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How are you capable of being as happy sober as on your drug of choice?

Ne0

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May 24, 2008
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I don't care about being high, never liked to be extremely high, meth gives me even too euphoric feeling which I dont like, also taking noding dose of opioids is not pleasure for me. Only thing I need is that I get enjoyment from normal things from life like reading book or doing any hobby and I'm happy and content with life. Really if that is not possible death is better choice.
 

CoastTwoCoast

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Feb 18, 2016
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Dancing on the corpses' ashes
i used to use 25grams of kratom everyday for a 1.5 years,
then had severe withdrawal.

now im using 1 small dose in the morning every other day.
the day im not using kratom i do sports.

i use weed only after having done sports or when the effect or the kratom has mostly weened.

careful with drugs that effect gaba.
used benzos very occasionally for years but quit once i realized that even the occasional use of the weakest benzo causes anxiety brainfog for days after that.
It's best to taper off of kratom to avoid such severe withdrawals. Don't go cold turkey. Smaller doses are best. You seem to have it under control now. You're right about being careful with drugs that effect GABA, especially with benzos because going cold turkey off of those can cause death.
 

AlphaMethylPhenyl

Moderator: MH
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^Yep.

Not only that, but withdrawing too fast from benzos can actually damage your brain from somethign called glutamate excitotoxicity.
 

katykattt

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Dec 18, 2019
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earth i think
I’d have to say the biggest thing that brings me contentment when I’m sober, and the ability to just love my life for what it is, is when I feel like I have a purpose. When I feel like I’m here to do something and I’m passionate about it
 

4Karl2Hungus0

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Dec 24, 2019
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United States
I’d have to say the biggest thing that brings me contentment when I’m sober, and the ability to just love my life for what it is, is when I feel like I have a purpose. When I feel like I’m here to do something and I’m passionate about it
Already knew it, but this is something that the 2 of us have in common, that it probably wouldn’t hurt to get back.
 

4Karl2Hungus0

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Dec 24, 2019
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The fulfillment for me came from being self-supporting for the first time ever in my 24 years of living, from me finally having my own home, consistently showing up and performing to the best of my ability whenever I would go to work, and also bring someone who was actively bettering and working on their mental health and emotional wellbeing on a regular basis. Whereas now, I can’t tell you the last time that I consciously made the decision to do some work on myself, mental state, and emotional stability.

This last time I got sober, I was able to build up all of this stuff over the 14 months or so that I lived in Oxford and Sober Living; and what do ya’ fucking know?! I self sabotaged and fucking pissed away everything that my, now ex-gf, and I had built up, alongside her son as well, over the duration of that year. All because I’m a sack of shit with a low self esteem, super poor self esteem, & basically no self worth, and cheated in the form of being flirty with some bitch on Snapchat who doesn’t mean a goddamn thing to me. I started shooting dope again after 23 months sober, shortly after she left me and took everything 😔 been at it for 6-8 weeks now.

So yeah.... ideally, I’d like to get back to being a happy, sober (for the most part anyways) individual, like how I was in my first year, and before I somehow got complacent, started going on a downward spiral, and before I had my mental health deteriorate and crumble like a Pringle getting stepped on on the concrete.

My rant is over. Can’t be getting all angsty and sad and shit tonight lol.
 
Last edited:

CoastTwoCoast

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Feb 18, 2016
Messages
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Dancing on the corpses' ashes
The fulfillment for me came from being self-supporting for the first time ever in my 24 years of living, from me finally having my own home, consistently showing up and performing to the best of my ability whenever I would go to work, and also bring someone who was actively bettering and working on their mental health and emotional wellbeing on a regular basis. Whereas now, I can’t tell you the last time that I consciously made the decision to do some work on myself, mental state, and emotional stability.

This last time I got sober, I was able to build up all of this stuff over the 14 months or so that I lived in Oxford and Sober Living; and what do ya’ fucking know?! I self sabotaged and fucking pissed away everything that my, now ex-gf, and I had built up, alongside her son as well, over the duration of that year. All because I’m a sack of shit with a low self esteem, super poor self esteem, & basically no self worth, and cheated in the form of being flirty with some bitch on Snapchat who doesn’t mean a goddamn thing to me. I started shooting dope again after 23 months sober, shortly after she left me and took everything 😔 been at it for 6-8 weeks now.

So yeah.... ideally, I’d like to get back to being a happy, sober (for the most part anyways) individual, like how I was in my first year, and before I somehow got complacent, started going on a downward spiral, and before I had my mental health deteriorate and crumble like a Pringle getting stepped on on the concrete.

My rant is over. Can’t be getting all angsty and sad and shit tonight lol.
I'm sorry that happened to you, but please don't give up trying to get sober. ❤

As far as being sober, what's "sober"? I do kratom sometimes and drink alcohol at times, but I'm always going to be on some kind of substance. My brain is defective. I need something in order to live through this, so be it. It is what it is. I'm not shooting up heroin or meth or anything, but there's always going to be a substance to get me through this life. I've accepted that.
 

