how hard is it for you to say thankyou?

[zephyr]

Im wondering out loud to all those who post here- if someone has done something nice for you, do you find it easy to show your thanks or do you just assume that person knows you are grateful?

Do you think you need to do something of equal value in kind to said person or can you just accept a favour without ever expecting to return it?

Or- if you spend your time helping someone you love or anyone in particular with something that costs you your time/money or effort and they DONT even say THANKYOU, does it make you feel like shit? Used? Would you ever help them again?

Maybe you would like to thank someone for something they did for you after reading this.

Sometimes saying thankyou is the hardest thing to do. Asking for help is harder.

Thoughts?

 

[Mary Poppins]

I totally agree on both of those premises.

Saying thank-you is sometimes the hardest thing to do, as is asking for help.

edit: omg yay for posting drunk and not explaining myself at all.

it's hard to say thank-you sometimes when people do things for you that you might not have wanted them too, not a favour per se, but they are actually helping you.

that also probably makes no sense.

if someone does a favour for me of course i thank them, but i think it's in those situations where you're not really sure at the time it's in your best interests.

i do feel horrible when people have done huge favours for me and i don't know how/when i can return that.

and yes i like to feel appreciated

 

[Diacetylus]

I don't get it! How the hell is it hard to say, "thank you" to express for how grateful you are? That just doesn't make sense to me. Ridiculous. What are people coming to if it is going to hurt them to look you in the eye and say, "please" or "thank you". Or is this some sort of stupid pride thing? Like, are you somehow looked down upon, or perceived as being "weak" to have a little mannerism? WTF? Honestly, what is wrong with people today?

Whenever I buy something from the supermarket, me as the customer, never fails to say "thanks", or "cheers", or, "can you please tell me where the burritos are? Thanks heaps for that mate"...
To me, if you can't look at someone in the eye and show a little mannerism, you have some serious social issues or insecurities. There is one thing I can't stand more than a person with bad mannerism and that is a compulsive liar. However, poor manners aren't too far off.

People. Get your friggen shit together and start saying please, thank you and be grateful for service, or other good luxuries we have.

 

[Raz]

I always say thanks, I always try not to take for granted when somebody has done something nice for me.

I don't feel pressured that I have to "return the favor" or whatever, because I don't think that people should keep score on stuff like that.

I do keep in mind when someone has helped me out though and will do the same for them if the opportunity presents itself...it's just that I don't live my life waiting for the day when I can return the favor and "get it out of the way"..

If I do like one nice thing for someone and they don't thank me, I'm not gonna lose sleep over it....if I'm constantly there for someone and they don't show any sign that they appreciate it, that does get old after a while.

And finally, I totally agree that sometimes asking for help is a very difficult thing to do...I don't understand how somebody could find it hard to say thank you, it's not like it costs you anything to do that.

 

[Doppelganger]

Personally, I'm a "thanks... you rawk my world" kind-of person.

However, that's just one of my ways of expressing a thank you.

I've noticed not everyone is the same. And depending on their personality characteristics, depends whether it's necessary or not.

Some people show their thanks through good deeds. Just by being there...

I don't really care that much for a thanks for the drink I provided someone... I'm really not keeping score and a thanks, although polite, and I'm sure appreciated - is almost an obligation.

I care more for the prospect of equality. Not as in "you owe me a drink - I bought the last round"... seriously, to hell with that 8(. What I mean is everyone has their values. And in the end, everyone should be providing roughly equal to a relationship. Taking [of course] into consideration circumstances. If someone's worse off, naturally, they may not have as much to give. And that's ok by me.

For example though: Do you constantly thank the life of the party? Just for being such great value? Hell no... you invite them again . However, you may mention that they're a bit cool... [and possibly say 'thanks for coming' as they leave - as you do every single other guest].

So in saying that - why is it so necessary to thank someone for their favour with the value of words? If someone's providing a value of service does that not say more?

I'd rather have someone who didn't thank me for being their for them in their time of need, yet who was their for me in return - compared to someone who thanked me for being there, yet was too busy when the time came round to return the favour.

