H Withdrawal Soon/Chronic Pain & Health Problems/We Can Do It!
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ABetterWay
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Nah, I ran outta xanax on last failed attempt to quit lol.
But I've got Imodium, vitamin b, c, ibuprofen, potassium which I'm low on, etc. But no other heavy hitters.
But yeah I rally shouldn't complain at all. Gaba, aside from taking forever to kick in, are a godsend.
But I've got Imodium, vitamin b, c, ibuprofen, potassium which I'm low on, etc. But no other heavy hitters.
But yeah I rally shouldn't complain at all. Gaba, aside from taking forever to kick in, are a godsend.
ShroomySatori
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Hey there A Better Way, I am doing just great. If I went back and read my messages from earlier this year, it would be like reading the messages of a different person. I have undergone a total spiritual transformation and learned how to love and be compassionate towards others, how to be patient, and accepting. It was a combination of several catalysts that led me to change.
I would never do heroin again. I wouldn't even see that as an option. I relapsed a couple times, they were little slips but really messed me up. With pills though. That heroin shit is such disgusting fucking filth I would not even consider it. If it was in front of me right now I'd immediately dispose of it, but I doubt I will ever see that trash ever again. So, I decided to start reading the label on my prescription bottle. I have been taking my percocets as scripted and low and behold, my pain is really improved and I'm not getting any side effects. I can't explain why I have no trouble at all reaching into the pill bottle and only taking one out because it always used to have to be three. I don't feel high at all, just not in pain and the post-acute symptoms have diminished.
I fell in love while I was getting off heroin, so it was actually the most emotional time of my life. Like head over heels type of thing, we complement each other perfectly, she really is the one, I never want to be with anyone else, she feels the same way, and I have a lot more responsibility now. I would say, that I am happier than I have ever been. I know that it's my accomplishment to quit dope, but she was with me all the way. We have a wonderful, very constructive relationship now, complement each other wonderfully, and have serious plans for the future. I was a directionless zombie and now I have a very clear vision of the future that I want - that we want together - as clear as waking up in the morning from a vivid dream. I can see my future internally if I clean up and put the determination and effort in, I know what I want to do with my life now. This helps me not give a fuck about getting high anymore, because if I do that then I cannot have this future I so strongly desire, but it turns out that my pain was too extreme to handle without opiates so I have chosen the middle way and take a 5mg perc every 6 hours. That way I am able to do things like light exercise which might actually help my back pain, and cook for myself, and play guitar and things that normally I have too much back pain to focus on. So far no problems with taking my meds as prescribed (first time ever doing that lol), but I'm being very cautious just in case. All I have to do is remind myself of the disgusting feeling of dope sickness, all those days I couldn't even get the fuck out of bed. How much I god damned SUFFERED at the hands of that heroin.
I'm getting the benzos under control again, that's the next step. Not a good idea to alleviate opiate withdrawal symptoms with them, at least for me. There comes a point when I am panicking so hard from post-acute symptoms / waking up that I can take insane amounts of benzos and not even feel it. Generally, I am feeling wonderful and I'm getting my brain back. I can read books again, and I can focus enough to play my guitar. Of course I'm watching it with the percocets but presently, I'm benefitting from the pain relief a hell of a lot while distancing myself from the ritual of sniffing heroin which I get frequent cravings for. I shut those cravings down to the ground immediately. I have no interest whatsoever in that disgusting fucking garbage. It was either heroin or the woman of my dreams and I made the right choice. I can't even hold a job when I'm kicking that shit it just totally ruins my life, so it's just really nice to feel relatively normal or stable for once.
I guess I'm still "using" but fuck those generalizations I'm doing great! I have chronic pain after all and I'm treating my pain, not getting high like I used to. I never take more than 5mg oxy at a time because my tolerance is so low that 10 or 15mg would get me high as a kite. I'm not interested in that because it means I won't have pills left at the end of the month, I'd quickly turn to heroin, and I'll lose my sex drive very fast and gawd if there were ever two kinky fuckers who ever lived... lol. Going back would ruin all my accomplishments since I quit. It's just not worth it at all to abuse opiates. I'll never go back, the worst thing that happened since I quit heroin is that I sniffed some dilaudid over 24 hours. It made me feel like trash for an entire week afterwards and I felt like such a dumbass.
I would never do heroin again. I wouldn't even see that as an option. I relapsed a couple times, they were little slips but really messed me up. With pills though. That heroin shit is such disgusting fucking filth I would not even consider it. If it was in front of me right now I'd immediately dispose of it, but I doubt I will ever see that trash ever again. So, I decided to start reading the label on my prescription bottle. I have been taking my percocets as scripted and low and behold, my pain is really improved and I'm not getting any side effects. I can't explain why I have no trouble at all reaching into the pill bottle and only taking one out because it always used to have to be three. I don't feel high at all, just not in pain and the post-acute symptoms have diminished.
