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Stimulants Has anyone had a religious type trip on meth?

Oh yes, I've overdosed heavily on amphetamines during binges and I was seeing whatever the hell I wanted to see. This was having taken 17-20 15mg dextroamphetamine spansules crushed within about 20 hours. It was so goddamn stupid, even for me.

I thought I saw god and he told me how to write the most beautiful music composition ever. I sat alternating between air guitar/piano and frantic, fruitless masturbation for 5 hours. Then, I started coming down and realized I didn't really see or hear anything; I had just sent my brain into some kind of chemical tailspin.

The comedown was pretty harsh and lasted for quite literally a full day. This was all with zero tolerance. It's just the self reinforcing nature of stimulants at work. Although this is more reminiscent of crack head behavior.

Yeah... a day long crash is pretty nice compared to meth... one time I binged on it for 14 days.. slamming it... smoking it.. plugging it.. eating it... etc. Went into a gnarly psychosis on day 12 or so.. ended up in the hospital. I still haven't recovered from that. Lots of embarrassing behavior, too much sex, not enough humanity.... and overall not worth it. Its been about 3 weeks since I last used and I feel no where near how i used to before meth. I wonder how long it takes to feel "back to normal" (whatever the fuck that means).. lol
 
I've only been graced with true, union-with-God beatific visions twice: at a river bank on 4-HO-MET, and on a train through Montana & North Dakota on 25c-nBOME. 8o

Meth, though, compels me to hyperfocus on any subject I happen to fixate on. Sometimes that's cleaning/rubbing off/other stereotypical tweaker activities, but I also love getting lost on the Internet learning random shit. The other day (on propylhexedrine, granted, but IIRC molecularly speaking it's identical to methamphetamine except with the phenyl group replaced with cyclohexane), I was pondering addiction (generally and personally) and remembered finding consolation in reading St. Augustine's Confessions* some years ago. So, as one inevitably does, I followed a Wikipedia trail through St. Augustine/other early-Christian theologians/Christian mysticism/Catholic doctrine/doctrine on Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory, and on that page I found a quote by Saint Catherine of Genoa that resounded deep within me, to the point of tears of bittersweetness and beauty.

Full disclosure: Though I'm Catholic by upbringing, I'm now agnostic. My interest in and appreciation for--and indeed, ability to tolerate the phrasing of--Christian teachings is enabled by my interpretation of the texts as metaphorical instead of literal. "God," to me, is the indescribable transcendence of all-consuming love, understanding, and peace that I have touched, however fleetingly, at times through nature, art, relationships, meditation, and psychedelics--and "sin" is subjective, self-defined as the things we willfully do that go against our personal morality and bright about guilt, shame, and self-loathing. But no matter your religious inclination, this quote may be of solace to those of us thrown into self-hatred and despair by the changes wrought upon us by addiction, or weathering the agony--the purgatory--of getting clean:

---

"As for paradise, God has placed no doors there. Whoever wishes to enter, does so. All-merciful God stands there with His arms open, waiting to receive us into His glory. I also see, however, that the divine presence is so pure and light-filled – much more than we can imagine – that the soul that has but the slightest imperfection would rather throw itself into a thousand hells than appear thus before the divine presence. Tongue cannot express nor heart understand the full meaning of purgatory, which the soul willingly accepts as a mercy the realization that that suffering is of no importance compared to the removal of the impediment of sin." [Saint Catherine of Genoa]

Wikipedia explains:

"...in her time the purification of souls (Purgatory) was pictured as a location in space, but [Saint Catherine] saw Purgatory as a purifying inner fire, such as she experienced in her profound sorrow for sins committed, when compared with God's infinite love. She said that being bound still to the desires and suffering that derive from sin makes it impossible for the soul to enjoy the beatific vision of God."

And 500 years later, Pope Benedict XVI commented:

"We too feel how distant we are, how full we are of so many things that we cannot see God. The soul is aware of the immense love and perfect justice of God and consequently suffers for having failed to respond in a correct and perfect way to this love; and love for God itself becomes a flame, love itself cleanses it from the residue of sin."

