kgeisel's response to this was a lot more measured & polite than I wanted to be when I read your response!I'm very sorry to hear that you are doing crack despite of having a son in trouble and at the same time having suicidal behavior/thoughts together with a mental disorder, and medicated. I've been in rehabs long enough to see normal people turn into real schizophrenics, if you want to be there for your child I'd suggest that you take care of yourself first.
Our children look up to us, we are their role models. So when you have responsibility over their lives, they come first. Children with parents on drugs suffer a great deal of pain. So if you are indeed really grateful that he's still here, perhaps you should try to be there for him. Helping others, even if they are your own family can make us feel really good. More altruists.
I think her adult son is probably grateful that she's only doing crack once a month rather than every day & that she is there for him
I totally get what you're saying about children of parents who take drugs, having been one/being one myself
It's not the best situation, granted, but there are situations when drugs enable parents to be the parents that their children need & would not parent functionally without - I was in that place with my first child, now an amazing, hard-working, talented, funny adult who I have a great relationship with
Fortunately I no longer have a physical drug addiction with the child I'm raising now, but mentally yes, & when that child is away alternate weekends, I WILL play, but I will also still fulfil my parental duties, love my kid, have fun & be happy!
(I'm in no way saying that drug parenting is a good thing, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing)
Edit: Have watched this tonight since posting - very topical