I fell in love while I was getting off heroin, so it was actually the most emotional time of my life. Like head over heels type of thing, we complement each other perfectly, she really is the one, I never want to be with anyone else, she feels the same way, and I have a lot more responsibility now. I would say, that I am happier than I have ever been. I know that it's my accomplishment to quit dope, but she was with me all the way. We have a wonderful, very constructive relationship now, complement each other wonderfully, and have serious plans for the future. I was a directionless zombie and now I have a very clear vision of the future that I want - that we want together - as clear as waking up in the morning from a vivid dream. I can see my future internally if I clean up and put the determination and effort in, I know what I want to do with my life now. This helps me not give a fuck about getting high anymore, because if I do that then I cannot have this future I so strongly desire, but it turns out that my pain was too extreme to handle without opiates so I have chosen the middle way and take a 5mg perc every 6 hours. That way I am able to do things like light exercise which might actually help my back pain, and cook for myself, and play guitar and things that normally I have too much back pain to focus on. So far no problems with taking my meds as prescribed (first time ever doing that lol), but I'm being very cautious just in case. All I have to do is remind myself of the disgusting feeling of dope sickness, all those days I couldn't even get the fuck out of bed. How much I god damned SUFFERED at the hands of that heroin.
I'm getting the benzos under control again, that's the next step. Not a good idea to alleviate opiate withdrawal symptoms with them, at least for me. There comes a point when I am panicking so hard from post-acute symptoms / waking up that I can take insane amounts of benzos and not even feel it. Generally, I am feeling wonderful and I'm getting my brain back. I can read books again, and I can focus enough to play my guitar. Of course I'm watching it with the percocets but presently, I'm benefitting from the pain relief a hell of a lot while distancing myself from the ritual of sniffing heroin which I get frequent cravings for. I shut those cravings down to the ground immediately. I have no interest whatsoever in that disgusting fucking garbage. It was either heroin or the woman of my dreams and I made the right choice. I can't even hold a job when I'm kicking that shit it just totally ruins my life, so it's just really nice to feel relatively normal or stable for once.
I guess I'm still "using" but fuck those generalizations I'm doing great! I have chronic pain after all and I'm treating my pain, not getting high like I used to. I never take more than 5mg oxy at a time because my tolerance is so low that 10 or 15mg would get me high as a kite. I'm not interested in that because it means I won't have pills left at the end of the month, I'd quickly turn to heroin, and I'll lose my sex drive very fast and gawd if there were ever two kinky fuckers who ever lived... lol. Going back would ruin all my accomplishments since I quit. It's just not worth it at all to abuse opiates. I'll never go back, the worst thing that happened since I quit heroin is that I sniffed some dilaudid over 24 hours. It made me feel like trash for an entire week afterwards and I felt like such a dumbass.
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ABetterWay
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Yes, Shroomy, I did a bit of reading back and I see your amazing progress!!!!
I'm super proud of you and I knew you could get better control...and you have
That is HUGE and I hope you feel extremely proud of yourself, because I *know* what a stressful and hard struggle you've had. Keep it up, baby doll, you rock :-*
I'm so proud of you. Really. I KNOW how painful that all was for you. And I'm so happy to hear about other areas of your life coming together to suit you more YOU did that, all of it! Stay strong. Sending you much love and wishes for peace :-*
*******
Day two for me. I did smoke a few hits of....ugh....crack, yes. I know. But stims aren't my cup of tea at all and I'm offered crack all the fucking time lol. I most often say no.
Aaaaand I did do a line not long ago. My back is still KILLING me, so that's an indication that I didn't slip too badly lol. Or my pain would be gone. So.
But I'm fucking serious this time, she said, sounding like a total drug addict by saying "this time" lol.
But seriously. I'm done with the daily use. So much is going down right now and I have some opportunities to better myself and I'm jumping on it.
I gotta get out of this fucking place.
Trevor, LA - how have you both been? I don't see you in he 're lately.
Everyone else, update when you can
Wishing everyone, EVERYONE, anyone lurking, any and every one, the strength they need to do what they gotta do. It's possible. And its worth it. Love love love to you all xoxox
I'm super proud of you and I knew you could get better control...and you have
That is HUGE and I hope you feel extremely proud of yourself, because I *know* what a stressful and hard struggle you've had. Keep it up, baby doll, you rock :-*I'm so proud of you. Really. I KNOW how painful that all was for you. And I'm so happy to hear about other areas of your life coming together to suit you more
YOU did that, all of it! Stay strong. Sending you much love and wishes for peace :-********
Day two for me. I did smoke a few hits of....ugh....crack, yes. I know. But stims aren't my cup of tea at all and I'm offered crack all the fucking time lol. I most often say no.
Aaaaand I did do a line not long ago. My back is still KILLING me, so that's an indication that I didn't slip too badly lol. Or my pain would be gone. So.
But I'm fucking serious this time, she said, sounding like a total drug addict by saying "this time" lol.
But seriously. I'm done with the daily use. So much is going down right now and I have some opportunities to better myself and I'm jumping on it.
I gotta get out of this fucking place.
Trevor, LA - how have you both been? I don't see you in he 're lately.
Everyone else, update when you can
Wishing everyone, EVERYONE, anyone lurking, any and every one, the strength they need to do what they gotta do. It's possible. And its worth it. Love love love to you all xoxox
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ABetterWay
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https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=z3QaJAfXw1I
Go To Hell, by Empress Of.
