Opioids Halfway here...

[Mad Dash]

I would never post thread like this directly in the forums, but I have had not just regulars calling me but my dearest old friends from the website. I have to apologize. My life recently has devolved into something that nobody would want to go through. My access to the internet has been limited for a while and I have just recently gotten my life back together. SORT OF. I am far from being alive and well but I am also far from being dead and gone. I don't know what my major malfunction is aside from diagnosis but I want to apologize to BL for not being here recently. I have been very focused on myself. And I feel ashamed, I want to be here for those that feel they have no hope left. Those that want to end their lives because they think that they can not be happy any other way. Because that is me... I have watched my friends die, I have seen 12 YO get addicted to heroin, and yet I sit here worried about my old life, the men I served with and the wife I lost. There are plenty here that I can help.

Mad Dash Is back.

 

[namnoc16]

Glad you are back old friend I was worried! Remember if you don't get yourself well you can't help others.

I was fearing the worst!

 

[Speed King]

MAD DASH, BROTHER, it's very nice to here from you. You need to remember, you have a family here that really cares about you. Brother, I feel for you. I might not get what you are going through, but I understand. Brother, I care about you. If there is any way I can help you, PM me any time. If venting helps, PM me. I care for you bro. I'm glad your back. MAD DASH!!!!!!!!!!!Speed King

 

[DixiChik]

WELCOME BACK my brotha...Breathe the oxygen mask first, then assist others.

I don't practice what I preach. I've spent my life taking care of others (family and friends) and neglecting myself. It's all come home to "roost" so to speak, for me too.

I sent my email addy to you WAY BACK. Don't hesitate to use it.

Meanwhile...Go easy on yourself. We're here for you.

 

[Mad Dash]

I am just trying not to kill myself right now... and i think maybe i am asking for attention cuz i havnt done anything yet...

 

[chase_in_56ace]

Good to see u around MD. Keep ur head up bro msg me if u need to talk to someone.

 

[DixiChik]

I'm in that same space, MD...have been for weeks. I'm still "here" too...not sure if that is a resounding advertisement for this shit storm of pain and anguish called "life".

Yet here we are. Let's talk about this. Why are you feeling this way? Is it physical? Is it emotional? Both? Do you have anyone IRL with you that you trust? If so, can you just purge these feelings to him/her? You shouldn't be alone feeling this way.

You've got several offers here to PM or email that are quite genuine, my friend. YOU are the friend and brother I haven't met. I believe you are reaching out for HELP. It's right here. Message one or ALL of us to get this burden off your shoulders.

 

[shadowstryker]

Good to see you're back. Hey man, I was pretty low during the early days of withdrawals but posts like yours and others in my threads helped me get through it. I'm sure it gets better man, don't leave this life.

 

[hatrix]

Keep your head up man. Glad to see you back here. I've kind of been absent myself.

 

[manboychef]

Thank goodness your back mad dash. You have helped me understand myself quite a bit. I know what its like to lose oneself in depression and madness. I am glad you found your way back!

If you ever need me, you know my number/.

 

[Tinker55]

Mad Dash, it's good to see you. Please hang around-I have immense respect for your viewpoint!

 

[tacodude]

Md! The mega man! Thank you for checking in. Do not be ashamed you know how your situation is and you at strong for persevering through it. I would honestly enjoy conversing with you and hearing some of your wisdom in depth and hopefully sharing mine in a way it helps. Be strong brother! We are all rooting for you I am sure even some lurkers on the board as well.

Looking forward to seeing more need from you as any update is good sign as it means you are not letting the struggle take away one of I am sure many communities that care for you. Take care till then!

 

[DoesntLearn]

Hey man, welcome back. Thanks for being here for those of us who need help and remember, we are also here for you! Hope you fix whatever it is in life that is holding you back from being completely happy. Everyone deserves to be happy!

 

[024liakam]

Nice to have you back brother, much love man.

 

[ovo1024]

I knew MadDash wouldn't give up just like that, he's to strong. Welcome back man, you are one of the more lively souls on Bluelight and always enjoyed talking with you on the posts.

 

[pillman1224]

i was worried for a minute there am even PM'ed you glad your back man. this place needs a mod like you.

 

[SKR]

Hey Dash, good to see you on the boards man.

Mate let us know what's on your mind, looking at the posts in this thread it's pretty clear there are many folks that have a lot of time and love for you.

What's your med situation? I'm trying to remember, I think you are or were on methadone through a maintenance clinic but looking for a pain management Dr? I think you were also taking sertraline, are you still on it? Take care Dash.

 

[tacodude]

He was cut off high dose done from the clinic and told to go to his VA health office where they gave him insufficient sub's and then told him w.e they can't make it better. I think he is getting help somewhere now after a difficult holiday looking for help and currently is recovering.

 

[SKR]

Ffs, yeah now I remember, the transition from 'done to subs is rough enough in the best of settings let alone that shit.

 

[Felonious Monk]

I am just trying not to kill myself right now... and i think maybe i am asking for attention cuz i havnt done anything yet...

That's ok! A couple times I've been in the depths of something awful and a random message or smile will be the impetus I need to get out of that cycle.

There's nothing shameful about discussing your problems! I'm glad you're ok.