4Karl2Hungus0

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Dec 24, 2019
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I'm sorry that happened to you, but please don't give up trying to get sober. ❤

As far as being sober, what's "sober"? I do kratom sometimes and drink alcohol at times, but I'm always going to be on some kind of substance. My brain is defective. I need something in order to live through this, so be it. It is what it is. I'm not shooting up heroin or meth or anything, but there's always going to be a substance to get me through this life. I've accepted that.
I really appreciate the kind words. Fortunately for me, this go round isn’t hectic or problematic like my previous 8+ years of substance use. So at least there’s that..
 

dreamflyer

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May 13, 2017
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USA
Whenever the cravings come creeping into my mind, I always look at the "big picture" and remember all of the consequences that my drinking and using have caused me over the years: Ruined relationships, lost jobs, legal troubles, poverty, humiliation, hangovers, gut-wrenching withdrawal, health problems... the list goes on.

You know the old saying, "If it seems too good to be true then it probably is."? Well, that's my story with drugs and alcohol.

Sobriety can be hard, especially in the beginning; I struggle with it to this day. But no chemical high can compare to true peace of mind. When I climb into bed at night, I can rest easy knowing that I spent my day well. When I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll feel good and remember everything that I did and said today... none of which was embarrassing. (no more, "What happened last night? Why is everyone mad at me??")

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer
 

Atelier3

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Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
1,080
For years at a time I've lived a very happy drug-free life. Then something clicks in my head and I find I've been slamming stims for the last six months. It's not about being more happy or less happy in either scenario. My drug use is fuelled by something other than whether I feel happy or not. Possibly habit, boredom or need for adventure or just unexlainable BP mania. But my non-drug derived happiness has always been greater than my drug-fuelled happiness.
 

nosex32

Greenlighter
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Feb 18, 2020
Messages
9
It's a whole other league of sorts...until one becomes sober for a long period of time, they don't appreciate how superior it is to getting high regularly.
3 years sober mate 3 years , cannot wait to get back to old me , BUT what i learned is dont overdo it otherwise it all goes to s*it
 

RV Mystery Journey

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Mar 3, 2020
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Another Galaxy
By remaining positive and content.

If my ego gets in the way it could spell ingratitude and lead to poor choices.

I guess I realize drugs won't ever make me happy though. Some might offer more potential for inner growth than others but even these aren't keys to happiness in and of themselves.
 

nznity

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Jan 24, 2017
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Lima.
I think i'm more happy sober than i am when dabbling with drugs.

The reason i dabble, is because i want new, heightened experiences. And during those experiences, yeah, i'm more "happy". But it's fleeting and has no basis in reality. It's not a life style i'd want for myself to become addicted, even though my therapist would tell you i'm addicted to "drugs in general". Anyway, i see them as another hobby. Video games, which cost money, collections of sorts, which cost money, cars, shelter, food, oh, and drugs. Just here and there, though. Like everything else - in moderation.
u said it bro, moderation is the key. Although it's very hard to achieve at first. Although some might never achieve that.
 

nznity

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By remaining positive and content.

If my ego gets in the way it could spell ingratitude and lead to poor choices.

I guess I realize drugs won't ever make me happy though. Some might offer more potential for inner growth than others but even these aren't keys to happiness in and of themselves.
Drugs just make you not care of your problems for a while. Then u have MORE PROBLEMS and you keep dosing more and more to not feel those problems.Those problems keep getting worse and worse until you're trapped. the cycle goes on and on, for example im currently fucked jobless,living with my dad at25, haven't achieved anything besides wasting 10 years of my life trying to chase that dragon. That's y i think i'm done banging, i'm not sure if i won't ever do it again but in the near future, fuck it.
 

Vastness

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I like to revisit this thread from time to time, it's a very interesting question and my perspective changes gradually, but seemingly constantly over time...

My current answer - happy? Absolutely yes. But to live in this world being happy is not enough, you need to be a productive, functional member of society and find a way to accept the the ever present need to earn money to live, the ever present need to fortify yourself against the incessant onslaught of implied expectation from society and culture at large that you need to be a certain way, live a certain way, in order to be considered as someone who has value.

Or maybe that's just my own psychological dysfunctions deceiving me... wouldn't rule it out. But anyway, happy, in the moment, yes, productive and functional in a way that's conducive to sustaining myself in today's world, maybe but without something it's a struggle. Currently upgraded from modafinil to racemic amphetamine to manage what I'm pretty certain is some kind of adult onset ADHD. Have an on-off relationship with kratom and GABA-ergics to manage the side effects of that. This is probably the end of the road for me as far as substances I can use therapeutically, I've gone from piracetam, to phenibut, to modafinil, now to amphetamine, anything beyond that is in no way sustainable for sure so hopefully I can figure out my own mind a bit better before this stops working, if it stops working.