Been loving this while I wd.
*Everyone around me thinks I'm going to fail, but they can go to Hell..." She's great
Be well everyone. Xoxox
Edit: full lyrics...
www.genius.com/Empress-of-go-to-hell-lyrics
Go To Hell, by Empress Of.
Been loving this while I wd.
*Everyone around me thinks I'm going to fail, but they can go to Hell..." She's great
Be well everyone. Xoxox
Edit: full lyrics...
www.genius.com/Empress-of-go-to-hell-lyrics
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ShroomySatori
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A Better Way, just chuckled a little about your explanation for why you used crack. So stims are not your cup of (nicely stimulating unless we're talking chamomile) tea then. lol. Chamomile isn't euphoric I don't think though. I have never smoked crack but I will use a little coke, it's always offered to me too. It's not really my line of dope though. I didn't know crack could be like that I was thinking people holding their stashes close.
I also need to get the fuck out of this place. It isn't doing me any good, I never accomplish anything here, there are no jobs in my field either so I am going to get up and move away. This place if full of negative energy, loneliness, bad energy, and I swear, well demons and evil spirits I've somehow attracted probably though dope eee. I feel great, but I'm probably going to be moving away with my lady friend to an area that is more rural and beautiful with ancient house that are likely haunted (we both love the idea of that). Cheaper housing too. I have been envisioning this for a while and I used to work out there and it was one of the happiest times of my life so I'm really happy to be getting the fuck out of here but it means a lot of changes and a lot of planning and work. I've been using a lot of edibles but not smoking weed. I feel like for back pain smoke isn't the best for it and I just eat the straight cannabis coconut butter, I like the strong taste of herb. Normally I'd smoke an ounce in around 5 days but I'm going on the third week or so with cannabis cocobutter, I decarboxylated the weed in the oven before using the water boiling method for 6 hours and then then refrigerating to get cannabis butter and wow, have I ever been stoned. I used 30 grams for them and it's crazy to me how there is still another week's worth or so left. Edibles are nice muscle relaxers too well they can be if you don't take too much haha.
I also need to get the fuck out of this place. It isn't doing me any good, I never accomplish anything here, there are no jobs in my field either so I am going to get up and move away. This place if full of negative energy, loneliness, bad energy, and I swear, well demons and evil spirits I've somehow attracted probably though dope eee. I feel great, but I'm probably going to be moving away with my lady friend to an area that is more rural and beautiful with ancient house that are likely haunted (we both love the idea of that). Cheaper housing too. I have been envisioning this for a while and I used to work out there and it was one of the happiest times of my life so I'm really happy to be getting the fuck out of here but it means a lot of changes and a lot of planning and work. I've been using a lot of edibles but not smoking weed. I feel like for back pain smoke isn't the best for it and I just eat the straight cannabis coconut butter, I like the strong taste of herb. Normally I'd smoke an ounce in around 5 days but I'm going on the third week or so with cannabis cocobutter, I decarboxylated the weed in the oven before using the water boiling method for 6 hours and then then refrigerating to get cannabis butter and wow, have I ever been stoned. I used 30 grams for them and it's crazy to me how there is still another week's worth or so left. Edibles are nice muscle relaxers too well they can be if you don't take too much haha.
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ABetterWay
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Lol @ the crack chuckle. Yeah it's funny. People do hold their stages close but they ask you, and u day no a million times, then you say yes... And watch their faces drop lmao.
What you described sound like Its worth the hard work, planning, and changes
Just plan rationally and you will avoid most issues. Life of course can throw a few your way anyway as we all know in here But you got this, baby
It's almost 4am, I'm about to go to the car to sleep. I blanketed it all up and even pit sheets over the Windows for privacy lol.
Heavy humidity and fog here, and its really making me react strongly to the fucking mold in here and I'm getting really sick
So that will be awesome during wd, to be in my car, she said sarcastically.
Ooohhhh well. Better than breathing in toxins. I just wish I could get my dig to come in there with me. She doesn't get these acute and dangerous symptoms I get that could require immediate care but I know it's impacting her. During this same time as I've gotten so sick she's developed growths. I can't even. She's my baby. My sweet baby. Please pray for her everyone. I love her so much.
And pray for me, that I get off this credo and get a good job, and finally get us the fuck out of here.
Anyone need specific prayers? I'm happy to oblige. And if that's not your cup of tea I will happily send positive energy your way, or wishes, or whatever is your truth
Love to you all. Stay strong my friends.
I'm so grateful for the beautiful souls I've encountered here
Xoxox
What you described sound like Its worth the hard work, planning, and changes
Just plan rationally and you will avoid most issues. Life of course can throw a few your way anyway as we all know in here
But you got this, baby It's almost 4am, I'm about to go to the car to sleep. I blanketed it all up and even pit sheets over the Windows for privacy lol.
Heavy humidity and fog here, and its really making me react strongly to the fucking mold in here and I'm getting really sick
So that will be awesome during wd, to be in my car, she said sarcastically.
