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Heroin Has anyone here ever been able to return to recreational use?

B

bobbyjones

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Joined
Jul 13, 2013
Messages
47
I was addicted to heroin. I used recreationally for maybe 6 months, starting once every couple of weeks. Toward the end of those 6 months I was using a few times a week, always snorting. I loved it, and I wanted to do it often, but I can't say I was addicted. I stopped coincidentally because I moved, and never thought about it again.

I picked it up by chance about 10 months later, snorting. I had a strong desire to use and did it more and more often, and eventually began shooting it. So then I was addicted for more than a year.

I moved again to get clean, and was on suboxone for three years, with 3 relapses (once each time I scaled off the suboxone. I finally checked into rehab, and I've been here for 18 months. I came off the suboxone in the first 2 months, and only happened to snort a 2mg sub twice about 5 months ago.

I've remained in rehab because I still think about using, and I don't believe I would not use if I left. I'm pretty determined to avoid becoming addicted again, but I'm afraid of the slippery slope if I use even just once.

I'm basically battling with accepting that I can never use again because I was an addict, but I also can't quite accept it.

So I was wondering if anyone here has found they were able to do it.
 
I don't have the experience, so maybe take what I say with a grain of salt. But there probably do exist such people with such experiences. I would imagine one has about the same chance of being a rich gangster as being a former addict who can safely "chip" after getting clean.

Don't use. It can take years for cravings to go away, but each time you don't give in, you strengthen.
 
I'm not really of the belief that each time you don't give in, you strengthen. I mean, let's face it. Brain chemistry is changed through prolonged exposure to heroin and simply does not ever return completely to its original state.

I use heroin occasionally after being addicted to oxycodone, dilaudid, and fentanyl for years. I use once to twice a week at max, and I have my own set of principles that I follow. For example, I never use two days in a row. I wouldn't really call this a "successful" regiment as the day after use I'm always dealing with strong mental cravings to use again. Living with these cravings is not "successful" in any way. Sure, I don't give into them, so you could say I've succeeded in staying away from being physically addicted for some time now. However, like I said I'm always dealing with either mental cravings or very minor physical withdrawals (mostly mental; my mind tries to trick me into thinking I'm in withdrawal so I'll redose) and patting myself on the back for not stumbling into the pit I'm dangerously dancing around.


If I didn't have serious pain issues I wouldn't use. The physical pain is way beyond a simple justification to feed my addiction. I wake up some days with business meetings planned or work-related activities that I have specifically not wanted to get high before... however, I'm in excruciating pain and grudgingly go out and cop some heroin in order to be able to perform at an optimum physical level while sacrificing some mental clarity. It's absolutely terrible, and I'm definitely on track to return to my pain management doctor after much dragging of my feet.

My advice to you would be simply not to use. If you're thinking about picking up again for the sole fact to "feed the monkey on your back," like Ho Chi Minh said your chances are VERY LOW of being successful. That monkey will strengthen at that point, regardless of whether your brain is actually continuing to recover in sobriety. My only point in regards to that is at some point the physical recovery of your mind ceases, you are sober, and left with a once addicted brain and your ability to make choices. It's at this stage that you either decide to live a different life or sadly, more commonly regress to your former addicted condition. Good luck... don't touch the dope.
 
Ya I have tried this so many times, and I would say look for another addiction like weightlifting, or mountain biking, or just someting that is healthy. Idk I really think weightlifting is a good one, its very addicting, and alot of good things come with it.
 
Depends what you define recreational I guess, for the last year and a half I have never used my DOC (heroin and other opiates) more than a few days in a row maybe a week max but have constantly on and off used and only stayed clean when I absolutely couldn't use. Because of that I have mostly avoided being dope sick which is my main goal but I am most definitely an addict and have still spent way too much $ on drugs. But I've kept jobs and completed half a year of university doing this somehow.

That being said I wish I could get and stay clean because it definitely has huge effects on my relationships and my overall health, I have tried so many times rehab six times been to prison and am still relapsing. I am young though only 21 and tbh I never really see people get clean that young I typically see older people getting and staying clean, not that it's impossible just an observation.
 
Yeah the odds seem to be against the possibility of returning safely to occasional use. I already work out every day, play music, have a band, meet chicks, have started working again. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that I just can't permit myself to use anymore. I don't know if I'll be able to forever though. For me, life has lost some of it's glimmer, and unfortunately heroin still seems like something so good I can't imagine not doing it. Whether I feel bad or good, it's the same.
 
