Sorry about the depression and such you are dealing with. Have some bagage myself but couldn't find a dr, even when my live depended on it, willing to treat what I was experiencing.
So being in rough circumstances with loads of responsibility's I medicated myself mostly. The periods that I was under the influence of something were that long it is hard to pinpoint which was natural decay, so to say. And what was caused by the excessive use of drugs.
Did have a script for some Alprazolam once. But I considered it scarce and treated as such. The internet as info base came up. So the danger's were known during that time. So I played it safe, had an addiction to GHB prior.
When RC's became available I kept by that rule to never make it a habit.
Not like I can opt for professional help, that is my pers view by the way. Wish it would be otherwise but dr's are cowshit ime.
Too bad you think Drs are "cowshit" cause some of them are really good and that's just a bad view to have when you are in so much need to help for depression and anxiety like I am. Plus, a therapist isn't the same as a Dr., and they can also help.
Yet even with the therapy and the meds I've been given it hasn't been enough.
I'm looking for a new doctor and a new therapist, but it better be better than the past because none of it did enough to really help me as much as I needed, but there were times where without my scripts or therapists things would have been EVEN WORSE.