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Fucked up shit youve done, drug-induced or not

GetMeOutOfThisCRAP

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 20, 2017
Messages
1,474
By the way... for those of you sitting behind a computer screen feeling guilty about the horrible things you've done to get high. If life wanted to utterly smite the absolute shit out of you quite simply you wouldn't have to wonder about that... you'd flat out suffer and or be dead by now.

Life works itself out just fine. There's always a reason you haven't been smited yet lol. And even if you don't believe in god--if you offended and hurt someone so horribly they'd go after you. Instead, they probably chose to be a better person and assume you were going through something and that spending time and energy seeking vengeance on a junkie who did you dirty is such a waste of time. All you can do is try to be a nice person and help people without expecting anything in return and live the rest of your life out. Or you can return to being a sociopathic junkie and know what it's like to truly be smited lol! Addiction in itself is so fucking horrible. I've never been to such dark places before touching oxycodone. Thought I had my demons until now. Opiates are the worst demon one can have. If you are here right now in 2020 then god or a flying spaghetti monster in space (whatever is pulling the strings) wanted you here.

For the lurkers out there who enjoy drugs--make it a point to never hurt anyone besides yourself. There is no faster way to go down as a drug addict. If you only hurt yourself nobody will interfere with your life or have any reason to do so. Bonus points for people who help others for nothing to gain. One day you'll be in a terrible spot and really need someone's help. They'll gladly do it if you've been a positive influence. If you are a mean ass skank you'll be alone during those times.

Still awaiting for America to realize that improving people's lives delivers one a better quality of life than fancy cars or mansions. You know the big pharmaceutical crimin--*cough* industry pioneers secretly hate themselves. They shove it deep down and pretend that painkillers did not completely obliterate America for eons to come. But they probably are drinking by themselves everyday wondering why they have a bad alcohol habit. You can't run from the things you've done but you can try. Just face whatever head on and try to be better. What else can anyone do?
 
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DeadManWalkin'

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
3,460
Location
Saudi Arabia
By the way... for those of you sitting behind a computer screen feeling guilty about the horrible things you've done to get high. If life wanted to utterly smite the absolute shit out of you quite simply you wouldn't have to wonder about that... you'd flat out suffer and or be dead by now.

Life works itself out just fine. There's always a reason you haven't been smited yet lol. And even if you don't believe in god--if you offended and hurt someone so horribly they'd go after you. Instead, they probably chose to be a better person and assume you were going through something and that spending time and energy seeking vengeance on a junkie who did you dirty is such a waste of time. All you can do is try to be a nice person and help people without expecting anything in return and live the rest of your life out. Or you can return to being a sociopathic junkie and know what it's like to truly be smited lol! Addiction in itself is so fucking horrible. I've never been to such dark places before touching oxycodone. Thought I had my demons until now. Opiates are the worst demon one can have. If you are here right now in 2020 then god or a flying spaghetti monster in space (whatever is pulling the strings) wanted you here.

For the lurkers out there who enjoy drugs--make it a point to never hurt anyone besides yourself. There is no faster way to go down as a drug addict. If you only hurt yourself nobody will interfere with your life or have any reason to do so. Bonus points for people who help others for nothing to gain. One day you'll be in a terrible spot and really need someone's help. They'll gladly do it if you've been a positive influence. If you are a mean ass skank you'll be alone during those times.
I don't think I owe people anything, despite the things I have done.
I don't think this "guilt" mentality helps. I think if you have been destructive force everywhere you go, making an effort to change is more than enough.
Also, this "hurt yourself rather than others" mentality can be argued, but I don't think it's set in stone.
I think there's more dignity to robbing people than selling yourself.
I think there's more dignity to becoming a good thief rather than sucking some guys dick off for few bucks.
You think this world works in way that bad people get punished by some external forces and good karma will come to the naive sheep?
Let me give you a hint - it doesn't.
Only place where world works like that is located between your ears.
Yeah, it might be a sad thing how the great people you knew die from an overdose second time they do heroin and the worst scamming scum of the earth just keeps going on in his 30's.
But you know, the worst junkies - they know their limits, unlike the newcomers.
I think your writings are just a rambling of a person who feels guilt and thinks that "making up" for it will save you.
But you can just dismiss the guilt, because you aren't same person you were. You could've stayed like that, not given a fuck and kept being destructive.
However, you made an effort to change and succeeded.
That's more than enough for the people around you, who care about you and it might be even good for you in the good run.
Which is the reason why even assholes can be redeemed - because of it's for their own good and that's what they think about.
 