Ooohhhh well. Better than breathing in toxins. I just wish I could get my dig to come in there with me. She doesn't get these acute and dangerous symptoms I get that could require immediate care but I know it's impacting her. During this same time as I've gotten so sick she's developed growths. I can't even. She's my baby. My sweet baby. Please pray for her everyone. I love her so much.
And pray for me, that I get off this credo and get a good job, and finally get us the fuck out of here.
Anyone need specific prayers? I'm happy to oblige. And if that's not your cup of tea I will happily send positive energy your way, or wishes, or whatever is your truth
Love to you all. Stay strong my friends.
I'm so grateful for the beautiful souls I've encountered here
Xoxox
ShroomySatori
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I pray that love is strong enough to keep me and my girlfriend together despite obstacles we encounter (so far it very much is), and that I am strong enough to take care of myself and my priorities despite harsh withdrawal symptoms and low energy. Just prayed for you too.
keeping
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you and me both man, but i can't do it without an opiate or i prang out hard
how goes the rattle?
keeping
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ABetterWay
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Hope everyone is well. I hope tp check in more thoroughly soon. Much much love to everyone xoxoxo
ShroomySatori
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I forgot about this thread... I have nearly a month of clean time now : )
I'm never going back, it would take an essay to describe how my life has changed in so many positive ways. My enthusiasm and passion, bright eyes and happiness are a magnet for attracting positivity and beauty into my life as opposed to being a soul stealing, selfish vampire. Go back a few pages and see what a piece of shit I used to be. I had to lose a beautiful romance, choosing a bottle of percs over her once a month for too long and when she ran away that is when I woke up. As, it was getting quite serious and I destroyed something beautiful and that was ENOUGH for me.
I will NEVER go back to this fucking shit. When you are ready to quit, you will know... you will have a sense that you will never use again. You will be so disgusted, revolted, and sickened by the very idea of it that you will not even get any cravings. If you do get them, it will be a physiological response and not a cognitive thing.
I wasted enough of my life on that fucking garbage. I went cold turkey and it was fucking hell but so damn worth it. CT will make you think twice, hell one hundred times before even considering a relapse. The extreme agony of it really puts thought before impulsivity. That is no way to live, my chronic pain has been hell with the 2-hour sleeps of PAWS symptoms but I work all night anyway (yes, I can actually acquire and hold a job now, I am planning on starting a hardcore band, getting a daytime job, and I have a lifetime dream and business plan for my future) and the suffering of addiction and relapse and withdrawal was so much worse that I don't even really care about the agony in my spine anymore.
Happier than I've ever been in my life! I've picked up so many new creative outlets too like my entire life has changed before my very eyes and that is what I am truly proud of, not kicking the shit because if you don't make positive changes, transform your attitude to something that will attract positivity and beauty and creativity or whatever you want out of life you are really just wasting your time. Best decision I ever made to rid myself of the worst decision I have ever made.
I had NOTHING as a junkie but fucking suffering and in less than a month, I have enough working material to be incredibly happy just being myself : )
I'm never going back, it would take an essay to describe how my life has changed in so many positive ways. My enthusiasm and passion, bright eyes and happiness are a magnet for attracting positivity and beauty into my life as opposed to being a soul stealing, selfish vampire. Go back a few pages and see what a piece of shit I used to be. I had to lose a beautiful romance, choosing a bottle of percs over her once a month for too long and when she ran away that is when I woke up. As, it was getting quite serious and I destroyed something beautiful and that was ENOUGH for me.
I will NEVER go back to this fucking shit. When you are ready to quit, you will know... you will have a sense that you will never use again. You will be so disgusted, revolted, and sickened by the very idea of it that you will not even get any cravings. If you do get them, it will be a physiological response and not a cognitive thing.
I wasted enough of my life on that fucking garbage. I went cold turkey and it was fucking hell but so damn worth it. CT will make you think twice, hell one hundred times before even considering a relapse. The extreme agony of it really puts thought before impulsivity. That is no way to live, my chronic pain has been hell with the 2-hour sleeps of PAWS symptoms but I work all night anyway (yes, I can actually acquire and hold a job now, I am planning on starting a hardcore band, getting a daytime job, and I have a lifetime dream and business plan for my future) and the suffering of addiction and relapse and withdrawal was so much worse that I don't even really care about the agony in my spine anymore.
Happier than I've ever been in my life! I've picked up so many new creative outlets too like my entire life has changed before my very eyes and that is what I am truly proud of, not kicking the shit because if you don't make positive changes, transform your attitude to something that will attract positivity and beauty and creativity or whatever you want out of life you are really just wasting your time. Best decision I ever made to rid myself of the worst decision I have ever made.
I had NOTHING as a junkie but fucking suffering and in less than a month, I have enough working material to be incredibly happy just being myself : )
Painful One
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^^^^^^that was a beautiful post Shroomy!!
You have done so amazing. I am proud of you! So right about having bright eyes and smiling and attracting positivity!
I need a job working from home. Do you do anything I could do? I am not in your country though.
I have a little plan of my own to go grow some medical marijuana in a legal state and sell it. I can do that with my disabling chronic pain I think. I need a bit of money for start up though. I'm working on that.
