TLDR: I was using adderall and caffeine and was hallucinating very strongly, and picked up 2 old habits of pacing and starching my head which I haven't done in years. Also if there are a lot of grammar mistakes its cuz Im going 34 hours without sleeping and have eaten around 1000 calories over that time. PLEASE read at least the last paragraph.
Hello. I Just got done with taking my first week of adderall 20mg xr once daily, and honestly, its been amazing when I'm on it. I feel in control of what my brain is focusing on and that it motivates me to better my life(no more junk food, reduced smoking weed) and for the first time in a while just general hope for the future as opposed to when i'm just smoking weed. I never have those morbid thoughts about worthlessness anymore. I feel 0 euphoria from it so I don't take more than 1, thought I must admit that when it dies down I would prefer to take another pill, but I control myself.
However, the last 34 hours or so have been very intense in that I have felt as though I was hallucinating for a little while and have not slept the entire duration, while on only 3 hours of sleep. I woke up at 8am on monday because of my roommates alarm that was an hour behind cuz of daylights savings time
, after coming home from the university library at 5am(This is normal for me even when not on adderall, I usually stay up late at night). I started studying again for one of my tests that's at 6pm that day, and plan on taking my pill at 1pm, an hour before my first class of the day, giving it time to kick in and making it last till about 1am, where I should have been decently studying. I get to class, have the adderall anxiety I have become used to, its not good, but I sometimes barely register it. I take notes and usual stuff, I don't feel the hyper focus that I can dial up if I need to while on adderall while in class, and actually I was dozing off and barely awake for a large portion of the class(I always sleep in that class, but why would this happen on adderall)? I get back to my place, and start studying again for my test, which was in 3 hours. I felt decently prepared, but for whatever reason I get a feeling of moderate sadness and gloom, which really kills my motivation to study anymore. And I just drudge through the studying and make it to the test, not feeling the pep that adderall usually gives me. This is the first time in the week that I have felt that old kind of moderate depression I had while not taking adderall, except that was an everyday thing for about 2 months.
The test goes great, I know I made a good grade, and adderall definitely played a role in making it easier to study/concentrate for me. I had another test to take today(Tuesday) so I grab something simple and healthy, which is much different than what I usually eat. Adderall has also reduced my appetite significantly, to the point where I force myself to eat. It's not a bad thing per say, as Im down to the last of the university meal plan with 2 months to go in the school year. I had made plans to be at the library by 8:30pm so that I could begin studying, getting a quality 4 hours out of my adderall, and maybe going to sleep at around 3-4am. However, while on adderall, sometimes when I focus on a distraction, I get consumed and spend the next 2 hours on their, as I did this time on my phone, going to the library at 10pm as opposed to 8:30pm.
While at the library I grab a monster and start babying it. I've had caffeine on addy before, but I noticed just the jitters tbh. As I ussually do, I spend some time on my phone, which spirals to about 12am when I actually start working on my HW and studying
. The adderall is wearing off, but I kill my monster and this is when the halluncinations begin.
At around 1am, I start watching some political stuff on youtube, mocking trump(I am in that addy concentration where you keep on the same distracting thing). Then I watch something about Bernie sanders. I could definetly feel that the monster almost extended the effects of the addy, as my eyes felt glued to the screen. Next thing I know, I feel as though I am bernie sanders and Im describing a lot of my policies in my head to some interviewer who isn't there, about what I want to do about drug reform and student loans\affordable college. I then start talking to the interviewer about race and minority discrimination. I honestly don't Know why all this came up. And its not like I was saying something new about the topics, I just kept repeating the same stuff over, and over and over again, with a little variation here and there. I honestly really enjoyed this lol. I was pacing and scratching the top of my head the entire time this occurred(These 2 things aren't new,I used to do these alot in high school automatically when I got deep into thought about schoolwork or studying, morals, or political views.someone mind telling me if this is normal or really weird)? Luckily the library was pretty much empty so I wasn't worried about me being weird and pacing and scratching my head around the whole library lol. I notice all the good feelings that I once had were gone, even the caffeine effect, and I cant emulate the interview anymore, which made me feel empty........
It's around 4:30am when this all takes place and feel nothing, so I go buy another energy drink,but this one has less caffeine i'm guessing. I have studied little to nothing over this time frame, and my test is at 12:30pm, I also have class at 9:30am. Im still trying to finish and get my shit done before my first test.At 5am, I go ahead and take my pill for the day,which sucks because It will end at 4-6pm and I wont be able to study as well tonight. then i start drinking the other energy drink I bought. Keep in mind that since I woke up that previous morning at 8am, I have only eaten the quick low cal snack I made and the 2 energy drinks, drinking water in between when thirsty. Ive had maybe 800 calories total, of which much of it was the crap energy drinks. When the addy starts kicking in at about 6am, I kill the rest of my energy drink. My hallucinations begin shortly after again. This time I opened the bernie sanders website and basically read everything I could about it, memorizing alot of facts for no reason(my test is at 12:30pm, and I don't know shit at the moment).