Maybe that means I can't be happy and sober long term without my drugs of choice, in a roundabout way, after all, the world is what it is... But, we all are who we are.
 

AlphaMethylPhenyl

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I like to revisit this thread from time to time, it's a very interesting question and my perspective changes gradually, but seemingly constantly over time...

My current answer - happy? Absolutely yes. But to live in this world being happy is not enough, you need to be a productive, functional member of society and find a way to accept the the ever present need to earn money to live, the ever present need to fortify yourself against the incessant onslaught of implied expectation from society and culture at large that you need to be a certain way, live a certain way, in order to be considered as someone who has value.

Or maybe that's just my own psychological dysfunctions deceiving me... wouldn't rule it out. But anyway, happy, in the moment, yes, productive and functional in a way that's conducive to sustaining myself in today's world, maybe but without something it's a struggle. Currently upgraded from modafinil to racemic amphetamine to manage what I'm pretty certain is some kind of adult onset ADHD. Have an on-off relationship with kratom and GABA-ergics to manage the side effects of that. This is probably the end of the road for me as far as substances I can use therapeutically, I've gone from piracetam, to phenibut, to modafinil, now to amphetamine, anything beyond that is in no way sustainable for sure so hopefully I can figure out my own mind a bit better before this stops working, if it stops working.

Maybe that means I can't be happy and sober long term without my drugs of choice, in a roundabout way, after all, the world is what it is... But, we all are who we are.
There is no "adult-onset" ADHD. For the diagnosis, one needs to have had symptoms early in life.

From Provigil, amphetamine is a biiiig step. Most find it over time to kind of turn on them if they use it daily. It's speed. I found it to be absolutely astoundingly good at first, then after a few months it can help focus but causes untoward anger and frustration, basically turning a great deal of efficacy for many ills into a negative-neutral, basic charge.

Time ticks on, and things do improve if you follow recommendations based on honest interview, and you don't abuse drugs. Sometimes, meds can be more "drugs" than "medications".
 

Vastness

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There is no "adult-onset" ADHD. For the diagnosis, one needs to have had symptoms early in life.

From Provigil, amphetamine is a biiiig step. Most find it over time to kind of turn on them if they use it daily. It's speed. I found it to be absolutely astoundingly good at first, then after a few months it can help focus but causes untoward anger and frustration, basically turning a great deal of efficacy for many ills into a negative-neutral, basic charge.

Time ticks on, and things do improve if you follow recommendations based on honest interview, and you don't abuse drugs. Sometimes, meds can be more "drugs" than "medications".
Yeah well honestly my "symptoms" as such are not a recent thing, I just use the term "adult-onset" because I've read it elsewhere, perhaps some other term would be more accurate.

I don't really plan to use it daily. It might be a dangerous step even trying to use it therapeutically.

Fully aware of the need to not abuse drugs, and that medications, indeed, are drugs, although equally drugs can be medications. And for the most part, I don't abuse them, at least, not the ones I'm trying to use to function from day to day. Fully aware also that amphetamine might be a dangerous road for sure. Honestly in my country it's very very difficult to get referred for the kind of diagnosis that would allow me to be prescribed drugs to be used under the supervision of a trained mental health professional. And maybe I don't even need them. I'm not "drug seeking", I'm not looking to feel high from day to day. I'm just looking for a way to find some capacity to motivate myself to take the kind of actions I need to take to live a somewhat functional life. Arguably, I'm already doing that, I am pretty functional on the surface, but it would be nice not to feel like it was a constant battle just to make myself work for a couple of hours a day sometimes. Maybe I'm just fucking lazy eh? Definitely wouldn't rule that out either. My life's not that hard but most of the time it feels a lot harder than it is, a lot of people have far harder lives than me for sure, maybe I should just "suck it up", pursue the endless talk therapy I keep ending up in, stop complaining, and try harder, right?

I haven't consistently used unprescribed nuvigil or any other dubiously "nootropic" anxiolytics, phenibut or whatever always, I consistently take months off at a time, most recently I abstained for just under 6 months and managed to establish some kind of baseline stability sans anything (although still not great, from my memory, just maybe a stable mediocrity), after which I cautiously tried to reintroduce a lower dose of modafinil, results were not great, maybe even somewhat negative after a very short time. Probably the answer is not to try to jump to an even harder stimulant but try to abstain again and suffer again for another few weeks to a few months to indefinitely but it's pretty tiring journey. Maybe I just need a change of career, an extended holiday of a couple months at least, but these things are hard to actualise. Maybe I just need to suck it up, stop complaining, knuckle down and try harder eh?

Forgive me, I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but I am a little frustrated by my own actions and I found your post to be a little triggering, I'm sure you didn't intend it that way again, obviously I'm projecting my frustrations with myself onto you.

If you have a suggestion of where to start with this kind of "honest interview" I am all ears however.
 
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