Thank you for sharing your story and being understanding. Yes, it does seem scary to have a drug-free life because it's become all we know in a way. We weren't always addicts though. We have to find our way back to the way we were.
Yes, keep going to therapy. Let's make this a year where we break the addictions and we are free! It can happen if you really want it. Also, Gabapentin can help if you are truly worried about seizures when you run out of benzos. I was just scared to take it yesterday because I'm on Ritalin now so I didn't know if there would be an interaction.
Turns out there is no interaction with Ritalin and Gabapentin. As a matter of fact, the Gabapentin takes the edge off the stimulant factor of Ritalin. It makes it smoother and I don't feel nervous or worried.
Do you have a group meeting for addiction where you go? I am going to do individual therapy, but there is also an addiction group available. I really think I should join it. Sometimes it's hard to admit you need to go to an addiction meeting, but like you, I am sick of this cycle.
Like I said, try Gapapentin when you run out of benzos. It's easy for me to get it since I live with old people. At least you won't suffer from seizures. Thank you for reaching out. You are an important person and you deserve a better life! Keep going to meetings. We can beat this. Much love to you.