I've been able to go back to recreational many times, even for a long period of time, but eventually i always go back to addiction. I can say i've been able to stay away from the levels i was at long ago. I haven't involved myself with the insanity and desperation i was once at 15 years ago. I can now be an addict and live a healthy 'normal' life that i couldn't have imagined in the past.
 
I like to think that it is possible.. I have not tried heroin and I NEVER will, yes I know everyone says that but maybe in my case it is true...
I think that if you set extremely strict rules like using every other weekend for example, every week is pushing it I think.. I think that as long as you have that self control it is possible... If you can avoid being physically dependent then why not? I mean, how many times have you used simply to make WD's go away, and that point you're fucked... I want to see it as getting drunk once in a while, simply doing something fun once in a while.. Again I'm not really talking about heroin, but about other opiates
 
Before even stating this I wanted to say that I've been off of heroin since 2010. I slipped a couple times during that year. Been on suboxone for most of the time including right now as I sit here. I remember the nice warm feeling dope gave me but to even be able to feel that dope rush again I would have to wait around 3 or 4 days without anything because of this suboxone saturation I have going on. I did dabble in dope years ago, did it around 5 times a month for about six months. Then, it was full force addiction. So I'm sure you can turn it off once and a while and not use everyday but it WILL catch up to you buddy. Don't kid yourself, opiates are addicting as hell if you're like me and have that special bond/relationship with them. If it was up to me and I had your final ear I would say to steer clear of heroin. It's like a cancer that grows until you literally have nothing to cling to, including family. Try the right, sober way first and see where that takes you, but at least give the program a chance and stay focused. You never know, you could become a better person, meet a girl, have a good life. I've been sober before and it was some of my best times, it's where I met the love of my life. If you find yourself unable to stay away from opiates at all costs, this is a harm reduction site so I'll tell you the truth and my safe perspective; Since your tolerance is going to be a lot lower, don't go crazy doing hard opiates in the future. Just pop a couple percs or Vicodin and see where that gets you first. Just be safe brother and I wish you the best.
 
chase_in_56ace said:
I'm not really of the belief that each time you don't give in, you strengthen. I mean, let's face it. Brain chemistry is changed through prolonged exposure to heroin and simply does not ever return completely to its original state.

I use heroin occasionally after being addicted to oxycodone, dilaudid, and fentanyl for years. I use once to twice a week at max, and I have my own set of principles that I follow. For example, I never use two days in a row. I wouldn't really call this a "successful" regiment as the day after use I'm always dealing with strong mental cravings to use again. Living with these cravings is not "successful" in any way. Sure, I don't give into them, so you could say I've succeeded in staying away from being physically addicted for some time now. However, like I said I'm always dealing with either mental cravings or very minor physical withdrawals (mostly mental; my mind tries to trick me into thinking I'm in withdrawal so I'll redose) and patting myself on the back for not stumbling into the pit I'm dangerously dancing around.


If I didn't have serious pain issues I wouldn't use. The physical pain is way beyond a simple justification to feed my addiction. I wake up some days with business meetings planned or work-related activities that I have specifically not wanted to get high before... however, I'm in excruciating pain and grudgingly go out and cop some heroin in order to be able to perform at an optimum physical level while sacrificing some mental clarity. It's absolutely terrible, and I'm definitely on track to return to my pain management doctor after much dragging of my feet.

My advice to you would be simply not to use. If you're thinking about picking up again for the sole fact to "feed the monkey on your back," like Ho Chi Minh said your chances are VERY LOW of being successful. That monkey will strengthen at that point, regardless of whether your brain is actually continuing to recover in sobriety. My only point in regards to that is at some point the physical recovery of your mind ceases, you are sober, and left with a once addicted brain and your ability to make choices. It's at this stage that you either decide to live a different life or sadly, more commonly regress to your former addicted condition. Good luck... don't touch the dope.
Click to expand...

Lol! The junkie has "business meetings"
 
Short and simple the answer is No. I've tried it many times with no success no matter what ROA I used... People always think about physical dependence when it comes to heroin addiction; I have a few friends who have used all sorts of opiates/opioids recreationally without ever becoming physically or physiologically depdent on them. Everyone who developed a physical dependencey; such as my self, will most likely never be able to use it recreationally again. There are exceptions; but they may not apply to you. For example I chipped for 3 months after getting on bupe and had no problems but money. I used it recreationally but I didn't even want too, It ceased feeling good. Yet I continued to chip.... That's what this drug is capable of doing. It consumes me and many others once we start. I've seen to many people that are addicts like me; who have lost everything and just about everyone because of my behaviors in active addiction(daily usage). I've had 3 OD's all potentially fatal; and one of witch was treated with narcan. It's a dangerous road, you will never regret not quiting dope... If you still find it that appealing chances are you may have a higher tolerance for suffering or are just fucked.
 