---

By my interpretation (which admittedly takes some liberties with the intended literal meaning of the words), the crux of all this is empowering: contrary to contemporary conceptions of Christianity, there is no judgemental God to punish us according to his rules; "God" is the light, joy, peace we all seek in life, and when our actions lead us to guilt or shame (our "sins"),we see ourselves as lesser, unworthy of a good life and unable to do good, with the resulting existential depression fueling repetition of the hated actions--which in drug addiction is a negative-feedback loop straight to rock bottom.

And yet--we do this to ourselves. We create our own Heaven and Hell, judge ourselves and dwell in the created mindset in which we believe we deserve to be. But by the same token, we can choose to forgive (ourselves and others), to consciously make the right choices, to find and hold on to the light. And, as the concept of Purgatory illustrates, the path to our personal redemption is inevitably filled with suffering. It is painful to face our bad choices, the hurt we've caused ourselves and others; painful to right our wrongs; and agonizing to constantly exert our willpower, every day, fighting temptation and cravings and relapse. Getting clean, or indeed any positive step towards a reduction in use, requires immense bravery. But these battles are "purifying inner fires"; by choosing to fight them we are cleansing the conscience of our soul, delivering ourselves from our self-inflicted Hell.


Sorry for tweaking; thanks for reading. :)



*-The parts of Augustine's Confessions I found particularly meaningful are from Book Two, specifically the following:

"I wish now to review in memory my past wickedness and the carnal corruptions of my soul -- not because I still love them, but that I may love thee, O my God. For love of thy love I do this, recalling in the bitterness of self-examination my wicked ways, that thou mayest grow sweet to me, thou sweetness without deception! Thou sweetness happy and assured! Thus thou mayest gather me up out of those fragments in which I was torn to pieces, while I turned away from thee, O Unity, and lost myself among 'the many.' For as I became a youth, I longed to be satisfied with worldly things, and I dared to grow wild in a succession of various and shadowy loves. My form wasted away, and I became corrupt in thy eyes, yet I was still pleasing to my own eyes -- and eager to please the eyes of men." [Chapter I]

"There was a pear tree close to our own vineyard, heavily laden with fruit, which was not tempting either for its color or for its flavor. Late one night -- having prolonged our games in the streets until then, as our bad habit was -- a group of young scoundrels, and I among them, went to shake and rob this tree. We carried off a huge load of pears, not to eat ourselves, but to dump out to the hogs, after barely tasting some of them ourselves. Doing this pleased us all the more because it was forbidden. Such was my heart, O God, such was my heart -- which thou didst pity even in that bottomless pit. Behold, now let my heart confess to thee what it was seeking there, when I was being gratuitously wanton, having no inducement to evil but the evil itself. It was foul, and I loved it. I loved my own undoing. I loved my error -- not that for which I erred but the error itself. A depraved soul, falling away from security in thee to destruction in itself, seeking nothing from the shameful deed but shame itself." [Chapter 4]
 
I've been an addict for some time and I've done a lot of crazy fucked up things, but methamphetamine scares the shit out of me. All of the horror stories of psychoses and complete breaks from reality. I'm just glad that I've lived in New England where meth is pretty elusive. Being the addict I am, I'm sure I could end up in that type of situation; the drugs just seems to take control. The ridiculous dosing of dextroamphetamine was far too intense for me. I can only imagine how bad it would be to continue on a run like that for weeks. Methamphetamine is inherently neurotoxic, whereas opiates are essentially harmless save for overdoses and constipation. I'm gonna stick with those drugs ;)
 
I've only been graced with true, union-with-God beatific visions twice: at a river bank on 4-HO-MET, and on a train through Montana & North Dakota on 25c-nBOME. 8o

Meth, though, compels me to hyperfocus on any subject I happen to fixate on. Sometimes that's cleaning/rubbing off/other stereotypical tweaker activities, but I also love getting lost on the Internet learning random shit. The other day (on propylhexedrine, granted, but IIRC molecularly speaking it's identical to methamphetamine except with the phenyl group replaced with cyclohexane), I was pondering addiction (generally and personally) and remembered finding consolation in reading St. Augustine's Confessions* some years ago. So, as one inevitably does, I followed a Wikipedia trail through St. Augustine/other early-Christian theologians/Christian mysticism/Catholic doctrine/doctrine on Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory, and on that page I found a quote by Saint Catherine of Genoa that resounded deep within me, to the point of tears of bittersweetness and beauty.