I have a green thumb and have always loved working with plants. I had a landscape business for many years.
So great to see you so happy and clear minded and reflecting greatness Shroomy my friend! Well done!
You have done so amazing. I am proud of you! So right about having bright eyes and smiling and attracting positivity!
I need a job working from home. Do you do anything I could do? I am not in your country though.
I have a little plan of my own to go grow some medical marijuana in a legal state and sell it. I can do that with my disabling chronic pain I think. I need a bit of money for start up though. I'm working on that.
I have a green thumb and have always loved working with plants. I had a landscape business for many years.
So great to see you so happy and clear minded and reflecting greatness Shroomy my friend! Well done!
ShroomySatori
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I started learning Mandarin today : ) you should see all the intricate symbols and words I have learned, and more so, a much more in depth understanding of the way they think. I work with asians from home, so my buddy is teaching me the symbols and I am learning how to speak it too. I opened up to a fellow colleague pretty much about everything going on with me... I'm not really sure why, but she was the first person I met to not cast any judgement whatsoever on me for having been a drug addict. It really helped me, knowing there are women like that out there and in return she showed me some beautiful sketches of hers that I have been staring at for the past hour. I have a great idea for a tattoo and she is the only person I know who is talented enough and who knows enough about me now, to go with it and I promised her to make my ideas her own and whatever she came up with, I would tattoo on my arm with a promise from my heart. She is that good. We talked a lot about growing pot and stuff, she is so chill but I don't know if she's down for my tattoo idea... I really really hope that she is.
My past girlfriend emailed me randomly and asked if I wouldn't mind helping her out with something... I hope that it isn't some bullshit like finding her benzos are some shit. Anyways she was a really amazing artist too (I completely fall for women who can create amazing art like this)... but she is very shy about it. I am encouraging her to do something for the back of my neck, as the other one is for under the crook of my elbow on the palm side of my forearm. I hope she agrees and whatever favour she is asking for, I'm always happy to help so long as it aligns with my morals and values.
And learning Mandarin today was insane. I had to explain quantum mechanics (all the symbols and their meanings) to my buddy in asia who I work with... because I can't understand Chinese through English... better to use theoretical physics LOL.
I don't do anything I think you could do. Can you do artwork? It sounds like you want to start a little business, and you like to work with plants... hmmmm... okay how about this.
You like essential oils right? What about growing herbs like Sage, Rosemary, anything at all that you can grow in your environment that is a common essential oil. Then, harvesting and distilling them yourself. The distillation part is a chemical process but I believe it is relatively straightforward... you pretty much just need a distillation setup. I can help you understand what that means, if you are interested, but you would essentially be creating your own 100% essential oils from various plants that you grow. Then you could sell these organic, home grown, home distilled essential oils? Since I know you gave me a recipe the other day (I still need to go find it and write it down, and my journal is open presently beside me, full of Mandarin symbols and tattoo ideas so now so I will include that recipe of yours too. Not sure if I have all the oils you mentioned.
That is my idea for you.
My past girlfriend emailed me randomly and asked if I wouldn't mind helping her out with something... I hope that it isn't some bullshit like finding her benzos are some shit. Anyways she was a really amazing artist too (I completely fall for women who can create amazing art like this)... but she is very shy about it. I am encouraging her to do something for the back of my neck, as the other one is for under the crook of my elbow on the palm side of my forearm. I hope she agrees and whatever favour she is asking for, I'm always happy to help so long as it aligns with my morals and values.
And learning Mandarin today was insane. I had to explain quantum mechanics (all the symbols and their meanings) to my buddy in asia who I work with... because I can't understand Chinese through English... better to use theoretical physics LOL.
I don't do anything I think you could do. Can you do artwork? It sounds like you want to start a little business, and you like to work with plants... hmmmm... okay how about this.
You like essential oils right? What about growing herbs like Sage, Rosemary, anything at all that you can grow in your environment that is a common essential oil. Then, harvesting and distilling them yourself. The distillation part is a chemical process but I believe it is relatively straightforward... you pretty much just need a distillation setup. I can help you understand what that means, if you are interested, but you would essentially be creating your own 100% essential oils from various plants that you grow. Then you could sell these organic, home grown, home distilled essential oils? Since I know you gave me a recipe the other day (I still need to go find it and write it down, and my journal is open presently beside me, full of Mandarin symbols and tattoo ideas so now so I will include that recipe of yours too. Not sure if I have all the oils you mentioned.
That is my idea for you.
Blackout2906
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Hey A Better Way... if you really want to get off the bullshit but you don't want to see a doctor and have your record stained, just buy subs off the street. Everyone that uses or sells dope usually knows someone that is prescribed to more than they actually take so they sell the rest, just do it that way, that's what I did when I was on state parole for a whole year til I got locked up again lol. Best of luck to all who are struggling.
Painful One
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That is an awesome idea Shroomy. Thank you! I have thought of that one! Great minds think alike and all.
I did grow myself an herb garden this past spring/summer. I have enjoyed it a lot!
I'm still learning about how to distill the essential oils. I was not able to get my spearmint and peppermint distilled but I think I'm going to make some soaps out of all the dried herbs I harvested.
