XANAX XR
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2014
- Messages
- 516
(Flubromazolam+Clonazolam/25mg+) - Experienced - Wha--How can I go back..? BZ Horror
First trip report, probably last, so bear with me... Mostly to inform others of the dangers of what I personally did and of course to entertain. 8)
Drugs taken - Flubromazolam 5-10mg+, Clonazolam 10-20mg+.
Weight - 170lbs.
Height - 5'11"
Experience w/ bz - Too much.
This happened in late July, I got back to my house from a friend's place, knowing what was in the mail (rc benzos, yay) and it was perfect timing as I was having a relatively stressful week with my first drug charge (felony - got waived, luckily). So, I got the package, brought it inside, opened it with a grin and pleasuring pins and needles race through my body for this soon to be blissful feeling to come from these benzos I haven't tried (well, previous experience with clonazolam -- nothing bad happened).
Time: 3:30PM ^
Got the package open, read the ratio my source had concentrated the benzos in (triple checked, as I have read many-many benzo horror stories). I cannot remember the ration anymore but after I read it out enough times, I withdrew (oral syringe) some clonazolam liquid, as I knew what to expect and was like okay...cool, time to relax. I was anxiously waiting for it to kick in, as I subbed some of the liquid, as well...so I go to look at the flubromazolam, I think I withdrew a very small amount (maybe 1/6 of what I took of the clonazolam) then I looked at the ratio of mg:ml again and realized I am in for the trip of my life and god forbid I don't black out (knew I was going to anyway :/). I accidentally misread the ratio because I had over-read it and was probably fumbling the god damn benzos due to excitement and found that I doubled my initial dose (which happened to be an insane amount with a low-ish benzo tolerance at the time).
Time: 4PM ^
At this time, I cautiously walked to my computer, with that fear in your body, that's so hard to explain but the best way for me to put it is, when you know you have a drug test and you are going to fail it and you must face a penalty for it, no matter what. Except, this is my brain (and sanity) I'm playing with and I recently got shit together in my life, nice job...stable relationships with people and some hobbies I legitimately enjoyed.
I sat at my computer, trying to focus my brain away from the way benzos grab your brain if your dose is high enough (with any benzo). I enjoyed about 5-15 minutes of this euphoric/ass-dropping mixture that I sadly mis-dosed and blacked out for a mere 3 hours, and found myself shooting up benzos into my arm, while aimlessly texting (possibly calling -- when I got access to my phone again, I was locked out of it) people I didn't know very well, making plans... I knew I was being socially-stupid, as I sometimes get on a high dosage of benzos but in the back of my mind, I was watching myself do these things, as well as being aware of my stupidity/compulsiveness and I only had a grip of consciousness for 30(+/-) minutes.
Time: 9:30PM - 10:15PM (Rough estimation) ^
From my last point of consciousness, everything else until 9AM of the next morning was unaccounted for. From some text messages and what others have told me, I was up and about during the night, possibly leaving my house and around 7:20 or so, I took my ATV and drove to my grandpa's house asking him about buying his moped (lol, I don't know..) and he didn't wake up, so I left, went to my buddies house who would've just gotten off work, he knew something was up and was too tired to answer his door as it was locked, he thought about calling my dad but didn't. At this point, who knows where I went but I was riding an ATV around my town for 2 hours (I can only account for maybe, 30 minutes from what people have told me). Not sure how I got the thing running, let alone shift gears... lucky to be alive.
Time: 12AM - 8AM ^
I woke up (in my mind, in all reality I have been awake for 24+ hours) to my dad saying "lets go to the courthouse, you're not sober plus you have to go there anyway for community service...." (which was true, I was going to get off probation THAT day). I was delusional (literally), I remember saying a lot of bullshit to my parents and I believed it. I told them I was sober, in-which, I truly believed that. We went to the courthouse, don't remember the way there, I do remember giving my PO bullshit about how I was sober and he gave me a urine test which I tested positive for: Methamphetamine, Cocaine, Marijuana and possibly something else, everything BUT opiates and benzos (only drugs I did in the past 3+ months). So I demanded a blood analysis at the hospital (smart me, they'll definitely give an antidote to me). Got there, only tested positive for benzodiazepines, I asked them what benzos and they didn't know (duh!). Apparently I was being an asshole to my parents but all I remember was getting an IV bolus of saline water and being on my phone.
Time: 9AM - 11:30AM ^
We rode home, again, don't remember the ride home for whatever reason. Go up to my porch and start taking a piss while my parents walk inside, and my dad started bitching at me and I told him "you do this all the fuckin' time" (delusional because he doesn't) and flipped him off. Then I went to my couch and passed out for quite awhile, dead asleep, too. Finally some good sleep. From the hospital visit and on, my parents got this eerie vibe from me that something wasn't right, besides my extreme intoxication of benzos. My dad almost didn't go to work, I wish he didn't...