The feeling wasn't nearly as good as the previous energy drink addy combo. But the hallucinations got more intense. I was staring at a bookshelf and one of the books looked as though it was moving when my eyes where completely locked in on it. Subtle things like this persisted for a while. Then i'm back at this place in my head on campus, with a guy with a video camera, and he's asking me questions about my political affiliations/beliefs. I explain EVERYTHING to this guy. My beliefs are basically Identical to Bernie's but slightly more left on a couple issues. I keep repeating myself to this guy over and over again about random shit like social security and women's rights. At the end of the loop(before I start saying my answers as he asks questions) he always says he's uploading this to YouTube and for whatever reason I can see it go viral lol. This loop continues, as strong as the first one, however, I am able to study, little by little. I skip my 9:30 am class to keep "studying" as well as my 11am class. I can interrupt the loop several times to work on questions and stuff. I stop studying, at around 12:15pm, and I'm a couple minutes late to my exam. I am not looping during the exam, but it is very similar to the review, which I didn't do cause I was to busy looping lol. Probably failed that one tbh.
I went to my last class, it was normal, but I could definitely tell that everyone knew my shit smelled like weed cuz I forgot I put a blunt in my jacket cuz I though I would have time to smoke lol.I Since that last drink I haven't anything, nor hand any bowel movement, I am also not even remotely hungry as I am typing this. As a whole, I feel like this is weird as shit. I have looped before on adderall last week on the same dose with no caffiene, but I wasn't hallucinating, I was just thinking the same stuff in my head over and over again while I was cleaning my room and pacing. I kinda enjoy it to be honest its rhythmic and calming, and a lot of the time I loop about good stuff benefiting me or the world, but I have 0 understand as to why I like it.Furtheremore, anyone with ADD or ADHD have a way to focus on the CORRECT thing? The fact that I can focus on distractions for so long is really annoying and time wasting. Also, any tips about not using all the addy at once? I really want to make this work and not abuse it and not get my script taken away. Any suggestions are welcome. Sorry for making it so long but I wanted to be through!
Hello. I Just got done with taking my first week of adderall 20mg xr once daily, and honestly, its been amazing when I'm on it. I feel in control of what my brain is focusing on and that it motivates me to better my life(no more junk food, reduced smoking weed) and for the first time in a while just general hope for the future as opposed to when i'm just smoking weed. I never have those morbid thoughts about worthlessness anymore. I feel 0 euphoria from it so I don't take more than 1, thought I must admit that when it dies down I would prefer to take another pill, but I control myself.
However, the last 34 hours or so have been very intense in that I have felt as though I was hallucinating for a little while and have not slept the entire duration, while on only 3 hours of sleep. I woke up at 8am on monday because of my roommates alarm that was an hour behind cuz of daylights savings time
, after coming home from the university library at 5am(This is normal for me even when not on adderall, I usually stay up late at night). I started studying again for one of my tests that's at 6pm that day, and plan on taking my pill at 1pm, an hour before my first class of the day, giving it time to kick in and making it last till about 1am, where I should have been decently studying. I get to class, have the adderall anxiety I have become used to, its not good, but I sometimes barely register it. I take notes and usual stuff, I don't feel the hyper focus that I can dial up if I need to while on adderall while in class, and actually I was dozing off and barely awake for a large portion of the class(I always sleep in that class, but why would this happen on adderall)? I get back to my place, and start studying again for my test, which was in 3 hours. I felt decently prepared, but for whatever reason I get a feeling of moderate sadness and gloom, which really kills my motivation to study anymore. And I just drudge through the studying and make it to the test, not feeling the pep that adderall usually gives me. This is the first time in the week that I have felt that old kind of moderate depression I had while not taking adderall, except that was an everyday thing for about 2 months. The test goes great, I know I made a good grade, and adderall definitely played a role in making it easier to study/concentrate for me. I had another test to take today(Tuesday) so I grab something simple and healthy, which is much different than what I usually eat. Adderall has also reduced my appetite significantly, to the point where I force myself to eat. It's not a bad thing per say, as Im down to the last of the university meal plan with 2 months to go in the school year. I had made plans to be at the library by 8:30pm so that I could begin studying, getting a quality 4 hours out of my adderall, and maybe going to sleep at around 3-4am. However, while on adderall, sometimes when I focus on a distraction, I get consumed and spend the next 2 hours on their, as I did this time on my phone, going to the library at 10pm as opposed to 8:30pm.
