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How are you capable of being as happy sober as on your drug of choice?

AlphaMethylPhenyl

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I was on Adderall for a lil' over a year. It was fantastic at first, gave me hope for a future. I went out of the house with confidence and talked to every one. It made me feel like a version of myself I always wanted to be. Then tolerance built and the drug backfired, it made me irritable and disconnected from everything around me. I was stuck in my head, full of anxiety and thinking way too much. I knew it was time to quit. So it's not like the doctor stopped me, I stopped myself 4 months ago.

My psychiatrist was weaning all patients off of Klonopin the whole time. She was only giving me 15 pills a month while I was dating my ex boyfriend to help me with anxiety and then stopped prescribing it. I see people who don't even have anxiety get tons of benzos like it's nothing.

So I'm going to find a new clinic where I can get what I need.

I actually went out today, forced myself. It wasn't easy. I had to be in a huge crowd all day at Secretary of State, but I made it through. It's awful to always be so self-conscious. Everything went well though.

Currently, I'm not on anything from a psychiatrist. I quit Adderall and the klonopin is over. I occasionally take Kratom and Gabapentin for PAWS. When I go to a new clinic, I'll see what the psychiatrist says. Hopefully he or she prescribes a benzo. I'm willing to try an MAOI again. It forces me to get my shit together. He might suggest TMS. I'll do anything except ECT. I'm not going to give up.

How are you? Are you diagnosed with anything? If so, is your medicine working?
Thanks for asking! Doing better, always working to do better and be better. I'd do well at this point to get out of this housing I'm in--can you say "toxic"?

People have said I have bipolar or schzioaffective and ADHD. My meds are working, I believe. An SSRI, simple as they are regarded, is doing me a measure of good these days. I take a stimulant per doctor after a huge evaluation that it doesn't make me psychotic or anything. A benzo, too. Oh well. America.

I'm trying to increase the quality of my relationships with people. It's been difficult, and living in this housing isn't helping, but I am getting there.
 

madness00

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If you were Bipolar, your SSRI would make you manic. It's one of the classic but more unethical tests to confirm diagnosis, I have read.

My new years resolution is to try to make better connections, as you may consider as well, and stopping using meth will definitely help.
 

CoastTwoCoast

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^ Yeah, SSRIs never worked for me with bipolar, but since it's working for AlphaMethylPhenyl, I'm really glad!

AlphaMethylPhenyl, keep improving yourself. It sounds like you're on the right track. I understand being in a toxic environment, hopefully both of us will make it out. It certainly doesn't help your mental health.

^ Got some disappointing news on that front. Since it's only FDA approved for "treatment-resistant depression" Florida Blue Cross Blue Shield will only cover treatment if two or more antidepressants have failed. My ADs are actually working just fine, it's other issues that I thought might benefit from TMS. I asked if there might be any clinical trials I might qualify for, but unfortunately, there weren't. If I had the cash for TMS laying around, I'd probably just do ketamine infusions.
Awww, that sucks. At least your medication is actually working! You should definitely try ketamine one day if you can. It's so silly that I automatically assumed ketamine isn't available in my state, but it actually is. Haha Maybe one day I will try it too, but I'm hoping TMS works out.
 

AlphaMethylPhenyl

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Happy to have mood-stabilizing meds on board, along with CBD! This SSRI is a good thing for me. More so, I get depressed much more than manic, and when manic, it is hypomanic. I don't go out and buy 20,000 balloons and give a few to whomever I come across in town or anything like that.

I did notice some of your posts. I'm assuming you're from the US. Meth is about twice as potent as regular amp. It also is much more toxic, dopaminergically. So you took the equivalent of 800 mg amp, half through IV, in one day. There are no medications currently available for stimulant addiction. No one will give you 800 mg amp to take per day, not even 400. Anything over 45 dexedrine or 60 adderall is rare, it being the maximum recommended dose, which most doctors follow. People find a doctor that gives them 90 or 120 for a while. Then they get cut off from their doctor somehow, in eventuality. They find no one willing to give them their 90 or 120, which is certainly painful. But you're taking 17.7 times the max dexedrine dose or 13.3 times the max adderall dose. Time to get clean my friend, no?


Thanks for that, CTC! I am on the right track, but it has not been easy by any measure, I offer a hesitant chuckle at this. We will make it out of this. We must keep true to ourselves, and have our higher goals in mind. They are achievable. I know that I'll be successful. That's a large part of the battle to become ever better.