GetMeOutOfThisCRAP

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 20, 2017
Messages
1,474
I don't think I owe people anything, despite the things I have done.
I don't think this "guilt" mentality helps. I think if you have been destructive force everywhere you go, making an effort to change is more than enough.
Also, this "hurt yourself rather than others" mentality can be argued, but I don't think it's set in stone.
I think there's more dignity to robbing people than selling yourself.
I think there's more dignity to becoming a good thief rather than sucking some guys dick off for few bucks.
You think this world works in way that bad people get punished by some external forces and good karma will come to the naive sheep?
Let me give you a hint - it doesn't.
Only place where world works like that is located between your ears.
Yeah, it might be a sad thing how the great people you knew die from an overdose second time they do heroin and the worst scamming scum of the earth just keeps going on in his 30's.
But you know, the worst junkies - they know their limits, unlike the newcomers.
I think your writings are just a rambling of a person who feels guilt and thinks that "making up" for it will save you.
But you can just dismiss the guilt, because you aren't same person you were. You could've stayed like that, not given a fuck and kept being destructive.
However, you made an effort to change and succeeded.
That's more than enough for the people around you, who care about you and it might be even good for you in the good run.
Which is the reason why even assholes can be redeemed - because of it's for their own good and that's what they think about.

Lol I feel like this post is contradicting me but also supporting other points. Either way I respect people's opinions. I genuinely do believe in karma. It might not be a supernatural thing but it exists in the world in the form of people and their choices to support or disregard people. That's just what I've come to see and believe over time. Of course it's not a perfect system but I still think it does exist. I think that guilt is very useless. We often blame ourselves for things that realistically we had zero control over. Like sexual assault victims blaming themselves for being in the wrong place at the same time. As if it were their fault for wearing some kind of skirt or simply being at a bus stop at a certain time.

We blame ourselves because it's impossible at times to accept that we live in a world where we have zero control over what happens. Nobody determines what happens to yourself. Not even yourself. A lot of people forget that. Also the euphoria is hitting me right about atm. Gonna relive the glory days before going back to the flat and grey world. Brb goodnight everyone <3
 

DeadManWalkin'

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
3,460
Location
Saudi Arabia
Lol I feel like this post is contradicting me but also supporting other points.
Yes, it's called actual constructive criticism and not being against the person, but seeing some of their points misguided, naive or just differing from mine.
I like to share ideas, since my reasoning for an argument is to learn, to enlighten and maybe we can even reach conclusions neither one of us could've reached on our own.
My writings are just an opinion, but so are yours.
In my opinion the worth of opinion/argument is based on how rational/pragmatic the premises are.
However.. that's just an opinion ;)
 

negrogesic

Moderator: BDD, OD
Staff member
Joined
Jul 21, 2002
Messages
7,021
Location
Negronesia
THIS is why i havent and wont try any new dissociates. Although they are my favorite, I don't trust myself on the new potent stimmy ones. K will do.
I was bad enough with this feeling on the tail/manic ends and afterglows of high dose MXE and MXP, especially when a little xanax and alcohol were added.
I think the worst part was i really enjoyed that crazy feeling, and used to want my trip to hurry up and get into that part 🤔
Its probably best I never do high dose PCP either. I did some mad shit.
Glad your gf is ok. I wouldn't worry yourself, at least you didnt do it on a stranger or 1 night stand, im sure she understands.
I've got a real funny feeling I've done a pretty similar thing while on mephedrone and k to an ex too, but my meph days memorys are so blurry.