The same strong urge to return to "normal use" is what will eventually bring you back to addiction and dependence. It's statistically improbable for an opiate addict to mend their ways and just use occasionally, but stranger things happen everyday.
 
it's very very very unlikely. and even if you can use occasionally, you'll be fucking miserable in the time in between using so it's really not worth it.
 
i've been doing heroin for 11 years and at least in my experience when im clean off heroin for a couple months and i think i can do it once or twice it never happens!! i always get hooked again! your always gonna quit tomorrow you tell yourself but tomorrow never comes!! I'm on my fourth day clean off dope but thats only because of subs and i only have a quarter of one left and i don't wanna get high but being dopesick is the worst!! my advice to you is just stop while your ahead because being a junkie is a vicious cycle!!! no matter how good im doing in life how happy i am i never feel complete unless im high it sucks it really does!!! good luck to you!!
 
You get your habit back so much faster once you've already had one, in my experience. I had a good year before I caught my first case of sickness. One morning you just wake up and you're sick. When I go from abstinence back to the needle now, I use a half-dozen times in the course of a few days and I wake up with restlessness, watery eyes, rhinitis etc. It really sucks that you can't return to normal and have year-long honeymoon periods when you pick back up. If this were true, I would say dope might be "worth it". In reality it's just shaking hands with the devil.
 
It's really, REALLY hard. They do say, 'once an addict, always an addict'

I believe that 100%
I'm an addict myself.

I've been on Methadone for roughly over 3 years now, and I still consider myself an addict even though I'm just on Methadone, even with an Rx.

Because I know for a fact, without Methadone I'd be back to smoking Heroin, or doing really high doses of Oxycodone again.

Methadone REALLY saved my life. Without it I'd be a bum in the streets eat out of a trash can and sleeping on a rock. Opiate addiction is too fucking serious and expensive.
 
it is absolutely not possible to go back to occasional use of heroin. I been trying to for years..
 
I wish I knew what exactly changed in the brain to make using more dangerous now (in terms of becoming dependent) I've studied the limbic system a bit, but I don't think I have any deficit in experiencing pleasure. I am prone to feeling jaded, pessimistic, and some times I don't feel grounded enough in reality to give it the importance or value that might motivate someone to not take risks. But I was always this way. Before using drugs it caused me some problems but I always functioned. I don't know if my desire to use is really an alteration to my brain or just my unsatisfied nature. I feel like, how can I possibly accept not using what seemed like the answer to everything missing.

Anyway I know it's virtually impossible, but I have heard of people doing it, like using once a month or even less often. Is there no one on this site with this experience or who knows someone who's done it?
 
bobbyjones said:
I wish I knew what exactly changed in the brain to make using more dangerous now (in terms of becoming dependent) I've studied the limbic system a bit, but I don't think I have any deficit in experiencing pleasure. I am prone to feeling jaded, pessimistic, and some times I don't feel grounded enough in reality to give it the importance or value that might motivate someone to not take risks. But I was always this way. Before using drugs it caused me some problems but I always functioned. I don't know if my desire to use is really an alteration to my brain or just my unsatisfied nature. I feel like, how can I possibly accept not using what seemed like the answer to everything missing.

Anyway I know it's virtually impossible, but I have heard of people doing it, like using once a month or even less often. Is there no one on this site with this experience or who knows someone who's done it?
Click to expand...

IME it's almost like a switch got flipped after my first real opiate habit got going and I experience the same apathy you mentioned all the time when I'm not using; even after prolonged periods of abstinence, although it does get less powerful the longer I've been clean. But even after being clean for a year and using once, that apathy comes back and everything else becomes somewhat muted and I think this strange feeling is what stops me from ever keeping my opiate use "recreational". Like someone mentioned above I have been able to use intermittently and keep jobs/relationships which might make it seem recreational on the surface, but I would still obsess over my next chance to use and everything sucked in between those special days. So it might've seemed recreational to a casual observer but to me it felt emotionally like a full blown habit. I also wonder if this is significantly linked to altered brain chemistry or more because of my emotional and personal problems that I mostly self medicate for.
 
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