Got Confidence...?

[m4dd0g]

So, I was chatting to a good friend the other day about confidence.
The all-powerful dictionary.com says something like: "A belief in your abilities that gives you emotional security"

Obviously it feels good not having trepidation clawing at your mind like a pack of hungry wolves, but it also affects the people around you. People seem attracted to your self belief and to you.

Thats why (both myself and my friend) often fake it.

I find I dont need to fake it as much as when I was younger (and am probably better at it) and I also find I can often see people faking it. Just a crack in the facade, darting eyes, an unconscious nervous habit, a too rushed sentence.

Are you confidant?
Do you fake it?
Can you pick the fakers?
Do you think confidant people are more attractive, or do they lose their charm?
Is your mum free for dinner tonight?

Edit:
Also wanted to ask what sitations shakes your confidence.
For me I can meet and greet with a mega famous rock-star and be normal and chilled, but give me a microphone and tell me to sing karaoke infront of a few drunk friends and I may well wet myself right there and then

 

[Samadhi]

This sounds strikingly similar to a conversation i had with a good friend of mine the other day.

Are you confidant? Do you fake it?

My motto has been "fake it till you make it". Like you, i find that as i've gotten older, i'm more confident, i don't need to fake it 1/2 as much. I'm alot more comfortable in my skin, I believe in myself alot more, and i think it's come from facing various adverse situations and finding that i'm a hell of alot stronger than i've given myself credit for. I can now look in the mirror and actually say "hey, kid, you're a bit of an alright". (well, not really, but you get the idea ) There are still certain situations where i think "oh fuck, how will i get through this??" - Most recently when i had to address a group of 100 cadets at work. I also think it comes from not really caring to much if i don't get on with everyone all the time. Actually resolving myself to the fact that i won't like everyone and not everyone will like me.

On the odd occasion where i've actually discussed this with people (confidence and the sometimes lack thereof - i don't like to admit that i'm not always a tower of strength), others have been surprised. I've had someone say "Jeez, you're the last person i thought would ever be intimidated by anything or anyone!". It's true though. I've just mastered the ability to fake it when i need to.

I think that for me, this has, at least partially, come from a theatre/singing background. In those situations (i'm just about to walk on stage and i'm shitting myself), I couldn't afford to crack or be seen to be less than completely confident. I just had to forge ahead and it's filtered into other areas of my life. It's not something i consciously do either, i don't stop and think "ok, i have to be really confident now". It's automatic. Both my parents come from a musical/theatrical background, their attitude definitely rubbed off on me, and i think being able to appear confident even when you're not feeling confident is a good thing. Having said that, it's good to be true to yourself, and figuring out ways of really feeling confident, so that you don't have to fake it all the time is a necessity; otherwise it can become very tiring.

I also want to add that when i say fake it, i don't mean that i fake the person that i am, because i don't. What you see is what you get, essentially. I don't change the essence of my personality. I guess that it just means that even when i'm feeling down, i'll always walk with a straight back and my head held high.

Part of my work involves training groups, so I’m far more relaxed in those types of situations now, public speaking does wonders for self-confidence. I also can’t afford to be a bundle of nerves when I’m training people. They notice it and lose interest.

Can you pick the fakers?

If they're a good faker, no. I'll just think that they're confident. If they're really uncomfortable and are having trouble 'maintaining', i'll pick it. I'll usually go and chat to them and try to make them as comfortable as possible, because that's what i'd hope someone will do for me if the situation was reversed. I hate seeing people that feel uncomfortable. Bad fakers can come across as slightly desparate. They might make what can interpreted as a "confident" comment, but then the look that they have on their face during or after can belie it; It's almost a "you agree dont'you? Don't you? Huh? huh?" look.

Do you think confidant people are more attractive, or do they lose their charm?

Absolutely. I like confident people, even the ones that are faking it I find it self-belief really attractive and I tend to gravitate to such people. I don't think confidence ever loses it's charm. If a person is being confident to the point of obnoxiousness, then that wears thin for me, and i tend to remove myself from the situation. I love a quietly confident person, not someone that feels the need to broadcast to everyone how great they are all the time.