Yeah stimulating dissociatives are a recipe for a disaster. They combine the disinhibition of benzos with a psychotic mania that can result in life changing consequences.

I would probably try say 15mg of 3-meo-pcp (an average standard dose) but only if I had access to no more of it. Im sure I'd been fine with a normal dose of any stimulating dissociative. The problem is, if I had more I might end up taking alot more in a disinhibited state, and then all of a sudden ive got a problem of my hands. Still its best to stay away. Plus I honestly don't enjoy dissociatives much, even ketamine. More than anything else dissociatives make me feel weird. That said, at its very short peak, that combo of ~500mg of DCK, 160mg of n-ethylpentedrone and 350mg of tianeptine was the most euphoric state and most intensely psychedelic state I've ever been. It wasnt an open eye visual -- I was transported to another realm. For a moment I was confused, as it felt like I was rolling hard than any amount of MDMA and I told my girlfriend that I must have had taken ecstasy. It was absolutely bonkers. It was like rolling in a wide awake k-hole.

Of course I felt horrible for 6 weeks after that. But it was kind of worth it as I remember that moment the most. Must have been 6-7 minutes.

Stay away from dissociatives.
 

Deru

Moderator: CEPS
Staff member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
2,311
K will do.

After my first heart surgery in the ICU, they gave me an IV drip of ketamine for the first night. I had never once in my life done it before, and I will never forget the experience. I remember thinking I was in a UFO in outer space, except the UFO was really the hospital bed. What is absolutely insane is that I was in potentially the worst pain of my life and it worked better than any opioid could work, when they took me off the IV ketamine the pain hit me like a ton of bricks. Every single breath felt like a semi truck smashing into my chest at 100 mph for the next 36 hours, and that was being loaded with IV fentanyl and tons of other opioids and pain management medications. I know very little about dissociatives or ketamine, but from my experience, it’s probably the best drug for severe pain I’ve ever used.
 

GetMeOutOfThisCRAP

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 20, 2017
Messages
1,474
Yes, it's called actual constructive criticism and not being against the person, but seeing some of their points misguided, naive or just differing from mine.
I like to share ideas, since my reasoning for an argument is to learn, to enlighten and maybe we can even reach conclusions neither one of us could've reached on our own.
My writings are just an opinion, but so are yours.
In my opinion the worth of opinion/argument is based on how rational/pragmatic the premises are.
However.. that's just an opinion ;)

No you're so wrong! There's only one opinion and it's mine. This is how you should live and no other interpretation of a the world can be valid! :D

Honestly it's cool and I wouldn't have cared, but I just couldn't tell what was happening from the initial post because usually arguments on the internet are my way on the highway so it was confusing at first. You could say that loneliness in itself is karma. Even sociopaths need people around them to seem all powerful or to manipulate for some personal gain. People disappear if you screw them over or flat out don't care about their feelings. It's true that an airplane could fly directly at your forehead any time of day and you could be an angel. I see no point in caring about your potential time of death because there's just not enough time to be paranoid about the possibilities when it's very temporary to begin with.

Being a male is already incredibly lonely in itself. People don't feel comfortable opening up to us and we're trained to minimize our feelings or flat out never talk about them. It's hard to maintain or build close relationships but I don't hear people often talking about it. The way people behave around women is so wildly different and socially for some reason people obviously just are way more personal and friendly. Women seem way more of themselves around other women. It's just really hard to form the closeness and intimacy that women naturally seem to have with each other and even men (who aren't trying to bang them). I can't afford to lose any friends by stealing from them to catch a good high lol. As a guy people do not undermine your intelligence or authority and you are allowed to do more of whatever you want to a degree.. but I don't want to be lonelier than I already have been ;)
 

