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How are You feeling today vs one word for right now

Erikmen

Bluelight Crew
Joined
May 3, 2014
Messages
20,805
I don't mean to pry, but why? I feel pretty good today thank God...
Thanks for asking. I'm just a bit blue, lot of things happening at work.
I wonder if can keep up with the long hours and what happens if I don't.
It does not give me the time to do things to myself, as it motivates me.
 

CoastTwoCoast

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2016
Messages
2,539
Thanks for asking. I'm just a bit blue, lot of things happening at work.
I wonder if can keep up with the long hours and what happens if I don't.
It does not give me the time to do things to myself, as it motivates me.
You can keep up! Believe in yourself. At least you can work. I haven't been able to work and the last time I tried, I was totally embarrassed because I didn't do the job right and got fired. It made me feel like a failure, but I'm ready to get back out there.

I want to take classes. Just confused whether I want it to be creative writing, psychology or astrophysics/astronomy.
 

Erikmen

Bluelight Crew
Joined
May 3, 2014
Messages
20,805
Sorry to hear about your work experience. We all need instructions, and we should be in safe places to ask. Make mistakes and learn from them.
Thanks for your advice. I really should believe in myself. I do make mistakes too, but I'll keep up. Just a bit too tired sometimes.

Psychology seems to be a great field of study I did study psychology for years and years and it gave me so much insight. It makes us grow in interesting ways.
I hope you succeed in whatever you want to try.
Thanks again CTC! :)
 

Erikmen

Bluelight Crew
Joined
May 3, 2014
Messages
20,805
^ That is good. I learned to be more talkative in here, and that makes some of us better listeners.

Awake
 

CoastTwoCoast

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2016
Messages
2,539
Sleepy...and just like "Wow."

I just got off the phone with a guy from a dating site because I really just wanted a friend to talk to, but he said his mom hits him and spat on him. Wtf? A few minutes ago I heard her yelling at him in the background that it's 3:30 in the morning and he's too loud. It was uncomfortable. She was going off on him. I was like "I better go." Jeez...I was just trying to find someone to talk to. Won't talk to him again. That situation is too much drama.

About to pass out. Zzzzzz....
 

My3sons

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 18, 2015
Messages
554
Feeling scared. I've been plugging along with my medical detox from mmt since Nov. I stabilized and stayed at 110 for awhile and go down 3mgs a week. Today I am at 74mgs. I feel like I am starting to feel it. I'm scared. I relapsed when I did this off subs. Relapse is not an option. I will not lose my children.
 

F'Loki

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 7, 2017
Messages
131
Location
UK/Various
Thank you for sharing your story and being understanding. Yes, it does seem scary to have a drug-free life because it's become all we know in a way. We weren't always addicts though. We have to find our way back to the way we were.

Yes, keep going to therapy. Let's make this a year where we break the addictions and we are free! It can happen if you really want it. Also, Gabapentin can help if you are truly worried about seizures when you run out of benzos. I was just scared to take it yesterday because I'm on Ritalin now so I didn't know if there would be an interaction.

Turns out there is no interaction with Ritalin and Gabapentin. As a matter of fact, the Gabapentin takes the edge off the stimulant factor of Ritalin. It makes it smoother and I don't feel nervous or worried.

Do you have a group meeting for addiction where you go? I am going to do individual therapy, but there is also an addiction group available. I really think I should join it. Sometimes it's hard to admit you need to go to an addiction meeting, but like you, I am sick of this cycle.

Like I said, try Gapapentin when you run out of benzos. It's easy for me to get it since I live with old people. At least you won't suffer from seizures. Thank you for reaching out. You are an important person and you deserve a better life! Keep going to meetings. We can beat this. Much love to you. 

Yeah it's important to remember that: We were sober once...Even though it feels like an eternity ago!

I start my treatment next Friday - It'll be the final assessment (mental health questions and just checking me over for needle marks and crap) and then into one to one bog standard counselling. I already have begun to build up ideas as to what is causing my lack of life coping skills and addiction and so will write it all down and take it with me then - it's something I think I have been denying for years because it's a weakness I have buried and hidden in me very deeply and don;t want to share or even admit to my self..Some stuff from my upbringing and my teenage years.

Yeah and then there is the peer group meetings for addiction too they offer so like you I am going to do that alongside my individual therapy. I'd say really go for it - i'm generally shy but the chance to meet people going through the same thing is almost exciting to me, I dunno how you feel? But as much as this forum is great, meeting and interacting with people in the flesh is going to work better I think...and You never know, you could make friends who will help you out.

Yes I am so sick of the cycle...I relapsed a little a couple days ago just to get some sleep (bought some oxy) because the insomnia was making me suicidal and another week to wait for my first outpatient meeting at the clinic felt like too much to handle...Plus the doctor only gave me 10mg diazepam, down from 40mg diazepam and 2mg clonazeam and 2mg xanax a night for the past couple of weeks didn't even touch the sides so I felt I had to turn to the black market and also get more benzos (K-pins and Xanax) to takeon top of my diazepam...I am going to tell the clinic this. No point in lying is there?

They also do MET at the clinic - which is one to one therapy where they look exclusively at triggers and stuff for your drug(s) of choice, so I might look into that after the group and individual therapy.

There are LOTS of things to admit when your addicted, that are very very difficult...The addiction voice lies to you and it's easy to believe what it says and relapse.

Thanks for you reaching out too! You deserve to be happy like every other person in this world. I think it has to start with loving yourself again, and only then can you start fixing yourself and your relationship with the world. We WILL beat this. :) Believe it and it will happen. :) Think of all the money we can save, the time we have, to do things other than getting high or being benzo'd up, and with a healthy body. Climb a mountain, go hiking, enjoy nature without it all being blurred by a haze of drugs.

Much love to you. Take care of yourself. Remember there is always someone who cares about you, even if you have never met them :)
 
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