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Hopeless How old were you when you accepted sobriety was not possible?

neversickanymore

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Another thing you may consider is scaling your take home back. Im sure its a true pain going everyday or so, but it has to be better then blowing through doses early every week and hitting the booze. You have to feel wretched almost all the time.<3 You need to stabilize before your going to be able to create positive change.

Do you think you have much more to learn in another treatment? I would consider stabilizing and taking things pretty simple for three months. Then I would take everything you have learned about addiction and its treatment and come up with a solid treatment plan for yourself, write it down and then start using it. If you end up behaving in a way you no longer want to adjust the plan and move forward.

You can do this.. sure it will suck for a little bit, but you say your pretty miserable right now so fuck staying where your at.

You don't have to attack your whole situation all at once at break neck speed. Think about a really relaxed list of goals you would like to achive in the next year.

Where would like to be in a year killer?
 

neversickanymore

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Drug Info on injection specific methadone. At first glance it looks pretty similar to oral methadone, I'd read the QT Prolongation section as you may be at an elevated risk for it.

 

JessFR

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Ugh. People injecting methadone grosses me out for some reason. I did it once. When I was super desperate.

But my ex partner used to do it more frequently and I hated seeing him do it.

I dunno what it is, maybe cause I drink that disgusting syrup all the time and I don't wanna imagine it going straight in my veins.
 

deficiT

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I accepted harm reduction as a be all end all solution for this about the same time I turned 29. I don’t accept that sobriety is impossible though, it’s the most harm reduction I could possibly get.

That being said I have zero intention of aiming toward being totally sober right now. I have no issue with that, it’s where I’m at for now and I can live with myself using sometimes to a certain degree..

I do want to quit meth entirely however and alcohol is also a major problem that I combat from time to time still after years of Hardcore alcoholism up til about age 25. I’ve had my days, or a couple weeks - a month a couple times even straight up drinking.

I don’t give a shit about using pot or a bit of something like a psychedelic. I’d probably do a line of coke (haven’t done in months like maybe start of may and never had major issues with) or eat a couple percs (ex opiate addict my opinion, don’t crave it Or most importantly obsess over it for a long time) or whatever. Not my biggest issue.

I’ve allowed myself some relatively lighter to actually light drinking a couple times recently. I want to go to a rave someday or a festival and have that experience with molly or maybe a mix with a psychedelic in the festival scenario. There can be a lot of fuckin fun to have with these things if it’s done right, and I handle most substances reasonably well with alcohol being one to watch out for currently.. I still like to party some, except....

Meth. It’s destroying my life. Not yet, exactly, but I’m setting myself up for major failure if I keep it up. And even worse, insanity. I cannot use meth any longer if I want a good life. I cannot control it enough to be okay with it.

I take vyvanse as a regular med. it’s Phenomenal if I take it as prescribed how it helps me out of a lot of binds mentally and I have some energy where often I’d have none. Abusing amphetamines with meth though, it’s killing me quicker than I realize probably.

I have levels I can live with and some I can’t. I’m aiming for a harm reduction model. Maybe someday I go further down that line and abstain. It all fits into harm reduction.

So 29, in a sense.

I feel you on that. It is possible! I haven't drank since June! And I am a raving alcoholic. I'm also struggling with getting meth out of my bubble since newly being rehabbed. The psychs have helped a lot.
 

D's

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When I was 28. Living alone in a dome tent in the woods outside the city line. Would stay gone most of the day just so i could scavenge enough money for booze, and sometimes not be so lucky,and end up boosting bottles of mouth wash just so i wouldn't get the shakes.
Shit was pretty unmanageable for me then, i was trapped. With the free breakfast here, free lunch and dinner there. So with my needs met, i just needed booze.
Wasn't until i got sick as fuck from drinking hand sanitizer when i knew i was going to die if i didn't stop. So that was the turning point for me. No family,no friends (besides the church). And the desire to try something different.
 

mokele

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I accepted harm reduction as a be all end all solution for this about the same time I turned 29. I don’t accept that sobriety is impossible though, it’s the most harm reduction I could possibly get.

That being said I have zero intention of aiming toward being totally sober right now. I have no issue with that, it’s where I’m at for now and I can live with myself using sometimes to a certain degree..

I do want to quit meth entirely however and alcohol is also a major problem that I combat from time to time still after years of Hardcore alcoholism up til about age 25. I’ve had my days, or a couple weeks - a month a couple times even straight up drinking.

I don’t give a shit about using pot or a bit of something like a psychedelic. I’d probably do a line of coke (haven’t done in months like maybe start of may and never had major issues with) or eat a couple percs (ex opiate addict my opinion, don’t crave it Or most importantly obsess over it for a long time) or whatever. Not my biggest issue.