negrogesic

Moderator: BDD, OD
Staff member
Joined
Jul 21, 2002
Messages
7,021
Location
Negronesia
After my first heart surgery in the ICU, they gave me an IV drip of ketamine for the first night. I had never once in my life done it before, and I will never forget the experience. I remember thinking I was in a UFO in outer space, except the UFO was really the hospital bed. What is absolutely insane is that I was in potentially the worst pain of my life and it worked better than any opioid could work, when they took me off the IV ketamine the pain hit me like a ton of bricks. Every single breath felt like a semi truck smashing into my chest at 100 mph for the next 36 hours, and that was being loaded with IV fentanyl and tons of other opioids and pain management medications. I know very little about dissociatives or ketamine, but from my experience, it’s probably the best drug for severe pain I’ve ever used.

Interesting story. Dissociatives have a uniquely transportative effect. Not all those places it transports you to are good places. I remember I took 180mg of ketamine and all of a sudden I'm in some inner city apartment and I'm a shelf on the wall. Its super weird stuff. That is the overarching sentiment: this stuff is really weird.

The pain relief from stuff like ketamine is sort of uneasy. Sometimes I feel they actually cause pain and discomfort. It sort of like a sensation of being pulled apart. It is never fully enjoyable for me.

There is a creepy feeling to dissociatives. Even what you described sounds creepy. While your pain had been quite invaluably subdued, you were tripping balls in the form of that errie alien theme. The dim room, the beeping of monitors, the glow of the equipment lights and all of a sudden you are on an alien craft. Not the most comforting place to be after being cut open. Yet it is safe and effective doesn't impair breathing.

And there is a sinister feeling that comes from it. The other day I was explaining to my girlfriend what a snuff film was (she didn't know) and after describing it she said, "oh thats creepy, that sort of reminds of that night you took that DCK". Yikes. She knows the name because I probably being it up once a month and it happened over two years ago. It was such a bizarre experience (not the rape part exactly) but the transportations, the other visions. For a while she said I was bowing to an imaginary audience. I don't remember that but I wish I did. Two old tiny Jewish man popped up on my shoulder and were talking to each other -- saying, "oh she is a very nice girl; he should marry her". This is while she was assisting me to the medicine cabinet; I couldn't walk on my own because I was pretty anesthetized due to the giant dose. In this moment of clarity I gave her the remaining 2.5g of DCK and told her to flush it down the toilet. I was afraid I'd take more when I snapped back into the insanity.

I had another vision after that our intersection in life was predestined and we had previous communication in the womb. Yet it turned eventually where it seemed like we were playing some dark sex game but we weren't. This is the heaven and theme that is uniquely common to dissociative experiences and schizophrenia.

By combining DCK/O-PCE and strong stimulants I had recreated PCP in essence.
 
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GetMeOutOfThisCRAP

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 20, 2017
Messages
1,474
Interesting story. Dissociatives have a uniquely transportative effect. Not all those places it transports you to are good places. I remember I took 180mg of ketamine and all of a sudden I'm in some inner city apartment and I'm a shelf on the wall. Its super weird stuff. That is the overarching sentiment: this stuff is really weird.

The pain relief from stuff like ketamine is sort of uneasy. Sometimes I feel they actually cause pain and discomfort. Its sort of like a feeling of being pulled apart. Its never fully enjoyable for me.

There is a creepy feeling to dissociatives. Even what you described sounds creepy. While your pain had been quite invaluably subdued, you were tripping balls in the form of that errie alien theme. The dim room, the beeping of monitors, the glow of the equipment lights and all of a sudden you are on an alien craft. Not the most comforting place to be after being cut open. Yet it is safe and effective doesn't impair breathing.

And there is a sinister feeling that comes from it. The other day I was explaining to my girlfriend what a snuff film was (she didn't know) and after describing it she said, "oh thats creepy, that sort of reminds of that night you took that DCK". She knows the name because I probably being it up once a month and it happened over two years ago. It was such a bizarre experience (not the rape part exactly) but the transportations, the other visions. For a while she said I was bowing to an imaginary audience. I don't remember that but I wish I did. Two old tiny Jewish man popped up on my shoulder and were talking to each other -- saying, "oh she is a very nice girl; he should marry her". This is while she was assisting me to the medicine cabinet; I couldn't walk on my own because I was pretty anesthetized due to the giant dose. In this moment of clarity I gave her the remaining 2.5g of DCK and told her to flush it down the toilet. I was afraid I'd take more when I snapped back into the insanity.

