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Deep Goodbye

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Nov 3, 2008
Messages
78,830
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Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.




Goodbye. This won't last forever.
I'll be back. I hope I won't but I should be.
I'll only be gone for a few days. What might seem like a few years. What should be forever. Forever wouldn't be wrong.
Don't forgive me. I don't deserve it. Save your empathy for someone else.
Forever doesn't seem so long.
Clarity sets in and I begin to see myself for what I am. What others see. What no one wants to see.
Where everyone should see nothing but ash and air.
We all leave a smoking gun behind in the corpse incinerator. Is the gun a symbol of my death or is my death a symbol of the last shot?
Why aren't the bullets as colorful as the pills?
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Messages
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Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.
If you can read this, don't assume that I'm talking to you
Yesterday everything I thought I believed in died
But today is my birthday, and I don't need you,
I'll say it to myself: It doesn't mean I won't need somebody
Anyone with half a soul
Will hear this and they'll never leave me
If you don't know what forever feels like
I'll show you what it feels like without it
I'll show you what it feels like without it
This time I won't hesitate
To kill to protect what I believe in
This time I won't hesitate
To kill to protect what I believe in
I can get by now
I'm not really dead
But I really needed someone to save me
Leaving me alone to die
Is worse than having the guts to kill me

If you don't know what forever feels like
I'll show you what it feels like without it
I'll show you what it feels like without it
This time I won't hesitate
To kill to protect what I believe in
This time I won't hesitate
To kill to protect what I believe in
Not letting you win
Won't satisfy me
I'll teach you about loss
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Messages
78,830
Location
Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.
Whoa am still tripping balls, as fuck wild whoa holy shit. Holy fuckin' shit. On a good one and wouldn't mind if this was the last I ever thought/felt/lived/remembered. I can't imagine many better things.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Messages
78,830
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Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.
NOT MY DEBT
it's the government that's wrong
it is not your fault
it's not the corporations
it's not god's fault
white people had this beautiful system where they were never wrong it was called NATIONAL SOCIALISM this just in IT FAILED

take a deep breath. someone has been scamming you. you can blame a lot of people. you can blame the world. you can blame a nation or a race of people.

blame the federal reserve. it has a name.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.
HUMAN DECISION MAKING black box, unknowable, unaccountable

COMPUTER DECISION MAKING
objective. no biases. black and white; all before the eye to see. You can either be a N____ or you aren't one. Are you? How would you know? Do you know what I'm referring to? This will make all of this *a lot easier to understand*

We'll never understand why human beings make discriminatory decisions so let's just let a computer make it
We'll never understand why human beings make discriminatory decisions so let's just let a computer make it
We'll never understand why human beings make discriminatory decisions so let's just let a computer make it
We'll never understand why human beings make discriminatory decisions so let's just let a computer make it
We'll never understand why human beings make discriminatory decisions so let's just let a computer make it
We'll never understand why human beings make discriminatory decisions so let's just let a computer make it
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.
ARE YOU AWAKE WHY IS EVERYONE LIVING THIS WAY WHY IS THE WORLD SO INDIFFERENT, IT'S ON FIRE, SAVE US

this is religion it doesn't care, it doesn't matter, you can't count the tears, you can't swim in grief, you can't swim if no one's ever taught you how
 

mal3volent

Moderator: TDS, S&G, TL
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8,967

Empty spaces fill me up with hopes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
I don't mean to drag it on
But I can't seem to let you go
I don't want to make you face this world alone
I want to let you go
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Location
Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.
In all seriousness I'll put the tune on and read the words man but you know my style is more like harsh noise wall meets psychedelic glam rock featuring Marilyn Manson
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Location
Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.
yeah and after i had a few hours to start sober-ing up I totally got that =D

it was hilarious

and the feels were very befitting

I still can't believe i wrote something so dark, something so emotionally raw and personal while joy-crying on mushrooms. It was a very deep read and I ended up crying just reading it again. Wow what an emotionally charged read.

It was one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. I told my IRL friend and they were surprised I "enjoyed the experience". You can really joy-cry your way through depression until you are at least more emotionally balanced when you sober up. And holy shit did I? lmao.

it was very intense, like normally I rarely get to feel "all the emotions" Unless I high dose shrooom or take 2c-_ or DMT iv'd and this was only 3.2g of mushies so very strong. good stuff

God whoosh what a fucking trip. FEEL trip. I can't believe I walked myself through all those emotions a 2nd time. I'm glad I wrote a lot of that down.
 