I do know of someone who has been given ketamine by prescription, and directed to take it per the instructions on the bottle, under extreme regulation. It seems to be not just a dissociative hallucinogen (NMDA antagonism), but an NDRI and mu/delta opioid agonist. That said, addicts have been known to lose their bladders, and I wouldn't be surprised if many come down with a psychotic illness element.

If there's a massage school in your area the students tend to give massages at like half the price of licensed masseurs/masseuses. And form my experience, they are of amazing quality. One fills out a questionnaire before their massage to get an ideal massage. They use craniosacral methods. It may approach the utility of TMS. Just an idea.
 

Mycophile

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You are the first person, ive seen, express the exact same sentiment that i have regarding kratom. I am so thankful for this plant.

I was "in the dumps" depressed, for maybe 20 years, before I went to therapy. They IMMEDIATELY, prescribed me Lexapro, at 10mgs. It was too much, and I started to split the pills into 5mg's once a day, after my second dose. It began to help, I didnt have the negative thoughts racing through my mind, 24 hours a day, I regained my ability to articulate, at work, and generally didnt worry about anything nearly as much. After about a month, I felt oddly numb and lethargic. I just did not care about anything. It was mentally painfully for me to do anything. To go to work, open my laptop, iron my clothes, etc. Plus, it KILLED, MY SEX DRIVE, DEAD. I didnt want to do anything. I knew I had to stop.

I had tried kratom, a few months before, because one of the few things, that made me feel like "myself" was tramadol, and I only discovered that, by accident. I had gotten it prescribed a few times to help deal with my sciatica, and this past year, I had a really terrible bout with it, and the doctor wouldnt prescribe it to me, because of the opioid scare. Mind you, I have only had 6, 30 day prescriptions of Tramadol, written for me in the last 7 years!! Yet my doctor would not give me the only thing that worked for my excruciating pain.

When I quit the Lexapro, I decided to give kratom a try, because I had heard that it helped with mood, I decided to give the leftover kratom, I tried for pain a shot. 2 teaspoons in about 6 ounces of grapefruit juice.

I swear to everything, by the third or fourth day, it changed my outlook, for the positive. I am the most positive person at work, I am outgoing, and have zero issues, approaching or speaking to strangers, I connect with my family more, etc. This is from a guy who felt almost completely hopeless of ever being happy.

I think that I probably did have a chemical imbalance, in my brain, and I just happen to stumble upon what works for me. I cant speak for any one else, but I am so thankful for it, and afraid that the government, will make it illegal.

I did get a sense of euphoria, a couple of times, and it was fantastic, but that was only a few times, and I'm not chasing euphoria or a high, just the sense of "well being", that I have when doing things that, we all do every day. I can even take criticism, constructive or otherwise better, and act, without emotion, because my thinking is clearer. No, it has not made my life perfect, I have personal challenges I still need to overcome, but I feel like I am in a better position to address, and correct those issues, and if I fail at any of them, I can think clearly, assess, and address, without beating my self up, or giving up.

Wish I had found this stuff 20 years ago.

Would love to chat with you or anyone, who has used it, is using it, or wants to try it.

I dont have any friends that have used kratom, and the few people who I have tried to explain the difference it is making in my life, just dont get it.

If anyone wants to talk or ask questions, im here for you.
I hate to nitpick, but for some reason I'm going to:

You said "I think I DID have a chemical imbalance in my brain but found something that works."

Lots of people do have chemical imbalances and if you DID have one then I am sorry to tell you that you still do because Kratom cannot correct that.

I hope Kratom stays legal, but a few words of advice:

1) don't let your tolerance get too high like above 5 grams
2) I would suggest not using it more than a couple days a week

Most of all: 3) if you get very dependent you'll notice depression without it.

It's great, but I'm not willing to become physically dependent because over time getting off it can be hard.

It's not magic and none of these drugs are so don't be fooled.

If you make changes in your life while on it and they last beyond that when it wears off then that is the only authentic thing that you are doing.

By itself it will not change who you are.

Then again, if you want to try to take it forever and let yourself be dependent thats a choice you can make if you want to, but the government is coming for it and I wouldn't get too into it because they may ruin it for us and take it away forever.

Its SO messed up as it is safe and should stay legal, but don't think that you are different because you feel different one it.

Once it wears off you are still the same.
 

SunriseChampion

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This is going to sound trite and a bit wank but, what helped me get over my self-destruction was a concerted effort getting back into the things I thoroughly enjoyed before I touched anything harder than caffeine.