I’ve allowed myself some relatively lighter to actually light drinking a couple times recently. I want to go to a rave someday or a festival and have that experience with molly or maybe a mix with a psychedelic in the festival scenario. There can be a lot of fuckin fun to have with these things if it’s done right, and I handle most substances reasonably well with alcohol being one to watch out for currently.. I still like to party some, except....

Meth. It’s destroying my life. Not yet, exactly, but I’m setting myself up for major failure if I keep it up. And even worse, insanity. I cannot use meth any longer if I want a good life. I cannot control it enough to be okay with it.

I take vyvanse as a regular med. it’s Phenomenal if I take it as prescribed how it helps me out of a lot of binds mentally and I have some energy where often I’d have none. Abusing amphetamines with meth though, it’s killing me quicker than I realize probably.

I have levels I can live with and some I can’t. I’m aiming for a harm reduction model. Maybe someday I go further down that line and abstain. It all fits into harm reduction.

So 29, in a sense.
Just a tip. Cigarrettes kill and scar soo many, yet we hardly think about it.Try vaping instead of smoking.
Not those high dosed Jule pods but start with a cheap, reliable one and find your nic strength. I tried EVERY Way of quitting the cancer sticks and had 3 or 4 DVTs and lifelong bloodthinners thanks to smoking from age 12 to 49.And i rolled my own, about 40-50/Day. When first tried e- cigarettes, i cant even remember first one, that was like chains breaking. In first year i sometimes bummed a fag but i noticed i dont enjoy it anymore!
Have been a happy vaper ever since. I do vape alot, but only the 3% lightest Version and i have those e-cigarettes where a blue light shines when you draw, you might know those. I really hope it is the same exit for you, cuz a Doc once sat down with me in IC unit, pointed to my scarred arms and said, if you really use those micron filters like you said it wont be the drugs but the smoking that will kill you.
But i still couldnt stop. Till vaping came...
I can now run 4 storys without collapsing on second floor.
 
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RedRum OG

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If I would try to convince you of anything, it would be to stop shooting your methadone. It has legs for days if you take it orally. I'm sure you know this, but you'll stay straight like 3x longer if you take it by mouth. Find out if you are one of those people who get benefit from antacids or fatty meals with methadone. Ideal conditions methadone is like 90% efficient orally, but if you have an acidic stomach or something it can be like 40-60%

I shot my suboxone for a year. Equally stupid, if not more. It was hard as hell to get away from the needle addiction. Shoot water if you have to, but I just found that triggering. Shits hard. I haven't used a needle in years and blood still excites me deeply.

If you need to fuck around, smoke weed, try some white grapefruit juice. Easier said than done, I'm aware. Harm reduction. Dont OD, stay alive to keep getting high. Dont lose an arm to an abscess and you can keep doing your own shots. Dont shoot it and you'll stay high longer. That kind of stuff.
 
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cowboycurtis

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I've been here bro, and I think better wording for your thread title should be, "How old were you when you falsely convinced yourself sobriety was not possible?". In answer to that, probably somewhere in my mid-20s I (falsely) accepted I would be an addict for life, and by late-20s things had spiraled so far out of control the thought of getting sober wasn't even on my mind, it was more like, "how can I make this all end?"

In hindsight, I could have done a lot of things differently. In the end, though, what honestly caused me to change my life was hitting a bottom I didn't even know could exist.

Whatever your idea of misery and hell is now, I promise you, it can only get much worse. Much, much, much worse.

But, I know just saying that typically won't mean much. I heard it 100s of times when I was in that position, and it didn't even compute. To be honest, in my brutally honest opinion, when we reach that stage, it takes a seismic life changing event to snap us out of those deep, engrained negative behavioral patterns we developed over many, many years. Everyone is different, of course, but if you look at relapse rates, unless you can truly dig down, deep inside of you, and work on fixing the problems inside, the chances of continued sobriety -- and not just being clean, but being mentally well in sobriety -- are very slim.

It's difficult, absolutely, but it's worth every painstaking millisecond of it to find freedom.

^^^This. 100%.
I actually copy/pasted this into a text message for a young girl struggling with fentanyl addiction. She thought she had experienced her bottom and didn't really believe it could get any worse. It's true though, there are bottoms you can't even imagine until you're in the thick of it.

