I'm so worried about going on a crack binge again. When I think of the last time I smoked and how good it felt, I can almost smell the stuff and the feeling it gives me. I only live a 40 minute drive from where I usually cop. So it all comes down to mitigating the urges I get if I have any hope of quitting all together.
This morning I got a call from one of the girls that I smoked with who shoots heroin and she asked for a ride to a hospital. She had a horrible abcess on her hand. On the way to the hospital, she smoked a rock in my car. It made me sick and my stomach started to turn. If it was later in the evening, I would have driven straight to where I cop and spent the whole night with a pipe. Thankfully I had to head to work and couldn't afford to do that. The smell that came from her lighting her pipe just wouldn't leave my mind but at the end of the work day, I went straight home and hid under a blanket. The heroin calmed me down but I've already lowered how much I snort. I left the apartment only to go to Planet Fitness and deliberately left my wallet at home.
If I am exposed to the sight, the smell and even people and things that I associate the drug with but DO NOT ACT on it, will it weaken the "neural circuitry" (not even sure what I'm talking about) and therefore weaken my urges? Will I be able to drive right through the areas where I cop without having intense urges to stop by my dealer? Will I someday not have that feeling in my stomach when I relive the feeling smoking from the pipe gives me?
I also found a pipe on the floor next to the dresser. It's still there. I'm doing my best to shrug off the urges and the voice in my head telling me I can drive down to Detroit and get just a few hits and make it back in time to get a good night's rest. Ridiculous logic... i know.
I have the money to cop but It's late, I don't want to get dressed and I'm afraid of going broke and not being able to afford rent. I'm even more afraid of bingeing on crack than going through precipitated withdrawals after taking my first zubsolv which I know is going to happen soon.
So what do I do? Do I live around the temptations - A pipe in my possession, chore on the floor, my dope fiend friends checking to see where I am, driving in my car and that way build my resistance to urges or do I alienate myself from the temptations and be completely unprepared when I get urges or am driving near to the place where I cop from. Sorry for the long post for one question.
This morning I got a call from one of the girls that I smoked with who shoots heroin and she asked for a ride to a hospital. She had a horrible abcess on her hand. On the way to the hospital, she smoked a rock in my car. It made me sick and my stomach started to turn. If it was later in the evening, I would have driven straight to where I cop and spent the whole night with a pipe. Thankfully I had to head to work and couldn't afford to do that. The smell that came from her lighting her pipe just wouldn't leave my mind but at the end of the work day, I went straight home and hid under a blanket. The heroin calmed me down but I've already lowered how much I snort. I left the apartment only to go to Planet Fitness and deliberately left my wallet at home.
If I am exposed to the sight, the smell and even people and things that I associate the drug with but DO NOT ACT on it, will it weaken the "neural circuitry" (not even sure what I'm talking about) and therefore weaken my urges? Will I be able to drive right through the areas where I cop without having intense urges to stop by my dealer? Will I someday not have that feeling in my stomach when I relive the feeling smoking from the pipe gives me?
I also found a pipe on the floor next to the dresser. It's still there. I'm doing my best to shrug off the urges and the voice in my head telling me I can drive down to Detroit and get just a few hits and make it back in time to get a good night's rest. Ridiculous logic... i know.
I have the money to cop but It's late, I don't want to get dressed and I'm afraid of going broke and not being able to afford rent. I'm even more afraid of bingeing on crack than going through precipitated withdrawals after taking my first zubsolv which I know is going to happen soon.
So what do I do? Do I live around the temptations - A pipe in my possession, chore on the floor, my dope fiend friends checking to see where I am, driving in my car and that way build my resistance to urges or do I alienate myself from the temptations and be completely unprepared when I get urges or am driving near to the place where I cop from. Sorry for the long post for one question.