Full disclosure: Though I'm Catholic by upbringing, I'm now agnostic. My interest in and appreciation for--and indeed, ability to tolerate the phrasing of--Christian teachings is enabled by my interpretation of the texts as metaphorical instead of literal. "God," to me, is the indescribable transcendence of all-consuming love, understanding, and peace that I have touched, however fleetingly, at times through nature, art, relationships, meditation, and psychedelics--and "sin" is subjective, self-defined as the things we willfully do that go against our personal morality and bright about guilt, shame, and self-loathing. But no matter your religious inclination, this quote may be of solace to those of us thrown into self-hatred and despair by the changes wrought upon us by addiction, or weathering the agony--the purgatory--of getting clean:

---

"As for paradise, God has placed no doors there. Whoever wishes to enter, does so. All-merciful God stands there with His arms open, waiting to receive us into His glory. I also see, however, that the divine presence is so pure and light-filled – much more than we can imagine – that the soul that has but the slightest imperfection would rather throw itself into a thousand hells than appear thus before the divine presence. Tongue cannot express nor heart understand the full meaning of purgatory, which the soul willingly accepts as a mercy the realization that that suffering is of no importance compared to the removal of the impediment of sin." [Saint Catherine of Genoa]

Wikipedia explains:

"...in her time the purification of souls (Purgatory) was pictured as a location in space, but [Saint Catherine] saw Purgatory as a purifying inner fire, such as she experienced in her profound sorrow for sins committed, when compared with God's infinite love. She said that being bound still to the desires and suffering that derive from sin makes it impossible for the soul to enjoy the beatific vision of God."

And 500 years later, Pope Benedict XVI commented:

"We too feel how distant we are, how full we are of so many things that we cannot see God. The soul is aware of the immense love and perfect justice of God and consequently suffers for having failed to respond in a correct and perfect way to this love; and love for God itself becomes a flame, love itself cleanses it from the residue of sin."

---

By my interpretation (which admittedly takes some liberties with the intended literal meaning of the words), the crux of all this is empowering: contrary to contemporary conceptions of Christianity, there is no judgemental God to punish us according to his rules; "God" is the light, joy, peace we all seek in life, and when our actions lead us to guilt or shame (our "sins"),we see ourselves as lesser, unworthy of a good life and unable to do good, with the resulting existential depression fueling repetition of the hated actions--which in drug addiction is a negative-feedback loop straight to rock bottom.

And yet--we do this to ourselves. We create our own Heaven and Hell, judge ourselves and dwell in the created mindset in which we believe we deserve to be. But by the same token, we can choose to forgive (ourselves and others), to consciously make the right choices, to find and hold on to the light. And, as the concept of Purgatory illustrates, the path to our personal redemption is inevitably filled with suffering. It is painful to face our bad choices, the hurt we've caused ourselves and others; painful to right our wrongs; and agonizing to constantly exert our willpower, every day, fighting temptation and cravings and relapse. Getting clean, or indeed any positive step towards a reduction in use, requires immense bravery. But these battles are "purifying inner fires"; by choosing to fight them we are cleansing the conscience of our soul, delivering ourselves from our self-inflicted Hell.


Sorry for tweaking; thanks for reading. :)



*-The parts of Augustine's Confessions I found particularly meaningful are from Book Two, specifically the following:

"I wish now to review in memory my past wickedness and the carnal corruptions of my soul -- not because I still love them, but that I may love thee, O my God. For love of thy love I do this, recalling in the bitterness of self-examination my wicked ways, that thou mayest grow sweet to me, thou sweetness without deception! Thou sweetness happy and assured! Thus thou mayest gather me up out of those fragments in which I was torn to pieces, while I turned away from thee, O Unity, and lost myself among 'the many.' For as I became a youth, I longed to be satisfied with worldly things, and I dared to grow wild in a succession of various and shadowy loves. My form wasted away, and I became corrupt in thy eyes, yet I was still pleasing to my own eyes -- and eager to please the eyes of men." [Chapter I]