While at the library I grab a monster and start babying it. I've had caffeine on addy before, but I noticed just the jitters tbh. As I ussually do, I spend some time on my phone, which spirals to about 12am when I actually start working on my HW and studying
. The adderall is wearing off, but I kill my monster and this is when the halluncinations begin. At around 1am, I start watching some political stuff on youtube, mocking trump(I am in that addy concentration where you keep on the same distracting thing). Then I watch something about Bernie sanders. I could definetly feel that the monster almost extended the effects of the addy, as my eyes felt glued to the screen. Next thing I know, I feel as though I am bernie sanders and Im describing a lot of my policies in my head to some interviewer who isn't there, about what I want to do about drug reform and student loans\affordable college. I then start talking to the interviewer about race and minority discrimination. I honestly don't Know why all this came up. And its not like I was saying something new about the topics, I just kept repeating the same stuff over, and over and over again, with a little variation here and there. I honestly really enjoyed this lol. I was pacing and scratching the top of my head the entire time this occurred(These 2 things aren't new,I used to do these alot in high school automatically when I got deep into thought about schoolwork or studying, morals, or political views.someone mind telling me if this is normal or really weird)? Luckily the library was pretty much empty so I wasn't worried about me being weird and pacing and scratching my head around the whole library lol. I notice all the good feelings that I once had were gone, even the caffeine effect, and I cant emulate the interview anymore, which made me feel empty........
It's around 4:30am when this all takes place and feel nothing, so I go buy another energy drink,but this one has less caffeine i'm guessing. I have studied little to nothing over this time frame, and my test is at 12:30pm, I also have class at 9:30am. Im still trying to finish and get my shit done before my first test.At 5am, I go ahead and take my pill for the day,which sucks because It will end at 4-6pm and I wont be able to study as well tonight. then i start drinking the other energy drink I bought. Keep in mind that since I woke up that previous morning at 8am, I have only eaten the quick low cal snack I made and the 2 energy drinks, drinking water in between when thirsty. Ive had maybe 800 calories total, of which much of it was the crap energy drinks. When the addy starts kicking in at about 6am, I kill the rest of my energy drink. My hallucinations begin shortly after again. This time I opened the bernie sanders website and basically read everything I could about it, memorizing alot of facts for no reason(my test is at 12:30pm, and I don't know shit at the moment).
The feeling wasn't nearly as good as the previous energy drink addy combo. But the hallucinations got more intense. I was staring at a bookshelf and one of the books looked as though it was moving when my eyes where completely locked in on it. Subtle things like this persisted for a while. Then i'm back at this place in my head on campus, with a guy with a video camera, and he's asking me questions about my political affiliations/beliefs. I explain EVERYTHING to this guy. My beliefs are basically Identical to Bernie's but slightly more left on a couple issues. I keep repeating myself to this guy over and over again about random shit like social security and women's rights. At the end of the loop(before I start saying my answers as he asks questions) he always says he's uploading this to YouTube and for whatever reason I can see it go viral lol. This loop continues, as strong as the first one, however, I am able to study, little by little. I skip my 9:30 am class to keep "studying" as well as my 11am class. I can interrupt the loop several times to work on questions and stuff. I stop studying, at around 12:15pm, and I'm a couple minutes late to my exam. I am not looping during the exam, but it is very similar to the review, which I didn't do cause I was to busy looping lol
. Probably failed that one tbh.I went to my last class, it was normal, but I could definitely tell that everyone knew my shit smelled like weed cuz I forgot I put a blunt in my jacket cuz I though I would have time to smoke lol.I Since that last drink I haven't anything, nor hand any bowel movement, I am also not even remotely hungry as I am typing this. As a whole, I feel like this is weird as shit. I have looped before on adderall last week on the same dose with no caffiene, but I wasn't hallucinating, I was just thinking the same stuff in my head over and over again while I was cleaning my room and pacing. I kinda enjoy it to be honest its rhythmic and calming, and a lot of the time I loop about good stuff benefiting me or the world, but I have 0 understand as to why I like it.Furtheremore, anyone with ADD or ADHD have a way to focus on the CORRECT thing? The fact that I can focus on distractions for so long is really annoying and time wasting. Also, any tips about not using all the addy at once? I really want to make this work and not abuse it and not get my script taken away. Any suggestions are welcome. Sorry for making it so long but I wanted to be through!