For me this included such beauties as reading, cups of tea, sunsets, and camping.

Sounds lame, but it's a whole lot better than my old suicidal self.
 

AlphaMethylPhenyl

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^It does sound lame to those of us whom haven't enjoyed life in this manner, or are unused to it. But I can see it being very, very, substantiating. See, recovery is a world away from the world of drug abuse. It's about building up something much stronger and more satisfying than the best hit. Forming your mind around reality, and not trying to escape, really has one much healthier. And it's never been so clear in social science that mental stress leads to physical ailment, and overall greater mortality. That's just for mental stress.

If you develop around reality, you won't be fighting yourself. You won't have this two-sided, jaded existence of suicidality/euphoria. You'll grow and change with other people. You'll find something that is truly sublime. Being a productive part of a whole beats any high I can think of. Satisfaction is the best way to put it. Though, as Sunrise said, it may sound wrong, or minimal. The natural world of happiness is much more filling, and even much much more healthy, than the world of having to buy drugs just to not be sick.

Prescriptions are different. Dependence isn't addiction. But deceit and pushing your agenda on your doc is in that realm of unhealthy behavior. As i've said, a comment or two, then let them do the medication work. You can build up yourself, long-term, around the foundation that the medication sets. I think that, if you do this, you'll find your relationships with everything in all senses will improve in quality.

Remember: cravings really only last a few minutes, and every craving you best, you get better. Best of luck to you all fighting the good fight.
 

CoastTwoCoast

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If there are passions and interests you can return to, that has to be very motivating.
This might sound lame, but my passion was going to many rock shows every year. There was nothing like being at a concert to make me feel truly alive. I used to look forward to new albums from my favorite bands.
The rock scene isn't what it used to be. Rap and pop are at the forefront now and I cannot stand a lot of this new rock. It's like kids playing dress up and pretending to be Led Zeppelin or Queen. Sickening.

My passion for new music is gone and going to shows. So is my passion for finding love after failed relationships and being jaded about the opposite sex.

Basically, I have to start from scratch to find anything worth keeping me around. I'm not even super depressed right now. It's just a fact that nothing is really keeping me here. I take care of my grandmother, but after she's gone, I can't see myself sticking it out unless I happen to fall in love with something else.

When I feel better, I'll start going to church and joining groups. Maybe I'll meet more people that way and find my purpose. There aren't many ways to meet people when you get in your 30s. I will never ever do internet dating again. Too many sociopaths on the loose.

It's like an existential crisis of sorts. Maybe my outlook will be different after treatment.
 
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Burnt Offerings

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This is what I imagine it must feel like to be "normal".
What is "normal" in this context? The mental/emotional mindset or outlook that you suspect seemingly happy, well-adjusted, non-drug users have?

If they told me that it would stay legal forever, and they were coming out with 12 or 24 hour extended release Kratom pills and I could just pay ex-amount of money for a life time supply, I'd probably stock up and spend every day of my life on it forever and I truly feel many of my problems would go away because I would think and act with the confidence necessary to make my life what I want it to be...but that just can't happen.
You only recognize the benefits of the drug because you have a baseline mental/emotional state to compare it to, though...if you just consumed the drug every day for the rest of your life, being on the drug would be your new baseline (as it is for all opioid users who fall into the trap of physical dependency and need the drug just to be "well").

In regards to "happiness", some of the research I've seen indicates that most people have a baseline state of happiness/contentment which, while it may fluctuate occasionally, is relatively fixed. Some life events will lead to longer periods of the individual feeling happy/fulfilled, of course, but eventually the individual goes back to their usual "outlook".
 

CoastTwoCoast

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I went to the appointment today and had to speak to a therapist for an hour about my situation. He made it fun. He said he's excited to continue working with me and referred me to a new psychiatrist.

That's the motivation I needed to keep going. I have more appointments set and the key is to stay on top of it. He kept stressing the point that action needs to be taken. He's going to keep me going. At least I'm going into the new year with a new team and more hope!
 

aihfl

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That's great CTC. I've been in kind of a funk myself - just going through the motions of daily life. I relate to a lot of what you said. I haven't been seeing anyone for a few years now because I now understand how severely co-dependent I was. When I moved out in 2014, that was the first time since 1996 I hadn't had a girlfriend or been married. The thought of being alone after almost 20 years was terrifying. And it didn't help that my ex-wife and I hadn't had sex in well over a year when I left (she was cheating on me, but I never cheated on her). So I rushed into a relationship just so I wouldn't be alone and because I wanted to get laid again, and the consequences were disastrous. I've been on a few dates now with someone and if it turns into something, great, if it doesn't, I know the sun will still come up in the morning. I'll be ok either way.
 