"There was a pear tree close to our own vineyard, heavily laden with fruit, which was not tempting either for its color or for its flavor. Late one night -- having prolonged our games in the streets until then, as our bad habit was -- a group of young scoundrels, and I among them, went to shake and rob this tree. We carried off a huge load of pears, not to eat ourselves, but to dump out to the hogs, after barely tasting some of them ourselves. Doing this pleased us all the more because it was forbidden. Such was my heart, O God, such was my heart -- which thou didst pity even in that bottomless pit. Behold, now let my heart confess to thee what it was seeking there, when I was being gratuitously wanton, having no inducement to evil but the evil itself. It was foul, and I loved it. I loved my own undoing. I loved my error -- not that for which I erred but the error itself. A depraved soul, falling away from security in thee to destruction in itself, seeking nothing from the shameful deed but shame itself." [Chapter 4]

Holy fuck I just got halfway through reading all that before I was like wait, what am I even reading? I don't even...
 
I've been an addict for some time and I've done a lot of crazy fucked up things, but methamphetamine scares the shit out of me. All of the horror stories of psychoses and complete breaks from reality. I'm just glad that I've lived in New England where meth is pretty elusive. Being the addict I am, I'm sure I could end up in that type of situation; the drugs just seems to take control. The ridiculous dosing of dextroamphetamine was far too intense for me. I can only imagine how bad it would be to continue on a run like that for weeks. Methamphetamine is inherently neurotoxic, whereas opiates are essentially harmless save for overdoses and constipation. I'm gonna stick with those drugs ;)

The night I went to the hospital, my psychosis was so bad it was fucking insane. Chariots were chasing my car, demons flying in the sky, my posters were talking as clear as day, people walking around my room and when they'd touch you, you could feel it on your skin. And for some reason bad romance was playing from under my bed (at 3 AM)... Bad romance.. that lady gaga song I've heard a few times on the radio and never cared about. Why my brain would choose such a song to be on repeat for 2 hours is beyond me.. but yeah psychosis is some really fucked up shit. Nothing makes you quite hallucinate like meth psychosis. Makes all my psychedelic trips seem insignificant. I forget to even tell people those stories because meth was so much more fucked up and intense lol. Its that drug that ruins your life so fast you can't even believe it... and the shittiest part about it.. is you miss it. You miss it so bad, even as shitty and insane as it is.. you can't help but love it.
 
Holy fuck I just got halfway through reading all that before I was like wait, what am I even reading? I don't even...

Upon sober re-reading... yeah, me too :p

The night I went to the hospital, my psychosis was so bad it was fucking insane. Chariots were chasing my car, demons flying in the sky, my posters were talking as clear as day, people walking around my room and when they'd touch you, you could feel it on your skin. And for some reason bad romance was playing from under my bed (at 3 AM)... Bad romance.. that lady gaga song I've heard a few times on the radio and never cared about. Why my brain would choose such a song to be on repeat for 2 hours is beyond me.. but yeah psychosis is some really fucked up shit. Nothing makes you quite hallucinate like meth psychosis. Makes all my psychedelic trips seem insignificant. I forget to even tell people those stories because meth was so much more fucked up and intense lol. Its that drug that ruins your life so fast you can't even believe it... and the shittiest part about it.. is you miss it. You miss it so bad, even as shitty and insane as it is.. you can't help but love it.

So true, dude. I've dealt with bipolar psychosis (hearing voices, songs on repeat, snow falling in my bedroom, etc.) and meth psychosis can be even more intense: over the course of one night, I eavesdropped on an hourlong conversation between my roommates in the hallway at 3 am about all the things they hated about me, cowered from terrifying spiders and thousand-leggers and used a broom to knock their wispy webs from the corners of my room, and stayed up until dawn sweeping a patch of floor with a paintbrush to find the shards of meth I was sure I'd dropped, until my mother walked into the room and asked what the hell I was doing--none of which, of course, was real. Hell, on psychedelics I (with the notable exceptions of a 5-tab unknown-dose 25c-nBOME trip and a nightmarish 2.5mg DOC trip) know that what I'm seeing and hearing isn't real--usually it's just patterns anyway. Only meth (and mabe anticholinergic deliriants?) can bring on hallucinations so lifelike you can't even tell they're hallucinations...
 