Is your mum free for dinner tonight?

Not tonight; she’s on her final day of her annual baby Harp Seal clubbing expedition. I’ve passed your number on and when she’s finished harvesting the pelts, she’ll call you. Don't worry, i'll hook a brutha up


As an aside, My mum (before she turned into a cold-blooded baby Harp seal killer) used to sing this song to me when i was little before I went to sleep, and it remains one of my favourite songs. I think it's quite fitting really.

"Smile"

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile with your fear and sorrow
Smile; Maybe then tomorrow
You'll find that life’s still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile…

So cheesy, i know, but it's stuck with me. Anyway, that's my .02c for what it’s worth.

 

[0ff1cer_ch0ps]

i cant say im overly confident, but i do believe in myself in some aspects of my life

and after about 6 beers on a friday night... im more than confident...

I guess at times i fake it, they like it that way...

i would like to think that my confidence is just a shit stir thing, like mentioned i do have a lot of self believe, but i also put it on depending on the atmosphere just to piss some people off if i have to...

Confidence is a big attraction in my books, if you cant believe in yourself, how the fuck do you expect me to be confident in you???

i dont know what mum is doing tonight, but i will find out and send you a PM

 

[Mary Poppins]

I think every confident person fakes it to some degree - that's the difference between confidence and blind arrogance.

You can be confident that you can do a job that is a huge step up for you, but there's no way you can 100% know you can do it...and I think you can apply this to most if not all situations where confidence is required. Confidence is taking that risk, acting like you can do something you know is not a fait accomplis.

IMO this is what makes confidence attractive, as for starters it's a person that has ambition, strives to succeed and is willing to take a risk to get what they want.

In contrast, someone with little or no confidence will probably either act extremely timid,self deprecating and pre-emptively fuck themselves over because they just don't believe they can do something, or act absurdly arrogant to mask this, because they don't know the happy medium of confidence exists, or what it feels like to do that, so they kind of aim for "here" but actually get "there".

I'm attracted to confident people because I guess I'd be considered one, and like maddog and assumably samadhi, I recognize the similar symptoms and am cognizant that though said persons might give off the impression that they're all over it, like me there's probably gaping holes in what can often seem like an impermeable shell (in maddog's case, guess I'm taking him to karaoke soon ) And considering flaws are normally what I define my attractions on, a truly bullet proof armour doesn't leave much room to love :D

What do I get underconfident about? People is the simple answer.

I've got a funny take on it though. I'm v. confident in myself, I just permanently remain unconvinced that other people appreciate the things I like about myself. Even with my best friends, at times paranoia can grip me and I'm sure that they don't actually like me that much. It's something you just need to learn how to deal with. These days I'm better at taking myself with a grain of salt - the most important thing I think I (being the hyper-emotional insecurity ridden tortured psyche that I am ) could learn.

 

[^Pipit^]

Are you confident?

In some situations I feel totally confident and at ease. Lately I have been particularly confident at work, I think that comes from having a supportive team who communicate really well. My job mostly involves visiting clients and talking to them about help they need and obviously I have to be confident in my approach or they'll just think I'm incompetent!
I am also confident that I'm a nice person, that I'm not stupid and I'm confident with my ability to cope well in difficult situations.
I'm no good with a lot of people I don't know and I don't like being the focus of peoples attention (I don't think anybody likes public speaking, thats just another topic all together!)

Do you fake it?

Sometimes I guess you just have to. In social situations I'm usually really comfortable, until you put me into a room full of strangers. Then I just crumble, I have no idea what to say or do and I don't want to look like the loser that has no friends! I have trouble starting conversations and mingling with strangers however if someone approaches me, I can usually put on a bit of a front and keep conversation going until someone I know joins in. 26 years old and scared of strangers, who would have thought?
With boys I find attractive, I totally fake it. I smile and flirt and say funny things but really my brain is saying, 'Get real, as if he'd be interested in you! Stop being a fool!'.

Can you pick the fakers?