Time: 12AM - 4/5PM (roughly) ^
I woke up, somewhat coherent with the ability to make some decisions and the ability to stay conscious for more than 5 minutes. I had this dreadful anger on my shoulders towards my parents, not sure why. I sat there and tried channeling/controlling it for a bit...didn't work. I, then, found myself taking pictures of myself and my family from the walls and wherever I could see them. I wanted to hurt my family in such a way that they wouldn't forget it as well as kill myself afterwards... not sure why. The kind of anger I had was the kind of anger you have when your girlfriend cheats on you or a close family member/friend flips on you in a sick way. The kind of anger you have when you want to murder someone. My intentions were to burn the pictures... I grabbed a lighter and thought to burn them in my garage (stupid but I was still heavily intoxicated). When I got into my garage, I figured I would burn down the garage, too. I doused the garage in gasoline and made a trail to the outside of the door, lit it, closed the door (this saved me by a lot), walked away. I started walking to my place of employment, I stocked at a grocery store. I saw my mother's car outside of the store, so I said fuck and didn't know what to do (at this time my anger kind of died down). Some people I knew stopped me in their vehicle and I asked them for a ride. So they dropped me off at a friends (I planned on saying bye), he was sleeping. I walked a couple blocks and saw another friend (not very close) and asked to use his phone to call up my cousin, so she could pick me up and I could say bye to her as well.
Time: 5PM - 6PM (roughly) ^
My cousin said she would pick me up after she was done with work, which was nearly 2 hours from then. I waited and she eventually came (apparently I waited 2 hours, without a phone and she luckily came). I talked to her, calmed down and she suggested I turn myself in so things don't get any worse, at this time, my suicidal thoughts and anger were completely gone. I didn't agree or disagree with her, so she dropped me off somewhere and I made my way to behind a gas station (right in front of my house, where cops and fire dept still remained). I didn't remember the walk there but I came back to reality, sitting down and shit got real. I came to the terrible realization that I committed arson, got a drug charge earlier that week and could've killed my family. I smoked my last free-cigarette with as much enjoyment my delusional self could. Walked to the crime scene and told them who I was and that I was okay. I was sent off to the county jail and spent a night there.
Time: 6PM - 10PM (roughly) ^
Closure - I spent 45 days in a detention facility, went to court on my birthday and was sentenced 3-6 months at a shithole of a detention facility, I almost wanted to be tried as an adult because my jail was much better, plus you served time at jail, not a program where they keep most people for the full 6 months. I got through 45 days of the program with perfect behavior and attitude, literally. Got my way into a rehab center and spent another 45 days there (most people serve 90 days but my counselor was a real-dude and I wish he lived in my area, he was pretty cool).
Reflection - The damage I inflicted upon myself, family and friends was not worth it. I almost killed my mother and little sister because my mom pulled up to the fire where propane tanks could have exploded (luckily they never did). I wiggled myself out of 2 drug charges and the arson charge isn't a conviction, had 1 court hearing and that was it, some other stuff they dropped due to circumstances. My PO gave me a lot of slack, because he really likes me... I'm kind of a special case because I'm a really nice person with good intentions and am very intelligent (some of it put towards negative things). Oh, I am also glad I didn't act on one of the thoughts I had before I lit that fire, I almost didn't do it and wanted to wait til my family was asleep and put the house to flames, thank god I didn't.... My relationship with immediate and extended family is shitty, as they look at me differently... I just want to get the hell away from them and just visit from time to time as well as get the hell out of this town!
Current Legal Troubles - I am on probation for 6 months, with random drug tests.
Lesson - Well, this isn't here to tell you "DON'T DO THIS", no, I still fuck around. I just want people to know what can happen when benzos grab you and you have so much that you can get here. Your mind will do crazy things if you sedate it enough.. Just be safe and don't make a mistake like I did.
Some adverse reactions I had during the experience - Delusions of being sober, feeling sleep deprived no matter if I slept or not, speech slur, inability to walk normal or form decent sentences and posting on bluelight while I was high as all hell (had some posts removed, thanks tricomb).
No, I will not disclose my age, I'm sure you can figure it out from this anyway.
Thanks for whoever read the whole thing, all comments are welcome or questions.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_clonazolam
substancecode_benzos
substancecode_gabaergics
substancecode_flubromazolam
_combo_
explevel_experienced
exptype_negative
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_difficult
exptype_disaster
exptype_overdose
roacode_oral
roacode_IV
First trip report, probably last, so bear with me... Mostly to inform others of the dangers of what I personally did and of course to entertain. 8)
Drugs taken - Flubromazolam 5-10mg+, Clonazolam 10-20mg+.
