturally a very loquacious and confident woman, however my husband's self-image has always been poor, and drugs have enabled him to shed some of those insecurities. His confidence and general outlook on life have improved and as a result he's become a much happier and more relaxed person, so, you could say, he relies upon the drugs to maintain this and I don't want to deprive him of that.
He has very mild come-downs if any, whereas I on the other hand can become quite depressed and on occasion entertain suicidal thoughts. I agree, that 'straightees' and 'druggies' don't mix and this is what scares me. I accepted drugs into my life to avoid that situation in the first place, and now I'm faced with it again.
I guess when it comes to the crunch, he'll be left to choose between me and the drugs.
You sound like a strong person. If you like the scene enough perhaps you can drop the drugs and keep the lifestyle? Theres a lot of people out there that are really strongly into clubbing etc, and have a fantastic and relatively wholesome time w/o anything but love and happy. If you are happy with his drug use and at the very least dont think its damaging him in any way I can't see why you wouldnt get along fine.
smileyfish
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- Aug 8, 2002
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I have a somewhat similar situation inthat my partenr is hazppier to use drugs more frequently than i do. For us it isn't really a problem as we have very open communication. If I think he's going a little too hard I'll tell him and he respects my opinion and my concern.
Occasionally I send him out with the crew and stay home to catch up on sleep or do something with my straight friends. Although there is the odd twinge of "he's having fun without me" I don't really mind - if i really wanted to I could have gone. I also do go out with him and don't consume anything on occasion. I can have a brilliant night without the chems just dancing and enjoying the vibe, or if at a house party just joining in with the atmosphere.
Sometimes you'll feel as though you're missing out, and sometimes he'll be disappointed that he's not sharing his experiences with you, but it is managable. I really don't see it as an all-or-nothing situtation, but then, I'm not giving up the chems completely.
You need to find the balance within your relationship. Best of luck!
Smiley
Occasionally I send him out with the crew and stay home to catch up on sleep or do something with my straight friends. Although there is the odd twinge of "he's having fun without me" I don't really mind - if i really wanted to I could have gone. I also do go out with him and don't consume anything on occasion. I can have a brilliant night without the chems just dancing and enjoying the vibe, or if at a house party just joining in with the atmosphere.
Sometimes you'll feel as though you're missing out, and sometimes he'll be disappointed that he's not sharing his experiences with you, but it is managable. I really don't see it as an all-or-nothing situtation, but then, I'm not giving up the chems completely.
You need to find the balance within your relationship. Best of luck!
Smiley