Hey all, just wanted to say I'm glad I found bluelight again. I guess this website was purged from Google years ago and I was never able to find it again. Anyways my father died a week ago from covid. Me and my sister woke up found he didn't have a pulse, gave CPR, but he was already gone. Anyways this event led me to take more of my subutex as prescribed and I ran out early. Having this problem before I didn't want to bother the doctor so I opted to buy some on the street and bought some heroin instead.
Anyways I ended up relapsing but I just decided it's going to be a momentary lapse, nothing big no downhill path. One of the last talks I had with my dad was about me never going to a place where I was last year - flipping my new suv, trying to kill myself, quitting my job to go to rehab. It's true. Even though I may relapse I will never go there again and get that bad. I can't now.
So when I relapsed I've finally realized what I've known before but didn't pay attention to - I don't even enjoy doing this shit anymore. And it's not just heroin. Coke, crack , meth just gets me agitated and paranoid and I have to do so much heroin to feel anything that it can make me nauseous and hungover. I don't enjoy it I'm just addicted to it. I've been doing this for 10 years, maybe my dopamine receptors are just gone? Whenever I light heroin in the spoon, the vinegar smell makes me gag. It actually made me throw up after I was already high on it.
That's why I made this thread. I was wondering if any other addicts have experienced this. Doing drugs, not getting euphoria but still can't quit. Do you feel like your dopamine receptors got worn out? Is this unique to me?
Anyways I ended up relapsing but I just decided it's going to be a momentary lapse, nothing big no downhill path. One of the last talks I had with my dad was about me never going to a place where I was last year - flipping my new suv, trying to kill myself, quitting my job to go to rehab. It's true. Even though I may relapse I will never go there again and get that bad. I can't now.
So when I relapsed I've finally realized what I've known before but didn't pay attention to - I don't even enjoy doing this shit anymore. And it's not just heroin. Coke, crack , meth just gets me agitated and paranoid and I have to do so much heroin to feel anything that it can make me nauseous and hungover. I don't enjoy it I'm just addicted to it. I've been doing this for 10 years, maybe my dopamine receptors are just gone? Whenever I light heroin in the spoon, the vinegar smell makes me gag. It actually made me throw up after I was already high on it.
That's why I made this thread. I was wondering if any other addicts have experienced this. Doing drugs, not getting euphoria but still can't quit. Do you feel like your dopamine receptors got worn out? Is this unique to me?