Shady's Fox

Bluelight Crew
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Palm trees & sea, just walkin along the beach.
This is how I know a person personality, by their playlist.

Anyway, this will stay with you as it stays with me even to this day.

Robert really fucked those chords, looks like he keeps hittin them

Very unique track imo.

 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Messages
78,830
Location
Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.

03:55 to end = me

I wanna fuck you like a foreign film
No subtitles to get you through the transliteration
I'm a country you don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to visit again

Line up,
Roll camera,
You pretend
I'll pretend
And fuck, fuck, fuck
Fuck, fuck, fuck
Line up,
Roll camera,
You pretend
I'll pretend
And fuck, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
I want to fuck you like they do in the movies; there's another one just like you in line
I'm a strip, strip, strip, and I flicker, flick, flick, flick
A flicker of celluloid, and there's holes, holes, holes (in everything)
In my everything: I'm a strip, strip, strip, and
I flicker, flick, flick, flick; a flicker of celluloid
And there's holes, holes, holes IN MY EVERYTHING
You're
just what I projected: just what I projected
It's just what I projected: just want to project it
Cum in, cum in, cum in, cum in, cum in, cum in, cum inside
I feel a little sorry baby, I feel a little sorry baby,
I hear the afterlife is poorly scored.
You're lucky you don't have to wake up!
I'm sick of immortality!

I was only acting, baby.
Don't confuse it with love:
Every time I fuck you I'm really just fucking myself over?
Don't flatter yourself: this is business not pleasure, baby.
 

schizopath

Bluelighter
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
1,868
Location
Dimension XYZÖ where I paint the skyline
Edgy part 1/*

I was born to one of "those" families do you get me?
Since I was raised properly I ll let you test me
Normal people seem so fake since I cant relate
I ll be the bully then you be the bully cause with psychopaths everythings a test
Just call me the bad guy and leave out all the rest

School and home life only mostly sucked
Used to lie about people that I had fucked
Cause I still lie and my life is a lie
Iq 135 as kid got me factual to be
But I had to kill my potential for stuttering

It was all or nothing Im bad with middle ground
Conspiracies and murdercases are what I did found
They made me feel something cause they made me feel horrible
And normal people always awake my fucking boredom

Since I stuttered badly as a child
Learned to relate to people so it made me kind
When in reality felt too little or too much
I only like damaged goods life for me is such

Never think I will kill you lol shut down the tv
Though if you hurt my family then you I will eat
Would only kill myself or the worst psychopaths
rothschilds and others who learned no morality

There is no me and there never was
Drugs make me feel something now most of them just suck
I need new hobbies like helping more people
Since I was always the shepard I wanna lead the sheeple
Even feel like raping few, but remember I was raised properly

Most of my friends are also somewhat psychopathic
I was the worst and thats still my tactic
depraved but well behaved you can wrap me up in plastic
Cause when I watch Mindhunter I can see through their tactics

Always loved intelligent also the feel kinda people
They make me feel normal or atleast seem like one
Who actually is not even a human and wears a skin suit
That why I like tattoos they cover my holes

Style and substance go hand in hand
Im a one man musician Im a one man band
Im too fucking narcissistic cause I cant act
unless Im being weird Im good doing that

Believe if you will but I do feel love
its twisted and shameful used to hate it so much
cause it always had the feel of ownership
Theres five companies in my family, but they do what they learned
They are good, funny and smart even if they are fake

Wanna try something new ever heard of overdose pact
when one of us gone theres no coming back
Never needed to get addicted to needles and I must say that
You could been so much worse and Im sorry I hated you dad
 
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Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
78,830
Location
Making a hangman's knot in the Aokigahara forest.
Thanks for the contribution man I liked it. It reminded me of the Manson line "This isn't music, and we're not a band, we're five middle fingers on a mother fucking hand". Alluded to the "one man musician, I'm a one man band". Very rich.

The best noise/metal projects are normally individuals who do everything.
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
1,686
This is how I know a person personality, by their playlist.

Anyway, this will stay with you as it stays with me even to this day.

Robert really fucked those chords, looks like he keeps hittin them

Very unique track imo.


mirror in the back room
 
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