CoastTwoCoast

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That's great CTC. I've been in kind of a funk myself - just going through the motions of daily life. I relate to a lot of what you said. I haven't been seeing anyone for a few years now because I now understand how severely co-dependent I was. When I moved out in 2014, that was the first time since 1996 I hadn't had a girlfriend or been married. The thought of being alone after almost 20 years was terrifying. And it didn't help that my ex-wife and I hadn't had sex in well over a year when I left (she was cheating on me, but I never cheated on her). So I rushed into a relationship just so I wouldn't be alone and because I wanted to get laid again, and the consequences were disastrous. I've been on a few dates now with someone and if it turns into something, great, if it doesn't, I know the sun will still come up in the morning. I'll be ok either way.
Yes, codependent. My relationship ended 4 months ago and I want to be celibate for now. He is still trying to get back with me, but it was toxic and unhealthy.

With relationships, I usually end up feeling like I need the person more than they need me. There's the fear of abandonment when my depression hits hard and the person can't take it anymore. Love is what kept me going. It kept me alive for many years, but it's time to find other things to fill that void.

Your ex wife didn't deserve you. It's best to take your time and find someone who truly appreciates you, someone you really click with. Good luck with dating! I'm glad you're getting back out there. Just have fun and see how it goes. You have a good attitude about it.
 

aihfl

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Thank you for the encouraging words CTC. I don't want to wander too far off topic, but with the ex-wife, it really used to bother me that she never came clean (she still denies it), but letting it bother me means I that I would have to care, which I don't, anymore. They're both scummy people. When I was still working as a symphony orchestra musician, the three of us worked together in a summer orchestra in New Hampshire. He's still "with" someone in the Boston area, but he moved to Florida without a job lined up and bought a house in her neighborhood, for fuck's sake. While we were together and owned a house in New England, where we'd spend the summer, the two of them had another summer opera company gig together and she'd be out all night and I'd pretend not to notice that she's trying to sneak into bed at 5-5:30am as the sun was coming up. He's welcome to her - she's about the size of a house now, post-divorce, so I have no desire in hitting it.

It took a lot of trial and error to get my meds straight and a fuckton of therapy to get over my alcohol/drug abuse and the issues that drove it, but I'm relatively content now. I'm not self-medicating with booze on the job anymore, I somewhat have a social life (my friends I play trivia with twice a week are on a six game winning streak), and if I want to just stay at home alone with the dog, that's great too.
 

CoastTwoCoast

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Thank you for the encouraging words CTC. I don't want to wander too far off topic, but with the ex-wife, it really used to bother me that she never came clean (she still denies it), but letting it bother me means I that I would have to care, which I don't, anymore. They're both scummy people. When I was still working as a symphony orchestra musician, the three of us worked together in a summer orchestra in New Hampshire. He's still "with" someone in the Boston area, but he moved to Florida without a job lined up and bought a house in her neighborhood, for fuck's sake. While we were together and owned a house in New England, where we'd spend the summer, the two of them had another summer opera company gig together and she'd be out all night and I'd pretend not to notice that she's trying to sneak into bed at 5-5:30am as the sun was coming up. He's welcome to her - she's about the size of a house now, post-divorce, so I have no desire in hitting it.

It took a lot of trial and error to get my meds straight and a fuckton of therapy to get over my alcohol/drug abuse and the issues that drove it, but I'm relatively content now. I'm not self-medicating with booze on the job anymore, I somewhat have a social life (my friends I play trivia with twice a week are on a six game winning streak), and if I want to just stay at home alone with the dog, that's great too.
Neither one of them are trustworthy so it's doomed anyway. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I am so proud of you for getting better. It helped you grow and move on. Now you won't have baggage going into the next relationship.

It seems like you're on the right path. Being content is something I need to practice more for sure.
 

Mycophile

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What is "normal" in this context? The mental/emotional mindset or outlook that you suspect seemingly happy, well-adjusted, non-drug users have?



You only recognize the benefits of the drug because you have a baseline mental/emotional state to compare it to, though...if you just consumed the drug every day for the rest of your life, being on the drug would be your new baseline (as it is for all opioid users who fall into the trap of physical dependency and need the drug just to be "well").