It depends on their faking tactics. Its easy to spot people who fake confidence by showing off or being obnoxious. Generally though, we all want to look like we've got it together - some people just believe it more than others. I think that is actually far better than not faking it and being all awkward. Awkwardness just makes me cringe.

Do you think confidant people are more attractive, or do they lose their charm?

Again it depends on how they are confident. I can't stand people who think they're better than others but quiet belief in oneself is totally hot!

Is your mum free for dinner tonight?

No. She has to stay home and make mine!

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

Are you confidant?
Do you fake it?
Can you pick the fakers?
Do you think confidant people are more attractive, or do they lose their charm?
Is your mum free for dinner tonight?

Edit:
Also wanted to ask what sitations shakes your confidence.
For me I can meet and greet with a mega famous rock-star and be normal and chilled, but give me a microphone and tell me to sing karaoke infront of a few drunk friends and I may well wet myself right there and then

I think I'm pretty confident.

I didn't used to be; I think my confidence has completely developed in the last 5-6 years... as you grow older (I'm 31... yep, an old fart), it just kind of dawns on you that THIS is who you are... there's no getting away from it. So you can either enjoy and highlight your good parts and live with the bad, or you can dwell on the bad parts and be miserable. I choose not to be miserable.

I think I can pick fakers after knowing them for a little bit. Initially I will be fooled, along with most others. But get a fake-confidence person in a one-to-one personal chat, and all their insecurities come pouring out.... it's in their eyes... they really want someone to understand them, and often feel alienated and rejected. So they reject first, and build a big wall, so that doesn't happen. I can be good friends with a lot of outwardly fake, over-confident, bitchy or socially inept people, simply because after a while I see inside them, and treat them gently and normally - and they love it. those people are thier own worst enemies and don't know how to change.

I think confident people are more attractive; I also think attractive people can be more confident (to a point; we all know extremely insecure models, and very happy ordinary-looking people). Beauty does give you some level of social acceptance; and although I've never been stunning, I have found when I'm more towards the ideal of 'beauty' society holds (and it's actually how I prefer to be anyway, just within myself), I am treated better and that treatment results in more confidence. It's kind of sad, yes... but that's how it goes. Much of my lack of confidence in youth came from scathing insults about my figure.

Mum's probably free for dinner tonight! I'm sure she'd be rapt to go out with you m4dd0g!

What situations shake my confidence? Well, I'm a natural born performer, so karaoke, getting up on stage, leading business meetings and even public speaking to a large group don't faze me at all.

I feel out of my element when I'm asked to do something I'm not good at - I don't like speaking on the phone for some reason, so when asked to call some big-note editor from Cosmo or something to ask if she recieved my press release, I'm a plate of jelly. I will do ANYTHING to get out of making phone calls. Email is my best friend, because you can hide behind it.

Ironically, when I DO get on the phone, I'm pretty good at it. I just have a block about it. I hate "selling" anything. And I HATE job interviews, and have gone to water in a couple of important auditions for shows as well (I can't dance, and can't sing all that well). Apart from that, I can't think of any situation which would severely shatter my confidence; even meeting a celebrity. There's no-one who would make me that jittery I can think of.

 

[preacha]

considering the essays that have just been posted, most people in here are surely confident in their writing ability

 

[Mary Poppins]

^ i guess about as confident you are with your snappy one liners?

 

[preacha]

^ extremely confident

 

[Mechanoids]

Are you confidant?
I would say I was lucky at a young age to always be fairly confident. I was the one always wanting to do the oral presentation and the first to jump up in front of a class.
I’m not sure why. I don’t have a fear of talking to strangers or large groups. I enjoy the challenge (if you can call it that).

Do you fake it?
The only time I fake it is when I’m talking to someone of the opposite sex and they are very attractive which depending on the situation can be a bit daunting.

Can you pick the fakers?
Not really. I guess I have never really tried to though.

Do you think confidant people are more attractive, or do they lose their charm?
Hell yeah. I love it when a girl has the confidence to walk up to me and start a friendly conversation. Not only is it attractive but its something I respect. So in this sense confidence can go a long way.