Weight - 170lbs.
Height - 5'11"
Experience w/ bz - Too much.
This happened in late July, I got back to my house from a friend's place, knowing what was in the mail (rc benzos, yay) and it was perfect timing as I was having a relatively stressful week with my first drug charge (felony - got waived, luckily). So, I got the package, brought it inside, opened it with a grin and pleasuring pins and needles race through my body for this soon to be blissful feeling to come from these benzos I haven't tried (well, previous experience with clonazolam -- nothing bad happened).
Time: 3:30PM ^
Got the package open, read the ratio my source had concentrated the benzos in (triple checked, as I have read many-many benzo horror stories). I cannot remember the ration anymore but after I read it out enough times, I withdrew (oral syringe) some clonazolam liquid, as I knew what to expect and was like okay...cool, time to relax. I was anxiously waiting for it to kick in, as I subbed some of the liquid, as well...so I go to look at the flubromazolam, I think I withdrew a very small amount (maybe 1/6 of what I took of the clonazolam) then I looked at the ratio of mg:ml again and realized I am in for the trip of my life and god forbid I don't black out (knew I was going to anyway :/). I accidentally misread the ratio because I had over-read it and was probably fumbling the god damn benzos due to excitement and found that I doubled my initial dose (which happened to be an insane amount with a low-ish benzo tolerance at the time).
Time: 4PM ^
At this time, I cautiously walked to my computer, with that fear in your body, that's so hard to explain but the best way for me to put it is, when you know you have a drug test and you are going to fail it and you must face a penalty for it, no matter what. Except, this is my brain (and sanity) I'm playing with and I recently got shit together in my life, nice job...stable relationships with people and some hobbies I legitimately enjoyed.
I sat at my computer, trying to focus my brain away from the way benzos grab your brain if your dose is high enough (with any benzo). I enjoyed about 5-15 minutes of this euphoric/ass-dropping mixture that I sadly mis-dosed and blacked out for a mere 3 hours, and found myself shooting up benzos into my arm, while aimlessly texting (possibly calling -- when I got access to my phone again, I was locked out of it) people I didn't know very well, making plans... I knew I was being socially-stupid, as I sometimes get on a high dosage of benzos but in the back of my mind, I was watching myself do these things, as well as being aware of my stupidity/compulsiveness and I only had a grip of consciousness for 30(+/-) minutes.
Time: 9:30PM - 10:15PM (Rough estimation) ^
From my last point of consciousness, everything else until 9AM of the next morning was unaccounted for. From some text messages and what others have told me, I was up and about during the night, possibly leaving my house and around 7:20 or so, I took my ATV and drove to my grandpa's house asking him about buying his moped (lol, I don't know..) and he didn't wake up, so I left, went to my buddies house who would've just gotten off work, he knew something was up and was too tired to answer his door as it was locked, he thought about calling my dad but didn't. At this point, who knows where I went but I was riding an ATV around my town for 2 hours (I can only account for maybe, 30 minutes from what people have told me). Not sure how I got the thing running, let alone shift gears... lucky to be alive.
Time: 12AM - 8AM ^
I woke up (in my mind, in all reality I have been awake for 24+ hours) to my dad saying "lets go to the courthouse, you're not sober plus you have to go there anyway for community service...." (which was true, I was going to get off probation THAT day). I was delusional (literally), I remember saying a lot of bullshit to my parents and I believed it. I told them I was sober, in-which, I truly believed that. We went to the courthouse, don't remember the way there, I do remember giving my PO bullshit about how I was sober and he gave me a urine test which I tested positive for: Methamphetamine, Cocaine, Marijuana and possibly something else, everything BUT opiates and benzos (only drugs I did in the past 3+ months). So I demanded a blood analysis at the hospital (smart me, they'll definitely give an antidote to me). Got there, only tested positive for benzodiazepines, I asked them what benzos and they didn't know (duh!). Apparently I was being an asshole to my parents but all I remember was getting an IV bolus of saline water and being on my phone.
Time: 9AM - 11:30AM ^
We rode home, again, don't remember the ride home for whatever reason. Go up to my porch and start taking a piss while my parents walk inside, and my dad started bitching at me and I told him "you do this all the fuckin' time" (delusional because he doesn't) and flipped him off. Then I went to my couch and passed out for quite awhile, dead asleep, too. Finally some good sleep. From the hospital visit and on, my parents got this eerie vibe from me that something wasn't right, besides my extreme intoxication of benzos. My dad almost didn't go to work, I wish he didn't...