Yeah it's no fucking joke how bad one trips.. It is incredible to think that meth is so powerful as to cause such intense psychosis with such overwhelmingly powerful stimulant effects. I think methamphetamine is probably one of the most interesting drugs out there. Not only because I was once a tweaker, but the fact it is arguably the strongest stimulant out there and it is just incredible how different it effects everyone. Some people hardly see anything in meth psychosis, or find it makes them paranoid while high. With me, all my anxiety disappeared once I was high. Only on the crash did I ever feel paranoid or anxious. Almost like it's not possible to feel fear or anxiety. At least for me. And I always trip balls like crazy on a comedown. Especially if I smoke weed. Yet many of my friends would do the same amount, smoke weed etc. And see maybe shit out of the corner of their eye etc. Yet i'm tripping balls like I took 30 hits of acid lol. The addiction part is the most interesting to me. The withdrawals seem to get worse as time goes on... rather than better.. and some people never crave it.. yet I crave it harder than any drug I've done. Both while on it, and when off.

Funny thing, I looked through my carpet for nearly 4 hours trying to find a shard of meth I was convinced I had dropped. Haha. I must have eaten at least 10 pieces of dirt thinking it was a meth shard only to find it was a rock or plastic etc. So gross. The shit you think is okay on meth is beyond me... I had a 3 sum with my friend and my ex girlfriend. They ended up focusing on each other more and it turned into me slamming lots of meth and being jealous and angry... as my ex and my friend are high on meth fucking... and this whole time I never once even thought how weird the situation was to begin with. How not like me it was~ lol... fuggin meff. Not even once xD
 
^ yeah dude . im from the salty d as well... and meth is cheap and plentiful here.... i've always said that their are no bad drugs , just bad people .... i know the entity , the very real entity that meth/amphetamine is.... its amazing and beautiful... i feel like meth is a female entity... a powerful diva ... who is like the calm before the storm the starts armeggedon .... we had amazing years together , meth / speed and I.....times where i wept because i became so connected to the universe... and accepted the beauty of life and the trajedy of death with the help of meth... .

on my last "religious" trip... the meth entity basically had one last message for me... and told me my dreams would come true if I could give her up finally... that our time together had come to a close and i had learned everything i needed ... that i could access new areas of my mind thanks to my time spent with the amphetamine geenie.

during this "peak moment" i felt my bodies DNA / cells transform rapidily ... as if my body new that I was never going to buy another bag of speed and needed to compensatre and put out more energy to keep me going..

i suffered no withdrawals... had tons of energy ... and still thank miss meth for our times we spent together. .
 
^ yeah dude . im from the salty d as well... and meth is cheap and plentiful here.... i've always said that their are no bad drugs , just bad people .... i know the entity , the very real entity that meth/amphetamine is.... its amazing and beautiful... i feel like meth is a female entity... a powerful diva ... who is like the calm before the storm the starts armeggedon .... we had amazing years together , meth / speed and I.....times where i wept because i became so connected to the universe... and accepted the beauty of life and the trajedy of death with the help of meth... .

on my last "religious" trip... the meth entity basically had one last message for me... and told me my dreams would come true if I could give her up finally... that our time together had come to a close and i had learned everything i needed ... that i could access new areas of my mind thanks to my time spent with the amphetamine geenie.

during this "peak moment" i felt my bodies DNA / cells transform rapidily ... as if my body new that I was never going to buy another bag of speed and needed to compensatre and put out more energy to keep me going..

i suffered no withdrawals... had tons of energy ... and still thank miss meth for our times we spent together. .

I dunno what kind of meth you were doing but I definitely didn't experience that. I crave meth every day, have no energy, depression etc. Meth robbed me of my former self.
 
The night I went to the hospital, my psychosis was so bad it was fucking insane. Chariots were chasing my car, demons flying in the sky, my posters were talking as clear as day, people walking around my room and when they'd touch you, you could feel it on your skin. And for some reason bad romance was playing from under my bed (at 3 AM)... Bad romance.. that lady gaga song I've heard a few times on the radio and never cared about. Why my brain would choose such a song to be on repeat for 2 hours is beyond me.. but yeah psychosis is some really fucked up shit. Nothing makes you quite hallucinate like meth psychosis. Makes all my psychedelic trips seem insignificant. I forget to even tell people those stories because meth was so much more fucked up and intense lol. Its that drug that ruins your life so fast you can't even believe it... and the shittiest part about it.. is you miss it. You miss it so bad, even as shitty and insane as it is.. you can't help but love it.
That sounds like meth psychosis or like you had taken a lot of crystal and went on a run/binge for a few days. I read a book about meth where the author actually took meth while researching, and writing the book and thought the feds/cops were spying on him outside his apartment, and heard Christmas music he thought was coming from a decoration in his house, and he thought that there were hidden cameras the cops/feds put in his house while on a weekend binge high on crystal, and without sleep.
 
all i know is that what i experienced was a miracle....