As I said, not keeping score in any circumstance [emotional, financial, etc.] but you get the general idea...

No, it's not too hard to say 'thank you'... however, I'm more concerned with the overall cycle [reliability, honesty, support, deeds etc.] than some cheap words.

Obviously the best of both worlds is ideal... but I know which one of the two [value/ words] I could easily live without.

p.s. My best friend hardly ever pays for anything. All these other friends of hers seem to do so for her. She can't afford to go out... and they pursuade her CONSTANTLY by paying her way. I guess they think it's worth the cost... she sure as hell doesn't return that particular favour too often .

 

[Raz]

^^^Yeah that's a good point actually....I never thought of it that way.

I would much rather have someone show they appreciate something I've done for them in any meaningful way, rather than just having someone say thanks without that being reflected in anything else they do...

 

[OhSoBec]

I like to think that I show my appreciation for people by telling them how much they mean to me. I'm not afraid to tell someone I think they are amazing, thank them for being the person they are, and I am also not embarrassed to accept a compliment.

I get really annoyed with people who either fish for compliments (ie. these pants make me look fat, I look like crap today) or those who can't take a compliment (ie. you tell them they look great and they go off on a rant about how terrible they look). If they really felt that way about themselves, they wouldn't be drawing other peoples attention to the fact, they'd be hoping no-one would notice.

 

[Samadhi]

I don't find it hard to thank people, and let them know how grateful i am if they do something to help me at all. I also don't get too cranky if i do something to help someone and they don't say thankyou, because i know that it can be REALLY hard for some people to actually accept help, therefore it's hard for them to know how to thank people.

Mostly, the people that don't thank will show their gratitude and appreciation in other ways, such as a return act of kindness and help.

What upsets me is when people take and take with no acknowledgement whatsoever of appreciation. They take it for granted, as if it's everyone elses' duty to help them.

I hope that made sense, i have a hangover. :

 

[up all night]

I don't really know anyone who doesn't say thank you. Sometimes when you do someone a favour or do something that may not look like a favour at the time the person isn't going to be clamouring all over themselves to thank you but all my friends do acknowledge the things people do for them eventually.

I don't have a problem saying thanks - my biggest problem is usually asking for help if I need it.

 

[drEaMtiMe*@#]

hmmm... this is interesting. yesterday i was at the shops, had just payed for my goods and as the check out girl was giving me my change i said 'thanks' to her. immediately afterwards though i found myself thinking 'why the fuck did i just say that? it's my money, she had to give it to me; there was no 'thanks' required of me in that situation'. and another thing that i find is that people often say 'sorry...' to one and other too much. for example, i was on the tram the other day and the driver braked abruptly causing the tram to jolt and thus most of the people on the tram who were standing close to each other to bump into one and other. the woman who was standing next to me who had bumped into my foot said sorry to me for doing so to which i told her that that was alright, but then i kinda thought to myself 'why say sorry for something that isn't your fault, not to mention when she knew that she didn't even hurt me at all when she bumped into me? maybe the tram thing isn't the best example of what i'm trying to say, and i do understand that in both of the above examples saying 'thanks' and 'sorry' is just plain courteous... however, i do think that at times this courteous behaviour becomes a bit overbearing and thus evolves into outright fakery.

i had a bitch a while back in the rants thread about how people constantly asking me how i am when i go shopping pisses me off because the vast majority couldn't care less but rather just ask because they feel like they have to.

therefore what i think i'm trying to say is that people here (in australia) seem to say 'thanks' and 'sorry' to each other way too much, and thus in turn devalue the actual meanings of those words...

in general i believe that most people have difficulties telling others how they truly feel - especially when it comes to verbalising their appreciation to another. i have some difficulty doing this but more so to people who i'm not close to rather than my close friends and family, as i' m very open person with the people who are close to me and pretty much never have any difficulty saying thankyou to them, or alternatively sorry if i've done something wrong.

 

[NickyJ]

I, to the best of my ability, like to say the words AND return the favour where ever possible. I can be someone that "keeps score" depending on circumstances and I always like to be on top, like not in debt to someone. I know it probably doesn't matter all that much but for my close friends, I want to be sure they know they are muchly appreciated.