Time: 12AM - 4/5PM (roughly) ^
I woke up, somewhat coherent with the ability to make some decisions and the ability to stay conscious for more than 5 minutes. I had this dreadful anger on my shoulders towards my parents, not sure why. I sat there and tried channeling/controlling it for a bit...didn't work. I, then, found myself taking pictures of myself and my family from the walls and wherever I could see them. I wanted to hurt my family in such a way that they wouldn't forget it as well as kill myself afterwards... not sure why. The kind of anger I had was the kind of anger you have when your girlfriend cheats on you or a close family member/friend flips on you in a sick way. The kind of anger you have when you want to murder someone. My intentions were to burn the pictures... I grabbed a lighter and thought to burn them in my garage (stupid but I was still heavily intoxicated). When I got into my garage, I figured I would burn down the garage, too. I doused the garage in gasoline and made a trail to the outside of the door, lit it, closed the door (this saved me by a lot), walked away. I started walking to my place of employment, I stocked at a grocery store. I saw my mother's car outside of the store, so I said fuck and didn't know what to do (at this time my anger kind of died down). Some people I knew stopped me in their vehicle and I asked them for a ride. So they dropped me off at a friends (I planned on saying bye), he was sleeping. I walked a couple blocks and saw another friend (not very close) and asked to use his phone to call up my cousin, so she could pick me up and I could say bye to her as well.
Time: 5PM - 6PM (roughly) ^
My cousin said she would pick me up after she was done with work, which was nearly 2 hours from then. I waited and she eventually came (apparently I waited 2 hours, without a phone and she luckily came). I talked to her, calmed down and she suggested I turn myself in so things don't get any worse, at this time, my suicidal thoughts and anger were completely gone. I didn't agree or disagree with her, so she dropped me off somewhere and I made my way to behind a gas station (right in front of my house, where cops and fire dept still remained). I didn't remember the walk there but I came back to reality, sitting down and shit got real. I came to the terrible realization that I committed arson, got a drug charge earlier that week and could've killed my family. I smoked my last free-cigarette with as much enjoyment my delusional self could. Walked to the crime scene and told them who I was and that I was okay. I was sent off to the county jail and spent a night there.
Time: 6PM - 10PM (roughly) ^
Closure - I spent 45 days in a detention facility, went to court on my birthday and was sentenced 3-6 months at a shithole of a detention facility, I almost wanted to be tried as an adult because my jail was much better, plus you served time at jail, not a program where they keep most people for the full 6 months. I got through 45 days of the program with perfect behavior and attitude, literally. Got my way into a rehab center and spent another 45 days there (most people serve 90 days but my counselor was a real-dude and I wish he lived in my area, he was pretty cool).
Reflection - The damage I inflicted upon myself, family and friends was not worth it. I almost killed my mother and little sister because my mom pulled up to the fire where propane tanks could have exploded (luckily they never did). I wiggled myself out of 2 drug charges and the arson charge isn't a conviction, had 1 court hearing and that was it, some other stuff they dropped due to circumstances. My PO gave me a lot of slack, because he really likes me... I'm kind of a special case because I'm a really nice person with good intentions and am very intelligent (some of it put towards negative things). Oh, I am also glad I didn't act on one of the thoughts I had before I lit that fire, I almost didn't do it and wanted to wait til my family was asleep and put the house to flames, thank god I didn't.... My relationship with immediate and extended family is shitty, as they look at me differently... I just want to get the hell away from them and just visit from time to time as well as get the hell out of this town!
Current Legal Troubles - I am on probation for 6 months, with random drug tests.
Lesson - Well, this isn't here to tell you "DON'T DO THIS", no, I still fuck around. I just want people to know what can happen when benzos grab you and you have so much that you can get here. Your mind will do crazy things if you sedate it enough.. Just be safe and don't make a mistake like I did.
Some adverse reactions I had during the experience - Delusions of being sober, feeling sleep deprived no matter if I slept or not, speech slur, inability to walk normal or form decent sentences and posting on bluelight while I was high as all hell (had some posts removed, thanks tricomb).
No, I will not disclose my age, I'm sure you can figure it out from this anyway.
Thanks for whoever read the whole thing, all comments are welcome or questions.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_clonazolam
substancecode_benzos
substancecode_gabaergics
substancecode_flubromazolam
_combo_
explevel_experienced
exptype_negative
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_difficult
exptype_disaster
exptype_overdose
roacode_oral
roacode_IV
Last edited:
Benzos can be so fucked up. And benzo dependence is horrible.