Yeah, I have got to find something I can do while working around this chronic pain and injuries now. That is going to be a tough one.
I think growing medical marijuana would be a lot more profitable.
No worries my friend, I will figure something out. This is just a huge adjustment to my life.
I want to do something that helps others also. These injuries and chronic pain have taught me a lot and I want to be useful to others who are living with health challenges and pain.
Nice job on learning new and interesting things all the time now! I'm glad you are enjoying the essential oils too!
Those have been very useful to me. Calming and helpful. Scent is very powerful.
I hope all is going well.
I did grow myself an herb garden this past spring/summer. I have enjoyed it a lot!
I'm still learning about how to distill the essential oils. I was not able to get my spearmint and peppermint distilled but I think I'm going to make some soaps out of all the dried herbs I harvested.
Yeah, I have got to find something I can do while working around this chronic pain and injuries now. That is going to be a tough one.
I think growing medical marijuana would be a lot more profitable.
No worries my friend, I will figure something out. This is just a huge adjustment to my life.
I want to do something that helps others also. These injuries and chronic pain have taught me a lot and I want to be useful to others who are living with health challenges and pain.
Nice job on learning new and interesting things all the time now! I'm glad you are enjoying the essential oils too!
Those have been very useful to me. Calming and helpful. Scent is very powerful.
I hope all is going well.
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
The coolest thing, is I pretty much explained my life story getting clean and how much suffering I endured to a new friend and colleague. She was totally chill about it (we are huge stoners) and in return she showed me some of her sketches. She is obviously very talented. So, I came up with a two page list for her to incorporate in her own way into my 2nd tattoo, and she was really enthusiastic about the idea. I am psyched! I get a cute new friend to sketch my tattoo... I am so happy she agreed because she is the only person I know who is talented enough to do this for me and like I don't just tell anyone I'm getting clean, it was super random and I was high as a kite on 2cc. She has been the only person I have ever known in real life who has not cast judgement on me whatsoever for being a drug addict. The tattoo is going to be super meaningful to me and I promised her whatever she sketches I will tattoo it on my arm (she is that good, and it is all about the meaning in a different way too... how she is the one chick who never cast judgement on me for having been such a horrible person in the past... she was just like damn. been through a lot eh. Sooo chill such a chill chick I kinda hava crush on her a bit hehe. I love women who can paint or sketch it's the only creative outlet me and my bro can't do at all.
Yeah... ran into some issues with work, I thought I was being fucked around because of my chronic pain. Turns out I need essentially an extension cord LOL it's just so hard to communicate with the Chinese as their language is easier to understand to me in terms of quantum physics than the alphabet (I'm in hysterics, I just learned "yin yoga" in symbolic chinese beauty). I gotta clean up my place before my boss swings by fuck omg it looks like some sorta acid freak drug den LOL. There's no way I can clean up all these roaches and pipes and oil rigs and torches and stuff in time omg hahahahahaha.
We should talk more about essential oils if you want to PM me because it is my future (like 10 year) business plan and maybe we could even work together somehow... I could buy oils I couldn't distill on my own up north from you.
I think you should work on distilling your oils. Can you explain to me how that works, have you tried it before? I should know... I don't really know much about it yet. I know some oils are too fragile or whatev like the plants that you can't distill them, they need to be solvent extracted. Just pm me if you want.
All I want to do is help others since I got clean. it's like I turned myself around from a selfish vampire who wouldn't listen to anyone but me and my fucking drugs to someone I would call a man... shit like this separates the men from the boys (I'm not talking about age). If you can get through it I mean, and deal with chronic pain or whatever health problems there are, that is a very serious life changing thing and you know obviously I took it way too far having starting shooting smack earlier this year. I did it a total of 5 times and feel like I completely violated myself, I can't forgive myself for that. I remember how desperate I was, how I knew it would stretch my supply much longer than the rails, how badly i NEEDED the heroin or I would SUFFER, WANT TO DIE. Holy fuck... what the fuck was I thinking continuing to use it like a total fool?
I haven't even had a single legitimate craving in nearly a month since I quit, I am that disgusting with that disgusting filth of a miserable soul stealing drug. Despite the extreme chronic pain, I don't even care. I am doing so damn well and I can't wait to see what this chick comes up with. That is super meaningful that someone would actually do something like that for me. Making new and much more positive and lovely friends than fucking junkie scumbags who just take take take and can't see outside their own miserable suffering. I have transcended that bullshit entirely and my spirit is free apart from the fuckin benzos I guess. Those don't eat me alive though, really, I actually make use of them for panic attacks, I'm dependent yeah, whatever... I'm not living for and obsessing over a fix anymore.
Yeah... ran into some issues with work, I thought I was being fucked around because of my chronic pain. Turns out I need essentially an extension cord LOL it's just so hard to communicate with the Chinese as their language is easier to understand to me in terms of quantum physics than the alphabet (I'm in hysterics, I just learned "yin yoga" in symbolic chinese beauty). I gotta clean up my place before my boss swings by fuck omg it looks like some sorta acid freak drug den LOL. There's no way I can clean up all these roaches and pipes and oil rigs and torches and stuff in time omg hahahahahaha.
