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Welcome How Are You in One Word vs wait! Just one?!

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Feeling scared. I've been plugging along with my medical detox from mmt since Nov. I stabilized and stayed at 110 for awhile and go down 3mgs a week. Today I am at 74mgs. I feel like I am starting to feel it. I'm scared. I relapsed when I did this off subs. Relapse is not an option. I will not lose my children.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Thank you for sharing your story and being understanding. Yes, it does seem scary to have a drug-free life because it's become all we know in a way. We weren't always addicts though. We have to find our way back to the way we were.

Yes, keep going to therapy. Let's make this a year where we break the addictions and we are free! It can happen if you really want it. Also, Gabapentin can help if you are truly worried about seizures when you run out of benzos. I was just scared to take it yesterday because I'm on Ritalin now so I didn't know if there would be an interaction.

Turns out there is no interaction with Ritalin and Gabapentin. As a matter of fact, the Gabapentin takes the edge off the stimulant factor of Ritalin. It makes it smoother and I don't feel nervous or worried.

Do you have a group meeting for addiction where you go? I am going to do individual therapy, but there is also an addiction group available. I really think I should join it. Sometimes it's hard to admit you need to go to an addiction meeting, but like you, I am sick of this cycle.

Like I said, try Gapapentin when you run out of benzos. It's easy for me to get it since I live with old people. At least you won't suffer from seizures. Thank you for reaching out. You are an important person and you deserve a better life! Keep going to meetings. We can beat this. Much love to you. 
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Yeah it's important to remember that: We were sober once...Even though it feels like an eternity ago!

I start my treatment next Friday - It'll be the final assessment (mental health questions and just checking me over for needle marks and crap) and then into one to one bog standard counselling. I already have begun to build up ideas as to what is causing my lack of life coping skills and addiction and so will write it all down and take it with me then - it's something I think I have been denying for years because it's a weakness I have buried and hidden in me very deeply and don;t want to share or even admit to my self..Some stuff from my upbringing and my teenage years.

Yeah and then there is the peer group meetings for addiction too they offer so like you I am going to do that alongside my individual therapy. I'd say really go for it - i'm generally shy but the chance to meet people going through the same thing is almost exciting to me, I dunno how you feel? But as much as this forum is great, meeting and interacting with people in the flesh is going to work better I think...and You never know, you could make friends who will help you out.

Yes I am so sick of the cycle...I relapsed a little a couple days ago just to get some sleep (bought some oxy) because the insomnia was making me suicidal and another week to wait for my first outpatient meeting at the clinic felt like too much to handle...Plus the doctor only gave me 10mg diazepam, down from 40mg diazepam and 2mg clonazeam and 2mg xanax a night for the past couple of weeks didn't even touch the sides so I felt I had to turn to the black market and also get more benzos (K-pins and Xanax) to takeon top of my diazepam...I am going to tell the clinic this. No point in lying is there?

They also do MET at the clinic - which is one to one therapy where they look exclusively at triggers and stuff for your drug(s) of choice, so I might look into that after the group and individual therapy.

There are LOTS of things to admit when your addicted, that are very very difficult...The addiction voice lies to you and it's easy to believe what it says and relapse.

Thanks for you reaching out too! You deserve to be happy like every other person in this world. I think it has to start with loving yourself again, and only then can you start fixing yourself and your relationship with the world. We WILL beat this. :) Believe it and it will happen. :) Think of all the money we can save, the time we have, to do things other than getting high or being benzo'd up, and with a healthy body. Climb a mountain, go hiking, enjoy nature without it all being blurred by a haze of drugs.

Much love to you. Take care of yourself. Remember there is always someone who cares about you, even if you have never met them :)
 
Exhausted....again....How long does insomnia last with opiate withdrawals? It's driving me nuts. i also feel bad I took a lot of benzos last night for very little reward due to my high tolerance. The restless legs syndrome was what was keeping me wake.
 
Curious.

I began a new writing project. If art is magic, then my brain is currently an apothecary.
 
Glad I am not alone though not glad other people feel the same......Exhausted. Waiting desperately for a call from the outpatient rehab. Can't actually wait to get some help from this nightmare, despite my phobia of therapy.
 
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