 

[xcidium]

When I need to be, I am.

 

[doofqueen]

^ i guess about as confident you are with your snappy one liners?

*high five*

i used to pride myself on confidence. I don't have much left anymore. I fake it alot and i hate that.

 

[up all night]

Honestly couldn't tell you. I can act really confident but I'm very self deprecating at the same time. I don't want to get on myspace and kill myself and I don't feel the need to start a cult because I want to be worshipped...

... so I guess it's all good.

I used to be a lot more confident but a few things made me lose my self esteem completely and I don't think it was altogether a bad thing.

 

[preacha]

^^ i would get on myspace, but i just found out that my sister is using it since she is a promoter for Switch, a punk/metal disco faggoty night

it taints the internet just being mentioned, thus no myspace for me

 

[gher]

I don't feel as confident as I did a year or two ago. I can still speak my mind, I just tend not to want to as much. As for faking it, well I'm a terrible liar. I can, however, pick out fakers.

 

[kryalkastleE]

Are you confidant?
I think i used to be more confindent in myself than i am now. I was never in the super "cool" group at school or anything, but i was always happy with who i was and what i wanted to achieve in life. i was always confident in my work at school and in my sporting and acting abilities. i was never that confident in meeting new people but i always put myself out there.
Now i am not that confident in myself in my ability to be able to get a job in the chosen field that i want, and i am always worried about my uni work. I am constantly worried about how i look to other people and im not very confident in the way i carry myself, i think ive developed a few self-image issues over the last few years.
in meeting people im confident if they seem interested in wanting to know me, if not, i just dont try that much, i guess ive lost a bit of confidence growing up, and think that if people dont show an interest in me they dont really want to know me.

Do you fake it?
Sometimes particularly at work and in jobs leading up to my chosen career, i will pretend to know something and then figure it out later, so i can appear to be capable and confident.

Can you pick the fakers?
Yes most of the time, but not the really good ones, sometimes i think a lot of people project a different image of themselves when they arent confident, they lead people into thinking they are a totally different person/personality to what they actually are.

Do you think confidant people are more attractive, or do they lose their charm?
i find confident people attractive but not arrogant people.
i think its really attractive when you have someone who knows how to interact with a lot of people without being scared and can hold themselves just on personality.

Is your mum free for dinner tonight?
No, but my nan is.

 

[doofqueen]

I'm more confident when i'm happy. I suppose when i think about it i have turned into quite the confident lass in the last few years but when bad things happen to me (mainly done by other people) that's what makes my confidence go away. I should really stop letting how others treat me make me feel cos i liked when i finally had some confidence in the person that i have become. yeah... fuck em

 

[zephyr]

If you dont have confidence you can import it in powdered form from Colombia. Thats confidence with a capital C. :D

 

[Shnouzerpuff]

The line blurred long ago and now I am not sure whether I am faking it or genuinely confident.

I would be interested in a different viewpoint though... anyone who remembers me from my trip to Melbs - did I seem confident?

Actually that is hardly accurate...chances are that I was rarely sober when in the company of other BLers

 

[maxload]

Surely the Colombian high evens out the next day.

I am somewhat of an introvert so I can quite happily sit in a corner to observe. I couldn't imagine myself in say, a Big Brother audtion strutting myself impressing a group of strangers.

But am I confident in my own ability? Always. Some people I'm sure mistrust this for arrogance but I trulely believe that I can accomplish or attempt anything I put my mind to. You could almost say I don't think that anyone is better than me (this is completely different from thinking I am better than everyone else). I guess I was taught this as a child, always believing in myself. I see it in my 3yr old daughter when she is doing gymnastics. She pushes away anyone who will try and support or help her and you can see it in the fire of her eyes that she has no fear.

But confidence is contageous. A huge tackle can give any team confidence just as seeing a friend screaming down the road into the face of riot police can make youself feel bullet proof. Are these people faking it?

Mum's got no plans tonight, don't call between 5:30 and 7, she'll be watching the All Blacks play Ireland. She could whip up an extra plate of dinner as long as you bring a decent bottle of plonk.