We should talk more about essential oils if you want to PM me because it is my future (like 10 year) business plan and maybe we could even work together somehow... I could buy oils I couldn't distill on my own up north from you.
I think you should work on distilling your oils. Can you explain to me how that works, have you tried it before? I should know... I don't really know much about it yet. I know some oils are too fragile or whatev like the plants that you can't distill them, they need to be solvent extracted. Just pm me if you want.
All I want to do is help others since I got clean. it's like I turned myself around from a selfish vampire who wouldn't listen to anyone but me and my fucking drugs to someone I would call a man... shit like this separates the men from the boys (I'm not talking about age). If you can get through it I mean, and deal with chronic pain or whatever health problems there are, that is a very serious life changing thing and you know obviously I took it way too far having starting shooting smack earlier this year. I did it a total of 5 times and feel like I completely violated myself, I can't forgive myself for that. I remember how desperate I was, how I knew it would stretch my supply much longer than the rails, how badly i NEEDED the heroin or I would SUFFER, WANT TO DIE. Holy fuck... what the fuck was I thinking continuing to use it like a total fool?
I haven't even had a single legitimate craving in nearly a month since I quit, I am that disgusting with that disgusting filth of a miserable soul stealing drug. Despite the extreme chronic pain, I don't even care. I am doing so damn well and I can't wait to see what this chick comes up with. That is super meaningful that someone would actually do something like that for me. Making new and much more positive and lovely friends than fucking junkie scumbags who just take take take and can't see outside their own miserable suffering. I have transcended that bullshit entirely and my spirit is free apart from the fuckin benzos I guess. Those don't eat me alive though, really, I actually make use of them for panic attacks, I'm dependent yeah, whatever... I'm not living for and obsessing over a fix anymore.
ABetterWay
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2015
- Messages
- 836
Love to you, Rachella :-* Don't give up, my love.
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
Painful One, ever think of starting a mushroom business from home? You can learn to grow (legal) mushrooms rather easily, and to a large scale. This is actually one of the several future business plans I have come up with since I got clean (having like a mushroom farm with rare types of medicinal shrooms... and shrooms themselves will probably be legal at that point too). I am an expert mushroom grower haha.
Anyways, just another idea. There is also plagiarism. If you are good at doing other people's schoolwork for money, you could advertise "essay writing" to local universities. Again, this is another future business plan of mine but it is much more complex than that... think global plagiarism secret kingpin lol. Then my essential oils stuff too, and my band I have in mind to create (just need a foxy keyboard player now), and yeah... there is so much you could do from home. You could also do tutoring from home as well, even just English to foreign students online you can make decent money that way.
I have over a month clean now, and I have a date today. I have no had a date in a very long time. I don't know wtf I am doing haha and she was the one who asked me out essentially and gave me the idea for what to do (it's so damn cute for a first date, really)... the the plans she rescheduled for are very cute to me : ) like we are getting teas and chocolate truffles and checking out essential oils (she likes them too), she offered to go with me to get the piercing I want that I mentioned like a week ago no idea how she remembered (I think she talks to our other work friend about me we both talk to haha... safe to assume), and we are going for a cute lunch of course. I am very excited about this... I just had to get out of the other thread because there are too many people down on their addictions there (like the dark side in general I can't go there anymore) and constantly talking about drugs. Also, I can tell from a paragrah who is capable or willing to get clean, and who isn't. I have done all I can there, and like my real life drug addicted friends, I get treated like shit in return. It's cool and all, I'm just never going back to that stupid fucking thread full of junkies who have been "tapering" for several years... a taper takes like a month haha.
I used to do the same thing but opiates don't ever cross my mind anymore... in this past month and longer, I have not had a single craving for them at any time. I think of heroin with disgust and atrocity and regret. I am disgusted by them, so I think the best way for me to encourage other people to get clean is to exhibit how much better my life is getting. I couldn't get a date with a foxy blonde chick for the life of me as a junkie, I didn't even have sex drive, most emasculating thing ever and she is foxyyyyyy, I'm so stoned I seriously have no idea how this happened but I'm just gonna be my silly enthusiastic (about random pointless shit)self and have fun... and my new creative outlets, how much better my guitar playing is, future long term business plans, my mind is still scrambled and chaotic but that's why I am the genius of the operation as my friends say, then we got the businessman, and the tradesman... so that is where I fit into these types of future plans lol. I have a million ideas and one just full of more and more creative ideas that are actually legit money making ideas for like 10 years from now - not even, maybe - but I can't even lift shit and move it around, and am too stoned all the time to be all that responsible. Horrible with money, too, so I am thinking ahead to the future and where I'd fit in with a trio of friends starting a pretty sweet business that will help people.
If you want to keep clean, you better pick up some hobbies, creative outlets (insanely important), open yourself up to new and healthier friends who are not abusive, severely mentally ill and / or junkie drunk addicts (I will never trust a drug addict ever again... junkie is a well deserved title in my honest opinion), find a healthy romance or at least try, make money, find a way to deal with the anxiety and extreme insomnia... get healthy with a good diet and some appropriate supplements... essentially you gotta become a workaholic or you'll sit around and get bored with life and relapse. Also, if you have chronic pain, keep in mind that opiates / opioids are scientifically proven to do fuck all for that with long term use, and pretty much just get you addicted and end up increasing your baseline pain level over time.
