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How High Are You? V. Dude Where's My Bar?

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more beers, tears (lol rhymes and literal real life sucks) but finally feeling good like, this is where I belong, in my Room 101



beers, dabs, I don't think I want to take benzos. I don't have much else available. I could brew coffee but history has taught me not to. Kava is only useful as a hypnotic. Alcohol has reached its limit.
 
Effect said:
I

Relate so much to the former and despite not being able to say I can relate to the latter, I love it regardless.
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in my (drunk) mind I responded, and didn't? I forgot what I was going to say. I was referring to the "paradoxical reaction" to medicating "insomnia" suggesting "sleep" is to be "feared". While there is some "truth to this" because people "may respond well" to sleep deprivation for depression relief (I "tend to be" one of these people, more often than not it describes me quite well), I'm also the kind of person that does NOT fear sleep I FEAR NIGHTMARES so I want DREAMLESS sleep and if I can't have it I prefer hellish awareness.

Everyone who knows me in real life (and I am not joking) starts to laugh when I go "TRUST ME TELL ME TO GO WITHOUT SLEEP AND CHECK BACK IN A FEW DAYS AND YOU'LL BE SORRY FOR SUGGESTING THE IDEA"
 
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fuck I just had that realization I know I won't be alright without benzos, and I know it (physically moreso than mentally because I'm feeling great) and have to dose, fuck neurological catatonia is going to cause me off myself and no one will ever understand, perhaps I am better off taking a pill and having a drink, I'll be one of those people with 10-20 years+ younger friends like Karen

 
.20 xan

mini dabz (many)

champagne (alcohol)

24 oz's redbull

scared i would stop breathing (but i am)

oh and coke's
 
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My day ya dig? Order it out for my own purposes.

Bud
45mg methadone
Bud
1.75mg clonazepam
24oz 8% abv screwdriver
Bud out the roommate head stash
24oz 8% abv can
1mg lorazepam
.25mg of dope
Bud
24oz Natural Ice
.75mg clonazepam under the tongue now

-How could I forget today's trip to NH for vape pods. Been a long 5-6 days without.

No benzos tomorrow. About to walk in the door, play 2k and smoke a bowl.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
fuck I just had that realization I know I won't be alright without benzos, and I know it (physically moreso than mentally because I'm feeling great) and have to dose, fuck neurological catatonia is going to cause me off myself and no one will ever understand, perhaps I am better off taking a pill and having a drink, I'll be one of those people with 10-20 years+ younger friends like Karen

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haha. hahahhaha. laughing at my disgrace is the 1 joy i have now

dabs. angry and resentful of myself while perfectly happy. took half a bar. hasn't kicked in yet. will likely have a few beers to help put a smile on my face.
 
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Been smoking bowls all night and I'm pretty high currently but I Can't decide whether to finish the night/morning off with 2mg alprazolam or 35mg oxycodone.
 
Celtics won! 7-1 👍 Unfortunately Gordon Hayward broke his hand.

45mg methadone
Smoking bowls of good all afternoon
25oz Natty Daddy (Cheap Today)
Puffin' on the juul all day like a fuckin high schooler
Took 1mg lorazepam earlier and no clonazepam till tomorrow (hopefully afternoon)

Watched a movie prior to Celtics. Bout to pop something else on, waiting for my McDonald's delivery cause the munchies crazy.
 
Smoke really good weed. 1 beer. Just took 1mg of etizolam and will probably take 1 more shortly and get some nice sleep.
 
Rough day. Fight with my roommate, but I got to see for my mom for a bit. I played a scratch ticket and won but unfortunately spent most of my money on dope despite needing it for benzos tomorrow.

45mg methadone
1mg total clonazepam today (another attempt at none tomorrow)
2 × 24oz 8% abv Mike's
.5g dope/(fent most likely nice rush and short fleeting high)
-the walk to cop the next city over with no car was actually mind clearing/nostalgic and getting high old school gave me that old feeling of the lifestyle, but the high after isn't what is used to, mainly due to fent but also age.
Smoked a few bowls.

Hope to sleep well and get thru the holiday Monday tomorrow that I don't even know what is. Poor grammar = Xbox then Netflix/bed
 
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