In regards to "happiness", some of the research I've seen indicates that most people have a baseline state of happiness/contentment which, while it may fluctuate occasionally, is relatively fixed. Some life events will lead to longer periods of the individual feeling happy/fulfilled, of course, but eventually the individual goes back to their usual "outlook".
Yes, "normal" in this context is how I imagine people without anxiety and depression feel.

I have what in my opinion is really pretty bad anxiety, semi-bad depression and ocd, and just a general negative mindset of constantly berating myself.

I feel as if there is a demon in my mind who will not let me go and focus on the present and that no matter what I do accomplish my brain will find a way to attack me.

When I take Kratom, this stops completely.

That being said, it's only a mask, and now I am attempting to stop again for as long as possible, and also cut down on other substances.

I won't say forever and I won't say NOT forever, just as long as possible, and i took my last dose Monday.

I'll be over the WD by tomorrow as I only took one dose and was never very physically dependent, although I have a nasty cold but that's a totally different matter...

Of course I recognize this is all relative to baseline reality, but unfortunately, I would NOT fall into that "baseline category of most people who are usually happy or content" that you mention.

I mean many of us on this site are unhappy, and I am grateful for what I have, and I am not suicidal, nor have I given up on life, but my normal baseline state is one of unhappiness.

It will fluctuate, but the general underlying feeling is that my life is not at all what I want it to be, that I would need to change about 80% of what I do, how I act and think to become happy, and that if I were a betting man, I would not be very confident that in this lifetime I will achieve that baseline of happiness, but on other days I will disagree with that idea. It's really a mental thing of thinking I need certain things I probably don't do be happy.

That being said, I'm not in such a bad mood at this particular moment, and I realize that I sabotage myself in many ways and there are things I can do (like not using lots of drugs, exercising, trying new things, etc) to increase my chances of happiness, and that I very well might change and someday be a generally content person, and I will keeping working towards that goal.

I am just someone with very "black and white thinking" who believes that unless I have this or that I CANNOT and WILL NOT EVER be happy, but then I realize that's usually a farce.

I sometimes wish I could get really into zen or buddhism (I mean I COULD, I have tried meditating) and focusing on ways of bringing about HEALTHY "ego-death" without drugs.

I'm a very ego-driven person, and I feel that my mind wants me to play that game where I believe I need this or that to be happy, and that until I accept that really, aside from having people who care about me, the basic necessities, and probably helping others in some way as that is often what makes people feel best, there is really nothing else in life that is worth the weight that I give it.

I won't name my goals, but I'd say MOST of them other than one or two, are really NOT things I need at all, but that I am convinced I need.

I would mostly like to silence my own mind, and that of course, is what has led me and many others to drugs in our worst times, or actually for me, to excessive exercise at our best.

Pretty soon I'm gonna start dieting and exercising a real lot daily and try to fill that void.

I have done this pattern over and over again in my life: binge on substances for months or even a year, then use very few substances for several months on end and exercise a lot and lose weight, then often gain it back, then lose it, etc.

It seems like the seasons of my life lol.

Things could certainly be a lot worse though, and I am grateful for what I have.
 
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CoastTwoCoast

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^ Wow. I relate a lot to your post. I understand "black and white thinking", that's why I'm pretty sure borderline personality disorder is one of the things I deal with. It's not as bad as when I was in my 20s, but there are still signs of BPD.
I need to start diet and exercise as well. Just like you, I've been through losing the weight and usually get plenty of compliments. Then slowly, but surely, gaining it back. I don't stick to it long enough. I get bored with the routine. It's like...been there, done that. Next...

There's so much that needs to be changed and I really do not have the motivation to do it. Nothing is making me want to participate in a life I really don't care about. Every one needs a reason to keep going, a reason to wake up and put up with every day bullshit. I haven't found a reason. For the majority of this year, up until a few months ago, my main reason was my ex boyfriend. He kept me going. Now, there's nothing. He was no good for me anyway. There's a void, but it's better to be single instead of clinging to the wrong person.

I'll tell my therapist all of this tomorrow. Really, I'm just waiting to see my psychiatrist in January. My outlook is still bleak when unmedicated.