I don't even really have chronic pain anymore... I do... but I just don't give a fuck! Cold turkey H withdrawal was WAY worse than a lifetime of chronic pain in my spine. It doesn't matter what opiate it is... I won't touch a fucking tylenol 3, or cup of kratom at that.
Anyways, just another idea. There is also plagiarism. If you are good at doing other people's schoolwork for money, you could advertise "essay writing" to local universities. Again, this is another future business plan of mine but it is much more complex than that... think global plagiarism secret kingpin lol. Then my essential oils stuff too, and my band I have in mind to create (just need a foxy keyboard player now), and yeah... there is so much you could do from home. You could also do tutoring from home as well, even just English to foreign students online you can make decent money that way.
I have over a month clean now, and I have a date today. I have no had a date in a very long time. I don't know wtf I am doing haha and she was the one who asked me out essentially and gave me the idea for what to do (it's so damn cute for a first date, really)... the the plans she rescheduled for are very cute to me : ) like we are getting teas and chocolate truffles and checking out essential oils (she likes them too), she offered to go with me to get the piercing I want that I mentioned like a week ago no idea how she remembered (I think she talks to our other work friend about me we both talk to haha... safe to assume), and we are going for a cute lunch of course. I am very excited about this... I just had to get out of the other thread because there are too many people down on their addictions there (like the dark side in general I can't go there anymore) and constantly talking about drugs. Also, I can tell from a paragrah who is capable or willing to get clean, and who isn't. I have done all I can there, and like my real life drug addicted friends, I get treated like shit in return. It's cool and all, I'm just never going back to that stupid fucking thread full of junkies who have been "tapering" for several years... a taper takes like a month haha.
I used to do the same thing but opiates don't ever cross my mind anymore... in this past month and longer, I have not had a single craving for them at any time. I think of heroin with disgust and atrocity and regret. I am disgusted by them, so I think the best way for me to encourage other people to get clean is to exhibit how much better my life is getting. I couldn't get a date with a foxy blonde chick for the life of me as a junkie, I didn't even have sex drive, most emasculating thing ever and she is foxyyyyyy, I'm so stoned I seriously have no idea how this happened but I'm just gonna be my silly enthusiastic (about random pointless shit)self and have fun... and my new creative outlets, how much better my guitar playing is, future long term business plans, my mind is still scrambled and chaotic but that's why I am the genius of the operation as my friends say, then we got the businessman, and the tradesman... so that is where I fit into these types of future plans lol. I have a million ideas and one just full of more and more creative ideas that are actually legit money making ideas for like 10 years from now - not even, maybe - but I can't even lift shit and move it around, and am too stoned all the time to be all that responsible. Horrible with money, too, so I am thinking ahead to the future and where I'd fit in with a trio of friends starting a pretty sweet business that will help people.
If you want to keep clean, you better pick up some hobbies, creative outlets (insanely important), open yourself up to new and healthier friends who are not abusive, severely mentally ill and / or junkie drunk addicts (I will never trust a drug addict ever again... junkie is a well deserved title in my honest opinion), find a healthy romance or at least try, make money, find a way to deal with the anxiety and extreme insomnia... get healthy with a good diet and some appropriate supplements... essentially you gotta become a workaholic or you'll sit around and get bored with life and relapse. Also, if you have chronic pain, keep in mind that opiates / opioids are scientifically proven to do fuck all for that with long term use, and pretty much just get you addicted and end up increasing your baseline pain level over time.
I don't even really have chronic pain anymore... I do... but I just don't give a fuck! Cold turkey H withdrawal was WAY worse than a lifetime of chronic pain in my spine. It doesn't matter what opiate it is... I won't touch a fucking tylenol 3, or cup of kratom at that.
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Backfromthebrink
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2017
- Messages
- 847
That's fantastic news bro! Congrats on the clean time. I know as well as anyone how hard that is and what a great feeling it is to have come out the other aide and beaten the deamons. It's such a wierd feeling when all the things that opiates have suppressed for so long come flooding back. Testosterone being the big one for men. All that time when your on them, you would struggle to have sex even if you had the desire to (which most of the time you don't). One thing I would recommend though, is going to a doctor and getting your test levels checked You need an accurate measure of both total testosterone and free testosterone.... I bet it will come back low..probably below about 400 ng/dl...In fact, anything less than about 800-1000 ng/dl is low. ...you can then get a script for testosterone replacement...usually between 150-200mg of a long acting test ester like testosterone enanthate per week. It's just 1 intramuscular injection a week or a double shot every 2 weeks depending on the ester and believe me man it makes a HUGE difference....
I'm not sure how old you are but if your past your mid to late 20s then there is a chance that your natural test levels will never rebound sufficiently....in this case test replacement will make a you feel like a horny18 year old again...I'd highly recommend it.
Congrats again on the clean time man..