God damn that's got to be the best it gets out of ANY drug I have ever heard. To become a shelf on a wall? Holy fuck dude to be free from existential dread forever and literally think you're a shelf. On a wall.

To genuinely think that you are a shelf. Even on more shrooms than I could handle on my birthday and to forget that I am a person or that I have taken a substance I did not think that I was a shelf. Most people just want to feel good lol. I didn't think it was possible to become a shelf. Sorry but I'll probably never see a post again in my life where someone became a shelf from drugs. Why are dissociatives so concerning to you though? Afaik ketamine only has one negative HR concern and it has to do with holding in your pee. So you'll just randomly pee yourself if you've abused ketamine one too many times. I haven't heard of any negative health effect otherwise though. As far as drugs go--peeing yourself is not the worst thing that can happen.

I think that ketamine is okay lol. Provided I've only tried it twice but I just didn't see how so many people seek it out and adore it. I know that we all have our different drugs of choice but ketamine just seems inadequate when it comes to things like opiate euphoria or stims. I respect everyone's tastes though.
 

deficiT

Moderator: DC, TDS
Staff member
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
1,959
Location
The Belly of The Beast
Interesting story. Dissociatives have a uniquely transportative effect. Not all those places it transports you to are good places. I remember I took 180mg of ketamine and all of a sudden I'm in some inner city apartment and I'm a shelf on the wall. Its super weird stuff. That is the overarching sentiment: this stuff is really weird.

The pain relief from stuff like ketamine is sort of uneasy. Sometimes I feel they actually cause pain and discomfort. It sort of like a sensation of being pulled apart. It is never fully enjoyable for me.

There is a creepy feeling to dissociatives. Even what you described sounds creepy. While your pain had been quite invaluably subdued, you were tripping balls in the form of that errie alien theme. The dim room, the beeping of monitors, the glow of the equipment lights and all of a sudden you are on an alien craft. Not the most comforting place to be after being cut open. Yet it is safe and effective doesn't impair breathing.

And there is a sinister feeling that comes from it. The other day I was explaining to my girlfriend what a snuff film was (she didn't know) and after describing it she said, "oh thats creepy, that sort of reminds of that night you took that DCK". Yikes. She knows the name because I probably being it up once a month and it happened over two years ago. It was such a bizarre experience (not the rape part exactly) but the transportations, the other visions. For a while she said I was bowing to an imaginary audience. I don't remember that but I wish I did. Two old tiny Jewish man popped up on my shoulder and were talking to each other -- saying, "oh she is a very nice girl; he should marry her". This is while she was assisting me to the medicine cabinet; I couldn't walk on my own because I was pretty anesthetized due to the giant dose. In this moment of clarity I gave her the remaining 2.5g of DCK and told her to flush it down the toilet. I was afraid I'd take more when I snapped back into the insanity.

I had another vision after that our intersection in life was predestined and we had previous communication in the womb. Yet it turned eventually where it seemed like we were playing some dark sex game but we weren't. This is the heaven and theme that is uniquely common to dissociative experiences and schizophrenia.

By combining DCK/O-PCE and strong stimulants I had recreated PCP in essence.

Not "fucked up" behavior necessarily, but plays into the dissociatives being weird thing. This reminds me of the last time I was doing too much pcp/k/rc's, I no shit re enacted entire scenes of Ace Ventura Pet Detective in my kitchen in the middle of the night, all alone. No shit, just caught myself in the weirdest fucking cycle of hallucinations. This was shortly before having a pretty shitty breakdown of course.

I love them but they bring out the fucking strange for sure, especially if combined with stimulants.
 
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