OK I hope you're doing better since your OP. I can totally relate to where you're at right now. Can't live with the drugs, can't live without the drugs. I get the whole needle fixation, but there's got to be a better way to satisfy those urges than banging oral methadone. Shoot up saline if you have to. I know people that have had some pretty adverse effects from shooting their take-homes and I don't want that for you. I'm only slightly older than you, but I've definitely just recently experienced the darkest period of my life. I wanted to die. Sobriety no longer felt like a way out, only death. I've accepted the fact that those are my options: recovery or death. If I go back out I know I won't live much longer. Like Deru said, sometimes it takes that life-shattering experience to really get you to change your life around, but hopefully you do it sooner. If you have to be on methadone for a while, so be it. But for fuck's sake please just drink it. It works just as good. As for the other drugs it might be best to cut down or stop. At the very least it might be a good idea to get rid of the drinking and the steroids for health's sake alone. I know for me things like alcohol and anything that lowers inhibitions always leads me back to heroin somehow. Life is loads better IMO without a dope habit so I wouldn't close my mind to the possibility of sobriety. But definitely take it at your own pace and you know yourself better than anyone else so make a plan that works for you. What do you really want to change about your life? Ask yourself.
 

The Axe

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Sometimes it seems like sobriety is a very relative concept, I've been taking antidepressants, and now an antipychotic, for decades, sober in the AA sense for years, and definitely alternated heavy on alcohol for years. Now that I've finally started coming to terms with long term treatment resistant depression, the only relevant question is, how do I not completely fuck up my already fucked up mental state? I'm pretty convinced I'm not an alcoholic or addict, I would define myself as a user or abuser of drugs and alcohol, not alcoholic or addict. And the reason I like them is that they make me feel better so long as I don't over do it. If you had long term treatment resistant depression you'd feel like shit all the time too. Trust me, it gets old.

Truth be told, unless I'm talking to someone who has lifelong psychiatric issues, I could really care less about anyone else's opinion on the subject.
 

deficiT

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Sometimes it seems like sobriety is a very relative concept, I've been taking antidepressants, and now an antipychotic, for decades, sober in the AA sense for years, and definitely alternated heavy on alcohol for years. Now that I've finally started coming to terms with long term treatment resistant depression, the only relevant question is, how do I not completely fuck up my already fucked up mental state? I'm pretty convinced I'm not an alcoholic or addict, I would define myself as a user or abuser of drugs and alcohol, not alcoholic or addict. And the reason I like them is that they make me feel better so long as I don't over do it. If you had long term treatment resistant depression you'd feel like shit all the time too. Trust me, it gets old.

Truth be told, unless I'm talking to someone who has lifelong psychiatric issues, I could really care less about anyone else's opinion on the subject.

Agreed that sobriety is relative.

using and abusing drugs = classic addict behavior simple as that

You have been sober for years now though, so maybe you are just struggling w/ impulsive urges to make the pain go away.

Have you been to an AA meeting before?

I've struggled w/ depression my entire life and have tried most medications, but never stay on them long. But I'm definitely an addict and haven't managed any form of sobriety for very long.

It does get old, but you're not the only one.

If you're ever feeling real down or just need someone to talk to, feel free to message me any time.
 

jhjhsdi

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? Last seen:KO on floor with 1/2 hit of K in arm💉
Probably after getting kicked out of rehab after 4 weeks.
Actually no, probably after sneaking out of rehab to drink after 2.5 weeks.
Maybe after sneaking out to drink and smoke weed after 3 weeks?
Or after sneaking out to drink, smoke weed, sniff coke AND smoke crack and smack in a bush in broad daylight after 3.5 weeks?

I was about 27 years old btw. I'm 33 now. Dont think I've gone more than a fortnight without something. My main problem is ketamine my 2nd biggest problem is alcohol.

Sober life just doesnt appeal to me. Maybe i just want to escape reality. When i have no money or drugs and no way to get any i just sleep and am grumpy 🤷‍♂️
I'm way more outgoing and fun to be around when I've had something to alter reality, and I've come to accept that. I try and use moderation as much as possible.
 

deficiT

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Probably after getting kicked out of rehab after 4 weeks.
Actually no, probably after sneaking out of rehab to drink after 2.5 weeks.
Maybe after sneaking out to drink and smoke weed after 3 weeks?
Or after sneaking out to drink, smoke weed, sniff coke AND smoke crack and smack in a bush in broad daylight after 3.5 weeks?

I was about 27 years old btw. I'm 33 now. Dont think I've gone more than a fortnight without something. My main problem is ketamine my 2nd biggest problem is alcohol.

Sober life just doesnt appeal to me. Maybe i just want to escape reality. When i have no money or drugs and no way to get any i just sleep and am grumpy 🤷‍♂️
I'm way more outgoing and fun to be around when I've had something to alter reality, and I've come to accept that. I try and use moderation as much as possible.

Seconded on your DOCs although alcohol has never agreed with me physically, it truly brings the worst out of me compared to anything else. And just diss0s in general for me. I crave a drink very badly but have been sober since June somehow. Not sober from anything else though.

Sober life doesn't appeal to me either because fuck reality.
 
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