There have been a couple of friends of mine that are like Doppelgangers' best friend. If they're a bit short on cash my other friends and I usually pay their way so they can come out with us because we think its money well spent for the entertainment we get from having them around.

I'm hung over. Thanks for your time.

 

[CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT]

I can be someone that "keeps score" depending on circumstances and I always like to be on top, like not in debt to someone.

^Same, nickyj - - - I know it's not always required, but I always acknowledge and try to repay any kind doings that have been expressed to me.
I'm a big thanker. :D.

 

[NickyJ]

^ You pinked my name

 

[zephyr]

I was really drunk when I posted this thread and angry at myself for continually being nice and doing nice things for a couple of people, bluelighters of course, who continually take take take, never really putting the effort back in.

Then later I realised I sort of do the same thing with some others who are always there for me and maybe I dont show them the respect and love they show me.

The me doing nice things for those who just take advantage is my fault and will stop.

But this thread is a good opportunity to thank Nickyj for being such a good friend to me in public


/mushy speech.

 

[NickyJ]

^ Awwwwww


SO MUCH PLUR!!! :D

 

[Skigs]

hmmmm... i think i'm guilty of overuse of the phrases 'Thankyou' and 'please'...

...i don't really pay much attention to the manners i use - i trust myself to autopilot with my courtesy, being a hundred percent confident in my upbringing. However, i was recently pulled up by a friend of mine when i purchased an item in a store, then proceeded to say the following to the checkout chick - " ...Cheers! Thankyou! Ta!" . Apparently, as i was later informed when i asked a few more friends, i say it every time i get served/finish a conversation/or do something FOR SOMEONE ELSE!
I am guilty of removing the meaning behind my manners - overuse IS abuse, and i guess, in reality, i mustn't mean a word of my thanks... though i will argue otherwise to save face...hehe.

I have a degenerative disorder that forces me to not only use manners, but overuse them to the point of parody. Meh - i guess it could be worse...i could be one of those ignorant bastards that doesn't say a bloody word.

 

[Vet]

Hooray

Goody, Goody, Goody.

Thank You all for this thread.

I'm so glad to see there are others who believe manners, courtesy and consideration for others is important. All is not lost.

Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

And Please continue to be nice. Even if sometimes you feel like you are the only one.

 

[~Miss*E~]

I'm so glad to see there are others who believe manners, courtesy and consideration for others is important. All is not lost.

^agreed. i'm very big on manners and respect. it doesn't take a lot of effort to say please and thank you, it can totally change a situation.

i have a friend who never used manners, she'd just walk in and take what she wants without asking or checking if you were finished with it, all she would say was "nyoink" and walk off again. [urgh, stupid bitch]
until i did it back to her, i 'nyoinked' her 10 pills from her hand (as she was showing them to me) and walked off. man, she chucked a huge hissy fit, so i explained courtesy and manners to her and explained to her if she 'nyoinked' from me again i would slap her.

 

[joannie_mhm]

my thoughts pretty much echo the go politeness yay common courtesy posts here.
most of you know i worked at coles for years and even if it is an automatic response that means nothing, it's much nicer to hear people say thank you when you've done something for them, despite it being your job to do it anyway.

... if you spend your time helping someone you love or anyone in particular with something that costs you your time/money or effort and they DONT even say THANKYOU, does it make you feel like shit? Used? Would you ever help them again?...

just on this point, it would give me the shits if i was going out of my way to help someone and didn't get thanked, but that's not the reason you do things for other people.
you do it because they need your help, not because you're waiting for the accolades once you're done.

 

[Mean Girl]

most of you know i worked at coles for years and even if it is an automatic response that means nothing, it's much nicer to hear people say thank you when you've done something for them, despite it being your job to do it anyway.

by the same token, i find it hard to say thankyou sometimes since my customer service reflex kicks in and i loathe the idea of sounding automated to those who i genuinely do appreciate. while i go out of my way make sure that doesn't happen, the niggling remaining worry doesn't entirely go away...