I was suffering , and now im not....... Everything had built to a peak and I couldn't take it anymore.... I've been a frustrated musician/peformer for years... Always taking speed and other drugs because i thought i needed them to perform and write good songs.... The drugs were actually blocking all that, and leading me to go around and around in psychotic circles.... I basically was in my room, hitting the pizo, with pain all over and my back hurting; and then I realized how hopeless it all was ... I basically fell to the floor and screamed out loud to the universe "Please!, Ill do anything to be succesful at my music! I can't take this pain anymore! I give up! I can't control all this! I surrender!"

All the sudden I felt profoundly peaceful, and I actually saw a vision of these symbols, almost like emojis .... One of the emojis was a pizo pipe being shattered, It almost looked like a cartoon.... then what i assume was an equals sign.... and then another emoji of a birthday hat , and balloons going up... which i assumed to mean "my celebration day" and/or success in the music biz....

Suddenly a vision enraptured me .... I saw myself working out in the gym, working for hours on certain songs, doing vocal training, ... basically I saw myself doing the "work" that i had been avoiding and attempting to mask with copious amounts of drugs.... I saw myself as a legit singer/songwriter who had a real career in music and worked hard at it like anyone does at a career they are passionate about....

My whole being suddenly offered me a fire escape from my pain and my nuerotic drug seeking behaviour and near-insanity inspired reapeating of loops whilest expecting different results....

I rushed out side with all my meth paraphernalia , shattered it all, flushed the meth.... within one week I was feeling fine, and did a show with my guitarist/partner and it was like 100 times better than anything we had done previously... like a completely different dude. .. with a new confidence... we did three more shows that week, each one better than the previous one... and got paid to play an hour and a half at a venue... the first time i've ever been truly compensated for performing.... All originals... it all just came together.... I suffered very slight withdrawals.... it was a damn miracle.... and i'm on my way to do a show tonight.
 
I hope you can keep your attitude bro. I wish you good luck, but do be aware of the trickery meth is unbelievably good at. Meth can make people believe things that NOTHING else could.

Also, the trippy aspect of meth seems very strong but it is the sleep deprivation that truely causes the hallucinations. The longer you stay up the weirder things get. The meth is giving you the ability to stay awake and its effects definately increase the experience, no doubt. But when you start seeing solid figure hallucinations, thats all sleep dep.

Why does OP refer to as a "religious" experience? It doesnt seem to have anything to do with religion to me. I feel a "spiritual" or "transadental" state seems more appropriate.
 
I don't care if it was all sleep deprivation or whatever because I truly had what I needed to get on the right path....

Haven't done meth in over a month
 
I hope you can keep your attitude bro. I wish you good luck, but do be aware of the trickery meth is unbelievably good at. Meth can make people believe things that NOTHING else could.

Also, the trippy aspect of meth seems very strong but it is the sleep deprivation that truely causes the hallucinations. The longer you stay up the weirder things get. The meth is giving you the ability to stay awake and its effects definately increase the experience, no doubt. But when you start seeing solid figure hallucinations, thats all sleep dep.

Why does OP refer to as a "religious" experience? It doesnt seem to have anything to do with religion to me. I feel a "spiritual" or "transadental" state seems more appropriate.

The rumor that the "Sleep deprivation" is what causes the hallucinations is something I've been attempting to disprove. My psychotic symptoms are greatly increased by using stimulant drugs, especially meth. If I even smoke one or 2 hits of meth, I suddenly begin hearing shit that isn't there and seeing things.. even if I just started using after a full nights sleep.
 
Well i stay up for days and dont hear voices orsee things. Problem is i cant seem to find drugs where im at. I meet someone they r rite on time dope is good then after a few days they dip. I just recently moved here and i am lonely and bored
 
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