About kratom: I started lowering my dose to only 3 or 4 grams. That seems to be helping better than much bigger doses. I looked up what to do about tolerance and many say take a break or stick to low doses.
 

zagor11

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Mycophile. When I read your first and last posts I felt as I was writing it about myself about 95% of the things. I didn't see that you mentioned depersonalization. I do have it. All the time. It really is a killer and I live with it because luckily sometimes it goes down. But after any sudden stress, positive or negative, it goes sky high. Besides constant depression and anxiety as well as OCD, I get many other symptoms such as racing thoughts, unwanted images (not literal) and many symptoms that I cannot even describe. The anxiety is both physical and mental.

When I started oxycodone most of these symptoms went away except depersonalization and fears (I often get irrational fears). But still I thought I found the cure for my mental issues. After 3 years on it I had no more. The doctor moved away and the new doctor thought I don't need them and put me on suboxone. After 10 months on sub I found a new doc who was willing to prescribe me oxycodone again. I was so happy. However, for some reason I couldn't get any high. I blamed suboxone (still do) but some people say I reached the tolerance.

I was on 300 mg a day. So A few days ago I started detox with the help of mainly gabapentin huge doses and also I use kratom which also doesn't give me any euphoria, 0.3 mg clonidine. I went down from 300 mg to 160 and now I will go to 100 mg but also must reduce gabapentin because I don't wanna get dependent on it too. I'm also down to 3 mg klonopin a day but gotta stop weaning that off until I do opioids. I was using varies and high doses of klonopin and it doesn't help any more. In fact it makes it worse like oxy does and I also got akathesia from them.

Unfortunately I doubt that I can function without antidepressants. Hopefully I can quit all the meds that are not necessary and maybe change my AD. About being sober vs being high.....I remember when I was younger and many things would make me happy. I enjoyed things that most healthy people do but unfortunately it didn't last long until I had to see a shrink. One of my biggest fears is age and getting old. I would kill to be in my 20s now but I am not. And I will need some CBT to treat this issue.
 

Eleusis

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I am cool without being "high". Until I'm not.
Sober gives me a lift in energy and drive. Mind gets sharp (maybe too).
Sober also brings pain (mental, emotional and physical) and a nervous energy combined with anxiety that leaves me on an edge that can create unpredictable behaviors.
I do not care for any of the above so much... at least not all the time.
I will use for the rest of my life. Have no problem with that. Beats the alternative. Just trying to find that balance.
Thought provoking question... IMO.
Sorry to drag up an old post, but I just had to ask out of curiosity: What do you self-medicate with? I find I feel much same way as you describe. Also have you ever seen any health professionals about the daily anxiety you experience?
 
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PtahTek

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Sorry to drag up an old post, but I just had to ask out of curiosity: What do you self-medicate with? I find I feel much same way as you describe. Also have you ever seen any health professionals about the daily anxiety you experience?
Visited the shrinks since around 4 or 5 years of age. Seen many throughout my days. They all opine that all is well and there are no issues: This in itself raises red flags as there are none with no issues. Anyway: Real or imagined... I do suffer from mental and physical pains. I tell them that I can get the drugs off the street cheaper but would rather get "fixed". WTF?
Anyway I get passed and away I go... whether it be a trip across the pond, a job interview, a psyche eval or whatever cause that may or may not even GAF except on paper.
I do have a script or two but the insurance (i have none) drives me to the streets thereby opening a possible avenue to getting the opposite of what I seek and sometimes more than I need.
To answer the question of what my meds look like: Anything at hand basically.
Mostly kratom and a half gram of phenibut but sometimes i like to splurge and grab some benzos and/or morphine (or the like).
Daily intake (normal)?:
In the morning: 4 grams (2-doses of 2 gram) of kratom across 3 hours > repeat about 3-4 hours later with 2 gram kratom. By then I'm thinking about something a bit stronger.Every other day i throw in a half gram of phenibut into the mix. That's about all I need to maintain... and cheap as a MF! LOL
When I get bored I obtain a few RX-ed and to take breaks from daily sh** but so far so good. Been at it about 2 years?

Edit: OH! I smoke daily.... if that helps....

Edit Deux: I would sat that by far the most valuable tool in my arsenal is self-control. Not always reliable but more often than not is fine with me. :)
Peace
 
Last edited:

in_human_form

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
6
i used to use 25grams of kratom everyday for a 1.5 years,
then had severe withdrawal.

now im using 1 small dose in the morning every other day.
the day im not using kratom i do sports.

i use weed only after having done sports or when the effect or the kratom has mostly weened.

careful with drugs that effect gaba.
used benzos very occasionally for years but quit once i realized that even the occasional use of the weakest benzo causes anxiety brainfog for days after that.
 
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